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In sum, my international bf is running out of time to find a job and get a work visa after finishing his doctorate. Lately, he's been talking about just going back to his country. We've been together for over a year so of course this is quite upsetting. I asked him if he wanted to get married a few months back so that he could get citizenship. He said he'd think about it but has never said anything about it. I decided not to bring it back up but lately I've been considering pushing the conversation forward. This is something that I really want to do to help. I've been reading about green card marriages some and especially about the red flags the feds look for. Seems like they'll find any reason to bring your entire life under the microscope. I was wondering if anyone has gone through this process and can tell me what to expect.
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Jan 16, 2018 07:40
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I have two friends who went through this. Your life will apparently be under a microscope regardless if their experiences are anything to go on. As long as you guys like each other and actually want to get married, I'm under the impression that it's a manageable situation. I had to write a letter telling the feds that my friend and his spouse were truly in love. If you want to, I can try to connect you with them.
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Jan 16, 2018 14:14
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Uhhh it's easy, total dumbasses do it, it's bunch of hoops to jump through and that's it.
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Jan 16, 2018 14:51
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Thanks N. Senada. Do you know how long the whole process took? And sure, I’d love to ask your friends about their experience if it wouldn’t be weird.
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Jan 16, 2018 18:58
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Marrying a dude who is not interested in marrying you in order to commit immigration fraud is a bad idea on multiple levels.
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Jan 16, 2018 19:25
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I don’t think he’s disinterested in marriage, it’s just a big decision with big risks. Also, I know he wants to get his green card on his own as he had planned. It wouldn’t be marriage fraud since we do love each other and have been in a relationship for over a year.
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Jan 16, 2018 19:51
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not ready posted:I don’t think he’s disinterested in marriage, not ready posted:I asked him if he wanted to get married a few months back so that he could get citizenship. He said he'd think about it but has never said anything about it. 
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Jan 17, 2018 02:25
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Having to think about it doesn’t prove disinterest. If I were in his shoes I would have said the same thing. It’s a normal response to a high stakes question.
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Jan 17, 2018 04:05
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I’ll ask them and get back to you.
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Jan 17, 2018 05:03
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I am a foreign spouse married to an American, currently living in the USA on a marriage-based green card. I've been through nearly the entire process by this point. From what you have said of your situation the first and most important thing to understand is that marriage-based green cards are not meant to be obtained while the foreign spouse is already in-country, but instead applied for while they are in their own country. The former is called "change of status" - i.e. changing their legal status from whatever visa they have now to that of a foreign spouse - and due to the potential for fraud/abuse it is subject to much higher scrutiny and risk of rejection than the 'proper' way, requires you to jump through more hoops, etc. I didn't do it that way, I applied for a fiance visa while in my home country, then got married after entering the USA on that, so my experiences may not be applicable to you. I can give you a quick run-down of the process if you still want.
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Jan 17, 2018 09:24
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You could always move to his country instead. Depending on what country and your sexuality it may even be a step up to America.
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Jan 17, 2018 10:22
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I would love to hear about your experience Hungry. He’s from India where cows are more protected than women. So I’m not keen on moving there.
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Jan 17, 2018 18:29
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Is his family aware of you? Would they be supportive of you two through the stressful process of em/immigration?
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Jan 18, 2018 02:41
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Are you Indian as well? If not does his family know and are they ok with it?
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Jan 18, 2018 03:50
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I’m not sure how much he’s told his family about me. I’m not Indian but he said they wouldn’t care. He has met all of my family on multiple occasions now. I’m sure I would’ve met his family if they lived here.
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Jan 18, 2018 06:42
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Every new detail you provide convinces me that this marriage will go very wrong very fast.
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Jan 18, 2018 08:17
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From an immigration perspective, this is a common scenario that millions of people go through every year. Although you'll get scrutinized a bit there isn't a particular reason to worry if you're careful and thorough filling out the forms and you make enough money that the affidavit of support is not an issue. Whether it's a good idea on a personal level is between you and him and a completely different story. I'd go ahead and meet his family somehow before committing to anything but YMMV.
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Jan 18, 2018 12:51
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Unfortunately, I don’t make enough money for an affidavit. I work part time in the mental health field. He’s currently unemployed and doing some serious job hunting. I may be meeting his parents if they come for his graduation but I’m not 100% sure if he’s going to graduation. His mom is also really sick with cancer and his dad takes care of her so I don’t know if she is healthy enough to fly or what. But I do want to meet them very much.
