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Jossar posted:My hope is for some kind of hybrid Occitanian/Catalonian kingdom reaching across the Pyrenees, ruled from Toulouse, but I feel like I am often disappointed by Southern France's independent initiative when it comes to these games. I'm going to wish on a star for Scotland to do something crazy and hilarious with all this chaos, personally.
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Feb 4, 2024 05:34
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VideoWitch posted:How old is Amalie at this point anyways? I'm a little worried she might not live to see the end of the war. Only 48, I'm sure there's plenty of wars ahead for her  Hellioning posted:I don't care about England, I just want a timeline with no France for once. Why not both? The Holy Roman Empire's borders should stretch from the Atlantic to the Black Sea, just as God intended. Regarding France's future, having played forward another decade or so almost all of France is already swallowed up by the HRE, with the Kaiser granting the kingdoms of Burgundy and Aquitaine to the larger vassals
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Feb 4, 2024 11:01
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I think it was the long-ago Azerbaijan LP? where France imploded early and eventually Burgundy ended up conquering a France-shaped empire in its place.
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Feb 4, 2024 12:47
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Crisis Now posted:Only 48, I'm sure there's plenty of wars ahead for her Huh, I was convinced that she had to be in her mid-late 50s, minimum. Truly, so much packed into one well-lived life. quote:Regarding France's future, having played forward another decade or so almost all of France is already swallowed up by the HRE, with the Kaiser granting the kingdoms of Burgundy and Aquitaine to the larger vassals Booo! Ah well, let the Kaiser have his reunited Charlemagne-esque HRE, I'm sure it'll all explode again at some point.
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Feb 4, 2024 14:49
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I love how Amalie's husband looks utterly devastated every time she gets pregnant. Perhaps this is why she was mourning him for like 20 minutes. His totally not dates with totally just a heterosexual friend definitely did not helped.
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Feb 6, 2024 00:20
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5 - 1094 - 1099 - Norman Yoke Four years ago, as I rode back from Wurzburg to Castle Biel after being granted the Thank God for the English, now I have a new purpose. Drive them out of the mainland and secure the new expanding borders of the Empire. Most significantly, right here at home, Aosta has been inherited by Norman Countess Rosalind, loyal to King William. Thankfully our dear Rudolf of Bern has legitimate claims to this land, claims we must press before the English can be allowed to gain any more power in the Alps.  Our daughter-in-laws from across the Empire join in our fight, but this fight of ours comes something much larger - we are fighting for more than just a single castle in the mountains, this is the start of a continent wide struggle to see the increasing English influence in Imperial matters stemmed.  We move the army south from Freiburg, picking up fresh soldiers from Castle Biel (but for the first time there is no Humbert to visit), and march on Aosta while Savoy and Piedmont guard the entries to the mountain pass.   The Dutch are the first to join our cause, a messenger from the north arrives on horseback informing us the army of Duke Dirk V will be with us within a month.  But before they can arrive, the English have already regrouped after the sudden loss of the last war when Duke Dietrich was captured in battle, and King William is leading them himself to oppose us.  Steyermark also joins our side in the war, but first we will have to survive the first battle if the war is to continue with their aid.  We break off the siege of Aosta and move north to set up a defensive position with Duchess Ermesinde and our second son Christropher leading the Savoy armies, sending a messenger south to tell the Piedmontese to come through the pass to reinforce us at once.       The Lotharingians side with the English once more, and as soon as the negotiations were over and Dietrich released from the Swabians imprisonment, went straight back to fighting at King William's side, entering the battle halfway through, but thankfully the Piedmontese arrived to save us and though a thousand of our men may have fallen over double that of the enemy lost their lives in Martigny and they are forced to retreat.  Dutch and Bavarian armies arrive to aid us in the renewed siege of Aosta, along with messengers from French counts newly incorporated into the Empire, eager to find new friends to help with their own struggles in former France.   As well as the Italian city states.  My third boy, Heinrich, comes of age and can fulfil his betrothal to Countess Jutta of Wurttemberg, who is conveniently right with us in the siege of Aosta. There is little time and gold available for any grand wedding, they can be wed right here in the siege camp.  We are some months into the siege, and the English have licked their wounds and are approaching again from the Duchy of Normandy with renewed vigour.  More worryingly though we appear to have enemies within our realm as well as beyond as it becomes to light that someone is attempting to murder my commander Manegold, perhaps someone displeased that I have allowed such a position to a former peasant.  Once again, the English army is being led by the King himself. We could not find him in the brawl of the Battle of Martigny, perhaps we shall finally face him in the next fight. What a delight it would be to slay a King.  But instead of facing us head on once more, the English stop at the edge of the Alps and begin to assault the Savoyese border settlements.  By April of 1095 Aosta has fallen, now under occupation of Savoy troops, while we move to repulse the English from the border of Savoy.   Before we can reach them however they have captured Geneva and begun moving in deeper to the Mountains. The English become aware of our approach and try to cut us off.   Outside of the town of Thonon, on the southern shore of Lake Geneva we encounter the English preparing their defensive position - many thousands strong- and they almost certainly notice us -just shy of one thousand soldiers-. They probably expected us to await the rest of our army before moving in to engage their overwhelmingly strong force. They would be wrong.    We take the English defenders by surprise, and ferociously as we may be, a thousand against four thousand - growing to seven thousand-, there is only so long that we can put up the fight, and before long half of our men have fallen. And then my daughter-in-laws and sons arrive with the Savoy and Piedmont armies.    And then our newfound allies from across the Empire join in the battle by day's end.    The Battle of Thonon-les-Bains becomes the largest of the Anglo-Germannic Conflict so far with over 15,000 soldiers participating, and once again double their numbers fall to ours, the English retreat again. It is a great victory for our cause, but still coming at a cost with a number of Imperial lords falling in battle, though we manage to capture a few powerful English dukes in the process.   The English may have been pushed back again but the Lotharingians are still present in the area, we cross into English-held Burgundy to either try and attack them or assault any forts on the way.  As the conflict rages, more French lords willingly join the Empire. I would like to think it is because of our victories and showing the strength of the Empire, but L'anarchie currently consuming the former Kingdom of France is making the surviving counts and dukes desperate and any hope of reforming the Kingdom will not be possible in their lifetimes, they must join England or the Holy Roman Empire or lose their lands and titles.  The Lotharingians fled back across The Rhine into friendly territory and so instead we begin the siege of Besancon. Bresse, Dole and Besancon now all fall under the domain of Duke Guillaume III 'the Tyrant' of Kent, and though not the subject of our current war, weakening them now will make it easier to liberate from their Norman yoke in the future wars to come. Meanwhile the English are back in the Alps.  News of our victories are certainly spreading across the Empire, and more lords of the Lowlands flock to our banners. The Duke of Luxembourg marking the last major contributor to our side of the conflict.  The opposing sides in the 1090s wars.  New Year's 1096 rolls around and Besancon is under our control, however the English are making headway into the Alps and we must put a stop to their advance.  And of course, we have a King to face.   We circle around occupied Geneva, heading straight for King William's army, but this time, they do not wait for us to come to them, charging us head on and catching us just south of the city.   Thankfully our allies are not far behind and quickly join the fray.      Try as I might, hacking my way through ranks of English levies and surging toward any of their knights who looked to be a commander in any form, I could not find The Bastard. The English retreat for a third time, our men hail it another great victory, but it is all hollow while William remains unopposed.  