[CYOA]- Alone in the Woods

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There Bias Two: Jan 13, 2009; I'm not a good person

Arkanomen posted:

Above marked as Plan Ralith
Previous plan marked as Plan Gekko

You think about when you will be missed. People won't be looking for you for quite some time. You paid some deep woods rando to fly you to the rear end end of nowhere. You aren't expected home for at least 3 months and even then you've gone on benders for far longer. Unless someone sends in a ransom demand or the embassy calls your lawyers no-one will think to look for you. The thought of being forsaken barely registers in your inflated ego. You have money and that matters in life.

Do our best to stoke the plane fire. If we can make it large enough, surely someone will notice us! It's not like anyone will care if we burn a few trees out here.

# ¿ Jul 22, 2017 23:43

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# ¿ May 10, 2024 00:48

There Bias Two: Jan 13, 2009; I'm not a good person

Wait, hang on. We have a military fire-starter in our pack. Use it to get the fire going.

# ¿ Jul 23, 2017 01:06

There Bias Two: Jan 13, 2009; I'm not a good person

Arkanomen posted:

That lighter is just a really high-quality sparker, it makes really nice sparks but the lighter is already fire!

Oh right we're stupid.

# ¿ Jul 23, 2017 01:30

There Bias Two: Jan 13, 2009; I'm not a good person

Loel posted:

The Gekko says..

Look, kid. Poors care about all this survival poo poo. Know what winners care about? Money. And showing you have it to those who dont. Burn the money. Remember when you burned your dad's annual donation in front of the orphanage? Made the news.

You want to make the news, dont you kid?

ABC

Always. Be. Camping.

# ¿ Jul 23, 2017 01:46

There Bias Two: Jan 13, 2009; I'm not a good person

I'm not gonna be happy until we burn this drat forest to the ground.

Also look for some eatin' shrooms

# ¿ Jul 23, 2017 16:01

There Bias Two: Jan 13, 2009; I'm not a good person

Arkanomen posted:

So the current plan is
1.dig out that skull and rail a line of coke
2.hunt for some forest food
3.start a fire with the money and some alcohol
4.cook and eat the food...somehow

Head downhill to find water

# ¿ Jul 24, 2017 00:22

There Bias Two: Jan 13, 2009; I'm not a good person

What we need next is shelter

We lift right?

We should be able to put some food over the fire using the skeleton as skewers, then climb a tree using our coke strength to survey the area.

# ¿ Jul 24, 2017 11:29

There Bias Two: Jan 13, 2009; I'm not a good person

Come to think of it. What killed this deer, and will it be pissed that we stole it?

# ¿ Jul 24, 2017 11:43

There Bias Two: Jan 13, 2009; I'm not a good person

AJ_Impy posted:

We are the Bear Beast, let it come. We are invincible! Nothing can stop us now. What could possibly go wrong?

An actual 🐻.

# ¿ Jul 24, 2017 11:47

There Bias Two: Jan 13, 2009; I'm not a good person

Climb down
Put our drat sweater on while we dry our shirt
Use the foil to reflect the fire heat and warm up a bit
Do our best to survive until dawn
Get some water and purify it

There Bias Two fucked around with this message at 09:47 on Jul 25, 2017

# ¿ Jul 25, 2017 09:44

There Bias Two: Jan 13, 2009; I'm not a good person

Arkanomen posted:

So current plan is to

1. Climb down the free
2. Get our sweater back on
3. Get some pond water and purify it for drinking
4. Warm up next to the fire, use foil
5. Try and build some shelter, and fire
6. Eat, sleep, rest till dawn

Confirm/Deny?

Aye

# ¿ Jul 26, 2017 01:42

There Bias Two: Jan 13, 2009; I'm not a good person

Use a bit of duct tape to fix the tear in our pants.

Do our business by a tree somewhere.

Take a sip of water.

Grab more sticks and kindling to rebuild our fire later.

Reflect on the fact that we're a total badass for surviving a plane crash and then a whole night in the Canadian wilderness. Women will love the edited version of our story.