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Jan 18, 2018 20:41
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not ready posted:In sum, my international bf is running out of time to find a job and get a work visa after finishing his doctorate. Lately, he's been talking about just going back to his country. We've been together for over a year so of course this is quite upsetting. Really really bad idea. Don't get married unless you are actually ready to get married. I had pretty much the same scenario and it ended up being a nightmare. I had dated my girlfriend for about 2 years and the same thing came up. She decided she was just going to go back to her country and I came up with the idea that we just get married instead (like some weird middle ground where we were still dating but legally married). I figured it was a 50/50 chance anyways (although the fact that her first inclination was to go home should have been a huge red flag in retrospect). Needless to say it fell apart after about a year and she wanted to move across the country but still try to perpetuate the marriage. Since we still sort of got along and I am a dumbass I rolled with it for nearly 2 years until immigration got suspicious and pulled us in for an interview, which by the way was the scariest loving thing I've ever been through. She actually tried to talk me into lying for her but I refused and told them everything. In the end I almost got in trouble, the marriage didn't even net her a green card (she got one eventually on her own like a normal person) and I had to explain to people I dated for 2 years about how I was "sort of married but not" which they act cool with at first, but they aren't. It's a bad idea trust me. If he wanted a greencard that bad, or was that concerned with staying with you, he's be pursuing it, preferably on his own, not waffling around about it. veni veni veni fucked around with this message at 03:44 on Jan 19, 2018 |
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Jan 19, 2018 03:40
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I had a friend that had a Green Card marriage to a person he legitimately was in love with and wanted to marry. She wanted to get married in Germany but they had to get married here to get her the right to stay. I assure you, the process takes at least a year and you will be asked absurd questions. You will be asked for pictures of you together with a variety of scenarios. Who makes breakfast? Who gets up first? What side of the bed do you each sleep on? Who feeds the cat? Who does the dog like better? If the person who doesn't normally make breakfast makes breakfast, what do they make? Questions about slippers. Does your partner leave the TV on and fall asleep on the couch? Do they floss? Who picks the movies you watch? What side of the couch do you sit on? The interviews are done both together and separately. They are then compared. If the interviewer thinks it's BS, they'll catch you at the first question. They are extremely good. My buddy was pissing himself when he did the final interview. He had a full duffel bag (deployment bag size) of pictures, plane tickets, receipts, letters, bills, everything he could find in his house that supported that they were together and in love. The guy told him, "Relax, I knew you guys were good at the first interview." He then related to him how easy it was to tell if someone was scamming.
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Jan 19, 2018 04:06
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Keep in mind there will be months and months of waiting for various paperwork to be approved, even if everything goes well. My wife’s Green Card, which we applied for almost immediately after being married overseas, took about a year from start to finish. During that time she could not stay in the U.S.
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Jan 19, 2018 05:26
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OP username seems very applicable to this thread
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Jan 19, 2018 08:59
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not ready posted:Unfortunately, I don’t make enough money for an affidavit. Then you will have to find someone in the US who does make enough to co-sign on an affidavit of support (which means they will be legally on the hook for supporting him financially if need be). When I did this it was my American ex-wife's parents who did this. If you can't find someone to do this you are boned in any case. Consider visiting him in his country and getting to know his family a bit, at least, before kicking off the process. Even outside of marriage in itself being, y'know, a life long commitment to someone, the visa application is a long and expensive process - if you don't have much money, how are you planning to pay for the application fee?
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Jan 19, 2018 11:27
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That’s why I started this thread, to hear other people’s experience with the process and to see if it is a viable option for me. I figured it wasn’t before I asked but I like to learn all I can before making decisions. And you’re absolutely right, I can barely manage getting out of bed. Hence the username.
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Jan 22, 2018 01:01
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you should visit india and meet his family before you think about getting married, you won't get attacked and whether the marriage goes ahead or not it'll be a great experience
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Jan 22, 2018 01:26
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I would like to do that very much and I’ll do it the first opportunity I get.
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Jan 22, 2018 02:22
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Even a green card doesn't seem to buy you very much these days http://woodtv.com/2018/01/20/kzoo-doctor-detained-by-ice-after-40-years-in-us/
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Jan 22, 2018 04:31
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veni veni veni posted:Really really bad idea. Don't get married unless you are actually ready to get married. This is funny when reading OP username. not ready posted:Unfortunately, I don’t make enough money for an affidavit. I work part time in the mental health field. He’s currently unemployed and doing some serious job hunting. Not familiar with the process, but I suspect your part employment and his total unemployment wouldn't be a plus on an application?
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Jan 22, 2018 19:42
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I would argue that a lot of people who marry aren’t ready. Could be why the divorce rate is roughly 50% (in the US). Whether or not I’m ready is my personal choice. I agree that I’m probably not but I’m certainly not alone in that.
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Jan 23, 2018 00:48
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OP posts thread asking for opinions, doesn't get the opinions she wants to hear. "hey this is my personal choice!" Fwiw I posted this same thread, got the same responses, did it anyways and it was one of the worst decisions I've ever made. The fact that you are in an actual relationship with him, but neither one of you seems to have much interest in actually getting married, at least yet, is the most damning red flag I can think of. Maybe it works out, but if it doesn't, what happens then? Do you get divorced and he has to go home anyways? Or is he going to get attached to the idea of getting that green card and try to stay married even if after a break up, dragging you along for the ride? Who's in charge of cataloging the boxes of poo poo they are going to ask you to bring in and make sure it's legit? Are you ready to get grilled if immigration gets suspicious? I'd say unless you are 1000% sure you are going to stick with this guy for at least 3 more years, and are willing to live like it's an actual marriage that whole time, it's a really bad idea. It honestly makes more sense for platonic friends than dating couples to do this. There are too many things that could go wrong and to much potential for poo poo getting bad if it doesn't work out perfectly, when your personal feelings are involved. if he wants to stay in the country (which frankly he doesn't even sound that set on) doesn't he have other routes that he can pursue that don't end up potentially being a huge burden on both of you?
