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needs MS paint pictures to go along
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Apr 12, 2003 06:08
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Apr 12, 2003 06:37
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quote:Colton came out of the closet to say: "Shut up or I'll loving kill you."
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Apr 12, 2003 06:56
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quote:CreamCheese came out of the closet to say: I would have posted some, but sadly, I can't upload pics to the forums cause I don't have a platinum account. However, if someone were to be so kind as to gift me with one, I'll gladly edit some pics in.... (/kidding)... (/wellsorta)
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Apr 12, 2003 11:18
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well, I promised it, I can't sleep, so here you go! "Little girl gets anal revenge on innocent orderly" This is a story that was related to me, luckily I wasn't the orderly involved, but it's still funny as hell to think about. On the child/adolescent ward, we used to have this little girl who was a real discipline problem. Actually, most of the patients on that ward were real discipline problems. Either they were beaten too much by their parents or they weren't beat enough. Anyway, this girl was being particularly bad this day so the staff on duty locked her away in the quiet room (that's what we call our padded seclusion cells). She went absolutley apeshit. She was trying to batter down the door with her fists, then her head, then tried to kick the wall down. Basically, she acted like they tossed a chimp into a room all by itself and then lit his nuts on fire. As time passes, she calms down a bit.. well, for her, anyway. She asks if she can use the bathroom, but was denied. (before you all get all angry about cruelty, she had already used the bathroom, and sometimes you need to watch out for patients that try to manipulate you by lying to you. Once you let them get away with one thing, they're very hard to get back under control) She kept complaining about it, so this one orderly on duty gave her the benefit of the doubt, he let her out and told her she had five minutes to do her thing and get back in the quiet room, which she did. She's back in the room, and about 10 more minutes pass when she says she needs to use the bathroom again. Ok, there's no way she can go again, she's lying. The orderly denied her the bathroom, and kept telling her no when she asked. This just escalated the girl more and more. From the way the orderly made it sound, she was doing backflips and spitting up pea soup. Thank god she was in a padded cell. Anyway, this little girl gets real quiet all of a sudden. I mean uncharacteristically quiet. The orderly figures that she's either worn herself out or has decided to calm down for 20 minutes so she can be let out. Time passes and he lets the girl out. When he looked in the quiet room, he saw that the little girl had just poo poo, pissed, and puked ALL OVER THE ROOM. And by all over, I mean that she must have worked up quite a pile of the vile stuff and SMEARED it all over the place. I just thank god that I wasn't the orderly on duty when that happened, I would have just quit.. I don't get paid enough to put up with that kind of poo poo. heh... personally, if I were that girl, I would have made sure to write "I told u i was hardcore" on the wall with my own poo poo.
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Apr 12, 2003 11:58
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quote:Colton came out of the closet to say: The fire department must love you guys. I imagine nutbars unable to resists the break glass to press (hell, I find it hard to resist myself when I see one) would result in one heck of a lot of false calls. Do the FD ring you guys up to confirm before rocking over with 3 trucks every 15 minutes?
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Apr 12, 2003 12:20
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quote:Colton came out of the closet to say: Keep em comin!
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Apr 12, 2003 12:21
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quote:Dan came out of the closet to say: actually, the fire department never shows up here. They call us first, and we can usually shut off the alarms if there's no fire. the police department, on the other hand, is another matter. We've had a few patients call 911 and tell the cops that we were force feeding them worms, raping them, and doing all sorts of horrible poo poo. And they always come by EVERY loving TIME. The know we're a MENTAL hospital and they don't bother calling back to check to see if the story's true or not. and what's worse is when they come in, they have their guns with them! We almost had a situation oce where a woman called the cops just so they could come over, and made a grab for the gun. she got the cops there just so she could shoot us all!!! gently caress da police!
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Apr 12, 2003 12:28
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quote:Dan came out of the closet to say: Here in the UK the firebrigade have to turn up if the alarms are set off- they arent allowed to ring to confirm. I remeber one day they were called out about 5 times- they wernt happy. ----------------
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Apr 12, 2003 12:41
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hey, serotonin... you a real psychiatrist? hey, here's an idea! let's find all the goons who are in the mental health profession! it'll be fun... well, not really...