There is little time to sulk, our new French allies need help back in Burgundy, as the retreating English armies came across Count Aymon's force.  We arrive and quickly put down the English stragglers from the Battle of Geneva, and though William supposedly was among them, he was nowhere to be found in the battle and escapes our grasp once more.   The English Dukes who remain in our control however, dragged across the mountains the last few years in chains grow restless at our refusal to release them or ransom them. I am quickly becoming the bane of the English.  The constant war, a life spent more in tents of siege camps than beneath a stone roof with a warm hearth nearby, days on end marching back and forth across the Alps and the scorched remains of France are finally taking their toll. Over the course of a week I become increasingly ill. Weak. Delirious. Bedridden, on the brink of death.  I lay on a bed of straw in my tent, coughing and wheezing as light fades, but then, in what I thought were my final moments I see his face, William the Conqueror, sneering at me, he lives and I have to die? NO. My work is not yet done.  The other two options of this event were 100% instant death, Amalie only survived because she had the stubborn trait A day later I am on my feet, reinvigorated, but consumed with a fury that can barely be contained.  Thankfully there comes an outlet, when I learn that it is my boy Christopher who is trying to kill my own commanders. I go and punch my son in the head and tell him to cut it out.  William is sighted. We march at once to intercept him.   The English have begun a siege to capture Besancon, and though we are days, possibly weeks ahead of our allied armies, we march head alone to face them.  By time we have sight of Besancon we can see the siege camps have been abandoned, and the last remnants of the English army are pulling out, moving off through Morteau to more defensive positions at the foothills of the Alps. Even though they could face us alone before the rest of our forces arrive they still flee at the sight of Habsburg banners.  Still, the English retreat further at the sight of us pursuing, our allies are nowhere near by to assist us, and yet King William continues pulling his armies back until he is up against the borders of Switzerland itself, when finally he stops.  From their army a single figure rides out on horseback, It is William. I ride out at once to meet him. Only, as I draw closer to I see he has forsaken his armour, and any form of weapon. My mood sours as I come to realise he is not riding out to duel me. "I grow weary of his conflict, Princess!" he exclaims as we approach shouting distance, and then comes to a a stop before us, dressed down; he is barely recognizable as the King of England.  "Then let us settle it right here, lest you wish to lose a few thousand more Englishmen" "I'm sure I would, but I've problems of my own, Anglo-Saxons in the North still refuse to yield, and I cannot throw my best soldiers away in this little feud of ours, as amusing as it has been. My commanders claim you are a woman possessed, Amalie, by what I dare not say. But I am loath to agree with them that death itself will probably not stop you pursuing us all across these mountains. And word does get out from my dukes you have captured, notes passed on that make their way back to my forces. They say you are driven by nothing more than to see me, personally, vanquished Well here I am" He holds arms splayed out unobstructing his bare white tunic "Come, run through an unarmed old man, and let us see how Europe treats Amalie vons Habsburg. Or perhaps we can settle this with some civility."  The commanders of both sides convene to work out the treaty between the English and Swiss led alliances. I may be the victor, but I still feel robbed by King William. What's more, Robert 'the Curthose' continues to run his mouth during the negotiations, I am compelled to confront him and scold him before all his men, his future vassals when he'll be King of how he begged and pleaded in Amiens to be allowed to live, and then his own pigheadedness caused the Kingdom of France to collapse, how the very marshal of the Kingdom could be it's downfall, and what horrors he could inflict to a kingdom if he were King. Giving his future vassals a few things to think about.   The conflict for Aosta may be over, but this is merely an armistice, the war between the continent and isles is sure to flare up again once both sides have recuperated.  This conflict has taken it's toll on us all, but Count Rudolf now finds himself ruler of Bern and Aosta, and as payment for pressing his claim all the taxes of his new settlement will go directly to me the coming year. He can prosper from his new land later.   I arrive back at the new capital in Grisons, at the castle of Chur to find my poor Amalie has fallen ill to some miscreant in the castle in our absence and she is ridden with signs of abuse. She refuses to come forth with who has done this to her and it is affecting her greatly, she retreats to her quarters and refuses to see or talk to anyone, even her mother. It takes some time, but I manage to get through to her, fear need not cripple her, it can be a tool just as well, to trust no one but herself and always be on her guard.  With Humbert gone, running of Switzerland falls solely to me, and matters must be increasingly centralised beneath my control here in Chur to make running this nation of soldiers and adventurers easier.  In the winter of 1096 we hold our first court, opening the doors to petitioners from the court and across the realm.  Count Rudolf comes first, requesting funds to commence work on a grand cadastre to survey all the land of our new realm so we may more effectively utilise it, and of course we grant him his gold and let him get to work.  Next a commoner sent to represent the Swabian people living inside Switzerland requests that I relinquish control of Zurich to a Swabian lord so their people may better repopulate and rebuild the county after the previous wars. I have to deny him though, Zurich's taxes and resources are too valuable right now while the realm is still establishing itself, at least until the new city in Sargans is complete.  Finally, Biago my most dutiful and longest serving knight comes before me, requesting a just reward for a lifetime spent serving us. But I know 'The Heartless' will never settle for simply being given a nice new title, he'll earn it properly. In the courtyard, with our swords we will decide if he is worthy of a title.  Evidently, with great tenacity he bested me before all the eyes of Castle Chur, a well fought duel, and a deserved title. I let him pick, and he decides upon the monastery of Saint Gallen, throwing in the sword for the book and an easy retirement.    By 1097, the Duke of Aquitaine joins the HRE with the promise that the Kaiser assists the House of Poitiers in securing themselves a new kingdom on the western shores of France, meanwhile the Provencal dukes have seized more and more of the southern coast and now fight the House of Toulouse for ultimate control of the French Mediterranean. The English-controlled Flemish dukes feud with their northern Dutch neighbours, Paris and the heartlands of the former Kingdom of France now fall beneath the Duke of Burgundy, and the House of Anjou try to act as mediators in the north between French, Norman and English hostiles, going as far as trying to forge a new Angevin identity to try and unify the disparate peoples of post-France.  With Biago no longer serving as a knight, he forgoes his acclaimed title as The Sorrow of Demons and it falls to another in my realm, who requests it change to something a little less grandiose.   With the collapse of the Kingdom of France, the escalating conflict between House de Normandy and House von Habsburg and their respective allies slowly tearing apart the heart of christendom, and with the Turks slowly encroaching in the east with the recent victory of the Seljuks against the Byzantines, Pope Innocentius sees an opportunity to try and unite the fractured realms of the west. There is stirring from Rome, that his holiness is planning something big.  In the summer of 1097, Count Rudolf returns before me, proudly presenting his work in surveying Switzerland, revealing lands and resources we had not been aware of before now ripe for exploitation.  Before I can even properly celebrate with Rudolf there comes a great bellowing from the courtyard beneath the keep and we go to the window to see a knight in the colours of England stood there. His sword is drawn and he angrily shouts at my passing courtiers and gesturing at them with the point of his weapon demanding to know where I am. I head downstairs to confront him. It is Prince William 'the Red', the King of England's third son. He berates me and demands I defend my honour.  Very well.     The boy barely knows how to wield that sword of his, and it is an easy fight. I almost kill him right there in my courtyard but refrain at the last second, better to spare him and send him back to England with his tail between his legs.  These English are getting the better of me however.  I am becoming increasingly irate at all times, lashing out at everyone around me.  