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Jan 23, 2018 01:59
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In trumps America, can you even do this without a job/skill? I’d be very surprised that it wouldn’t take years, full time jobs, and a bucket of cash tbh
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Jan 23, 2018 02:03
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Thanks for the post. That was actually the kind of poo poo I wanted to hear this whole time tbh. These are things I need to think about. Thanks for telling me. I shudder to think about Trump’s America.
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Jan 23, 2018 04:25
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His route of obtaining a green card is based on him getting a job. He needs a company to sponsor his work visa so he can get a green card. However, no one wants to hire him because he doesn’t have a green card. Classic bullshit.
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Jan 23, 2018 04:32
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I had a friend who was dating an Ethiopian girl when we were in college and she wad dependent pin her mouthy for status. Apparently three worth get mom feel apart and her dad was trying to arrange a sham marriage with a distant cousin, but for a variety of reasons the idea freaked her out and since they were already dating she came to visit and I stood witness along with a court clerk at a park in front of the courthouse for thier wedding. My friend had rationalized it by saying " The federal government basically told us to poo poo or get of the pot." I think they did love each otjer in the beginning but it was way too soon. He was a cill2ege student working full time at a fast food restaurant while they waited for her green card application to come thorough. It took ages, and meanwhile get was getting stressed and depressed over his workload between school and job ants she was depressed sitting around the house all day. They bickered. She split within a few months of getting permanent status and didn't even bother to do him the courtesy of a divorce. Years later when he wanted to marry someone else he had to file to divorce her with notice by publication due to abandonment because of not being able to reach her. It could have been So Much Worse if she had stuck around and dug hwr heels in about the divorce. As it was she made his life miserable for the two years they were together. And I am sure the situation sucked for her too. Don't do a green card marriage.
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Jan 23, 2018 06:44
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therobit posted:I had a friend who was dating an Ethiopian girl when we were in college and she wad dependent pin her mouthy for status. Apparently three worth get mom feel apart and her dad was trying to arrange a sham marriage with a distant cousin, but for a variety of reasons the idea freaked her out and since they were already dating she came to visit and I stood witness along with a court clerk at a park in front of the courthouse for thier wedding. I think I agree with the general sentiment of this post but I jammed a screwdriver through my head before I could finish reading it.
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Jan 23, 2018 07:16
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not ready posted:Unfortunately, I don’t make enough money for an affidavit. I work part time in the mental health field. He’s currently unemployed and doing some serious job hunting. Its possible to get co-sponsors for the financial thing, so parents or some such. So long as the feds see that there's some sort of safety net that isn't going to be tax based, since that's the main issue at hand to them.
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Jan 23, 2018 08:26
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Burt Sexual posted:In trumps America, can you even do this without a job/skill? I’d be very surprised that it wouldn’t take years, full time jobs, and a bucket of cash tbh Even before recent events, the TL;DR was 'we don't want you' 
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Jan 23, 2018 12:10
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veni veni veni posted:I think I agree with the general sentiment of this post but I jammed a screwdriver through my head before I could finish reading it. I thought it was just me.
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Jan 23, 2018 15:45
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not ready posted:His route of obtaining a green card is based on him getting a job. He needs a company to sponsor his work visa so he can get a green card. However, no one wants to hire him because he doesn’t have a green card. Classic bullshit. We hire and sponsor regularly. If he's not being hired it's not his lack of a green card - it's something else. (Candidates who want sponsorship are generally extremely highly skilled - if he's just average he's hosed as the sponsorship is at least $7k and lots of paperwork for the manager.) Second - I almost did what you are doing - except I had known the girl for over 7 years and been with her for 3. AND it was still a terrible idea and I backed out when I finally acknowledged how bad of an idea it was. Not only are you probably going to have to sign an affidavit of support - but your relationship will forever be tainted with the possibility that he's not that into you but fairly into staying in the US. For the record - I went through all the way to basically just getting married - all the immigration aspect was 100% sorted out. Feel free to PM me for details - but I really don't want this to be an E/N about my life's mistakes. Keyword - it's a mistake. Don't do it. My life would be VERY different had I gone through with it and not for the better. Edit: Also - since he's Indian - I can almost guarantee to you that his family will NEVER accept you. Of all the Indian coworkers I've had, none have ever been able to go against the family wishes as it would be absolutely scandalous. FileNotFound fucked around with this message at 17:53 on Jan 23, 2018 |
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Jan 23, 2018 17:51
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Thank you very much everyone for sharing your advice and experiences. You’ve given me a lot to think about.
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Jan 23, 2018 22:52
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