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a neat cape
Feb 22, 2007

Aw hunny, these came out GREAT!
I have been tasked to use my expertise on the NFL to rank the Quarterbacks for this upcoming season. I am far better at this than Chris Simms or Dan Orlovsky and can prove it by pointing out that I never left an NFL game because my spleen hurt, and I also never ran out of the back of an endzone during an NFL game. These are facts I can prove.

We all know that QBs are the most important player, and contrary to popular belief, are indeed the best. If you do not have one of the good ones you suck. I don't care how good your defense is or how good your receivers are. Look at Denver.

I am going to rank the 32 starting QBs this year going into september. Rookies will all be at the bottom and I don't care if you don't think they should be, so shut up.

In cases where we do not know who the starting QB will be, I will pick the veteran or incumbent from last year. This is my list.

Here we go.


1. Patrick Mahomes - Kansas City
2. Aaron Rodgers - Green Bay
3. Russell Wilson - Seattle
4. Lamar Jackson - Baltimore
5. Tom Brady - Tampa Bay
6. Josh Allen - Buffalo
7. Matt Stafford - Los Angeles Rams
8. Deshaun Watson - Houston
9. Justin Herbert - Los Angeles Chargers
10. Dak Prescott - Dallas
11. Ryan Tannehill - Tennessee
12. Baker Mayfield - Cleveland
13. Kirk Cousins - Minnesota
14. Derek Carr - Las Vegas
15. Kyler Murray - Arizona
16. Joe Burrow - Cincinnati
17. Ryan Fitzpatrick - Washington
18. Matt Ryan - Atlanta
19. Andy Dalton - Chicago
20. Tua Tagovailoa - Miami
21. Jimmy Garapalo - San Francisco
22. Jameis Winston - New Orleans
23. Ben Roethlisberger - Pittsburgh
24. Drew Lock - Denver
25. Daniel Jones - New York Giants
26. Jared Goff - Detroit
27. Cam Newton - New England
28. Jalen Hurts - Philadelphia
29. Sam Darnold - Carolina
30. Jacob Eason (?????) - Indianapolis
31. Trevor Lawrence - Jacksonville
32. Zach Wilson - New York Jets

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Blitz of 404 Error
Sep 19, 2007

Joe Biden is a top 15 president
Good list Ross

a neat cape
Feb 22, 2007

Aw hunny, these came out GREAT!
Thank you I put a lot of thought into it

Metapod
Mar 18, 2012
Flip carr and Murray so I can say the carrbage line tia

Cavauro
Jan 9, 2008

Commenting on the rankings. NOT an argument. Simple comments.

a neat cape posted:

1. Patrick Mahomes - Kansas City
Agree.

a neat cape posted:

2. Aaron Rodgers - Green Bay
Agree.

a neat cape posted:

3. Russell Wilson - Seattle
Agree.

a neat cape posted:

4. Lamar Jackson - Baltimore
Agree.

a neat cape posted:

5. Tom Brady - Tampa Bay
Agree.

a neat cape posted:

6. Josh Allen - Buffalo
Agree.

a neat cape posted:

7. Matt Stafford - Los Angeles Rams
Would say 9

a neat cape posted:

8. Deshaun Watson - Houston
Agree.

a neat cape posted:

9. Justin Herbert - Los Angeles Chargers
Would say 7

a neat cape posted:

10. Dak Prescott - Dallas
Agree.

a neat cape posted:

11. Ryan Tannehill - Tennessee
Agree.

a neat cape posted:

12. Baker Mayfield - Cleveland
Agree.

a neat cape posted:

13. Kirk Cousins - Minnesota
Agree.

a neat cape posted:

14. Derek Carr - Las Vegas
Agree.

a neat cape posted:

15. Kyler Murray - Arizona
Agree.

a neat cape posted:

16. Joe Burrow - Cincinnati
Agree.

a neat cape posted:

17. Ryan Fitzpatrick - Washington
Agree.

a neat cape posted:

18. Matt Ryan - Atlanta
Agree.

a neat cape posted:

19. Andy Dalton - Chicago
Agree.

a neat cape posted:

20. Tua Tagovailoa - Miami
Agree.

a neat cape posted:

21. Jimmy Garapalo - San Francisco
Agree.

a neat cape posted:

22. Jameis Winston - New Orleans
Agree.

a neat cape posted:

23. Ben Roethlisberger - Pittsburgh
Agree.

a neat cape posted:

24. Drew Lock - Denver
Agree.

a neat cape posted:

25. Daniel Jones - New York Giants
Agree.

a neat cape posted:

26. Jared Goff - Detroit
Agree.

a neat cape posted:

27. Cam Newton - New England
Agree.

a neat cape posted:

28. Jalen Hurts - Philadelphia
Agree.

a neat cape posted:

29. Sam Darnold - Carolina
Agree.

a neat cape posted:

30. Jacob Eason (?????) - Indianapolis
Agree.

a neat cape posted:

31. Trevor Lawrence - Jacksonville
Agree.

a neat cape posted:

32. Zach Wilson - New York Jets
Agree.

kiimo
Jul 24, 2003

Apparently what is impossible for all sports media is a breeze for Ross.