That is, until, I see how it is affecting Amalie, she is beginning to copy me, thinking it acceptable how I act, and not a person driven to their wit's end. No, I have to stop this, for her sake.  Thankfully there comes the chance at some respite, in the form of an invitation to a feast, from Duke Dietrich of Lotharingia, of all people. Well, I cannot say no to free fine food, and perhaps some time away from ruling will do me good.  I make my way north, passing through lands that I have ever known as battlefields on my way to the capital of Lotharingia in Trier, where I am well received by the Duke and his courtiers who seem to hold no ill-will toward me or the Swiss.  I needed this feast right now more than anything, time spent mingling and carousing with the other lords of the Empire lets years of stress from the endless conflict with the English just melt away.  Duke Dietrich and myself end up spending much of the feast conversing together. Initially we just talk of hunting to break the ice, but things quickly spread to a more political matter. He wishes there be no animosity between Lotharingia and Switzerland, he only fights for the English out of obligation from marital alliances. And he is quick to remind me that I marched against him alongside Duke Rudolf of Swabia, one of the most despised loathsome men in the whole Empire, for which I have little rebuttal.  Even as the feast begins to die down and the guests depart we are still deep in conversation with the Duke and many tankards of ale deep. He is fascinated about hearing tales of the Anglo-Germanic wars from the other side, and I regale him of my many duels, against bandits, heathens and princes.  We end up departing the feast as friends, but he makes me promise, that should we ever meet on the field of battle, I will not go easy on him, any less would be a disservice to the might of Switzerland and an insult to Lotharingia.  Making my way out of the grand hall of Trier, courtiers of the castle and the city outside are all abuzz, I catch one of my knights rushing to join a crowd of people gathered around a crier in the centre of the Trier city square. "Crusade! We're going to crusade" he announces enthusiastically, making my way over I listen along to the fiery crier. "The news from the Holy Land is unparalleled! Pilgrims slaughtered by the thousands, righteous Christians blocked from the holy city. His Holiness Pope Innocentius II calls upon all of Christendom to answer the call. Absolution awaits the faithful!" "Goddamn Saracens whacked us, Amalie" my knight mutters to me through gritted teeth, I can only smile, a new foe.  We arrive back in Switzerland and begin at once preparing our army for a new enemy, in a new land thousands of miles away. But more importantly -  Amalie has come of age, and finally I have a child worth a drat.   The fire of ambition burns inside of her and I know she will one day aspire to greatness. She needs a kingdom and marriage worthy of her greatness to come, and I can think of none better than Bohemia. King Jaromir has long been the most dominant power inside the Empire and linking the Habsburg and Premyslid houses would forge one of the most powerful alliances in Europe.  His second son Zavis would make a perfect husband for Amalie, and their children will inherit half of Bohemia as well as ruling Switzerland (assuming they are elected to lead the Swiss - which I am sure they would).   All across Christendom, kingdoms and duchies prepare their own armies for the long journey to Jerusalem and the fight against the heathens to come. Confident in the Swiss' readiness I can take a little break in the run up to our departure, and join the Duchess of Swabia in a hunt just across the border.  And of course, why bother going to a hunt with you're not going to try and bag the prize for yourself.  Arriving back in Freiburg once more, any evidence that we once fought over this very land is long gone and a sense of normalcy has returned to central Germany. We find Duchess Adelaide and the rest of the hunting party already in camp and a barrel of ale deep.  I fear this hunting trip may have been little more than an excuse for the lords of Central Germany to gather in the woods and get drunk, but still they manage to come to a consensus that we'll hunt for a stag.  No, that was never going to happen, not in their state. Any stag we sight and try to track is soon lost with all the jabbering and laughing from the hunting party as they gossip and joke with each other, they keep telling me I should lighten up.  Well that was a waste of a month, but at least I am refreshed before returning to Chur to finalise our holy army.  The date has arrived, we prepare to march out at once, until a messenger on horseback races into the courtyard of the Chur castle, determined to reach us before our departure. It is one of the courtiers who previously lived and worked here but departed with Amalie to Bohemia.  He hands me a letter from my dear Amalie, and his perturbed expression quickly becomes evident as I read the letter's contents: My new son-in-law - Prince Zavis is a monster. He tortures man and beast alike and is seen by all of Hradec as a bloody tyrant, and worse he abuses Amalie and she fears for her life.  God can wait, his crusade can come later. I furiously scrawl a letter for the courtier to take back with him to Bohemia, demanding the immediate return of Amalie; Decrying King Jaromir. Ending our alliance at once. And finally wishing a painful and untimely end to his son. The Bohemians do not yield.  Through my life I may have caused the deaths of tens of thousands with my conflicts, I have personally slain hundreds with my arm, I have destroyed Kingdoms and brought untold suffering and strife to western Europe. But I lose no sleep over it, that is just war. I hold a special place of contempt in my heart for those who skulk in the shadows and partake in skullduggery, but for this I shall stoop to their level. I will condemn my eternal soul to damnation if it means saving my daughter. Zavis must die.  Across Europe, the armies of Christ are departing or already sailing across the Mediterranean for Jerusalem. Our troops grow restless waiting in Grisons and we have no choice but to begin the march down to Genoa where a merchant navy has been requisitioned to carry us across the sea.  The courtier sends us a final letter, as the Swiss army is marching south to meet our fates in the Holy Land.  Zavis has no friends in Bohemia, a plan is swiftly in motion to see Prince Zavis' life cut short, it just needs my final word for them to proceed.  As we make our way down through the mountain pass from Grisons and into the woodlands of northern Lombardy, we suddenly come under attack. A flurry of arrows descends upon us from a nearby treeline, peppering the leading ranks of my commanders and myself as we march along a narrow woodland path. Bandits surge from the treelines but it is an utterly futile attempt to attack us as our entire army is not long behind us. Searching through the deceased we find a letter on whom we assume was their leader - this was no mere bandit attack, they were hired specifically to kill me, by the English.  My own assassination attempt succeeds however. Somewhere a thousand miles away while the little arschloch sleeps, the spider we had sourced bites him and delivers its poison. In the ensuing panic the following morning when he is discovered dead, Amalie and the courtier along with all the other servants she took with her to Bohemia manage to escape.  King Jaromir has no way to prove it was us, (why a spider could be found in any dusty old castle it's merely an unfortunate accident that befell his son), he still blames us for Zavis' death and swears vengeance on Switzerland.  We are in Genoa for some weeks while the merchant ships are brought together and our men board them. To our surprise, we encounter Amalie here, despite expecting her to return and stay in Chur. I am overjoyed to see her safe and we embrace on the docks of Genoa. I begin to formulate new plans for her to perhaps marry the son of the Duke of Burgundy instead.  Burgundy now controls most of what remains of the independant French lands, and most pertinently they hold Paris. If she and Henri de Bourgogne marry then a Habsburg can rule both Switzerland and Paris! My excitement at such prospects quickly fade though as I see Amalie's face. She is almost distraught, she doesn't want to simply be sent off again, to be some doting wife to an awful and cruel count or duke. She has grown up watching us fight, hearing tales of our deeds. She was born in the siege of Paris and in our arms as we held Charlemagn's sword aloft and proclaimed our new realm for Christ's sake. She is right. There is only one place for her-  At our side as we march through the gates of Jerusalem.  In July of 1099 we finally depart. Our daughter at our side as we sail for the ultimate glory in the Holy land.  