- little munchkin
-
|
All I wanted to do was see the latest chapter in the saga of Gru, and those wacky minions, but unfortunately I will never find out how they defeat Bathazar Bratt, the antagonist, because a crazed killer has shot me as I was attempting to enter the theater.
|
#
?
Aug 20, 2017 16:25
|
|
- Adbot
-
ADBOT LOVES YOU
|
|
|
#
?
Apr 18, 2024 21:20
|
|
- little munchkin
-
|
they couldn't think of anything to put in my obituary, so it's mostly a plot synopsis of Minions, because the reporter assigned to me has not yet seen Despicable Me 3
----------------
This thread brought to you by a tremendous dickhead!
|
|
#
?
Aug 20, 2017 16:26
|
|
- PHIZ KALIFA
-
#mood
|
*I reach into my bucket of popcorn as the lights dim, triggering the detonator on a Quantum Time Disruptor, locking me in the same 5-second period of time for all eternity*
crimes
|
|
#
?
Aug 20, 2017 17:07
|
|
- cda
-
by Hand Knit
|
Every day i wake up and ask myself "is today the day I'm going to die?" Then I make sure that everything I do is something I would be happy with if it were my last act on this Earth. Trying to see Despicable Me 3 is one of these acts.
|
|
#
?
Aug 20, 2017 19:21
|
|
- cda
-
by Hand Knit
|
He died, as he lived, waiting to see what hijinks the Minions would get up to next.
|
|
#
?
Aug 20, 2017 19:22
|
|
- little munchkin
-
|
Ironically, going to see Despicable Me 3 is not too dissimilar from the experience of being murdered 
i wouldn't know, as I was strangled by a piece of piano wire before the previews even ended
----------------
This thread brought to you by a tremendous dickhead!
|
|
#
?
Aug 20, 2017 19:43
|
|
- cda
-
by Hand Knit
|
The real cruelty of the murder was that the murderer was dressed like a Minion, causing me get extra excited at the prospect of seeing Despicable Me 3 shortly before my death at his hands.
----------------
This thread brought to you by a tremendous dickhead!
|
|
#
?
Aug 20, 2017 20:03
|
|
- Macnult
-
|
My dying thoughts were like the bag of popcorn in my lap. Tiny yellow rascals filled to the brim had me ecstatic for crazy antics the minions were gonna pull. But when I looked down again, the sunshine yellow had turned a blood red. My blood. Which was red.
|
|
#
?
Aug 20, 2017 22:29
|
|
- Macnult
-
|
The news reported it as a murder, but I mostly felt robbed
|
|
#
?
Aug 20, 2017 22:31
|
|
- cda
-
by Hand Knit
|
The news reported it as a murder, but I mostly felt robbed
----------------
This thread brought to you by a tremendous dickhead!
|
|
#
?
Aug 20, 2017 23:00
|
|
- Android Blues
-
|
Every day i wake up and ask myself "is today the day I'm going to die?" Then I make sure that everything I do is something I would be happy with if it were my last act on this Earth. Trying to see Despicable Me 3 is one of these acts.
My dying thoughts were like the bag of popcorn in my lap. Tiny yellow rascals filled to the brim had me ecstatic for crazy antics the minions were gonna pull. But when I looked down again, the sunshine yellow had turned a blood red. My blood. Which was red.
|
|
#
?
Aug 21, 2017 02:25
|
|
- Putty
-
HOOKED ON THE BROTHERS
|
My murderer was wearing a rayman rabbit costume in a twisted plot of lost fame and revenge
|
|
#
?
Aug 21, 2017 02:41
|
|
- FutonForensic
-
|
as the film came to a close, and the gunman cocked his gun, i looked at the screen. on it was a message of love:
Thank you for watching Despicable Me 3
i smiled in contentment. i was ready to make peace with my existence. then, another message flashed on the screen as the gunman squeezed the trigger:
Just kidding! You've actually been watching The Emoji Movie this entire time
the theater was filled with a scream, my scream, and then silence. also, a gunshot between the scream and the silence.
 
|
|
#
?
Aug 21, 2017 03:29
|
|
- Meeksha
-
i did it all for the nookie
Ask me how!
-freb dust
|
gunman: i'm really sorry guys but this is for your own good.
-----
come on and slam and welcome to the jam
Thank you Heather Papps for the summer sig!
|
|
#
?
Aug 21, 2017 14:44
|
|
- cda
-
by Hand Knit
|
Waiting in line to see St. Peter, hoping they're showing Despicable Me 3 in Heaven.
