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Papa Emeritus III
Jul 7, 2017

[A MESSAGE FROM THE CLERGY]

Dat's Pussy Trap, bitch!

Deal with it.
You thought it was cool. It probably belonged to your mom. Who the gently caress knows. But you thought it was the biggest extension of your dick, EVER, and you just got that license.

Now that you're older, you laugh at that memory. So, what car was it? Make, model, story.

Mine was a 1974 Dodge Dart. This was in the late 2000s, so I clearly needed to do body work. The outside was nothing but primer color. The rear left fender was gone from rust but gently caress IT LETS PUT EXPANDING FOAM AND BONDO IN IT(a friend and I seriously did this). The seatbelts were gone because a friend cut them out to pull out the back seat for some reason. The passenger floor had a hole in it and that was covered with a cardboard square, then duct tape. It blew off the moment I drove, blew my friend's dress over her head. Along with a hidden stockpile of leaves. I nearly drove into a ditch while laughing.

I... have learned a lot since then. But what about you guys? What car was your first? What did you learn from it?

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Papa Emeritus III
Jul 7, 2017

[A MESSAGE FROM THE CLERGY]

Dat's Pussy Trap, bitch!

Deal with it.
I should add that I didn't get my license until 27. I found that gem of a car in an abandoned garage.

old beast lunatic
Nov 3, 2004

by Hand Knit
I got a 1986 ford tempo for 650 dollars in 1995. I learned that if my rear end in a top hat friend kicks the rear quarter panel some sensor thinks the car is in an accident and shuts off the gas line. It cost more than the car for me to learn this.

mind the walrus
Sep 22, 2006

1999 Jeep Grand Cherokee. It was basic af but it only had $40k miles. I planned to run that sucker into the ground. Then some 16 year-old took a turn too fast, rear-ended me, and totaled it.

ClamdestineBoyster
Aug 15, 2015
Probation
Can't post for 10 years!

Papa Emeritus III posted:

. It blew off the moment I drove, blew my friend's dress over her head.


Whoa, did you see her pussy? :staredog:

Egbert Souse
Nov 6, 2008

First car was a 1989 Honda Civic. Got it for cheap because it had an inch of nicotine stains on the inside that took a whole day to clean out.

ltugo
Aug 10, 2004

If there was a grading scale for torture I would give sleep deprivation and waterboarding a C-.
1988 Dodge Colt, manual trans. But I don't really count that one because I only drove it for four days. The bank wouldn't sign off on the financing that the dealership sent them because I was a resident of the state for fewer than six months. So I had to give the car back, and the REAL first car I ever owned had to wait a few months. . . .

1993 Honda Accord EX automatic. Bought it off my parents. Beautiful car, low miles. Unfortunately I brought it with me to Baltimore when I got my first apartment and it got stolen twice. I found out later that exact same make, model, year, and trim level were at the very TOP of the "most stolen" list. I traded it in for a 1998 VW Golf with another manual and never had that problem again.

bradzilla
Oct 15, 2004

1993 Mercury Topaz. I didn't think it was cool because it wasn't. It was a piece of poo poo that my dad basically made me buy for $750.

Blue Raider
Sep 2, 2006

1973 pontiac firebird

mind the walrus
Sep 22, 2006

bradzilla posted:

1993 Mercury Topaz. I didn't think it was cool because it wasn't. It was a piece of poo poo that my dad basically made me buy for $750.
Holy poo poo you had "that" 90s car. I never knew the type because I don't study mechanical horse-pushers. That's the car you see in GTA when you're in a crap neighborhood after crashing your Stinger.

china bot
Sep 7, 2014

you listen HERE pal
SAY GOODBYE TO TELEPHONE SEX
Plaster Town Cop

Egbert Souse posted:

First car was a 1989 Honda Civic. Got it for cheap because it had an inch of nicotine stains on the inside that took a whole day to clean out.

:hfive: my first car was a 93 Honda Civic that I bought from a friend of the family for $400. learned how to drive stick shift in it. it exploded the day after I sold it :rip:

Big Beef City
Aug 15, 2013

1986 baby blue Ford Thunderbird.
Loved that car. 30 foot long doors and built like a drat tank

Blue Raider
Sep 2, 2006

Big Beef City posted:

1986 baby blue Ford Thunderbird.
Loved that car. 30 foot long doors and built like a drat tank

that son bitch is a land yacht

20 Blunts
Jan 21, 2017
1999 Toyota Corolla w./ manual transmission. Simple, ran well, looked decent. Was hoping to get much more time out of it but somebody blew a stop sign and T-Boned the living gently caress out of me. RIP

Nooner
Mar 26, 2011

AN A+ OPSTER (:
'94 ford taurus that was originally my grandmas then my dads after she passed then my sisters once she was driving age and then mine once i was old enough to drive. by the time i got it, was a coffin on wheels and I am super lucky I never died when it would do things like suddenly turn off while im in the middle of an intersection.

