:SIREN: VOTE RICHARD "DICK" WOLF FOR TEXAS HOUSE DISTRICT 63 :SIREN:

The Something Awful Forums > Discussion > C-SPAM > :SIREN: VOTE RICHARD "DICK" WOLF FOR TEXAS HOUSE DISTRICT 63 :SIREN:

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slouch: Mar 10, 2009

this was probably a dumb idea
FACEBOOK LINK CLICK HERE! ALL ACTIVITY ON MY PAGE IMPROVES FACEBOOK ALGORITHM RANKING.

_{this is me}

greetings friends. my name is richard wolf. perhaps you've seen me white noise posting in the trimp thread where i like to empty quote bad jokes and defend mark zuckerburg. after two years of watching a racist dumbass campaign for and somehow win the presidency, ive been slowly growing more and more miserable. and then with this whole tax cut thing (and the inevitable slashing of whats left of our social safety net) looming over the horizon ive started to get angry. there was nothing i could do, though. im just loser failson who listens to podcasts while playing video games all day. i had nothing to offer, no unique skills, no special abilities, no connections - nothing.

but now ive seen political support for literal child molestor and 2 time state supreme court reject Roy Moore come back into his sails like nothing has happened. this broke my brain entirely

nothing matters. literally any rear end in a top hat can run for a political position and win. being under-qualified doesn't matter. being a criminal and a liar doesn't matter. hell you can be completely and totally unlikable seems to be a positive in a lot of peoples minds. there's nothing that can stop me from at least giving it a shot. so i asked my father for enough money to get on my state house of representatives ballot and just went for it. and now im doing what i do best (?) and talking about it on the internet.

The District
im in the campaign for texas house district 63 against republican Tan Parker
as you can see from that link, Tanny Boy has gone uncontested since 2014. his last democratic challenger got slightly less than 15% of the vote. my district is best characterized as a combination of rural farmland and wealthy DFW suburbanites. even though the demographics and voting history of this area go strongly against any democratic candidate - especially a young 20 something lefty college dropout - i am definitely 100% sure that i could win this election in a 20+ point landslide. lol

The Opponent
tan parker is an rear end in a top hat, plain and simple. he is currently the chairman of the texas house of representatives republican caucus so every vile piece of legislation that flows out of there has his fingers on it. otherwise he seems to try and keep a low profile. the biggest legislative knocks against him are his interests in 1. cutting taxes and liabilities for private / charter schools, taking money out of the public school system. 2. being extremely anti-union in a state where union membership is already very low. here's a bill to make it more difficult for teachers and other public employees to contribute to workers organizations. it does include an exception for police officers though. and this bizarre one which makes it so that minors need parental permission to join an organized labor union. and 3. his strong anti-abortion stance. _{though he did recently get into a bit of controversy by prioritizing a bill to give nascar free money over some anti abortion legislation which was funny.} he is also a member of the house redistricting committee which recently got in trouble for "diluting minority votes" through gerrymandering. and then of course his donors are mostly energy companies and insurance companies but that's just par for the course.

The Platform
i'm still in the process of writing out and properly explaining what i think would be good texan policy for my website and facebook pages. here's the short list of basic stuff though

quote:

]improving medicaid in texas
texas is one of those brilliant states that refused federal funding to expand medicaid back during the original obamacare rollout. if you are wondering why Rick Perry wouldn't want to receive a hundred billion dollars in federal funding for healthcare expansion the answer is that he doesn't like ~~being told what to do by a black man~~ Liberal Elitists Involving Themselves In States Rights Issues. anyway, because of that dumbas choice there is a gap of people who make enough money to not qualify for medicaid who also don't make enough money to qualify for obamacare subsidies. which just means that they are not able to afford anything at all. its dumb as hell and a statewide medicaid expansion is necessary. not sure how this issue will play out over the next 3 years with donald crying about the ACA and republicans tripping over banana peels trying to throw all the poor people into mass graves but hey, worth a shot right?

quote:

'bortion access
texas is a big rear end state if you didnt know. every reproductive health clinic that closes down removes access for a whole lot of people. as a republican state we are often on the forefront of new anti-abortion laws dressed up in various disguises. we need a state constitutional amendment ensuring that any future laws that might affect facilities that provide abortions must be confirmed by a nonpartisan third party as being medically necessary for the sake of patient health. in addition an impact study will need to be done to ensure that people's constitutional right to a legal abortion is preserved no matter their geographical location.

