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poorlywrittennovel
Oct 9, 2012

Looking at this roster we're missing a certain something. We're missing A HERO.



Name: Snow "Snow" Villiers
Age: 21
Gender: Hero
Nationality: French maybe? When asked he just yells about being a hero.
Style: Entertainer
Size: Light-Heavyweight
Wears a mask: Does his stupid hat count? He doesn't think it does.
Gimmick: Snow is a Hero with a captial-OH YEAH BABY! Energetic and relentless in his prusuit of "justice," Snow will say and do drat near anything to try and be a hero, even if it sells everyone else around him up the river. He doesn't really think things through too much, and rushes in blindly, but that's okay because he's built like a brick shithouse, so he can take a lot of punches and still keep going. Usually comes to the ring flanked by his managers, the Shiva twins. STEELGAURD!
Finisher: STEELGUARD!
Disposition: Face

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poorlywrittennovel
Oct 9, 2012

Let's get another wrestler up in here.



Name: King of All Cosmos RoboKing
Age: We do not question the king's age Like 2 weeks, maybe?
Gender: Male Robot
Nationality: Yes
Style: Spot Monkey/Japanese Junior
Size: Giant
Wears a mask: Yes
Gimmick: The King has yet again accidentally destroyed the stars. How's he going to fix it this time? By rolling up all the biggest wrestling stars of course! Surely they all can glow bright enough to replace the cosmos? After a Montreal Screwjob on Palpatine's part, the King has decided to drag the RoboKing out of storage to wrestle in his stead.
Finisher: ROYAL ROBO RAINBOW
Disposition: Heel Face

poorlywrittennovel fucked around with this message at 23:32 on Dec 17, 2016

poorlywrittennovel
Oct 9, 2012

It's time to bring this lp back to it's roots. And by this lp's roots I mean a completely different lp's roots.



Name: CRON GOKU
Age: Who the gently caress even knows anymore with all that time travel poo poo
Nationality: Wherever the gently caress Lean is supposed to be on Earth
Gender: Male
Style: Psychopath
Size: Lightweight
Gimmick: After the end of Chrono Trigger, CRON GOKU set his sights on new horizons. Unfortunately, Blind Sally is a lazy gently caress who won't start the Chrono Cross LP, so CRON GOKU got bored and decided to take on God Queen Cisna again.
Finisher: The Chrono Trigger, in which CRON GOKU goes back in time and becomes your great-great-great-grandfather
Disposition: Heel as all get

poorlywrittennovel
Oct 9, 2012

Blind Sally posted:

this spreadsheet wrestling game will destroy crow's soul.

You say that like he had a soul to begin with :v:

poorlywrittennovel
Oct 9, 2012

: What's this? We're on the docket already? Please hold on, We have not finished our proper speeches yet. We've barely had time to ruminate. Where is the Prince? Can't he handle this one as well? Wait a moment. "We're sick of..." WHY THE NERVE. YOU HAVE DISAPPOINTED US CROW. WE WILL NOT STAND FOR THIS. PERHAPS WHEN I AM DONE IN THE RING I SHALL TAKE THE FIGHT TO YOU NEXT!

poorlywrittennovel
Oct 9, 2012

We recently found a machine in the dumpster behind Doktor Shockrocket's lab that lets us read the minds of our silent protagonists. Let's take a look and see how CRON feels about his newly won Title Belt...

:

:

:

:

:

:


...Okay, so that's about what I expected to be honest.

:......


...Let's never speak of this again.


Thanks to ChaosArgate for making the video for me

poorlywrittennovel
Oct 9, 2012

: WE WILL NOT STAND FOR THIS DISGRACE. WE HAVE BEEN CHEATED. DO YOU THINK YOU CAN GET AWAY WITH THIS PALPATINE? PRINCE, BRING IN THE SECRET WEAPON!

: We are here already. Are you sure we are ready for this?

: WE DO NOT CARE. WRESTLING SHALL NOW BE YOUR JOB!

: :ohdear:

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poorlywrittennovel
Oct 9, 2012

Danger-Pumpkin posted:

So I take it the audience HATED that show, even though it had, frankly, nothing but thrills? Philistines!

The audience is right. The King got loving robbed. Robbed I say!

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