Did we ever check the aircraft for any kind of emergency distress beacon?

Have we ever been fishing before?

There Bias Two fucked around with this message at 12:47 on Jul 26, 2017

# ¿ Jul 26, 2017 12:36

There Bias Two: Jan 13, 2009; I'm not a good person

Arkanomen posted:

You have been fishing many times and have decent enough idea. Hook and bait, drink, drink some more, wait, drink, then when the line dips you call the guy over and he reels it in most of the way and then you grab the pole and do the rest. Simple.

You don't know what the aircraft had. It was kinda old and had a skeleton inside it when it crashed. You think the pilot ran away on impact. Yup. That's right. No idea what's inside now but it's cool enough to approach.

Adding explore the wreckage to my to-do list

# ¿ Jul 26, 2017 16:48

There Bias Two: Jan 13, 2009; I'm not a good person

I miss our coke-fueled forest adventure!

# ¿ Aug 1, 2017 02:13

There Bias Two: Jan 13, 2009; I'm not a good person

Arkanomen posted:

I was sent upstate for work and my house got fumigated, but back to normal updates tonight.

Fumigating your house, eh? Is this some type of method acting for CYOA design that I'm not familiar with?

# ¿ Aug 1, 2017 02:37

There Bias Two: Jan 13, 2009; I'm not a good person

Oh gently caress Smokey's on to us!

Climb a tree, then yell really loudly. Pelt it with large-ish bits of metal.

We're gonna burn these woods to the ground you furry poo poo!

There Bias Two fucked around with this message at 12:24 on Aug 1, 2017

# ¿ Aug 1, 2017 12:21

There Bias Two: Jan 13, 2009; I'm not a good person

1. B 2. F 3. C

We know how to handle ourselves in a bear market.

# ¿ Aug 1, 2017 17:44

There Bias Two: Jan 13, 2009; I'm not a good person

Holy poo poo hahahaha.

gently caress you Smokey.

Not even you could stop the Tad Train.

Choo Chooooo!

Take a goddamn selfie because we are a god!

Take a celebratory shot

That should take the edge off our cravings.

There Bias Two fucked around with this message at 12:00 on Aug 2, 2017

# ¿ Aug 2, 2017 11:57

There Bias Two: Jan 13, 2009; I'm not a good person

I think we have officially completed our Vision Quest guys.

# ¿ Aug 2, 2017 22:54

There Bias Two: Jan 13, 2009; I'm not a good person

I'm picturing a knockoff Ash vs Evil Dead scenario here. Maybe our hero actually did coke off the skull of a former First Nations Member.

# ¿ Aug 3, 2017 06:56

There Bias Two: Jan 13, 2009; I'm not a good person

We're...we're actually surviving out here.

I figured we'd be dead like 3 updates ago, so I didn't plan this far ahead. Our next biggest challenge will be surviving the withdrawal.

Do we have any experience weaning off alcohol and coke? Maybe one before the other would work best if possible.

# ¿ Aug 3, 2017 12:47

There Bias Two: Jan 13, 2009; I'm not a good person

Blasphemaster posted:

We're gonna need to make a backpack or something, since leaving soon will be necessary unless we really do want to live here for a few years.

Then we come back Bruce Wayne style and take poo poo over.

The best way to stay alive when you're lost somewhere is usually to stay exactly where you are. We have food, water, and shelter for the time being, so there isn't much of a pressing reason to travel.

# ¿ Aug 3, 2017 14:36

There Bias Two: Jan 13, 2009; I'm not a good person

Grognan posted:

uhh bear is not great for humans, just saying. we can od on fat soluble nutrients depending on what we nom

Nah, that's pretty much just Polar Bear liver. Besides, we're probably relatively malnourished when it comes to fat soluble nutrients.

# ¿ Aug 3, 2017 15:10

There Bias Two: Jan 13, 2009; I'm not a good person

mepstein73 posted:

Not guts, MEAT. Gosh. We're not poor.