Gotta say it was sturdy as gently caress tho, got rear ended by a lady doing about 40 who didnt speak english had no insurance and gave me a fake phone number and address so I had to cover the repairs myself. Just used a wood block to hammer out the dent and found new taillight at a junk yard for like $30. Her front end was fubar

bradzilla
Oct 15, 2004

mind the walrus posted:

Holy poo poo you had "that" 90s car. I never knew the type because I don't study mechanical horse-pushers. That's the car you see in GTA when you're in a crap neighborhood after crashing your Stinger.

God, it was such an ugly piece of poo poo. It had over 200k miles. The roof leaked. There were cigarette burns all over the driver's seat. It sounded like a lawn mower and lasted under a year.

Cannon_Fodder
Jul 17, 2007

"Hey, where did Steve go?"
Design by Kamoc
1998 Taurus (not the SHO).

Got it for just under 2k in 2004.

Once you got past 2nd gear, the RPMs went into the red zone and the car would buck like a loving mule as it punched into the next gear.

Used to spin the tires on the pavement going nearly 40mph.

One day the serpentine belt broke while I was on the highway. First, I lost power brakes, then power steering, then lights came on all over the dash. Before I got to the next exit, all my liquids boiled over and this ooze started leaking up the windshield all over the loving place. Good times.


Funniest memory: I got pulled over racing my friend across the state. Cop asks "do you know how fast you were going?"
"No, the speedometer only goes to 85" (it kept clicking over at that point, so prob 95ish-100mph)

Best memory: after breaking down and waiting for hours for the roadside assistance dude, we were in the middle of loving nowhere and I got to see the Northern Lights. :3: It's been over a decade and I still haven't been able to catch'em again.

Zippy the Bummer
Dec 14, 2008

Silent Majority
The Don
LORD COMMANDER OF THE UKRAINIAN ARMED FORCES
1988 Buick Skylark, burgundy red. My grandma left it to me when she died, and never really drove it. That car was beautiful.

The engine was janky as gently caress and if it wasn't warmed up it would die constantly. I learned how to prevent this by being a soft touch with the accelerator and literally feeling how the engine was vibrating through the steering column. My friends in college would always ask to borrow it for a trip into town but they never learned how to drive it without killing it. None of them could make it out of the dorm parking lot.

I sold it for scrap when the head cracked, it gave me many years of good service and I drove all over the east coast in that thing. Lovely car :unsmith:

bring back old gbs
Feb 28, 2007

by LITERALLY AN ADMIN
1994 ford tempo, red.

Mozi
Apr 4, 2004

Forms change so fast
Time is moving past
Memory is smoke
Gonna get wider when I die
Nap Ghost
2003 green Honda CRV. great car

Papa Emeritus III
Jul 7, 2017

[A MESSAGE FROM THE CLERGY]

Dat's Pussy Trap, bitch!

Deal with it.

old beast lunatic posted:

I got a 1986 ford tempo for 650 dollars in 1995. I learned that if my rear end in a top hat friend kicks the rear quarter panel some sensor thinks the car is in an accident and shuts off the gas line. It cost more than the car for me to learn this.

Sorry. Just coming back and holy gently caress. :stare:

ClamdestineBoyster posted:

Whoa, did you see her pussy? :staredog:

:smug:

Pussy Trap, BITCH

shovelbum
Oct 21, 2010

Fun Shoe
98 Civic in the mid 2000s, not a bad car really but it has the goofy CVT transmission so it's super slow. I still drive it because I'm cheap and cars are expensive but it's long in the tooth now and really trashed from when I was using it for work.

spinderella
Jul 15, 2017

by FactsAreUseless
Copied from another thread; this Pinto was my first car.



After I (barely) graduated, my mom kicked me out of the house and I moved in with my first boyfriend. We were living in an apartment and I'd started my first full time job. I was 19, and still not driving because I could bike to work and my boyfriend drove us everywhere; I hadn't bothered to get my license yet. Rita found this out from a phone call, and a few weeks later showed up followed by her husband.

