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All the bronotosauruses were sinners and deserved to be excluded from Noah's Ark.
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Aug 22, 2017 06:14
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| # ? Apr 24, 2024 20:22 |
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That all the poo poo in it is a fairy tale
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Aug 22, 2017 06:15
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never read it OP
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Aug 22, 2017 06:16
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we are equally doomed to the eternal void OP!!!!! gently caress U OP!!!
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Aug 22, 2017 06:17
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Learned about computers and poo poo.
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Aug 22, 2017 06:17
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That the bible is lame as gently caress
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Aug 22, 2017 06:23
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Absolutely nothing. But Revelations has some cool poo poo for horror movies.
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Aug 22, 2017 06:24
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i eat every apple i ca nlay my paws on, you never know
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Aug 22, 2017 06:25
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Lot and his daughters was the first incest story I ever read. It was not the last.
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Aug 22, 2017 06:26
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1 This is the book of the generations of Adam. In the day that God created man, in the likeness of God made he him; 2 male and female created he them; Mt. 19.4 · Mk. 10.6 and blessed them, Gen. 1.27, 28 and called their name Adam, in the day when they were created. 3 And Adam lived a hundred and thirty years, and begat a son in his own likeness, after his image; and called his name Seth: 4 and the days of Adam after he had begotten Seth were eight hundred years: and he begat sons and daughters: 5 and all the days that Adam lived were nine hundred and thirty years: and he died. 6 ¶ And Seth lived a hundred and five years, and begat Enos: 7 and Seth lived after he begat Enos eight hundred and seven years, and begat sons and daughters: 8 and all the days of Seth were nine hundred and twelve years: and he died. 9 ¶ And Enos lived ninety years, and begat Ca-i'nan: 10 and Enos lived after he begat Ca-i'nan eight hundred and fifteen years, and begat sons and daughters: 11 and all the days of Enos were nine hundred and five years: and he died. 12 ¶ And Ca-i'nan lived seventy years, and begat Mahal'aleel: 13 and Ca-i'nan lived after he begat Mahal'aleel eight hundred and forty years, and begat sons and daughters: 14 and all the days of Ca-i'nan were nine hundred and ten years: and he died. 15 ¶ And Mahal'aleel lived sixty and five years, and begat Jared: 16 and Mahal'aleel lived after he begat Jared eight hundred and thirty years, and begat sons and daughters: 17 and all the days of Mahal'aleel were eight hundred ninety and five years: and he died. 18 ¶ And Jared lived a hundred sixty and two years, and he begat Enoch: 19 and Jared lived after he begat Enoch eight hundred years, and begat sons and daughters: 20 and all the days of Jared were nine hundred sixty and two years: and he died. 21 ¶ And Enoch lived sixty and five years, and begat Methu'selah: 22 and Enoch walked with God after he begat Methu'selah three hundred years, and begat sons and daughters: 23 and all the days of Enoch were three hundred sixty and five years: 24 and Enoch Heb. 11.5 walked with God: and he was not; for God took him. 25 ¶ And Methu'selah lived a hundred eighty and seven years, and begat Lamech: 26 and Methu'selah lived after he begat Lamech seven hundred eighty and two years, and begat sons and daughters: 27 and all the days of Methu'selah were nine hundred sixty and nine years: and he died. 28 ¶ And Lamech lived a hundred eighty and two years, and begat a son: 29 and he called his name Noah, 6 saying, This same shall comfort us concerning our work and toil of our hands, because of the ground which the LORD hath cursed. 30 And Lamech lived after he begat Noah five hundred ninety and five years, and begat sons and daughters: 31 and all the days of Lamech were seven hundred seventy and seven years: and he died. 32 ¶ And Noah was five hundred years old: and Noah begat Shem, Ham, and Japheth.
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Aug 22, 2017 06:28
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jesus jacked off once
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Aug 22, 2017 06:29
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I like how God goes from tyrannical smiting horrible pms man period having shitlord in the Old Testament to pandering politicking all-accepting all-loving savior of mankind. Ehhh go ahead and sin now i don't give a poo poo blleeeehhh don't matter like 4000 years it wasn't cool but now I'm just phoning it in durrrr. Like the eternal god has lovely temperamental mood swings and is a total drama queen, whatever. 
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Aug 22, 2017 06:30
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flerp posted:jesus jacked off once Yeah but he didn't like it. 
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Aug 22, 2017 06:31
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that the afterlife didn't definitively exist in judeo christian mythology until really late in history
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Aug 22, 2017 06:32
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a hole-y ghost posted:that the afterlife didn't definitively exist in judeo christian mythology until really late in history Its a silly notion. I can't even wrap my head around it
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Aug 22, 2017 06:36
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moose face posted:Its a silly notion. I can't even wrap my head around it
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Aug 22, 2017 06:36
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at least that's what I learned from the tv show black mirror.