I can’t say that I disagree with anything

Darth Brooks
Jan 15, 2005

I do not wear this mask to protect me. I wear it to protect you from me.

a neat cape posted:

13. Kirk Cousins - Minnesota

The tendency is to crap on Cousins for being mercenary white bread but he has a good deep ball. This season (assuming he doesn't get Covid and die) should be a good chance to see how he'll do with what could be a better than average team.

Chucktesla
Jul 13, 2014


Ye

Quiet Feet
Dec 14, 2009

THE HELL IS WITH THIS ASS!?





*Bursting into thread waving my "we're number 28" foam finger*


Darth Brooks posted:

The tendency is to crap on Cousins for being mercenary white bread but he has a good deep ball. This season (assuming he doesn't get Covid and die) should be a good chance to see how he'll do with what could be a better than average team.

Hasn't he already had that though? Legitimately asking here. From the outside looking in Cousins has always had a pair of good receivers and has had Cook in the backfield for the last couple of years. Did they upgrade their O line at all?

Phobeste
Apr 9, 2006

never, like, count out Touchdown Tom, man
The quarterback ranked at number 5, Tom Brady, will be the one who wins this year's Super Bowl, which will be his eighth, just like he did last year.

sweet thursday
Sep 16, 2012

Darth Brooks posted:

The tendency is to crap on Cousins for being mercenary white bread but he has a good deep ball. This season (assuming he doesn't get Covid and die) should be a good chance to see how he'll do with what could be a better than average team.
He's had decent offenses and moments of opportunity to shine. What he did with those moments is he folded like a wet napkin on a deck chair on the Titanic

Quiet Feet
Dec 14, 2009

THE HELL IS WITH THIS ASS!?





Case Cookus is the Aldi brand Kirk Cousins.

Mr. Nice!
Oct 13, 2005

c-spam cannot afford



:lol: Dak at 10 behind people like Herbert, Allen, and Stafford.

Magicpants
Sep 15, 2011


Certified Poster
I hate to be the one to do this, but my conscience won't let me stay silent. Some of these rankings are inaccurate.

Raku
Nov 7, 2012

Every good gift and every perfect gift is from above, coming down from the Father of lights with whom there is no variation or shadow due to change.

Roll Tide
I would put Dak at 4, Brady at 5, and Watson in prison

Mr. Nice!
Oct 13, 2005

c-spam cannot afford



Raku posted:

I would put Dak at 4, Brady at 5, and Watson in prison

:hmmyes:

blarzgh
Apr 14, 2009

SNITCHIN' RANDY
Grimey Drawer
Dak Prescott is a top 5 QB.

fartknocker
Oct 28, 2012


Damn it, this always happens. I think I'm gonna score, and then I never score. It's not fair.



Wedge Regret

Raku posted:

I would put Brady and Watson in prison

blarzgh
Apr 14, 2009

SNITCHIN' RANDY
Grimey Drawer
Prior to putting up historic numbers in 2020:

Top 3 passer

Dak Prescott - 2019

#2 Passing Yards
#6 YPA
#3 NY/At
#4 QBR
#3 PAA (Points Contributed
#3 EPA
#2 Clutch-weighted Passing
https://www.espn.com/nfl/qbr/_/sort/cwepaTotal/dir/desc


#7 On Target %
#5 Catchable %
#7 On Target %
#6 Lowest Bad Throw %
#2 CPAY
#4 CPAY/Att
#3 CPAY/Cmp
https://www.pro-football-reference.com/years/2019/passing_advanced.htm

Also, drat near every one of those numbers is negatively impacted by WR Drops, and he still ranked top of the league in all of them
#1 Total Drops - Dallas Cowboys WRs
#2 Drop % - Dallas Cowboys WRs


Top 5 D Deep Ball Passer

On passes thrown at least 20 yards downfield, in 2019
- 46.1% completion percentage
- 15.2 yards per attempt
- 110.2 Passer Rating
- Dak Prescott - Ranked #4
https://www.pff.com/news/nfl-ranking-all-32-nfl-quarterbacks-deep-passing


Best Running QB

No, it's not Lamar Jackson. It's Dak Prescott:
https://twitter.com/CowboysStats/status/1258573557677854725?s=09

Dak has compiled 48 points added on designed runs in his career - an average of 20 rushes per season. That's less than 2 per game.