She'd been driving a beat up duck poop green Ford Pinto for years, sometimes using it to haul hay, but she'd finally gotten another car and insisted that I take it for free and get my license. So Rita even gave me my first car, it was rear end ugly and stunk, but never broke down.

Ralph Hurley
Aug 3, 2009

:barf::sweep::zoid:



1988 Ford Taurus, white. Ah, memories.
Got it new on my 16th birthday. By the time I left for college it was pretty trashed from teenage partying. Puke stains, cig burns, dents and dings and general abuse. Interior stank like coconuts because of this dumb spray we would douse it with to cover up the pot smell.

The car had a cool hidden feature, you could pull out the entire back seat and hide stuff under it. On several occasions, baggies of weed and bottles of booze that were stashed under there remained undiscovered even after being rummaged by cops.

Me and a girl I was seeing lost our virginity to each other in the back seat after a graduation party.

One time I was driving by myself way out in the middle of nowhere and I took a wrong turn and got completely lost. I got stupidly angry at myself and punched the center of the steering wheel, which caused the horn to jam. Feeling even stupider, I drove down some country gently caress road with the horn blaring and I couldn't stop it. If you ever want people to just panic and pull over to let you pass, just lay on the horn and don't let up as you come up behind them. The whole center part of the steering wheel had to be removed to stop the horn. I was such a loving idiot. I (my parents) had to order the replacement steering wheel center part from Ford which took several weeks. In the mean time I drove it around with no horn but I discovered I could improvise by touching a penny to the metal contacts. It's not quite as satisfying to honk at someone if you have to rummage through a pile of change fiirst.



she's a beaut

Mr. Meagles
Apr 30, 2004

Out here, everything hurts


$500 for this Porsche 924



It's hard to describe how terrible that car was.

I would take any of the cars listed so far over it in a heartbeat.

Papa Emeritus III
Jul 7, 2017

[A MESSAGE FROM THE CLERGY]

Dat's Pussy Trap, bitch!

Deal with it.

Tom Gorman posted:

$500 for this Porsche 924



It's hard to describe how terrible that car was.

I would take any of the cars listed so far over it in a heartbeat.

Whhhaaaaaaaat

Capri Sun Tzu
Oct 24, 2017

by Reene
When I was 16 my dad gave me his old ('94-95?) Jeep Cherokee with 260k miles on it for my first car, with the stipulation that if I wanted to drive it I would have to go out and get a job to pay for gas and insurance. When I went to college I sold it for $200

Papa Emeritus III
Jul 7, 2017

[A MESSAGE FROM THE CLERGY]

Dat's Pussy Trap, bitch!

Deal with it.

Ralph Hurley posted:

1988 Ford Taurus, white. Ah, memories.
Got it new on my 16th birthday. By the time I left for college it was pretty trashed from teenage partying. Puke stains, cig burns, dents and dings and general abuse. Interior stank like coconuts because of this dumb spray we would douse it with to cover up the pot smell.

The car had a cool hidden feature, you could pull out the entire back seat and hide stuff under it. On several occasions, baggies of weed and bottles of booze that were stashed under there remained undiscovered even after being rummaged by cops.

Me and a girl I was seeing lost our virginity to each other in the back seat after a graduation party.

One time I was driving by myself way out in the middle of nowhere and I took a wrong turn and got completely lost. I got stupidly angry at myself and punched the center of the steering wheel, which caused the horn to jam. Feeling even stupider, I drove down some country gently caress road with the horn blaring and I couldn't stop it. If you ever want people to just panic and pull over to let you pass, just lay on the horn and don't let up as you come up behind them. The whole center part of the steering wheel had to be removed to stop the horn. I was such a loving idiot. I (my parents) had to order the replacement steering wheel center part from Ford which took several weeks. In the mean time I drove it around with no horn but I discovered I could improvise by touching a penny to the metal contacts. It's not quite as satisfying to honk at someone if you have to rummage through a pile of change fiirst.



she's a beaut

This sounds exactly like my buick regal. 1994

That thing would randomly die, in terms of electrical current and I had no idea why. Eventually it began to smell like fuel so I stopped driving it

spinderella
Jul 15, 2017

by FactsAreUseless

I know. It might be too small to have sex in, but it's cute
:confused:

Maybe a humblebrag. :colbert:

twit666
Nov 16, 2006

Soiled Meat
A 1977 Pacer. "The Fishbowl"

Papa Emeritus III
Jul 7, 2017

[A MESSAGE FROM THE CLERGY]

Dat's Pussy Trap, bitch!