Much of the Crusader army (at least those going over sea and not marching through the Balkans and Byzantium) are by now far ahead of us and probably nearing the shores of Jerusalem. The sea grows angrier the closer we draw to our target, and as we pass through the strait of Sicily and out into the Ionian Sea we see another huge group of ships sailing in our direction. Flying the flag of England. The hundreds of boats block our way, as a lone immense flagship breaks from the line and sails towards the paltry lead merchant vessel which we command. We have little choice but to yield to the huge ship as it pulls up beside our ship and gangways pushed out to connect our vessels. English knights, English Princes, and finally the English King come strutting aboard. "Amalie Von Habsburg!" William the Conqueror declares, as his knights form a circle in the middle of the deck, keeping our own men at bay as he enters the centre, flourishing a magnificent spear before pointing it to the spot he expects me to stand "We have unfinished business"  I grab a random unremarkable spear from one of my knights as I pass and push my way in to the circle to stand opposite King William. Apart from the waves crashing against the ship and the rumbling of the approaching storm clouds there is nay a sound to be heard on the boat as a hundred eyes watch on us and I and the English King slowly circle one another with our spears poised to strike. There comes an eruption of shouting and jeers as I make the first move, lunging with my spear for it to only be a feint and I suddenly draw my dagger as the King tries to counter.  William is quick to dodge it however and counters with a flurry of furious blows and strikes which almost overcome me. Through gritted teeth I begin to curse him as I do my best to parry his strikes with the haft of my spear, until finally I am screaming every profanity imaginable in his face.  There comes a momentary pause in his attack, perhaps hoping that I simply tire myself out, but it is all I need to start striking back.  The English king quickly begins to tire, his furious red face covered in sweat, in one last attempt to best me he tries to swings his spear out to make me step back only to follow it up by trying to headbutt me - with his helmet-clad head upon my own unarmored one. Without a moment's hesitation I raise my knee and strike his stomach causing him to reel over and tumble to the deck. He scrambles to his feet and I shove my foot into his side and send him reeling once more. He gets up again. I kick him down again. He goes to rise one more time, but I thrust my spear against his back and stop at the last second, the tip pressing against his spine. The ship is silent again as the English and Swiss commanders and royalty watch on. King William lets go of his spear and collapses on his front.  There comes cheers from the Swiss side as King William's sons rush into the circle to check on him. Prince Robert 'The Curthose' rolls his father over and cradles his head, watching as the life leaves his eyes, he suffered a heart attack.  The deck of our ship almost becomes the site of a brawl as English Princes and Swiss commanders trade barbs while one of Prince Robert's commanders tries to comfort him as he becomes distraught. It is only the sight of fellow crusader ships approaching that stops our two fleets descending into bloodshed, and the dishonour our realms would suffer at news reaching shore of crusaders turning on one another. "Get the hell off my ship" I order the English soldiers, two senior knights pick up their deceased King and they quickly depart, while Prince William 'the Red' curses our name. Prince Robert has to practically be carried off, but not before I stop him. "Congratulations on your new Kingdom, Robert. But some of us fight for our title, and don't wait for daddy to croak and just drop it in our laps."  The English ships instead of continuing on with us, turn around, forsaking the Crusade and opting to return home, now that William is dead there will surely be chaos on the Isles. But that's no concern of mine, the Kingdom of Heaven awaits. 
Crisis Now fucked around with this message at 20:55 on Feb 11, 2024 |
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Feb 11, 2024 19:47
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https://cdn.discordapp.com/attachme...d8b85680e52411&
Crisis Now fucked around with this message at 20:45 on Feb 11, 2024 |
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Feb 11, 2024 19:47
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Oh my god. Swiss Warrior Queen brings down the Kingdom of France, William the Conqueror crosses the channel to attempt to restore order and crushes her in battle but spares her life, her retaliation is so fierce that he's forced to rides out to a parley in his smallclothes and offer up his life to save the English Army from obliteration, and then he finaly dies against her in single combat while they're both sailing to the Holy Land to fight in the First Crusade? Over the next thousand years there'd be more versions of this story than the Arthurian mythos.
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Feb 11, 2024 20:23
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Did Amalie just punch King William's soul out of his body? Because it looks like she just did that.
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Feb 11, 2024 21:24
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I'd watch a movie based on this.
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Feb 11, 2024 22:04
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That's one Bad Bitch hell yeah
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Feb 11, 2024 22:26
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oh drat, an ambitious and paranoid heir? that's gonna be fun well provided she manages to survive the crusade so she can actually inherit
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Feb 11, 2024 22:32
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Crisis Now posted:
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Feb 12, 2024 00:24
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Erainor posted:I'd watch a movie based on this. Are you kidding? This would make a whole four+-season TV series. (Amalie of Habsburg, Amalie vs France, Amalie vs England, Amalie on Crusade) Quackles fucked around with this message at 01:44 on Feb 12, 2024 |
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Feb 12, 2024 01:38
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This makes me wish we got a Medieval Ernest movie for some reason
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Feb 12, 2024 02:53
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VideoWitch posted:oh drat, an ambitious and paranoid heir? that's gonna be fun Young Amalie's going to be haunted by her mom's ghost constantly accusing her of not living up to the family legacy, driving her to further and further heights.
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Feb 12, 2024 03:22
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Quackles posted:Did Amalie just punch King William's soul out of his body? Because it looks like she just did that. I heard her dead eye sees where the soul lives in a body, so she can strike just there and carve it out
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Feb 12, 2024 04:28
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Never underestimate the power of 51 knights.
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Feb 12, 2024 22:25
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I'm guessing Switzerland will never be neutral in this timeline.
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Feb 13, 2024 02:39
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Nah, the Swiss are incredibly neutral. They fight everyone equally.
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Feb 13, 2024 03:02
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In about nine hundred years when they make The Third Man, is the Orson Welles character going to say how Switzerland's centuries of warfare produced the Renaissance, and Italy produced the cuckoo clock? Or does Switzerland in this timeline get both violence and the cuckoo clock?
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Feb 13, 2024 04:02
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The first Swiss cannon in this timeline pops out of a large wheeled cuckoo clock
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Feb 13, 2024 06:24
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A sailing ship makes landfall on Hispaniola, a cuckoo popping out of its figurehead to herald the joining of hemispheres.
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Feb 13, 2024 07:46
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Chili Con Carne posted:I'm guessing Switzerland will never be neutral in this timeline. five centuries from now the world's leaders will gather osnabruk and munster to announce that the swiss are Too Good at warfare and have been disqualified from participating in any more wars for the rest of time.
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Feb 13, 2024 16:57
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In 900 years, instead of getting FATE we instead have Amalie and William having anime fights at the behest of some Japanese highschoolers. The fans regularly ship the two. SirPhoebos fucked around with this message at 01:34 on Feb 14, 2024 |
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Feb 13, 2024 20:49
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karmicknight posted:five centuries from now the world's leaders will gather osnabruk and munster to announce that the swiss are Too Good at warfare and have been disqualified from participating in any more wars for the rest of time. The Swiss don't listen and demand a tax if you don't want to go to war with them.