quote:

weed policy
legalize weed. CBD oil is already legal in texas as a sort of medical product but weed itself is not. the city of dallas is currently trying out a "cite and release" policy for marijuana possession. that's nice and all but it's not enough. full legalization for posession, use, and sale of weed is mandatory. this would also be a good opportunity to set up a state works project. i want texas to establish government run farms, processing facilities, and dispensaries to generate revenue and provide jobs. in addition, all texans currently incarcerated just for marijuana related crimes should have their sentences commuted - doing otherwise would disproportionately harm minority communities who have faced the brunt of the war on drugs here in the state. those who were incarcerated may also get hiring preference at our new state run weed operation. if this plan sounds insane to you, you are probably a loser.

quote:

immigration
the texas state government should work to protect all texans. no walls no masters. provide residency status to anyone who can prove residency inside the state. it is not acceptable to throw immigrants under the bus to satisfy the bigoted psychosis of a new york real estate poo poo heel and his fans who have never seen an immigrant in their life. if illegal immigration is a problem then improving legal immigration is the easiest, cheapest, and most ethical solution. if the federal government won't protect DACA kids then the state should step in. "but richard, is it possible for a state to go against federal immigration policy?" you might be asking. feel free to ask me again in court.

quote:

mineral rights & local control
a few years ago the city of denton had a vote to ban fracking in city limits. the anti-frackers won before the texas railroad comissioner shut it down completely. she was all talking about "not wanting a patchwork of rules all across the state" for businesses while oil and gas lobbying money was falling out of her pockets. the state of texas should not pre-empt local attempts to control environmental and energy policy.

quote:

social issues and civil rights
lgbtq ally. we recently had a close call in texas and almost passed a bathroom bill. i do not think that the government should force men to use the women's bathroom or force women to use the mens bathroom. people should poo poo in whichever restroom their gender takes them. i support anti discrimination laws. there's not a whole lot of specific ideas i have for this so feel free to recommend me some actual issues facing people in the state or whatever else you think can help out

quote:

labor rights
Repeal right-to-work laws. Pass new legislation to help protect the rights of undocumented workers. incentivize businesses in the state to raise wages + provide benefits by raising (or at least maintaining) our current state business taxes and maybe providing tax incentives for not killing workers. allow public employees to form unions. do anything possible to return political power to workers over business owners.

quote:

april 27th
will be made official "alex jones is an unfit parent" day. this is just a pet project of mine, kinda low on the list of priorities.

faqs

Q: isnt it a bad idea to talk about your campaign on a dumb internet forum? isnt this bad for your electability?
A: yes its probably a bad idea but i dont think it really matters anymore. decorum is over. professionalism will not hold me back from my true passion. (posting)

Q:is there another democratic primary candidate?
A: yeah but she seems nice and i don't know her platform very well. we both declared and registered yesterday so there's not much for me to say! i dont want to invite any potential negativity to my primary opponent

Q:whats the point of this thread?
A:i think it will be a fun way to keep track of my experience and workshop ideas. i can talk about my experience being a candidate, what its like to work with local party people, campaign finance poo poo. all of that stuff. plus i can toxx myself to make sure i dont become a lazy bum and give up campaigning to play video games all day

currently on my agenda:
1 - ~~finish setting up everything i need to submit my campaign finance reports. this will probably not be hard~~ done
2 - create an official website, ~~facebook~~, and twitter account (yes i made a thread before getting this done. meeting with digital team this week and should be able to get this stuff rolling by end of week)
3 - ~~set up with Act Blue to easily manage campaign donati-ahahaha~~ done
4 - block walking with other candidates. gotta gain experience knocking on peoples doors and telling them the good news.
5 - much much more!!!

feel free to ask me anytghing or call me a cuck. whatever works

people asked to donate but i dont recommend it. if you dont listen to me click this image

slouch has issued a correction as of 08:09 on Dec 15, 2017

# ? Dec 13, 2017 03:31

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# ? Apr 16, 2024 18:58

1994 Toyota Celica: Sep 11, 2008; by Nyc_Tattoo

i'll work for your campaign if you pay me money. i'll even move to texas.

e: at the very least i can edit that dang platform

# ? Dec 13, 2017 03:33

slouch: Mar 10, 2009

zeal posted:

i'll work for your campaign if you pay me money. i'll even move to texas.

e: at the very least i can edit that dang platform

i have no money. ill get back to you when the soros check rolls in

# ? Dec 13, 2017 03:38

logikv9: Mar 5, 2009; Ham Wrangler

sir, would you like to respond to allegations that you've posted statements online such as "im gay" and "trump"?

