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Which card is worse? This poll is closed. |
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| The Fight Pass one! The fights suck! |
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6 | 35.29% |
| The Fox Sports one! The pacing will be awful! |
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11 | 64.71% |
| Total: | 17 votes | ||
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It’s a fresh week, goons. Hot off the tails of one of the most significant MMA cards of all time, and arguably the consensus card of the year: UFC 205. We’ve got more eyes than ever on the sport right now after Conor McGregor became the third man to win a title in two divisions and Rowdy Ronda Rousey’s return was announced, so everyone is really excited to see the great show UFC has in store for us nex- AW poo poo, IT’S THE GDT FOR UFC Fight Night 99: Mousasi vs. Hall 2, 4 p.m. ET Saturday, Nov. 19 only on UFC Fight Pass. Not gonna yank anyone’s chain or pull anyone’s leg here, folks, this card is kind of dire. For most longtime fans the undercard is legitimately more compelling than the main, not that there’s very much distinction between the two when the whole thing is broadcast on the UFC’s proprietary streaming service. I think the fight everyone is most excited for, they’re only excited for it because one guy involved is a horny Japanese sex pervert. No, wait, no. I’m not going to paint this card so negatively. Each card deserves its due attention and this one is no different. There’s plenty to be excited about here! Let me just dig deep and find it... Middleweight  Gegard “Dreamcatcher” Mousasi vs. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=0q3totwbpB0 Uriah “The Third Next Anderson Silva” Hall On any given day and at any given time, Gegard Mousasi is undeniably a better, more consistent fighter than Uriah Hall. That’s what made it all the more crazy that he got brutally owned by Hall when they first met a year ago. Both men have since proven it was not a sign of a cosmic, permanent shift in where each stood in the rankings, with Mousasi beating Thales Leites and KOing Thiago Santos and a deflated Brazilian condom while Hall dropped two in a row to Robert Whittaker and Derek Brunson, but while neither guy are in a place in their career where this fight actually makes real sense, but Mousasi has a pretty strong chance to reclaim a really bad loss. He’s a weird fighter but a well-rounded and frequently fun one, so expect to see something strange happen here either way. Uriah Hall was heralded as another in a long line of Next Anderson Silva’s, but this looked to be more true than most: he’s a tall, black middleweight who hurts people with stupid kicks and owes his popularity to Chael Sonnen. Unfortunately it turns out that TUF fillers like Adam Sella and Bubba McDaniel are in fact extremely bad, and Hall’s proper UFC career is hindered by his crippling performance anxiety, which prevents him from pulling the trigger in the most frustrating of ways. His flying-spinning-poo poo-to-regular-flying-poo poo-to-ground-and-pound win over Mousasi the first time is about as beautiful as it gets, though, so it will be interesting to see if his dominant finish will carry him over his mental hurdles to a repeat this weekend, or if his path to victory will once again revolve around standing still and looking confused while Robert Whittaker or Rafael Natal punch him in the face. Lightweight  Ross “the Real Deal” Pearson vs. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=W_Yyn6LT2n4 Stevie Ray Ross Pearson and I have a difficult relationship. I think his technical striking and power are good, but overstated. Against scrubs and people who don’t keep their hands up he can eek out a KO. Against people who are more on his level but don’t have the wrestling chops to threaten him and keep him uncomfortable, he can jab out an uninteresting decision. Against most other people he loses untriumphantly. For some reason he’s got a lot of fans around here though, so  Stevie Ray is an all-time great, though, so Ross better watch out. He’s deservedly known as one of the best blues guitarists of all time, but he was extremely versatile as well. Did you know he did the guitarwork on David Bowie’s “Let’s Dance?” Really great stuff there, easily some of his best work. Featherweight  Conor McGregor’s Friend Artem Lobov vs. https://twitter.com/teruto_ko/status/799527532475416576 Teruto Ishihara Artem Lobov really appeals to people with weird gay daddy dom kinks, both in that he has the physical dimensions of a baby and he is completely and utterly helpless. He is like 12-12 and still in the UFC due to his Best Friend Conor McGregor. Well, he’s not Conor McGregor’s best friend, but Conor McGregor is his best friend. Teruto proves that extreme horniness is one of the best available bases for MMA, and he does not discriminate. He will gently caress whoever, whether they’re white, black, yellow, skinny or a great big fat person. North Ireland had better hide its bitches and batten down the hatches, because Hurricane Teruto is rollin’ through and leaving venereal disease and performance bonus money in its wake. OTHER poo poo TO WATCH Fight Pass Prelims, 12:15 p.m. ET Uncle Creepy Will Never Fight Again Middleweight Magnus Cedenblad vs. Jack Marshman Flyweight Kyoji Horiguchi vs. Ali Bagautinov Lightweight Kevin Lee vs. Magomed Mustafaev Women's Strawweight Anna Elmose vs. Amanda Cooper Heavyweight Justin Ledet vs. Mark Godbeer Catchweight (172.8 lbs) Zak Cummings vs. Alexander Yakovlev Women's Bantamweight Marion Reneau vs. Milana Dudieva Bantamweight Brett Johns vs. Kwan Ho Kwak Welterweight Charlie Ward vs. Abdul Razak Alhassan OFFICIAL MMA SNACK RATING: lovely microwaved leftovers of a really good meal from last week  OK, I can’t pretend anymore. It’s really not that appealing of a card. But don’t worry, in the very same day, with *checks wikipedia* son of a bitch Joe Silva, why can’t you leave us gracefully????
