FUCK YEAH OXBALLS

The Something Awful Forums > Main > General Bullshit > FUCK YEAH OXBALLS

Friginator: May 13, 2014; by zen death robot

Okay, so I just discovered Oxballs, a sex toy company catering to gay men that's TOTALLY XXXTREME about everything. Here's the description for their newest product:

quote:

A whole new bone to wag�FIDO puppy-dick cocksheath is a fat fleshy cocksheath shaped like an animal's meat�this fucker even has a thick knot in the middle�the tip is small and the entire thing is slick and glossy for smooth entry.

FIDO is made from our signature FLEX-TPR and is designed to mold to your dick like a second skin, transforming it into the ultimate pup pucker stuffer. Coat the inside with lube, pop your meat in the sheath, pull your nuts through the sling, and you�re ready to pound a puppy!

Yeah! All the descriptions are like this. Here's a rare SFW example, they have this T-Shirt:

And this is the description they have on their website:

quote:

Hey, if you've got it why not flaunt it? BIG DICK is a soft graphic cotton tee that speaks for itself. We love wearin' this shirt around town with a ballstretcher or cockring under a pair of rear end huggin' jeans, watchin' guys' eyes widen as they drool over our obscenely bloated bulge....

Our t-shirt/tank graphics are designed and hand screened right here in the US of A.

I read a few of these descriptions and fell in love with this website. I wish whoever is writing these blurbs was in charge of selling romance novels, or maybe selling fresh fruit on a street corner. If I ever start a retail business, I'll definitely be taking a cue from these guys in my day-to-day operations. Everything deserves a product description worthy of the proud OXBALLS brand. I would appreciate any input on what you think the best product description is. Please go to this gay sex toy website. It's worth the trouble of clearing your browser history. :nws:

https://shop.oxballs.com :nws:

# ? Jan 19, 2017 05:18

Adbot: ADBOT LOVES YOU

# ? Apr 23, 2024 17:19

autoaim.cfg: Aug 6, 2005; WHINY SHITHEAD
*drops mic*

I got this one vacationing on Gran Canaria.

It's a genuine Oxballs, indeed.

Quite nice.

# ? Jan 19, 2017 21:57

shovelbum: Oct 21, 2010; Fun Shoe

Conserve water, drink more piss�

# ? Jan 19, 2017 22:13

Hardawn: Mar 15, 2004; Don't look at the sun, but rather what it illuminates; College Slice

i am such a prude i guess

# ? Jan 19, 2017 22:16

Nolan Arenado: May 8, 2009

I can see really far up that guy's nose.

# ? Jan 19, 2017 22:20

Mr. Creakle: Apr 27, 2007; Protecting your virginity

TPR is gross cheap plastic that smells and will probably give you dick cancer

Only stuff your assholes with 100% medical grade silicone

# ? Jan 19, 2017 22:25

autoaim.cfg: Aug 6, 2005; WHINY SHITHEAD
*drops mic*

I got this one too, at the same time.

It's not an Oxballs brand product, but I like the way it looks and feels.

Can recommend.

# ? Jan 19, 2017 22:28

walgreenslatino: Jun 2, 2015; Lipstick Apathy

Mods please change my name to "FIDO puppy-dick cocksheath is a fat fleshy cocksheath shaped like an animal's meat"

# ? Jan 19, 2017 22:33

That Robot: Sep 16, 2004; ask me anything about robots; Buglord

to the max

good for you op, I guess

# ? Jan 20, 2017 01:19

Friginator: May 13, 2014; by zen death robot

quote:

Piss play is pretty mild stuff here at OXBALLS�in fact, we encourage all the pigs here to not lift the toilet seat when they piss�(though our toilet seats stay pretty piss-free cause we actually found an old piss trough at a junkyard and installed it in our warehouse (not in the bathroom)�this is, after all OXBALLS�

Pissing on, or in a guy is a blast�we love a strong hard stream of beer-piss�but what if you have a couple guys on their knees, begging for your golden spray? Who gets it first, both guys mouth are hanging open, drooling�both guys dicks are hard, (ones uncut of course with tons of overhang, hey, it�s my fantasy OK?). But who do you choose to piss on first�

Why must you choose?�Pop in our SOAKER-PLUG, and piss on both guys at once�or on a group of piss-boys�

Kick back in your tub, or as Ox does here in sunny L.A., lay out by the pool in the hot midday sun�lube up your pisshole and slide in SOAKER-PLUG�let the piss rain down, soaking your face, pits, chest, crotch�

We do have water restrictions here in California, so we can only use this piss-sprinkler on Tuesdays and Thursdays, but hell we gotta do what�s right for the environment, right?

# ? Jan 21, 2017 05:38

Friginator: May 13, 2014; by zen death robot

They also sell this on their "watersports" page:

�YOU MERELY ADOPTED THE PISS. I WAS BORN IN IT, MOLDED BY IT."

# ? Jan 21, 2017 06:03

interwhat: Jul 23, 2005; it's kickin in dude

Cool, man

# ? Jan 21, 2017 06:22

interwhat: Jul 23, 2005; it's kickin in dude

Cool, man

Edit: x2

# ? Jan 21, 2017 06:22

Nolan Arenado: May 8, 2009

Cool, man

# ? Jan 21, 2017 06:30

raton: Jul 28, 2003; by FactsAreUseless

Attn ladiesv this is what your man really wants, not the sanitized Cosmo version!

# ? Jan 21, 2017 06:35

GuitarJunkie: Sep 8, 2004; "Boy, have we got a vacation for you."