# ? Dec 13, 2017 03:40

a primate: Jun 2, 2010

congratulations on your future loss, op

# ? Dec 13, 2017 03:44

Qwazes: Sep 29, 2014; Fun Shoe

i'll throw you 20 bucks when you get a campaign infrastructure set up

# ? Dec 13, 2017 04:21

Calibanibal: Aug 25, 2015

what is oyur stance on the sasquatch op

# ? Dec 13, 2017 04:36

jarofpiss: May 16, 2009

will you be seeking DSA endorsement

# ? Dec 13, 2017 04:48

M_Gargantua: Oct 16, 2006; STOMP'N ON INTO THE POWERLINES; Exciting Lemon

you realize that koch operatives browse these forums for ammo against liberal swine, all your posting will be audited. make sure you adamantly defend your posting. always confront, never back down and admit it was a shitpost. be aggressive, republicans are scared by liberal alphas

but seriously good luck.

# ? Dec 13, 2017 04:54

Yossarian-22: Oct 26, 2014

slouch posted:

this was probably a dumb idea
note: once i have some links to official campaign stuff ill post em up here

_{this is me}

greetings friends. my name is richard wolf. perhaps you've seen me white noise posting in the trimp thread where i like to empty quote bad jokes and defend mark zuckerburg. after two years of watching a racist dumbass campaign for and somehow win the presidency, ive been slowly growing more and more miserable. and then with this whole tax cut thing (and the inevitable slashing of whats left of our social safety net) looming over the horizon ive started to get angry. there was nothing i could do, though. im just loser failson who listens to podcasts while playing video games all day. i had nothing to offer, no unique skills, no special abilities, no connections - nothing.

but now ive seen political support for literal child molestor and 2 time state supreme court reject Roy Moore come back into his sails like nothing has happened. this broke my brain entirely

nothing matters. literally any rear end in a top hat can run for a political position and win. being under-qualified doesn't matter. being a criminal and a liar doesn't matter. hell you can be completely and totally unlikable seems to be a positive in a lot of peoples minds. there's nothing that can stop me from at least giving it a shot. so i asked my father for enough money to get on my state house of representatives ballot and just went for it. and now im doing what i do best (?) and talking about it on the internet.

The District
im in the campaign for texas house district 63 against republican Tan Parker
as you can see from that link, Tanny Boy has gone uncontested since 2014. his last democratic challenger got slightly less than 15% of the vote. my district is best characterized as a combination of rural farmland and wealthy DFW suburbanites. even though the demographics and voting history of this area go strongly against any democratic candidate - especially a young 20 something lefty college dropout - i am definitely 100% sure that i could win this election in a 20+ point landslide. lol

The Opponent
tan parker is an rear end in a top hat, plain and simple. he is currently the chairman of the texas house of representatives republican caucus so every vile piece of legislation that flows out of there has his fingers on it. otherwise he seems to try and keep a low profile. the biggest legislative knocks against him are his interests in 1. cutting taxes and liabilities for private / charter schools, taking money out of the public school system. 2. being extremely anti-union in a state where union membership is already very low. here's a bill to make it more difficult for teachers and other public employees to contribute to workers organizations. it does include an exception for police officers though. and this bizarre one which makes it so that minors need parental permission to join an organized labor union. and 3. his strong anti-abortion stance. _{though he did recently get into a bit of controversy by prioritizing a bill to give nascar free money over some anti abortion legislation which was funny.} he is also a member of the house redistricting committee which recently got in trouble for "diluting minority votes" through gerrymandering. and then of course his donors are mostly energy companies and insurance companies but that's just par for the course.