Eat the meat of the front right paw of the bear, because that is what they scoop honey from hives with, and thus, it is the sweetest part of the bear.

And yeah, assemble shelter, tools, etc. from metal bits.

Maybe it's a left-handed bear you bigot!

# ¿ Aug 6, 2017 02:46

There Bias Two: Jan 13, 2009; I'm not a good person

We need a pot to boil water

# ¿ Aug 6, 2017 03:01

There Bias Two: Jan 13, 2009; I'm not a good person

Outrail posted:

Make one of those things the roided out alien on star wars uses, double blade thing.

There's no way in hell Tad has seen Star Wars.

# ¿ Aug 6, 2017 03:57

There Bias Two: Jan 13, 2009; I'm not a good person

Is Tad dead yet?

# ¿ Aug 10, 2017 23:43

There Bias Two: Jan 13, 2009; I'm not a good person

AJ_Impy posted:

Painkiller, take the axe head out, wash with everclear, duct tape the wound.

It's not the axe head. We cut ourselves on the broken axe handle. Otherwise this.

# ¿ Aug 11, 2017 11:36

There Bias Two: Jan 13, 2009; I'm not a good person

At least septicemia will give us the hallucinations required to successfully complete our Spirit Quest! Glass half full guys.

# ¿ Aug 15, 2017 11:35

There Bias Two: Jan 13, 2009; I'm not a good person

AJ_Impy posted:

Cauterize it.

This. We're dying but it's worth a shot.

# ¿ Aug 16, 2017 10:36

There Bias Two: Jan 13, 2009; I'm not a good person

Arkanomen posted:

You have no first aid kit.

How would you like to do this. You have a few options. There's the lighter, maybe you can move enough to restart a small fire but you have little wood, or you can use a coal, somehow...

Use our laser vision.

(I am the fever-addled part of Tad's brain)

(We never said we didn't have laser vision at any point in this thread. Take that GM.)

# ¿ Aug 16, 2017 16:50

There Bias Two: Jan 13, 2009; I'm not a good person

Uhhhhh....

Cry like a baby, then die

# ¿ Aug 16, 2017 17:25

There Bias Two: Jan 13, 2009; I'm not a good person

Arkanomen posted:

The saw is a length of chainsaw blade which is great for sawing logs with broad ripping teeth. A leg is a kind of log, but how would you get around in the woods on one leg? The knife might be better for make small cuts, it's serrated too. The axe is pretty sharp as well. There are options which brings some small comfort to your pounding head.

Can we stitch a bear leg to our stump?

# ¿ Aug 16, 2017 20:13

There Bias Two: Jan 13, 2009; I'm not a good person

AJ_Impy posted:

Kindness? Mercy? Weak!

The Gekko isn't kind or Merciful. Tad toughs this out, or he ain't seven-eighths of the man he thought he was.

Now is not the time for soul searching damnit!

# ¿ Aug 18, 2017 00:16

There Bias Two: Jan 13, 2009; I'm not a good person

Middle management?

MIDDLE. loving. MANAGEMENT?!

HELL NO. We are the GOD drat CEO!

Although....

How much room for upward mobility are we talking here?

There Bias Two fucked around with this message at 21:40 on Aug 18, 2017

# ¿ Aug 18, 2017 21:38

There Bias Two: Jan 13, 2009; I'm not a good person

This time, we play as a bear.

Bear Grylls

# ¿ Aug 23, 2017 03:04

There Bias Two: Jan 13, 2009; I'm not a good person

Outrail posted:

Yes...
We could play a keyboard warrior with an extensive and virtually limitless knowledge of survival and combat expertise, but has never actually left the safety of suburbia? So we can use info from any source on the web, but probably gently caress it up constantly.

This could actually be hilarious

# ¿ Aug 23, 2017 16:29

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# ¿ May 10, 2024 00:48

There Bias Two: Jan 13, 2009; I'm not a good person

Excited for Goon in the Woods.

# ¿ Aug 29, 2017 16:17

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