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Apr 12, 2003 12:45
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quote:Colton came out of the closet to say: Anyway, I wasn't planning on telling many people about what happened when I was in the hospital, but I'm in a mood for writing. Jesus it's turning out way too long. ------------ A little background: I stayed in a hospital for roughly a week last year for reasons I won't go into, but I can assure you that I am sane, and not in the "hehe, yeah, I'm like SO SANE it's not even- oh god no the penguins!" hot topic shirt kind of way. The hospital held about 16 adolescents at a time, always coming and going. Some were normal with problems not regarding sanity like myself, some were 14 year old crackwhores there for rehab, and of course there were the nutcases. This was in Houston, so we had an interseting variety of normal people, rednecks, and rather ghetto inner-city kids. And thus begins "the not-so-odd, more-so-freakish couple" One day a rat-like creature showed up in the hospital. He was 13 but looked older, so much so that he slightly resembled that scary cavedemon picture that's been floating around (I'd post it, but my hosting went down). I'm not sure exactly what he was diagnosed with, my guess would be he was extremely bipolar as he did have his extremely depressed moods where he'd threaten to slash his throat (talked about this ALL the loving time, quite eerie). Everyone there hated him from the start, but you couldn't help but stare. You know how if you watch rodents in a cage, they'll run around doing pointless things like hopping onto stuff, trying to climb walls, and making weird noises? That was this kid. He's like the ADHD guy everyone picked on during high school only after having gobbled through a truckload of pure caffiene, yet his heart just won't loving explode already. A few conversations with Ratboy: Someone once asked him if he was a virgin or not, he said no. He then told us about his uncle's place nearby, where he boasted having hosed all sorts of girls and guys and his uncle. Quite the big pimpin' little dooder if I must say so myself. In his worst moods he would squeek and hallucinate about something that had to do with Jesus and rainbows, but he wasn't very easy to understand so I'm not really sure. You'll notice most all wackos have obsessions with Christ. Also, I swear EVERY insane person I've met has no control over their sex drive. Ratboy was not at all an exception, and as such would hit on every girl there. He had such charming methods as tearing out pages of coloring books and filling them in with whatever bizaare colors he interpreted the world to have. Kinda cute until he says "turn it over" and his number is scribbled on it with a hardly-legible "please gently caress me" and a floor-style smile. Infact, I wouldn't be surprised if the kid actually was floor, if he isn't a gimmick. They have a pretty similar grasp on reality and are about the same age. Final note: Ratboy could also NOT handle being picked on, which comest to be important later. Now let me tell you about the boy, or shall I say pseudo-nazi/hulk, who Ratboy was chosen to share a room with. This butch 15 year old just got out of juvy to be sent to the hospital because of the following story he told us: He was truant from school so often (for doin' badass poo poo like smoking and taking the lord's name in vain, he added in his own words) that he was finally required by law to be there every day for the rest of the year. Well one day he comes to school late. The school notices during the day and sends cops to arrest him. When pseudo-nazi/hulk saw them come in to the classroom, THE loving FURY WAS ULEASHED, a cop was pommelled to the ground in a frantic reaction, and others were fought off until they could finally wrestle the boy and his raging nazi instinct to the ground and handcuff him. Needless to say, he had SERIOUS anger problems. About once every two days he would completely flip out and start yelling at everyone, telling them to go away and not to touch him (of course, with much much much more swearing than that). The pseudo-nazi hulk would start to punch at walls and guys like Colton until they could finally tackle and inject him full of sedatives. His fists looked practically boneless under all the purple and blue swelling. It's scary to think of how much adrenaline goes through his body daily, and a shitload scarier to imagine having the same problem controlling anger. But this is not a story for empathy, and as such here are a few hosed up conversations with the pseudo-nazi/hulk. Why do I call him a nazi you ask? Well he wasn't really one, although he thought he was. His grandpa was a nazi who died in the war, thus leaving it up to his family to continue the tradition or some other bullshit. Anyway one day while forming a swastika out of green beans on his lunch tray, he was asked why he's a nazi. "I dunno, I got nothing against Jews or nothin' but I got nazi in my blood so... uh.. guess I do hate them actually. poo poo." After a long pause of staring and concealed laughter, the girl who asked the question (and also has reduced her I/Q to about 75 from all her drug use) decided to play with him. "HEY! I'm Jewish!" "NUH-UH! But you're sexy!" "Haha, yeah I know. I was just joshin'" "Dude, Laura, would have sex with me when we get out?" "Naw" "C'mon, I bet you're great in the sack." Creepiest use of a southern accent EVER. "Naw man, go away." "So are you sure you ain't Jewish? No offense or nothing but I don't gently caress Jewish chicks." By the way I wouldn't accept any of the stories he told as truth, as pseudo-nazi/hulk was a bit of a compulsive liar. On my last night there he was holding an intelligent conversation regarding masturbation habits and previous intercourse experience. After typing the previous conversation spelled out perfectly having felt rather unfitting, I've decided to type it out how he would if the swelling in his hands would shrink long enough for him to be able to operate a keyboard. The conversation takes place with his sidekick who giggled at every word pseudo-nazi/hulk spoke, but was fortunately much more sane. I'll start at the point where I heard enough laughter to begin paying attention to their conversation. "LOL u puss i stroke it like 6 times a day" "What the gently caress? Haha. Don't the orderlies notice you?" "HAhahahAh i first tried it liek sinse i waz in 3rd gRADE! ^_^ AHHAHAHAH" "Hehehe, how do you-" "I lost my virginity when i was 13 to an 18 year old." The laughter has stopped, and he's taken an incredibly solemn tone. He broke it and began giggling as he shouted, "I hosed A 36 YEAR OLD!" "Ahaha, It doesn't count if you were raped dood." "dONT MAKE FUN OF MEE!!! AHHHHHRRRR HULK SMASH!!!!!!!!" (or at least that's a summary of how it ended, as I was unable to witness most of his rage. We had to go to our rooms while he was being sedated.) Ok, I've been writing for too long. Will type up the rest later if anyone's interested.