The Platform
i'm still in the process of writing out and properly explaining what i think would be good texan policy for my website and facebook pages. here's the short list of basic stuff though

faqs

Q: isnt it a bad idea to talk about your campaign on a dumb internet forum? isnt this bad for your electability?
A: yes its probably a bad idea but i dont think it really matters anymore. decorum is over. professionalism will not hold me back from my true passion. (posting)

Q:is there another democratic primary candidate?
A: yeah but she seems nice and i don't know her platform very well. we both declared and registered yesterday so there's not much for me to say! i dont want to invite any potential negativity to my primary opponent

Q:whats the point of this thread?
A:i think it will be a fun way to keep track of my experience and workshop ideas. i can talk about my experience being a candidate, what its like to work with local party people, campaign finance poo poo. all of that stuff. plus i can toxx myself to make sure i dont become a lazy bum and give up campaigning to play video games all day

currently on my agenda:
1 - finish setting up everything i need to submit my campaign finance reports. this will probably not be hard
2 - create an official website, facebook, and twitter account (yes i made a thread before getting this done. meeting with digital team this week and should be able to get this stuff rolling by end of week)
3 - set up with Act Blue to easily manage campaign donati-ahahaha
4 - block walking with other candidates. gotta gain experience knocking on peoples doors and telling them the good news.
5 - much much more!!!

feel free to ask me anytghing or call me a cuck. whatever works

he's running

# ? Dec 13, 2017 04:55

Shinjobi: Jul 10, 2008; Gravy Boat 2k

God dammit dude, I live in Denton. I wish I could vote for you.

# ? Dec 13, 2017 05:47

Taintrunner: Apr 10, 2017; by Jeffrey of YOSPOS

I will support you, goon. you have my MSPaint edits

# ? Dec 13, 2017 05:51

Shinjobi: Jul 10, 2008; Gravy Boat 2k

Flat out, if you need flyers taped up somewhere let me know.

Flower Mound is a slight drive for me, but god drat I'm currently drunk enough to throw my hat in with a goon who means well.

# ? Dec 13, 2017 05:53

Sheng-Ji Yang: Mar 5, 2014

i volunteer as your campaign manager, i have lots of experience in texas politics such as running this campaign:

# ? Dec 13, 2017 05:59

BrutalistMcDonalds: Oct 4, 2012; Lipstick Apathy

Shinjobi posted:

God dammit dude, I live in Denton. I wish I could vote for you.

join denton DSA binch

we're getting drunk and watching soviet sci-fi movies next week at dan's silverleaf

# ? Dec 13, 2017 06:15

Shinjobi: Jul 10, 2008; Gravy Boat 2k

BrutalistMcDonalds posted:

join denton DSA binch

we're getting drunk and watching soviet sci-fi movies next week at dan's silverleaf

I no longer have to wrry about school.

I am looking forward to seeing ya soon.

# ? Dec 13, 2017 06:28

Frijolero: Jan 24, 2009; by Nyc_Tattoo

Proud of you OP.

No MfA? O'Rourke is running on it. You should reach out to North Texas DSA.

# ? Dec 13, 2017 06:30

1994 Toyota Celica: Sep 11, 2008; by Nyc_Tattoo

for real though i got a master's degree and some prose chops, will speechwrite for rent money

# ? Dec 13, 2017 06:39

Cantorsdust: Aug 10, 2008; Infinitely many points, but zero length.

I will send your campaign money if you PM me a link to do so!

# ? Dec 13, 2017 07:02

Autism Sneaks: Nov 21, 2016

i will only support OP after they outline their plan to get themselves on the 2020 Zuck ticket

# ? Dec 13, 2017 07:37

Yinlock: Oct 22, 2008

where do you stand on killing you're parents

# ? Dec 13, 2017 07:43

Darkman Fanpage: Jul 4, 2012

Sheng-Ji Yang posted:

i volunteer as your campaign manager, i have lots of experience in texas politics such as running this campaign:

were you the guy that bought everyone those lovely megaman x avs?

# ? Dec 13, 2017 07:55

Huragok: Sep 14, 2011

I'm down to donate (money, services, bodily fluids) when you can accept it OP

# ? Dec 13, 2017 08:08

Sheng-Ji Yang: Mar 5, 2014

Darkman Fanpage posted:

were you the guy that bought everyone those lovely megaman x avs?

uh, sure

# ? Dec 13, 2017 08:27

Yinlock: Oct 22, 2008

Sheng-Ji Yang posted:

i volunteer as your campaign manager, i have lots of experience in texas politics such as running this campaign:

that is possibly the most unfortunate last name in politics

boykott boyko

# ? Dec 13, 2017 13:38

Squizzle: Apr 24, 2008

what is yr position on private ownership of tigers

what if its restricted to only me, as tiger owner

# ? Dec 13, 2017 15:52

Victory Position: Mar 16, 2004

will you invest in the time-honored tradition of canvassing known only as "yard signs"