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Nov 19, 2016 00:44
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Welcome to the next page, the GDT for UFC Fight Night 100: Bader vs Nogueira 2, 9 p.m. ET on Fox Sports 1.[/b] Yeah that’s an extremely lovely main event, but the main card itself should at least be entertaining. Not compelling by any means, since it’s pretty much entirely Brazilians getting their groove back in tuneups against cans. But entertaining. Light heavyweight  Ryan “Darth” Bader vs.  Antonio Rogerio “Lil Nog” Noguiera Ryan Bader is not good. Depending on your standard, Bader is in fact bad. Fortunately for Bader, it is light heavyweight, so he is consistently and legitimately a Top 10 Fighter in the World. He’s a wrestlefucker and he’s been committed to that lately, but he also crushed Alexander Gustafsson’s Friend Ilir Latifi with a huge knee so maybe he’s remembering he has power. He also plans to test free agency after this fight, and in the words of our greatest poet - Work Friend Keven posted:(In Willy Wonka voice) no. Wait. Don't. Lil Nog needs to retire about four fights ago. He’s in a rough niche. He’s the ghost of a Pride legend which is just enough to keep hardcore demand ruthlessly, actively demanding he still fight against his own best interest, and yet he was never able to fully emerge from the shadow of his better, bigger and more broken older brother. He’s pulled out of more fights than he’s fought due to injury over the past few years. His first fight with Bader didn’t go his way, and all signs suggest this time is going to be even worse. We’ll always have the Tito fight, I suppose. Bantamweight  Thomas “Thominhas” Almeida vs.  Albert “the Warrior” Morales Thomas Almeida is a really exciting young prospect who was previously undefeated, until he got stomped by fellow sexiful undefeated bantamweight Cody Garbrandt in his last outing. He’s had a long history of destroying his opposition, including a beautiful flying knee KO over Brad Pickett at UFC 189. In fact, he has won a post-fight bonus in each and every one of his UFC wins. If he can get back on track here tonight, it’s very likely he’ll be sniffing a title shot within a few more name wins. Albert Morales, though undefeated, is not even the best fighter named Albert. Women's Strawweight  Cláudia Gadelha vs.  Cortney Casey Claudia Gadelha is really good. She just can’t beat Joanna Champion, however, which is unfortunate for everyone else in the division as Gadelha can almost surely beat them and there’s not even a title on the line for it. She’s primarily a grappler and a fairly excited one, but she’s got heavy hands and has made a lot of strides to her striking over her past few fights. If she has one flaw, it’s championship-level cardio, but this is a three-round fight and that is unlikely to be a problem. I hope Cortney Casey’s family is there live to see this fight. Evidently the Brazilian authorities don’t expedite bodies and strictly require burial to take place within a short time after death due to the humidity and heat accelerating the decomposition process, and it’d be heartbreaking for them to miss their loved one’s funeral. Middleweight  Thales “Still Kinda Relevant, Somehow” Leites vs.  Krzysztof “Ranked, Somehow” Jotko Sitting on your butt looking confused against a tentative Anderson Silva is no longer the career cyanide pill it once was. Demien Maia is patiently waiting news of whether his title shot will be honored in the wake of an exciting draw, and now Thales Leites is still in a position to make small but measurable waves in the middleweight division. He has a split decision against the third-greatest middleweight champion of all time and a firm but boring loss to Mousasi in his current UFC run, and dominant wins over most everyone else he has fought, including a technical sub over “Dad Strength” Tim Boetch and a submission victory over “Jacare Souza’s Ghost Data” Chris Camozzi. Krzysztof Jotko would, for some reason, be a good name win for him to get a higher-ranked fight next time out. Jotko was undefeated coming into the UFC and was greeted with a loss to Magnus Cedenblad, which isn’t terrific but isn’t complete garbage I guess. Since then he has won fights against slightly, marginally, progressively better fighters, culminating in his big KO win against THE BARN CAT Tamden McCrory at UFC Fight Night: MacDonald vs. Thompson. A decisive win over Leites would probably solidify his case that yes, he is indeed a bottom-barrell ranked fighter. Welterweight  Warlley “Slingshot” Alves vs.  