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Grand Prize Winner
Feb 19, 2007


Guy was in a bank explaining to the clerk how he'd changed his citizenship status from "US citizen" to "American national" and that this meant the bank had to accept a cashier's check for half of what he owed them somehow.

Post your cheat codes for the US legal system here I guess

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just ray
Jan 3, 2014

by merry exmarx
if you get pulled over for drunk driving, slam a pint of booze in front of the cop and he cant arrest you

a shiny rock
Nov 13, 2009

just ray posted:

if you get pulled over for drunk driving, slam a pint of booze in front of the cop and he cant arrest you

drat this is a good lifehack

Grand Prize Winner
Feb 19, 2007


Beer or liquor

just ray
Jan 3, 2014

by merry exmarx

hard booze. something that will get your BAC up really high fast

just ray
Jan 3, 2014

by merry exmarx
you will get an open container ticket but that cop can suck my dick if he thinks im gonna try and do a suicide by cop move on his baconator rear end

glowstick party tonight
Oct 4, 2003

by zen death robot
heh, see you in "court" :smug:

bag em and tag em
Nov 4, 2008
Be obscenely rich.

Tofuslob
Jul 9, 2013

you can go to the polling place with you dick out if you start screaming "pole tax" if they tell you to put pants on

Grand Prize Winner
Feb 19, 2007


bag em and tag em posted:

Be obscenely rich.

If you have $4bil in stolen buillon does that count.

Asking for a friend

Told Two Times
Feb 13, 2014

by Smythe
Rob dirty cops. It's very lucerative. What are they gonna do call the cops and say somebody shot up my narcotics ring and stole all my money dope and guns?

Just holler about the cops raping little girls if they throw you in jail and sit back and enjoy the riot.

Hihohe
Oct 4, 2008

Fuck you and the sun you live under


If you fart on the American flag in court, it stops being a real American flag and thus its not a real court so they cant convict you for driving without a license.

Plebian Parasite
Oct 12, 2012

Most people know that gambling is legal in international waters, but few people know that the reverse is true as well, feel free to do anything you want on the casino floor; its legal.

Plebian Parasite
Oct 12, 2012

At a restaurant, if you yell "Check, please!" and make it to the door before they hand you the check, it's free.

Earwicker
Jan 6, 2003

i thought you meant you'd visited one of those Soviet secret cities where they forced scientists to live which would be cooler, but this is funnier

Hihohe
Oct 4, 2008

Fuck you and the sun you live under


Give me 2000 bitcoins and I will tell you the secrets of weaseling out of any legal situation. IF YOU GO TO JAIL YOU DIDN'T SAY THE RIGHT SEQUENCE OF WORDS YOU WONT GET YOUR MONEY BACK.

Thirsty Girl
Dec 5, 2015

the dmv is required to accept skee-ball tickets if you attempt to fund national parks with them

Hector Beerlioz
Jun 16, 2010

aw, hec

Grand Prize Winner posted:

If you have $4bil in stolen buillon does that count.

Asking for a friend

What flavor of buillon

Fidel Cuckstro
Jul 2, 2007

I thought maybe you meant "Soviet City" and you'd have cool pics of a vacation you took.

numberoneposter
Feb 19, 2014

How much do I cum? The answer might surprise you!

put your 4 ways on to effectively "call" every direction while driving your car

OXBALLS DOT COM
Sep 11, 2005

by FactsAreUseless
Young Orc
Clicked hoping it was a judge dredd reference

Dreddout
Oct 1, 2015

You must stay drunk on writing so reality cannot destroy you.

Earwicker posted:

i thought you meant you'd visited one of those Soviet secret cities where they forced scientists to live which would be cooler, but this is funnier

We should do that too, but instead of scientists, it's sovcits, and instead of a secret city, it's America's new favorite reality show!

Now all we need is a name...

Stinky_Pete
Aug 16, 2015

Stinkier than your average bear
Lipstick Apathy
If there's a big line for the offramp, just cruise to the front and hold up the lane next to it until somebody lets you in

Everyone will look on and think you're a genius

Waffle!
Aug 6, 2004

I Feel Pretty!


Firebomb your own house and blame it on false-flag lizard people blackhawk chemtrails 9/11 was an inside job

Thirsty Girl
Dec 5, 2015

if the babysitter takes your kid to the pool and you ask her if she accepts jesus she has to tell the truth otherwise it is kidnapping

Borneo Jimmy
Feb 27, 2007

by Smythe
All federal statutes are null and void during government shutdowns so there's an upside to partisan gridlock.

Nefarious 2.0
Apr 22, 2008

Offense is overrated anyway.

you can't be convicted for murdering yourself

Razorwired
Dec 7, 2008

It's about to start!
I placed all my property in my 18 month daughter's name.

Like they're gonna send her to jail for tax evasion.

That Robot
Sep 16, 2004

ask me anything about robots
Buglord
lol they apparently have sovcits in germany but they're called reichsburgers or something. one of them killed a cop in germany according to that article, which is apparently super rare

these douchers think that the old german reich still exists and that germany still has the old borders going out to prussia. they don't care that the allies wrote it out of legal existence.


also


















welcome to reichsburger, home of the reichsburger, may i heil your order?

That Robot fucked around with this message at 02:25 on Oct 21, 2016

slave to my cravings
Mar 1, 2007

Got my mind on doritos and doritos on my mind.
West Virginia was technically created unconstitutionally so you can do anything you want there like snort oxycodone and marry your siblings all day every day

TheWeepingHorse
Nov 20, 2009

I was on the train and a sovcit - a middle-aged Asian dude who looked dusty, like a toy from the attic - turned around showed me a webpage loaded on his BlackBerry that read something like "Sovereign Living Soul" or whatever. He asked me if I thought that meant anything. I grunted and looked down. Dodged a bullet for that agonizing conversation.