Deal with it.

Spinster posted:

I know. It might be too small to have sex in, but it's cute
:confused:

Maybe a humblebrag. :colbert:

Put the bitch on the floorboard!

If I can have sex on a Tilt-A-Whirl....

spinderella
Jul 15, 2017

by FactsAreUseless

twit666 posted:

A 1977 Pacer. "The Fishbowl"

I had one of these, the visibility was incredible. I felt safer driving it due to this.

Beard Dandruff
May 10, 2017

Want to win a consultation with Tiffany? Click
here.
My parents made me get a job so I could buy my half brothers 1990 camaro. When I first opened it I found a white snake album resting on the back seat. Honestly It was a pretty cool car and I miss it at times, but I've never been big into cars so it was wasted on me. Now I drive a prius.

Papa Emeritus III
Jul 7, 2017

[A MESSAGE FROM THE CLERGY]

Dat's Pussy Trap, bitch!

Deal with it.

Spinster posted:

Copied from another thread; this Pinto was my first car.



After I (barely) graduated, my mom kicked me out of the house and I moved in with my first boyfriend. We were living in an apartment and I'd started my first full time job. I was 19, and still not driving because I could bike to work and my boyfriend drove us everywhere; I hadn't bothered to get my license yet. Rita found this out from a phone call, and a few weeks later showed up followed by her husband.

She'd been driving a beat up duck poop green Ford Pinto for years, sometimes using it to haul hay, but she'd finally gotten another car and insisted that I take it for free and get my license. So Rita even gave me my first car, it was rear end ugly and stunk, but never broke down.

This is cute. :allears:

Mr. Meagles
Apr 30, 2004

Out here, everything hurts



have you ever been driving down the highway at 70mph and try to turn but the car just doesn't do it

has your entire dashboard fallen off while you're driving because it's made of the shittiest plastic of all time

have you ever tried to get parts for a 924, or tried to find someone who knows how to fix one

it took me like 8 months to find a fuel pump. this was before the internet.

there's a reason top gear makes fun of this thing so much

yeah I eat ass
Mar 14, 2005

only people who enjoy my posting can replace this avatar
Mine was a 1987 ford escort station wagon. I learned that people are not impressed by station wagons and the first time i got pulled over for speeding the cop told me to call my grandmother, she wants her car back and then gave me a ticket.

Papa Emeritus III
Jul 7, 2017

[A MESSAGE FROM THE CLERGY]

Dat's Pussy Trap, bitch!

Deal with it.

Tom Gorman posted:

have you ever been driving down the highway at 70mph and try to turn but the car just doesn't do it

has your entire dashboard fallen off while you're driving because it's made of the shittiest plastic of all time

have you ever tried to get parts for a 924, or tried to find someone who knows how to fix one

it took me like 8 months to find a fuel pump. this was before the internet.

there's a reason top gear makes fun of this thing so much

:stare:

Rad-daddio
Apr 25, 2017
1978 Ford Granada.

I bought it off my mom's boss' mother when she got too old to drive. It was kept in the desert, and aside from a couple of leaky gaskets it ran great. Also, since it was literally owned by a little old lady who only drove it to church once a week, it had 34k miles on it and was basically new except for the bad paint.

Fun story, I was in an auto parts store buying a new power steering pump for it when I ran into this guy who used to make fun of my car. His mommy and daddy gave him the keys to a new BMW when he turned 16, and he acted just about how you'd think he would. He got into drugs and his fam disowned him. He was in the store trying to buy a power steering pump for his (now abused and barely functional) BMW also.

BMW PS pump: 450.00

Ford Granada PS pump: 24.99

Fucker was dirt cheap to work on, and chicks loved the fact that it felt like driving a couch.

Rolo
Nov 16, 2005

Hmm, what have we here?
1994 Toyota Camry. I’m certain it’s still out there somewhere smelling funky and refusing to break.

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Papa Emeritus III
Jul 7, 2017

[A MESSAGE FROM THE CLERGY]

Dat's Pussy Trap, bitch!

Deal with it.

yeah I eat rear end posted:

Mine was a 1987 ford escort station wagon. I learned that people are not impressed by station wagons and the first time i got pulled over for speeding the cop told me to call my grandmother, she wants her car back and then gave me a ticket.

lolololol

My grandmother, in Germany, had a small Volkswagen. It had these sticks that would slide out at random instead of when we stopped. They were supposed to be turn signals. We called them "dummy sticks" or "machts nichts" sticks.

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