Kamaru Usman Warlley Alves was on one of the Brazilian TUFs. I don’t remember which one. I feel like there’s been 20 of them, but apparently there’s only been 4. I feel like I haven’t seen any of them, but apparently I have. I always remember him after I look him up and he’s actually pretty good. He’s got a tight guillotine and narrowly lost to Bryan Barbarena, which I am beginning to suspect is not that embarrassing. I know more about Warlley Alves than I know about Kamaru Usman, who narrowly lost to Teemu Packalan in last season’s Boonta Eve Classic. I hear he’s made some bleeding-edge modifications to his podracer though, and he’s shaved upwards of a full second off of his best lap time in practice. Welterweight  Sérgio Moraes vs.  Zak Ottow Sergio Moraes was also on the first TUF: Brazil, where he was the middleweight runner up, which I just learned by reading it on wikipedia despite having watched that consistently as it came out online. He’s got a win over Neil Magny from literally before that was cool. Nothing else of his career was particularly noteworthy. Zak Ottow seemed like a pretty good starter pokemon, but if I played that version I’d probably pick the fire pig. OTHER poo poo TO WATCH FS1 Prelims, 7 p.m. ET Middleweight Cezar Ferreira vs. Jack Hermansson Light Heavyweight Marcos Rogério de Lima vs. Gadzhimurad Antigulov Bantamweight Johnny Eduardo vs. Manvel Gamburyan Heavyweight Luis Henrique vs. Christian Colombo Fight Pass Prelims, 6 p.m. ET Bantamweight Pedro Munhoz vs. Justin Scoggins Light Heavyweight Francimar Barroso vs. Darren Stewart Official MMA Snack Rating: a slightly stale yet refreshing Andes mint after your lovely leftovers  Bluedeanie fucked around with this message at 00:47 on Nov 19, 2016 |
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Nov 19, 2016 00:45
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You aren't fooling me that is canned ravioli.
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Nov 19, 2016 00:53
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I'm actually kinda psyched about Mousasi vs Hall because I like both those guys -- was their last bout a snoozer?
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Nov 19, 2016 00:57
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Who IS the best fighter named Albert? John Albert?
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Nov 19, 2016 00:59
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CommonShore posted:Who IS the best fighter named Albert? Tumenov mewse posted:I'm actually kinda psyched about Mousasi vs Hall because I like both those guys -- was their last bout a snoozer? There's a video right there dude.
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Nov 19, 2016 01:00
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In my defense I am a huge idiot
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Nov 19, 2016 01:07
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To be more helpful, in the first round Mousasi basically took Hall down right away and controlled him the rest of the round. I think Hall used a kimura or armbar to finally get up at the end. Then that happened.
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Nov 19, 2016 01:14
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Bluedeanie posted:Lil Nog needs to retire about four fights ago. He’s in a rough niche. He’s the ghost of a Pride legend which is just enough to keep hardcore demand ruthlessly, actively demanding he still fight against his own best interest, and yet he was never able to fully emerge from the shadow of his better, bigger and more broken older brother. He’s pulled out of more fights than he’s fought due to injury over the past few years. His first fight with Bader didn’t go his way, and all signs suggest this time is going to be even worse. We’ll always have the Tito fight, I suppose. Tito has been brutally owned so many times by so many people I had honestly forgotten that Nog was one of them
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Nov 19, 2016 01:26
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Didn't lil Nog brutally elbow him in the body a bunch?