FORESKIN FORESKIN FORESKIN

# ? Jan 21, 2017 06:37

SIDS Vicious: Jan 1, 1970

OctoberBlues posted:

Cool, man

# ? Jan 21, 2017 06:45

Friginator: May 13, 2014; by zen death robot

# ? Jan 21, 2017 07:06

OXBALLS DOT COM: Sep 11, 2005; by FactsAreUseless; Young Orc

haha gross

# ? Jan 21, 2017 18:35

Dang It Bhabhi!: May 27, 2004; ASK ME ABOUT
BEING
ESCULA GRIND'S
#1 SIMP

bookmarking this poo poo like hella

# ? Jan 21, 2017 18:42

Digital Fingers: Sep 2, 2012

Can we get some more cock ring bros to post their cock rings up in here? shopping around myself and want to see whats out there.

# ? Jan 21, 2017 18:45

Nefarious 2.0: Apr 22, 2008; Offense is overrated anyway.

cool, man

# ? Jan 21, 2017 18:50

Second Hand Meat Mouth: Sep 12, 2001

I just use a paper towel tube

# ? Jan 21, 2017 18:50

Hardawn: Mar 15, 2004; Don't look at the sun, but rather what it illuminates; College Slice

man.... thats coo

# ? Jan 21, 2017 18:52

subhuman filth: Nov 1, 2006

Without women holding us back this could have been our present rather than our future

# ? Jan 21, 2017 20:18

Friginator: May 13, 2014; by zen death robot

quote:

BLASTER is a hollow silicone buttplug with an attached cockring that keeps your butt stuffed full and your cock hard n� drippin...

Once the thick rocket shaped head of BLASTER slides passed your pucker�nature takes its toll and your hole sucks the rest in down to the base. The knobbed head and signature rear end-lock design create a �locking� effect that keeps BLASTER firmly up your hole for hours of wear and use.

Because BLASTER is hollow, you can piss down it, fill it with lube, attach a shower-shot, or whatever the gently caress your nasty mind can come up with. Best of all�BLASTER comes with a silicone stopper so you can plug up your pig after filling him to bloating�

gently caress his throat or sit on his face with his distended guts full of messy lube and a huge steamy load of your man piss�nothin� feels as hot as a plugged pig desperately moanin� around your swollen sweaty meat or frantically lappin� at your pushed out rear end-lips�

# ? Jan 21, 2017 21:14

autoaim.cfg: Aug 6, 2005; WHINY SHITHEAD
*drops mic*

Digital Fingers posted:

Can we get some more cock ring bros to post their cock rings up in here? shopping around myself and want to see whats out there.

Can I interest you in a yellow Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles cockring?

The band is 18 mm wide and it's got just the right elasticity and suitable diameter for going over the whole package and it works like a charm.

It's really a rubber bracelet from a chocolate easter egg. Turned out to be a fun toy for adults too. :wink:

You just gotta get creative, my friend.

# ? Jan 21, 2017 21:52

Incitatus: Dec 16, 2005; The Meat Man was out of wings, Mr. William Ash More!

OXBALLS strap-on URINAL piss trough�transform yourself into the ultimate piss-pig, full kit of all 4 piss-gag inserts!

Someone change my name to Ultimate Piss-Pig.

# ? Jan 21, 2017 21:53

subhuman filth: Nov 1, 2006

autoaim.cfg posted:

Can I interest you in a yellow Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles cockring?

The band is 18 mm wide and it's got just the right elasticity and suitable diameter for going over the whole package and it works like a charm.

It's really a rubber bracelet from a chocolate easter egg. Turned out to be a fun toy for adults too.

You just gotta get creative, my friend.

He posts chubbily over a glowing keyboard

# ? Jan 21, 2017 22:00

subhuman filth: Nov 1, 2006

Another fun toy for adults: z bots

# ? Jan 21, 2017 22:01

Dang It Bhabhi!: May 27, 2004; ASK ME ABOUT
BEING
ESCULA GRIND'S
#1 SIMP

subhuman filth posted:

Another fun toy for adults: z bots

That thing I get when I get a cold?

# ? Jan 21, 2017 22:20

Incitatus: Dec 16, 2005; The Meat Man was out of wings, Mr. William Ash More!

Friginator posted:

Fill this sucker up with ranch dressing.

# ? Jan 21, 2017 23:20

numberoneposter: Feb 19, 2014; How much do I cum? The answer might surprise you!

wow you wernt joking that site is definately not safe for work lol

# ? Jan 21, 2017 23:29

Friginator: May 13, 2014; by zen death robot

quote:

Some guys giggle when you tug or tickle their nuts�others can't take any ball-play at all�we dig heavy duty nut-stretching�we like ballstretchers, heavy weights hung from a swinging ballsack�guys tied spread eagle with 2 size 13E Wesco boots hung from his Chicken McNuggets�

And we like ball-CRUSHING!

If the idea of this makes you grab your junk and shudder�move on�but if you dig some long, slow pressure flattening your sack�cranked down little by little�building up pressure�a little pain�more pain�stroking with each crank of the 2 screws mashing your balls between 2 thick plates of industrial plexi�edging closer and closer to climax�your sweaty sack trying to pull up ready to lock and load�a few more screw twists, your meat rock hard and dripping�one last crank and BLAM! POW! SPLAT!

That�s what happened to our model Bronson Gates when we took these photos�he doesn�t usually say much--a quiet reserved brooding fucker�but I was cranking down the screws, mashing his balls to get a good photo, and he grunted out, (without touching himself), �GONNA SHOOT!�

And he did�big time�

Remember to unscrew slowly, not unlike nipple clamps, there�s gonna be some pain when you let the blood flow back into your sack�delicious pain�(insert sinister laugh here).

NUT-BUSTER is built tough, we use quarter inch Plexiglas, our competitors use 3/16��no metal on this thing, the screws are molded nylon�cause this things gonna get wet�sweat�cum�some guys even piss when some S&M Master works their balls�pussies