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Feb 14, 2024 00:48
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Quackles posted:Did Amalie just punch King William's soul out of his body? Because it looks like she just did that. Nah, William merely lost living privileges.
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Feb 15, 2024 04:05
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Jimmy4400nav posted:Nah, William merely lost living privileges. And they say God don't have favourites!
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Feb 15, 2024 21:14
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God favors those who help themselves
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Feb 15, 2024 23:28
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I just noticed this thread and  thank you Crisis Now!
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Feb 22, 2024 15:41
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Someone, in another thread, suggested this looked like it belonged on the Game Over screen for a Paradox game:
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Mar 1, 2024 06:07
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6 - 1100 - 1110 - The Crusader On New Year's eve of 1100 the Genovese merchant fleet we hired to transport our crusaders reaches the shores of the Holy Land. Before us along all the shore are the discarded ships -mostly in a state of ruin- of the Papal forces of Innocentius II. They landed on the shores before us some weeks prior - fending off the Saracens alone and subsequently having to abandon their position and falling back into the deserts to the south. Repeating their mistake would be foolish, instead we will land in Farama to link up with their forces and provide likely much needed supplies to their soldiers from our own ships.  By early January we have made landfall and meet up with the Papal forces, being led by commanders of the Papal Guard and pious mercenaries - the Pope himself is obviously not here, who has ever heard of a Pope taking up the sword and joining in battle?   We have resupplied the Pope's military and are on the march north once more to cross into the Holy Land, as Italian and Spanish crusaders arrive to join us.  Crossing from Al-Arish to the boundary of the barony of Ghazza as we step foot for the first time on hallowed ground I know whatever the outcome of this struggle I will be remembered for our part, I will forever be known as a crusader.  While the Papal forces split and begin sieging Ghazza and Ascalon we move further north to begin the siege of Yaffa. The more of the coast we can lock down the easier it'll be to bring in more troops.  It is not long before the local defenders have consolidated though, heading straight for us and forcing me to pull the army back to reconvene with the other crusaders.  Thankfully we manage to stay ahead of the rapidly approaching Saracen army, and outside the gates of the port city of Ascalon we turn with our allies to face the heathens.  With our combined forces, and, with fresh Crusaders landing on the shores to assist we outnumber the locals, and should any of our own ranks fall they are quickly replenished.  Within a matter of hours the battle, and possibly the entire Crusader itself swings greatly to our favour, as the enemy continue to fall.   But they do not falter, nor fall back. They stand their ground to the very last man or woman.  In fact, finding any valuable Shia lords or ladies to take for ransom amongst the dying is a challenge, and my own soldiers certainly saw to that with their impressive fighting.  But the Iberian commander who assumed command of the Crusader forces during the battle, Sabella 'The Clumsy', despite her name, managed to capture the lion's share of enemy nobles. - Putting a considerable dent in the Shia ability to withstand our siege of the Holy Land.  With our way further inland now unopposed and more Crusaders landing on the shores with each passing day I seize the opportunity at once to march the Swiss army to the walls of Jerusalem, I might be fighting for my eternal soul and seeking redemption in the heinous murder to save my daughter, but that doesn't mean I can't seek the glory of being the one to take the Holiest city in the process. Hungarian Crusaders arrived in the closing hours of the battle, but are now already reboarding their hired vessels to return home - King Béla of Hungary is dead. Bretislav Premyslid has crowned himself King - cousin of our new Bohemian rival, King Svatobar.  This has had the added effect of seeing the Kingdom of Hungary absorbed by the Holy Roman Empire by default - suffice to say the local Hungarian nobles are none too happy and a succession war has already broken out to oust the Premyslids, but should they wish to see an independent Hungary once more they'll be forced to fight the Kaiser.  Which is precisely what a number of foolish Imperial lords are already attempting to do - why, when the Empire is expanding in size, power and prestige would they wish to separate themselves from it. It is becoming increasingly apparent that soon enough the Catholic world and the borders of the Holy Roman Empire may become one and the same.  All because Kaiser Heinrich IV has passed, and his son has assumed the Imperial throne, young he may be he still has to prove himself, but not in the eyes of these rebellious lords who I would gladly take up my sword to strike down in the name of the Empire. Were I not a thousand miles away.  Our own regent, loyal and dependable Count Rudolf, our first vassal, has suffered a stroke and passed.  His lands have been split between his two boys - Ulrich and Folkhard, whom care for each other very little and will likely squabble over each other's land.   But enough of this ruminating of home, one's mind should be occupied by the task at hand - Crusade. Two months have passed and we remain at the walls of Jerusalem, our siege engines pelting the defences while the majority of the Crusader army ransacks and plunders Damascus and the rest of Syria around it. The Shia Caliph in Cairo has managed to muster a sizeable army (though nowhere near the size of the initial defenders here in the Holy Land) and marches up from Egypt to dislodge us personally from the edge of the holy city, let them come.  As has passed a dozen times or more, we stand strong against overwhelming odds, three thousand against one.  Beneath the scorching desert sun we stand and fight, and one by one fall to the zealous Fatimid army of Caliph Ra'uf ibn Abu Mansur al-Nizar. Should this be our grave then we die with honour and we'll surely pass into the kingdom of heaven....  No. Not today. Croatian and Sicilian Crusaders manage to reach us by mid-afternoon, as the Swiss army dwindles down to just two hundred still standing, our allies storm in from the north, engaging the already exhausted Egyptian soldiers.  By day's end, Polish forces of King Bolesław II have entered the fray and the Egyptians are in a full rout. We stood our ground and the siege of Jerusalem continues unabated, Polish crusaders now remaining at out side to replenish our depleted ranks.   Through the autumn of 1100 Swiss and Polish forces continue besieging the holy city, by now Crusaders have complete uncontested control of the Holy land.  On the 1st of November 1100 the Crusaders are victorious. With Amalie at my side I march through the gates of Jerusalem and to the Church of the Holy Sepulchre. We pray in thanks for our victory and to ask God forgiveness of our past sins against Prince Zavis, and all the faithful we had raised our sword against - yes, even that old English King.  We remain in the holy city until the end of the year, as the Crusaders from across the Holy Land convene here along with ambassadors from the Caliph's court. Already the region is being carved up and claimed by the various participants, but one title remains most important - Protector of Jerusalem itself. Despite the Swiss being at the front of the major battles here that saw the Syrians and later Egyptians driven off, and us (with Polish help) being the ones to breach the walls of Jerusalem, no member of the Habsburg is eligible for any part of the Holy Land. The Pope will certainly not grant it to any currently landed lord or lady, nor any married persons and in my haste I had arranged marriages for all my family - but what of Amalie, she has no husband now? True, but she is still to be the heir of Switzerland, and thus non-eligible. But that is fine. We did not come here to fight for land but our souls, which I know have been saved. The Kingdom of Jerusalem is granted to Goncina of Galicia.  What I did not receive in gold or land we more than made up for in glory (glory in the name of God, of course),  Exactly one year to the day after first stepping in the Holy Land we are now departing once more for home. I had expected this Crusade to be a long arduous endeavour, to consume the later years of my life - but that first major battle between the combined Crusader forces and the Shia decided the fate of the Holy Land right then and there.  