----------------
This thread brought to you by a tremendous dickhead!
|
|
#
?
Aug 21, 2017 17:04
|
|
- cda
-
by Hand Knit
|
Guy in front of me: I was an ok person in my lifetime. I don't think I committed any serious sins or anything. I did some lying though. Do you think they'll let me in?
Me: *checking Fandango on my phone*
----------------
This thread brought to you by a tremendous dickhead!
|
|
#
?
Aug 21, 2017 17:06
|
|
- FutonForensic
-
|
Rodney Dangerfield stands up in the front row, turns to the audience behind him and yells, "Hey everyone! We're all gonna get murdered before we watch Despicable Me 3!" The crowd cheers
|
|
#
?
Aug 21, 2017 18:31
|
|
- Kthulhu5000
-
by R. Guyovich
|
They say you see a white light when you die, that pulls you towards it. What they don't mention is that the light is actually reflected from an immaculately rendered set of water droplets, rolling down an even more immaculately rendered Minion asscheek.
Blissful zen, as the dark comes down from the poisoned punch and diacetyl-laced popcorn dispensed to you at the concessions stand.
----------------
This thread brought to you by a tremendous dickhead!
|
|
#
?
Aug 22, 2017 06:00
|
|
- FutonForensic
-
|
|
|
#
?
Aug 22, 2017 16:56
|
|
- Macnult
-
|
|
|
#
?
Aug 22, 2017 17:32
|
|
- cda
-
by Hand Knit
|
Bueno
|
|
#
?
Aug 22, 2017 17:52
|
|
- Putty
-
HOOKED ON THE BROTHERS
|
You could say seeing Despicable Me 3 and getting Dad's respect are inversely related.
|
|
#
?
Aug 22, 2017 18:04
|
|
- cda
-
by Hand Knit
|
You might say Despicable Me 3 was to die for.
|
|
#
?
Aug 22, 2017 18:15
|
|
- cda
-
by Hand Knit
|
In a final triumph, the audience score for my murder was 89% (certified fresh) even though critical opinion was more mixed.
|
|
#
?
Aug 22, 2017 18:18
|
|
- cda
-
by Hand Knit
|
I was excited to pay a premium to see Despicable Me 3 in 3D IMAX, but I did not realize that stood for Imminent Murder Accomplished eXpertly.
|
|
#
?
Aug 22, 2017 18:23
|
|
- Putty
-
HOOKED ON THE BROTHERS
|
enjoying Despicable Me 1 here
|
|
#
?
Aug 22, 2017 18:49
|
|
- AverySpecialfriend
-
by Hand Knit
|
*minion cosplayer as they stab me repeatedly* banana
|
|
#
?
Aug 23, 2017 17:46
|
|
- AverySpecialfriend
-
by Hand Knit
|
ill level with you all: that was a lazy joke. if im being honest, my disregard for and flippant attitude towards minions is probably why i got stabbed in the first place. did you know minion fans (they just call themselves minions) are all in a gang together and they take themselves very seriously? just something that crossed my mind as i was being stabbed over and over again.
|
|
#
?
Aug 23, 2017 17:49
|
|
- Kthulhu5000
-
by R. Guyovich
|
I sit down in my seat in the darkened theater and feel a sharp prick in the base of my spine. I get up, look around, and see a yellow Post-It note impaled on the needle of a giant syringe. The note says "Enjoy ur Ebola!".
Before my everything starts to liquefy and I die drowning in my own blood, I chuckle and look around. "Hey," I say to the couple screaming and sobbing next to me, "this totally seems like the sort of thing one of those Minion scamps would totally do, right? It's pretty funny, if you ask me!"
----------------
This thread brought to you by a tremendous dickhead!
|
|
#
?
Aug 23, 2017 23:30
|
|
- google THIS
-
|
being chased by a minion with a chainsaw and I'm not even scared
|
|
#
?
Aug 23, 2017 23:31
|
|
- Adbot
-
ADBOT LOVES YOU
|
|
|
#
?
Apr 18, 2024 21:20
|
|
- Kthulhu5000
-
by R. Guyovich
|
I fully intended to see Despicable Me 3 without dying, but somehow, I ended up dead with my head in a urinal, my pants and shoes missing, and both of my feet in jumbo-sized popcorn tubs.
Lifedeath comes at you pretty fast, sometimes!
----------------
This thread brought to you by a tremendous dickhead!
|
|
#
?
Aug 24, 2017 00:45
|
|
#
?
Aug 20, 2017 16:25
~*
~*