# ? Dec 13, 2017 16:04

Fallen Hamprince: Nov 12, 2016

looks p good op but I�m gonna need to know your position on data centre consolidation before I can give a firm endorsement

# ? Dec 13, 2017 16:20

Egg Moron: Jul 21, 2003; the dreams of the delighting void

Tan Parker

What is Trivac Limited anyway? No website, but there are clues through which the nature of their bussiness becomes clear,

The founder is this guy, who is also on the board of MedSynergies, Inc. which says it "provides revenue cycle management and physician practice management, consulting, business process analysis, and software integration solutions for health care organizations, physicians, hospitals, and health networks in the United States."

then we see that Trivac was involved in some deal with the government which resulted in this contract for professional and management development training

through some manner of tricky commotion they delivered five hundred thousand dollars worth of management training to the government free of charge. Nice guys, I guess.

So the good news is that your opponent is some ivory tower business nerd that makes an easy 6 figures as one of the do-nothing executive vice-presidents of a company that provides bullshit corporate workshops for inexcusable sums of money.

# ? Dec 13, 2017 17:02

Squizzle: Apr 24, 2008

i declare that this thread is now the official opposition research office for ops campaign

comport yrselves appropriately (helldumpishly, but politics)

# ? Dec 13, 2017 17:45

Mariana Horchata: Jun 30, 2008; College Slice

ur gonna need social media op, link up

# ? Dec 13, 2017 18:07

Sheng-Ji Yang: Mar 5, 2014

CREEP, the Committee to E-Elect the Poster

# ? Dec 13, 2017 18:09

Mariana Horchata: Jun 30, 2008; College Slice

my advice, play to ur electorate (and kno ur electorate...get some data/records/maps, do some analysis, etc. according to commitment) speak to their hearts and tell them what they want to hear even if it's against ur own politics. then once elected go full dem socialist and give the ppl a taste of what good 4 them.

u have my support and i wish u success ttyl

# ? Dec 13, 2017 18:14

The Saucer Hovers: May 16, 2005

Holy poo poo man I grew up in Springtown. What the CHRIST do you think you're doing?

# ? Dec 13, 2017 19:10

slouch: Mar 10, 2009

wow wow wow everyone ITT has been so nice and kind to me. appreciate it like you don't believe. my campaign facebook page is super under construction (meeting with my real digital team soon) but i at least have a profile and cover photo for now so go like share and subscribe if youd like https://www.facebook.com/RichardWolfHD63/ website and donations will hopefully be coming next, i might have a resource that can donate web hosting & domain name which will be nice.

# ? Dec 13, 2017 19:13

Mariana Horchata: Jun 30, 2008; College Slice

it's an awful idea and look forward to u bring corrupted

# ? Dec 13, 2017 20:15

pathetic little tramp: Dec 12, 2005; by Hillary Clinton's assassins; Fallen Rib

Tan Parker has definitely raped someone

# ? Dec 13, 2017 20:21

slouch: Mar 10, 2009

Frijolero posted:

You should reach out to North Texas DSA.

that movie watching and beer drinking event sounds like fun. probably coming out to that, hope to talk to people and see whats good. ive wanted to participate for a while but just havent gotten my rear end out my chair yet

Over Easy posted:

(tan parker infodump)

nice info. tan is apparently also president of another consulting company called Applied Business Strategies. it doesn't have a website either and finding information about it online has been difficult. Really curious about that state contract - will be looking into it some more.

Weeping Wound posted:

will you invest in the time-honored tradition of canvassing known only as "yard signs"

one of my neighbors still has a Hillary for Prison 2016 sign in their yard. as soon as i have some ill ask if they would like another to go beside it.

# ? Dec 13, 2017 21:13

mdemone: Mar 14, 2001

Really proud of you, duder. You're gonna lose but give 'em hell on the way down. No-holds-barred, shitpost politics.

# ? Dec 13, 2017 21:24

Adbot: ADBOT LOVES YOU

# ? Apr 16, 2024 18:58

Al!: Apr 2, 2010

petition to subtitle this thread "the zyborne candidate" tia

# ? Dec 13, 2017 21:45

The Something Awful Forums > Discussion > C-SPAM > :SIREN: VOTE RICHARD "DICK" WOLF FOR TEXAS HOUSE DISTRICT 63 :SIREN:

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