Arriving back on the shores of Genoa we learn that much as transpired here in just one short year - The southern French coast has been secured by the duchess of Provence and united in to the new Kingdom of Burgundy - under Queen Cecilia 'the Seductress' of the House of Toulouse-Toulon. And the western coast of France has been united under the Kingdom of Aquitaine by Queen Ainés 'the Tactician'. Both have become the biggest players within the Holy Roman Empire and the new young Kaiser is investing heavily in his new French regions. Meanwhile the Duchy of Burgundy to our north has been working on driving the English from the heartland of Europe.  Waiting in my court upon my return is a renowned blacksmith who has travelled down from Sweden to offer her services to the Swiss, and first to make me a fine weapon to prove her worth, which I accept.  Svanhild will make me a sword.  A great sword with which I will inspire the knights, mercenaries and levies of Switzerland to ever greater victories!  Now that we are back in Chur we can hold court once more and see to any outstanding issues our people have been experiencing.  Ezzo von Bibra is a Bavarian knight who fought valiantly in the Battle of Jerusalem, never leaving my side even as the Egyptians cut us down. Now he wishes to become my bodyguard and stand at my side forever more back here in Switzerland - so be it.  Next Biago  Finally Archbishop Elisabeth comes forth to tell us that the people of the new capital region of Switzerland here in the county of Grisons have no great chapel with which to pray and attend service. The Imperial builders who constructed our new capital were quick to make many fortifications and improve our economy, but matters of faith were the least of their concerns. Then it shall fall to us, Grisons needs a church. The gold we gained from the Crusade could find no greater place than funding new churches back home.  And with that, court is concluded, Svanhild enters as petitioners and courtiers slowly stream out of the castle, holding in her hands an elaborately decorated long narrow sword-length piece of cloth.  It has barely been a month and already the Swede has completed my sword, and what a sword it is.  If only I had this exquisite weapon at my side when I faced off against the English or the Egyptians.  While the north has been lacking in food, that does not seem to be the case here in the capital, as our stores are overflowing with supplies, grain and game. I make sure to have it salted or smoked, so our stores may provide for us in any winters to come.  But speaking of food, we have a feast to attend - our good friend Duke Dietrich of the Lotharingias is holding a grand feast in celebration of our victory in the Holy Land, and we simply must attend.  And this provides a perfect opportunity to begin sharing our power over Switzerland with my dear Amalie. She will rule this land one day, and letting her become regent in any of my absences will let her learn the ropes and better prepare her for her role once I depart this Earth.  But the only departure I'll be doing right now is to Trier - and to fantastic food and company!  I meet once more with Duke Adalbero of Steyermark who came to our aid in the war against the English, and whose troops were vital in the Battle of Geneva. Our conversation wanders to the new Kingdoms of Burgundy and Aquitaine and what trade each of our realms could achieve with them. Much of the evening is spent conversing with him and we end up becoming friends.   The whole evening I had noticed the murmurings and whispers of other lords as I entered the great banquet hall of Trier, and whenever I passed them by. And then my knight Cecilia confirms it - they have a new name for me, one which they hold in great esteem. I am no longer simply Princess Amalie. I am The Crusader. The one who stood against the Caliph and lived, the one who stormed the walls of Jerusalem.  I meet again with the Duke of Verona, who previously sided with the English against us. He spends the evening in his drunken stupor trying to apologise to me profusely, but it matters little to me now, William is gone, the English are gone from this land, there is little point in holding grudges. Not while the Duke of Verona holds such valuable land, valuable land that has unwed sons - if he wants to make amends then perhaps he will accept marriage between his first born and heir and my dear Elisabeth. And the securing of Veronese land beneath future Habsburgs to come.  With the feast concluded we depart for home once more.  Where Amalie has taken care of Switzerland with great care.  In fact, the opportunity for her to rule in my stead may continue, as I hear news that the English royal family are visiting their lands in Flanders. Of course, officially - I am going to evaluate the possibility of trade with the Flemish, but I cannot pass up an opportunity to embarrass a member of House de Normandy again, and none more fitting than the one who barged his way into my castle demanding honour.  Prince William 'the Red' of course doesn't pass up the chance to avenge his father's name and honour after his disastrous duel off the shores of sicily.  Vengeance that he will never get. I have stood against far greater men than him, and before the knights of England I humiliate another of their royals.   But any chance for William 'the Red' to try and further our little rivalry is cut short when news reaches Flanders that his brother has been deposed from the throne and their youngest sister Agathe has claimed England.  All the while of course, the House de Normandie is still trying to tame the rebellious north where the old Anglo-Saxon order clings.  Supposedly, according to my spymaster, all my warring and duelling and spitting of foreign lords has caused them quite an amount of aggravation, there are many that conspire to see me in an early grave - and those that cannot hope to best me on the field of battle seek to see my end by other means. Let them try.  As we depart Flanders we make a stop in Burgundy at the request of the Kaiser, the Duchy of Burgundy is becoming increasingly powerful, and is the last holdout of the former Kingdom of France not incorporated into the Empire. He wishes me to meet with their lords and appraise their mood for him and the empire at all. Unfortunately that does bring us to the court of Duchess Garsende of Champagne, who acts sickly sweet in our presence and tries to shower me with gifts. It seems off, I do not trust it and accept none of her gifts and depart from Reims at once.  Crossing back into the Holy Roman Empire I make my way to Wurzburg to meet with the Kaiser, to finally pay homage to my new liege and to relay what I learned.  Before the new young Kaiser I kneel and pledge my loyalty to him and the Holy Roman Empire. And then, give me the unfortunate news that the lords of Burgundy do not find the prospect of his rule quite so agreeable, that they believe themselves the heir to the legacy of the French Kingdom, and that to become subservient to the Empire would betray that.  Still, the Kaiser thanks me for my service and it seems likely I will be travelling much more to the courts of the Empire and beyond increasingly in diplomatic matters. Already what little I learn in the ways of diplomacy I can apply back home.  Elisabeth has come of age, and off to Verona she goes to marry Heinrich Etichoenen to become his Duchess. I am sure he is a fine boy, who will be kind and fair to my daughter. After all, the unfortunate accident that befell the King of Bohemia's son is still fresh in the minds of the Empire's lords.   Less than a year after my visit to free Burgundy and our suspicions here in the Empire are confirmed - a new Kingdom has been born out of the corpse of France. Hugues de Bourgogne, having reclaimed and rebuilt Paris and subjugated the northern duchies has proclaimed himself the successor to the old Capet dynasty and protector of the French.  Confusingly we now possess two Burgundian Kingdoms in western Europe, debate still rages whether the nomenclature should be that they are North Burgundy / South Burgundy or perhaps French Burgundy / Imperial Burgundy. Personally I find the latter more fitting.  While the Kaiser and all the new kings of the Empire are left to content with this new French state on our borders we instead travel south - Sicily has recently been admitted to the Empire and House de Hauteville have always been close friends to the Habsburg so I am glad to see them now among our ranks without the need for bloodshed. With the Isle of Sicily itself remaining under Byzantine control there may come conflict between Roman and German in years to come to see ultimate control italia - but for now, the only killing will be the game we hunt with Duchess Matilda, hopefully.  And, what greater chance is there to conduct a grand diplomatic tour of Southern Europe. A multi-year journey across Italia, the Mediterranean Islands, Iberia and the new Imperial Kingdoms of southern France.  