Lamar Jackson added 38 points on 250 rushes.


Oh, do you prefer WINZZZ??
through 2019 Dak had won 40 regular season games (with one playoff win), won two NFC East titles, appeared in two playoff games, set a franchise record with an 11-game winning streak.

Those 40 wins through his first four seasons are the 5th most by any QB in history, and come with the 7th best passer rating, and 6th best completion percentage in history through the first 4 seasons. He also set an NFL record for most completed passes without throwing an interception (breaking Tom Brady's record), and won ROY.

Quiet Feet
Dec 14, 2009

THE HELL IS WITH THIS ASS!?






No, put them in a jar and shake it and make them fight.

Phobeste
Apr 9, 2006

never, like, count out Touchdown Tom, man

blarzgh posted:

Tom Brady

blarzgh
Apr 14, 2009

SNITCHIN' RANDY
Grimey Drawer
https://twitter.com/CowboysStats/status/1413936717816639495?s=20

Phobeste
Apr 9, 2006

never, like, count out Touchdown Tom, man
Pretty crazy what rooting for a team that hasn't had a successful season for going on 30 years can do to somebody

Mystic Stylez
Dec 19, 2009

People really out here arguing Dak is a better runner than Lamar

Blitz of 404 Error
Sep 19, 2007

Joe Biden is a top 15 president

This metric chose below age 30 as a cutuff to exclude Derek Carr as he is a tier 2 QB and the tweet wouldn't pass the eye test

Blitz of 404 Error
Sep 19, 2007

Joe Biden is a top 15 president
Actually I'm starting to think Carr is a little low on the list

Mystic Stylez
Dec 19, 2009

A very good list, would only change Tom Brady and put him at #3 and Deshaun Watson at #4 but he is a rapist piece of poo poo so gently caress him

Mr. Nice!
Oct 13, 2005

c-spam cannot afford



Mystic Stylez posted:

People really out here arguing Dak is a better runner than Lamar

He is. :colbert:

Cavauro
Jan 9, 2008

please stop being difficult in the thread.

ChocolatePancake
Feb 25, 2007
Drew Lock is a bit high.

Metapod
Mar 18, 2012
Ross how many spots would tannehill be able to gain if during this year's playoffs he won a game by playing okay rather than the team carrying his diaper?

GNU Order
Feb 28, 2011

That's a paddlin'

Ross thank you for compiling this list but, in my personal opinion, none of your rankings are correct at all

a neat cape
Feb 22, 2007

Aw hunny, these came out GREAT!

Metapod posted:

Ross how many spots would tannehill be able to gain if during this year's playoffs he won a game by playing okay rather than the team carrying his diaper?

It would depend on how he played all season. The playoffs are a very limited sample size. If he plays well all season then he can probably approach the top 10.

I also put a lot of stock into 2030, which is why Dak is rather low.

Acebuckeye13
Nov 2, 2010


If you or someone you know has a gambling problem, crisis counseling and referral services can be accessed by calling
1-800-GAMBLER


Ultra Carp

Mr. Nice! posted:

:lol: Dak at 10 behind people like Herbert, Allen, and Stafford.

Stafford is an extremely good QB and I am excited to see what he does this year now that's he's escaped the hellpit that is the Lions.

a neat cape
Feb 22, 2007

Aw hunny, these came out GREAT!
Yeah I have zero hesitation about ranking Stafford that high now that he's on the Rams with that supporting cast and coach

GOOD TIMES ON METH
Mar 17, 2006

Fun Shoe
Thank you for the list. I agree with Dak's placement on this list. All the QBs above him are better.

My only change is that I would move Baker down at least for now since he really feels like a product of his surrounding team and is terribly inconsistent when ever I see the Browns play. I would rather have Kyler or Carr or maybe Burrow if he is healthy.

kiimo
Jul 24, 2003

Mystic Stylez posted:

People really out here arguing Dak is a better runner than Lamar

and a better anything than Josh Allen

blarzgh
Apr 14, 2009

SNITCHIN' RANDY
Grimey Drawer
Recency Bias is a helluva drug

LiquidFriend
Apr 5, 2005

Dear ROSS,

Let me tell you why your list needs work!

It's actually fine.

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MrLogan
Feb 4, 2004

Ask me about Derek Carr's stolen MVP awards, those dastardly refs, and, oh yeah, having the absolute worst fucking gimmick in The Football Funhouse.
I'd like to remind people that both Dak and Stafford suck. Garbage time stats that make you good in fanty don't make you a good NFL QB.

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