By popular demand
Jul 17, 2007

IT *BZZT* WASP ME--
IT WASP ME ALL *BZZT* ALONG!


OP, would you accept sexual favours in exchange for ownership of the thread?

Obviously it's legit, you cannot criminalise the world's oldest profession.

Sweaty IT Nerd
Jul 13, 2007

TheWeepingHorse posted:

I was on the train and a sovcit - a middle-aged Asian dude who looked dusty, like a toy from the attic - turned around showed me a webpage loaded on his BlackBerry that read something like "Sovereign Living Soul" or whatever. He asked me if I thought that meant anything. I grunted and looked down. Dodged a bullet for that agonizing conversation.

Or you missed a golden opportunity. Nerd fends off social interaction isn't a great story after all.

FedEx Mercury
Jan 7, 2004

Me bad posting? That's unpossible!
Lipstick Apathy
I thought this thread was about Soviet Cities, boooh

Sweaty IT Nerd
Jul 13, 2007

I was expecting Soviet Citizens like Boris Zhukov and Yakov Shmirnoff.

That Robot
Sep 16, 2004

ask me anything about robots
Buglord

TheWeepingHorse posted:

I was on the train and a sovcit - a middle-aged Asian dude who looked dusty, like a toy from the attic - turned around showed me a webpage loaded on his BlackBerry that read something like "Sovereign Living Soul" or whatever. He asked me if I thought that meant anything. I grunted and looked down. Dodged a bullet for that agonizing conversation.

haha that poo poo's real

looney tuns sovcit site posted:

This Declaration is the closest possible expression of my True Self in words. All names given to me including my given name and family name have got nothing to do with my identity. All the names are mere descriptions, not the facts. This declaration is written with Love for All Divine Living breathing Souls known as Human Beings and all other manifestations of One Life.

I, Robert-Jay: Hawk, Sui Juris, a flesh and blood blessed living Soul incarnated upon this earth in human form, serving Creator alone as the vehicle for the Consciousness to experience Self and to recognise Self, and equal in every conceivable way to every other living soul do hereby make oath and state the following is My Truth and My Law:

Whereas it is my understanding human beings shall live under Divine law and that this is Natural law. This natural order is written in Common law and a sentient human being, created by Creator alone, is answerable only to the Creator, and,

Whereas it is my understanding that I exist freely within the boundaries of Natural law and the fundamental laws of the Universe, and,

Whereas it is my understanding that Common law which applies to all blessed living souls dictates that we are all born free to do whatever we choose for ourselves provided that we do not infringe upon the rights of another to life, liberty and property, and,

Whereas it is my understanding the geographical area known as the United Kingdom is a Common Law jurisdiction enjoying the protection of Common law, and,

Whereas it is my understanding equality before the law is paramount and mandatory, and,

...

Whereas it is my understanding that a claim of right establishes a lawful excuse and this factual truth is expressed by way of example in the Theft Act (1968) and the Criminal Damage Act (1971), and,

Whereas it is my understanding that if one has lawful excuse, one may choose to not obey a court, tribunal, statute, act or order and this factual truth is expressed by way of the Theft Act (1968) and the Criminal Damage Act (1971) and,

Whereas it is my understanding that a Freeman-on-the-Land is one who has lawfully revoked consent and exists free of statutory restrictions, obligations, and limitations, and,

Whereas I, The Consciousness, the Cell of the Spirit, being partially described by the name of Robert-Jay: Hawk: I am a Freeman-on-the-Land, and,

Whereas it is my understanding that acting peacefully within community standards does not breach the peace, and,
Whereas it is my understanding that all existing courts and governments are de facto only and not de jure, and,



Whereas it is my understanding that all transactions of security interests require the consent of both parties, and,

Whereas it is my understanding that any action for which one can apply for and receive a license must itself be a fundamentally lawful action, and,

Whereas I am not a child, and,

...

Whereas it is my understanding that by virtue of my birth/permanent residence within the boundaries of my Country England I am a single share owner in said UNITED KINGDOM CORPORATION, and,

Whereas it is my understanding that I have a right to use my property without having to pay for the use or enjoyment of it, and,

Whereas it is my understanding that I have a right to claim one hundred and sixty (160) acres of uninhabited land anywhere in the geographical area commonly referred to as the Commonwealth, and,
Whereas it is my understanding that all ‘public transportation' is in fact and actuality public property to which I have the right of use and access without having to pay, and,
Whereas it is my understanding that a summons is merely an invitation to attend and those issued by the Ministry of Justice or its franchises which are de facto corporations create no obligation or dishonour if ignored, and,
Whereas it is my understanding peace officers have a duty to distinguish between statutes and law and those who attempt to enforce statutes against a Freeman-on-the-Land are in fact breaking the law, and,

it goes on like this, but haha oh wow

scuba school sucks
Aug 30, 2012

The brilliance of my posting illuminates the forums like a jar of shining gold when all around is dark

...and the pitch! posted:

Yakov Shmirnoff.

In Soviet Russia, instead of tasing you they just beat the poo poo out of you. Is like noises from basement of KGB.

WhyteRyce
Dec 30, 2001

Grand Prize Winner posted:

Guy was in a bank explaining to the clerk how he'd changed his citizenship status from "US citizen" to "American national" and that this meant the bank had to accept a cashier's check for half of what he owed them somehow.

Post your cheat codes for the US legal system here I guess

Was there gold fringe on the check?

ScRoTo TuRbOtUrD
Jan 21, 2007

i thought this thread was about trying to piss through a gigantic throbbing erection

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glowstick party tonight
Oct 4, 2003

by zen death robot
bahahah UNITED KINGDOM CORPORATION

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