Half a year has passed and our caravan has passed through Milan, Firenze and Rome until we find ourselves in Napoli and Salerno, lands both still ruled by Greeks who find themselves the borders of the Holy Roman Empire rather than the Byzantine. Though thankfully they seem content with the Kaiser as their liege and we entertain the local lords with tales of our deeds and misdeeds in the name of the Empire.  While ruled by Greeks for centuries, these lands have for the past generation become increasingly Norman-ized with the presence of the de Hautevilles, tales of chivalry and heroic knights are rife here. It does not take us long to run afoul of a knight-errant on a great adventure. Ardoin of Policastro was a Norman seeking the employ of Duchess Gohilde, and to win her favour he had set out on a quest for a healing fountain, a quest which has run afoul these past weeks. Well, with our help he shall complete his quest in no time.  For days we traipse around the foothills of the Sirino mountains, camping by the side of lakes and taking refuge in the homes of local farmers, until after a fortnight we have reached the summit of Monte Papa. There we spy it, a natural fountain whose waters reflect the sun like a pristine mirror - and its guardian - a fearsome wolf that has picked up our scent and now faces us and growls aggressively. Ardoin almost seems ready to give up and turn round, but we've come this far, I draw my sword and advance on the beast.  It has been many winters since I have faced off against something on four legs not two, but I was able to best the creature and open the way to the fountain. Ardoin seemed smitten with me, he could care less for Duchess Gohilde, now it was me he wished to work for. I am always open to newcomers joining my court and my army, regardless of their background if they prove themselves capable enough, and Ardoin certainly seems so.  As we pass from the mountains back down to the coast toward Crotone we travel through Rossano, where the locals seem enamoured with us. 'The great Crusader' visiting their far flung castle-town, They shower us with gifts and praise and while we would love to stay, we have appointments with their Duchess.  Arriving in a forest just outside Crotone we find ourselves the last to arrive - and for the first time we have not come to this hunt seeking to claim a great prize, we are just here to relax and have a good time with our fellow nobles.  Of course, much like every hunt I've participated in far from the Alps, we find no success. It is no bother to us though, this is just a tiny part of a grand tour.  Far away, on the other side of Europe, the pagan holdouts on the Baltic coast have managed to reform their vidilist faith in light of continued aggression from the Polish catholics and Ruthenian orthodox. King Milzas, despite being a godless heathen, is quite the formidable ruler and commander of men. Were I a decade or two younger then I would love nothing more than to venture north and show them the light of Christ. But that's a younger lady's folley now.   From Crotone we are to hire a boat and sail for the southern shore of Sardinia.  But as we depart from Duchess Matilda's hunting party we are suddenly accosted by a band of brigands. Though our caravan is small, and only a few knights accompanied me on this grand tour, we are still some of the finest fighters in all of Christendom, forged in the fires of war against French, English and Egyptian alike. These are petty thugs, and they are quickly cut down. Our reputation precedes us as is obvious from our reception wherever we go, any actual bandit would surely be foolish to try and rob 'The Crusader', they weren't here to take our gold, but our lives. But who hired them. Was it that vile duchess? The Czech King? Any of the vast Normandy family... ah, it matters little, they cannot succeed. I continue on my journey.  As we sail across the Tyrrhenian sea we come to the conclusion that it must have been Duchess Garsende. We begin to form ideas of how we may get her back. it would be trivial, she has no friends in French Burgundy.  No. That is not the way to do things, besides I already had to lead a crusade and retake the holy land to save my soul for my last murder. Besides the Duchess is embroiled in a war against King Hugues, with any luck she will meet her fate on the battlefield or in some dungeon.  We visit Sardinian for the second time in our life. All those years ago we were but a lowly countess, now we are the Crusader Princess and we are far better received by the locals. Archon Marianu hosts us and shows us around the island for a few weeks, though we never met in battle he too partook in the Crusades - he spent most his time there in the sack of Damascus. Not that he needed the gold as becomes apparent when he shows us his jewel of the isle, the Argentiera Mines which haul great hordes of silver from the ground. Perhaps Sardinia needs a Habsburg ruling over it.  Nonetheless we learn a great deal about gold, taxes and keeping detailed records from the Archon, hopefully we can make use of it back home.  As we pass close to the northern shores of Africa a lone vessel sails out to meet us, its sleek hull and angled sails standing out against our Italian merchant vessel. Aboard is a merchant of arms and armor, and he can hardly believe his luck when he spies 'The Crusader' before him. I would have imagined any muslim would have been terrified at the prospect of facing me, but he proudly professes he is Sunni, any who raises a sword against Shia is a friend of his. He says he is far from home, trying to sell his wares to the Athbejid and Almoravid sheiks, but would be honoured to see a yemeni sword, or Jambiya as he calls it in the hands of such a fearsome warrior. The small curved weapon with its ornate scabbard intrigues me greatly and of course I must have one.  Landing on the very southern tip of Iberia, our hired vessel takes on cargo and returns to Italia without us, we continue on foot. Wali Musa ib Shameem is a flamboyant and compassionate man who greets us with open arms despite any differences we may hold, and for a week we stay in Algeciras in the shadow of the great Rock of Gibraltar.  Over the next summer we gradually make our way north, visiting the major cities of central Iberia, meeting Christian and Muslim alike. There have been such sights, great fortresses and ancient Roman ruins, ornate mosques and vibrant bazaars. Local lords and commanders wish to convene with me constantly as I pass through their land, desiring my council on matters of war and to spar with their soldiers, which I am all to happy to oblige.     Leaving the great Amirid Sultanate that occupies almost the entire eastern coast of Iberia we find ourselves back in the lands of Christendom beneath King Nuno of Aragon. A fiercely zealous and paranoid young man who demands to know everything we have learned on our travels up from Gibralatar. We humour him with tales of our journey but do little to give away any sensitive information we may have gleaned from the southern Mozarabic lords and sultans. I am no snake.   We are far more interested in spending time with his knights and commanders - these Castillians have been in a state of war all their lives, gripped by the generations-long struggle for Iberia. Such a highly militarised state of being surely requires a strict code of conduct and chivalry less these warrior-lords fall to barbarity. We Swiss are often times more a military with it's own kingdom rather than the other way round, striving to hold honour, duty and morality as our highest virtues will hopefully ensure Swiss society always remains secure and upright.   Back in Grisons, the new church I had funded is completed and its first services held, we will be sure to visit upon our return.  Trekking along the roads of southern France we are back within the borders of the Empire and close to home. Imperial Burgundy is prosperous without measure, a veritable golden-age for the southern french regions in the aftermath of the fall of the French kingdom, they have taken well to their ascension to the Empire.  As we depart from Montpellier and make our way toward the river Rhone we pass a poor peasant woman on the road going the other way. Her feet unclad, bloodied and sore, she lifts her head and gazes upon us with sullen sorrow filled eyes that break my heart. I stop the caravan at once, this poor woman must be tended to. She thanks me profusely, sitting on the back of one of our wagons as we make our way back in to Montpellier as she partakes in some of our bread and water and I find her a pair of my shoes to keep.  The lady told us she lived in Montpellier, but it is only when she tells us to stop, before the grand castle, that we realise this has been a ruse. The peasant lady hops from the wagon, her demeanour completely different and the guards stationed at the castle guards all bow to her. "Princess Amalie, I am Duchess Agata of Toulouse '' She proclaims proudly and curtseys us. "I wanted to see what kind of woman, the great 'Crusader' really is, and you did not disappoint."  "Now come, we have much feasting to do before you depart Burgundy"  Finally after many years we have returned home, we can see the old familiar border outposts at the edge of Lake Geneva. But, there is also a small detachment of knights also camped outside, flying a standard found nowhere here in the Alps, but of Champagne.  "Mountain witch!" howls Duchess Garsende as she comes clambering out of one of the pitched tents, hastily adjusting the straps of her delicate french armor. "I have waited here far too many nights for your return. Draw your sword and face me!"  She did probably not suspect me to be so delighted to see her surprise here at the border. What a fine ending to this little tour, I think to myself.  I am over twice her age, and probably ten times as experienced. She is a fool, an empty-headed duchess who has spent her days lounging in her lavish chateau surrounded by vineyards while I have spent a life fighting. She is no match for me, and though I could have quite easily cut her down with Svanhild's magnificent sword, I would rather not shed blood and sully this tour. Better to shatter her ego and send her back to Champagne humiliated.  Finally we are home. Our hair was still fair and blonde when we departed but now it is white, we finally begin to show our age at over six decades walking this Earth. Amalie is delighted to see us once more and we bring her all the gifts we had accumulated and tales we have gained on our tour while she can recount her rule of Switzerland for us in our absence.  The loss of the Holy Land has enflamed the muslims of Arabia and Egypt. They decry the failures of the Shia Caliphate and the Fatimids to protect their brethren and now it must surely fall on the Sunni to 'drive out the crusaders' and take back Jerusalem.  Not content to see my own demise, forces now conspire to see my dear Amalie murdered. She is already a terribly nervous and paranoid thing, there is little chance of any would-be assassins getting the better of her.  Elisabeth's husband thankfully treats my daughter much better than that vile Czech boy did for Amalie. She has taken well to being the Duchess of Verona and has a fruitful relationship with Duke Heinrich, they have just had their first child, named for me.  On the final leg of my journey home as I passed through Savoy I had tried to stay with Duchess Ermessinde - a good friend she may be though she can neither speak German nor I Occitan and we both must settle to converse in our equally broken French. Perhaps it best I try to learn how to speak her language, it is also the tongue of Imperial Burgundy who now occupy our western border - and much of the western half of the newly expanded Empire. Yes, knowing D'oc Vulgar would be most useful.  One day, as we hold court with some of the other knights, a German woman comes forth to greet us. She says she is Gerhild von Baden, a great adventurer and seeker of treasure.  We hire Gerhild and finance a great adventure for her to undertake in the east, far beyond the borders of either of the great Christian empires, to the lands of Persia. The Seljuk Turks have recently been ousted as rulers of the region and there is a great amount of turmoil as the Alid dynasty try to wrestle for control. No doubt there is plunder to be had there.  Our winter is spent hunting in Lotharingia with Duke Dietrich.  And the following summer spent hunting in Saxony with Princess Adelheid.  The Habsburg dynasty is becoming ever more renowned. But what is our legacy to be...  Undoubtedly one of war. We are a house of warriors, great and honourable.   A courier arrives from Bohemia, bringing with him a gift of exotic goods from King Jaromir. I do not see why he is trying to pawn these wares off of me, I want nothing to do with the Premyslids, I sell them off at the local market in Sargans.  Our adventurer, Gerhild is making her way across the Middle East, venturing out beyond the borders of Jerusalem and through Mesopotamia. When she is not fighting off bandits she is fighting off merchants trying to sell their wares. She sends us small parcels of their trinkets , hopefully she is not spending all our funds on these frivolities.  In the winter of 1109 we are invited to a grand banquet in Nordgau by Duke Gunzelin whom I have not had the pleasure of meeting. We set off at once, looking forward to another fine night of dining and conversing with the other nobles of the Empire.  With any luck the young Kaiser will be there, and I can try my darndest to befriend my liege and get in his good graces.  Back home Amalie is certain there are lords in Switzerland conspiring against us, paid for with French or Czech gold. Hopefully her rule remains fair and just, and paranoia does not get the better of her.  At the very least, we have one less enemy. As one of the many English lords we have crossed passes away, only another dozen or more that still vie for our heads.  Far, far away, in the lands of Transoxiana, our stalwart adventurer faces off against an endless cavalcade of foes. But she is resourceful, courageous, nothing will stop her.  Certainly not some wolves.  Five thousand miles away, in the warmth and comfort of the great hall of Hohenberg I find myself at the feast of Duke Gunzelin - and luck would have it the Kaiser is also attending.  I manage to get myself close to the Kaiser and we spend the evening carousing and dining.  Gerhild continues to face obstacles on the road, thankfully we outfitted her expedition with plentiful supplies and gold, any bandits that prove too great to overcome can simply be bribed away.  Of course we are fighting our own battles, trying to befriend our liege. Every comment and critique he makes we nod and agree along with, doing all we can to flatter and patronise him.  Thankfully, it worked.  The feast comes to an end, and we depart for home once more, satisfied I have secured our friendship with the Kaiser, and getting to enjoy a fine meal while I was at it.  My spymaster informs me that there are yet more plots unfolding all around us to see me killed. So be it. Half the world wants me dead, let them squabble to be the ones to put the knife in my back and hopefully they'll stab each other in the process.  Arriving back in Grisons, we find Gerhild awaiting us in Castle Chur. She has returned from her journey to the east, having survived the perilous adventure through the sun scorched deserts and mountains of Perisa to bring me back an invaluable treasure.  She unfurls an immense and ancient standard, yet still in immaculate condition and proclaims it to be the Derafsh Kaviani - royal standard of the Sasanian Empire. 
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Mar 5, 2024 17:10
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Clearly this is a sign that you must press a claim to some tiny corner of the Sasanian Empire, and thereby cause a domino effect that brings down all of Byzantium.
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Mar 5, 2024 18:38
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Man, lotta people trying to murder Amalie now. Also, the Duchess Garsende thing could be a whole extra season of the TV series.
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Mar 5, 2024 21:32
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Crisis Now posted:Exactly one year to the day after first stepping in the Holy Land we are now departing once more for home. I had expected this Crusade to be a long arduous endeavour, to consume the later years of my life - but that first major battle between the combined Crusader forces and the Shia decided the fate of the Holy Land right then and there. Somewhere from the back of her mind she can hear an unfamiliar voice shout, "Just die already!" and "You're messing up the narrative!" but doesn't know why.
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Mar 6, 2024 00:46
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Quackles posted:Man, lotta people trying to murder Amalie now. This means it's working. I have no earthly idea what "it" is, but I am nonetheless confident in the previous statement.
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Mar 6, 2024 01:00
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An actual successful crusade? When the player isn't something like France or England or another large Catholic nation? Madness.
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Mar 6, 2024 01:01
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Man, all this and /not/ trying to take the immortal sorceror route.
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Mar 6, 2024 01:07
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Turn it into a big cloak
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Mar 6, 2024 08:19
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It's weird that you can't take affront to her trickery here, unless it's based on traits?
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Mar 6, 2024 21:01
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