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Aug 22, 2017 06:37
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The afterlife is a place in california where you can be an old lesbian forever.
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Aug 22, 2017 06:37
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Jesus was a badass wizard!!
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Aug 22, 2017 06:38
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Pawn 17 posted:Jesus was a badass wizard!!
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Aug 22, 2017 06:39
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a hole-y ghost posted:Jesus was the most famous lesbian, they just didn't have the vocabulary at the time to say it. I love Jesus even more now.
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Aug 22, 2017 06:51
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a hole-y ghost posted:The afterlife is a place in california where you can be an old lesbian forever. Sounds pretty good to me
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Aug 22, 2017 06:53
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Jesus 4:20 anal is good
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Aug 22, 2017 07:01
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1982 Subaru Brat posted:1 This is the book of the generations of Adam. In the day that God created man, in the likeness of God made he him; I don't know how anyone can make it past that part. Like who cares, get back to the plot already.
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Aug 22, 2017 07:01
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the amalekites were put to the ban
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Aug 22, 2017 07:20
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If some dudes wanna get with your sisters, first you tell them that they can only smash that pussy if they cut off the end of their dicks. They'll agree to this. Then while they're all sore and in pain and poo poo, you just murder them. Also women should stfu in church I guess. counterfeitsaint fucked around with this message at 07:55 on Aug 22, 2017 |
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Aug 22, 2017 07:26
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Aug 22, 2017 07:28
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ClamdestineBoyster posted:I like how God goes from tyrannical smiting horrible pms man period having shitlord in the Old Testament to pandering politicking all-accepting all-loving savior of mankind. Ehhh go ahead and sin now i don't give a poo poo blleeeehhh don't matter like 4000 years it wasn't cool but now I'm just phoning it in durrrr. Like the eternal god has lovely temperamental mood swings and is a total drama queen, whatever. He mellowed out a little after he had a kid
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Aug 22, 2017 07:34
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El Boot posted:He mellowed out a little after he had a kid Dad God
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Aug 22, 2017 07:35
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Spinster posted:Dad God So What
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Aug 22, 2017 07:38
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Meredith Baxter-Burnout posted:So What 
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Aug 22, 2017 07:41
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ClamdestineBoyster posted:I like how God goes from tyrannical smiting horrible pms man period having shitlord in the Old Testament to pandering politicking all-accepting all-loving savior of mankind. Ehhh go ahead and sin now i don't give a poo poo blleeeehhh don't matter like 4000 years it wasn't cool but now I'm just phoning it in durrrr. Like the eternal god has lovely temperamental mood swings and is a total drama queen, whatever. I was going to go on a spiel but this sums up my take pretty much. The Judeo-Christian God is a petty, war thirsty mofo. At least the Greeks had Gods that liked fun, along with being petty and war thirsty.
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Aug 22, 2017 07:41
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Samson was a loving idiot Delilah asks him, hey, how do I kill you, once. Then he lies to her about how, and she does that thing, but he doesn't die. And then she repeats it again, and he tells her a different thing, still doesn't kill him, and she's like "man you must not love me if you won't tell me how to kill you" so he goes and fuckin tells her how to kill him! What a moron, imo Anyways that's what I learned from the bible
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Aug 22, 2017 07:53
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ClamdestineBoyster posted:I like how God goes from tyrannical smiting horrible pms man period having shitlord in the Old Testament to pandering politicking all-accepting all-loving savior of mankind. Ehhh go ahead and sin now i don't give a poo poo blleeeehhh don't matter like 4000 years it wasn't cool but now I'm just phoning it in durrrr. Like the eternal god has lovely temperamental mood swings and is a total drama queen, whatever. Maybe he got sick of smiting and drowning us and realized we're all dumb idiots who can only win if he puts life+salvation on easy mode. He probably spent a lot of time and money building heaven and making it a nice place to be, it would be a waste if nobody got to enjoy it.
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Aug 22, 2017 07:54
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God is love, and If you gently caress with Lamech, you will be 11x more hosed than if you hosed with Cain.
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Aug 22, 2017 07:55
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Even after washing, you are considered unclean for a while.
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Aug 22, 2017 07:57
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smug n stuff posted:Samson was a loving idiot Lotsa beta cuck males in the bible when you think about it.
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Aug 22, 2017 08:04
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Meredith Baxter-Burnout posted:Lotsa beta cuck males in the bible when you think about it. None more so than Uriah the Hittite.
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Aug 22, 2017 08:08
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Meredith Baxter-Burnout posted:Lotsa beta cuck males in the bible when you think about it. The story of how Jacob got to marry Rachel is also good for this.
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Aug 22, 2017 08:11
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| # ? Apr 24, 2024 20:22 |
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The most unbelievable story in the Old Testament is not what you think. It's Lot and his daughters. Much more likely than daughters getting their father drunk to rape him is a father getting drunk and raping his daughters. Nice try, though, Moses.
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Aug 22, 2017 08:16
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