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Nov 19, 2016 01:57
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Tezcatlipoca posted:Didn't lil Nog brutally elbow him in the body a bunch? He worked the body for sure, I thought it was a big knee that did it but I might be thinking of the Rashad fight, which was for sure a big knee and was back to back. Based on those I was surprised Griffin didn't target the body a bunch, it seems pretty obvious he doesn't defend it well or react well to being hit there.
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Nov 19, 2016 02:01
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Bluedeanie posted:Based on those I was surprised Griffin didn't target the body a bunch, it seems pretty obvious he doesn't defend it well or react well to being hit there. Tito doesn't react well to being hit anywhere, it's just easier to hit him in the body because his instinctual reaction to punches coming his way is still "glue forearms to face"
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Nov 19, 2016 02:08
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Tezcatlipoca posted:You aren't fooling me that is canned ravioli. And ravioli are really good, so I don't see the problem.
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Nov 19, 2016 02:45
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Bluedeanie posted:Uriah Hall was heralded as another in a long line of Next Anderson Silva’s, but this looked to be more true than most: he’s a tall, black middleweight who hurts people with stupid kicks and owes his popularity to Chael Sonnen. Hahahaha oh my god.
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Nov 19, 2016 03:45
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I love watching the panther fight, and his win over Magny is just so much fun that you cannot help but smile along
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Nov 19, 2016 07:32
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iirc lil nog dropped tito with the knee he throws and then beat his weird body until he got a tko, it was cool
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Nov 19, 2016 12:48
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nogueira beating the poo poo out of tito's helpless body is a close second to fabio maldonado scoring the world's most prolonged body shot tko against james mcsweeney
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Nov 19, 2016 13:44
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Think I'll be watching the Bellator main card instead of bader/Lil nog
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Nov 19, 2016 17:10
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Hahaha holy poo poo Conor Mcgregors teammates are loving terrible.
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Nov 19, 2016 18:42
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That was sloppy fun.
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Nov 19, 2016 18:42
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I love these fight pass cards. They just roll through the fights with no interruptions.
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Nov 19, 2016 18:49
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Nothing but takedowns.
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Nov 19, 2016 18:56
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I think this welsh guy has landed like 7 takedowns in 2-3 minutes. Not quite it was 6.
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Nov 19, 2016 18:56
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This fights a fuckin banger.
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Nov 19, 2016 19:06
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Korean fighters continue to be the coolest, unfortunately this guy was not ready for British Wrestling.
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Nov 19, 2016 19:08
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i still like urijah hall because hes awesome at KOing peopple
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Nov 19, 2016 19:10
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That fight was bonkers
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Nov 19, 2016 19:11
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Dan hardy is not a very good announcer
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Nov 19, 2016 19:12
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Bundt Cake posted:i still like urijah hall because hes awesome at KOing peopple http://mmajunkie.com/2016/11/ufc-fight-night-99-main-eventer-uriah-hall-wonders-what-the-headline-on-this-story-will-be Uriah Hall hates the lying dishonest media, would rather help children than do interviews.
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Nov 19, 2016 19:14
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I cannot imagine watching an unranked women's btw fight7
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Nov 19, 2016 19:27
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Gay Horney posted:I cannot imagine watching an unranked women's btw fight7 It is pretty boring so far. Watching it just the same. Now Dudieva is dying so that something.
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Nov 19, 2016 19:33
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Gay Horney posted:I cannot imagine watching an unranked women's btw fight7 Better hope father dog doesn't see this post
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Nov 19, 2016 19:40
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And that's why you work the body
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Nov 19, 2016 19:40
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Marion Reneau, the woman who nearly derailed Holly Holm's hype train, continues her reign of terror over the Bantamweight's division.
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Nov 19, 2016 19:40
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What's up trash card watching buddies
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Nov 19, 2016 19:57
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That was a pretty cool thing Zak Cummings just did, and that's a weird sentence to say
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Nov 19, 2016 19:58
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that finishing sequence was really cool, cummins threw him to the mat like he was a child on the takedown attempt
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Nov 19, 2016 19:59
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That was a smooth transition right into that cool sub.
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Nov 19, 2016 19:59
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Zak Cummings is cool some day people will realize it
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Nov 19, 2016 19:59
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I like Fight Pass cards because it's straight into the next bout instead of 45 minutes of promo videos and Jay Glazer at the Fox Sports desk
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Nov 19, 2016 20:00
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