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Apr 12, 2003 13:10
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^^^ this is why my children will have the poo poo beaten out of them regularly... it knocks the stupid right out of them... but seriously, that kind of stuff doesn't really phase me anymore. although it is kinda funny to see the whole "hey, I'm a teenager with low self esteem, I'll say/do stupid poo poo so people will like" behavior mixed in with a good dose of loving NUTS. and don't get me started on the kids who are only there because they had a choice of the hospital of juvenile hall.. those little bastards really make my blood boil
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Apr 12, 2003 13:39
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quote:Colton came out of the closet to say: Duct tape + sledgehammer = solved problems.
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Apr 12, 2003 14:36
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quote:Colton came out of the closet to say: No I am not a psychiatrist (thank god), although I am a Psychiatric Nurse- I work as an assistant manager (Charge Nurse) on a Acute Psychiatric unit. ----------------
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Apr 12, 2003 21:36
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You're lucky that there is a pretty low risk of contracting Hepatitis C from saliva. no prophylaxis for hep C tho...bummer.. At least it isn't as bad as this guy who came into the ER last year when I was interning, He somehow managed to cut up his pharynx by swallowing glass (don't ask me), so he was coughing up blood like crazy. Anyways, his medical records said he was HIV positive...that was probably the scariest situation I have had to deal with (yet)
AnimeKing fucked around with this message at 21:55 on Apr 12, 2003 |
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Apr 12, 2003 21:40
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quote:Colton came out of the closet to say: Oh, The people in juvy had that one kid moved to the hospital for a whole bunch of reasons. He's had really terrible family problems (stories of him crying about how he beat the poo poo out of his stepfather for hitting his mom) and all-around really loving needs help. I imagine there are a lot of kids who go there to "be on easy street" or whatever. People really do abuse the hospital... I doubt I should have even been there. One guy, hahhaha, he lived with his paranoid grandmother who checked him in because he would get drunk like every few weekends and was thus a raging and uncontrollable alcoholic. Do you and Serotonin see kids like these a lot?
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Apr 12, 2003 21:52
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quote:dooshy came out of the closet to say: I used to see them when I worked in pediatrics... There was one girl that would show up once or twice a month without fail. We'd just say "oh it's her again?" Although sometimes I felt really bad, because some of them would never get any visitors.
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Apr 12, 2003 22:00
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yeah, sometimes I consider the mental health field to be the most depressing.. expecially at the hospital, where it's all about making money and not about helping people. It really pisses me off when admissions is really happy to see a patient again, especially if it's their 8th admission in three months. It ceases to be at all about helping your fellow man and more like making money for keeping these people off the streets. I mean, poo poo, if that's the way things are now, why not just go back to the days of Bedlam and chaining the patients to the wall and charging people admission to watch them throw food at each other? I guess this is why I was attracted to counseling. the goal is to help people learn how to solve their own problems and not have them depend on you or a prescription to make them feel normal.
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Apr 12, 2003 22:41
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thats some crazy poo poo dude
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Apr 12, 2003 23:14
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quote:Colton came out of the closet to say:
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Apr 13, 2003 00:00
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for the love of god, write a book with MANY stories :)
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Apr 13, 2003 01:04
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quote:Colton came out of the closet to say: Aren't these type of people the reason why most hospitals have those bricks of nuclear-strength laxatives stocked up somewhere?
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Apr 13, 2003 01:09
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quote:Colton came out of the closet to say: Thats the beauty of a socialised medical program. We avoid this problem in the UK. Although we still get a huge number of revolving door patients. ie patient comes in hasnt taken their meds in weeks, stabilise them and recommence on medication, dishcarge them home, patient stops taking their meds- rinse and repeat... ----------------
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Apr 13, 2003 06:36
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Hey Colton, what are the job requirements for a job like this?
[img]htt//img0624.paintedover.com/uploads/0624/amerika2.jpg[/img]
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Apr 13, 2003 06:58
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quote:buttwurst came out of the closet to say:
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Apr 13, 2003 07:49
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you kept me up past my bedtime reading
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Apr 13, 2003 08:34
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Where can I send my resume for a job like this.
[img]htt//img0624.paintedover.com/uploads/0624/amerika2.jpg[/img]
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Apr 13, 2003 08:50
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quote:Kaji came out of the closet to say: all you need is a bachelor's degree in a related field (mine was in psychology), and a real desire to see the most bizarre poo poo you can think of.
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Apr 13, 2003 08:54
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| # ? Apr 25, 2024 06:28 |
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quote:Colton came out of the closet to say: I totally agree. I was actually thinking about what you had posted last night before I went to sleep. When I read the original post it really brought back a lot of memories that I haven't thought about in a couple years. I used to work in a group home (kind of like the modern version of "insane asylums" with less people). I actually posted a story about a guy who lived there a couple of weeks ago but I won't go back into that story. Sometimes the only way to stay sane yourself is to try and see the humorous side of the situation. Like, some lady who has Hep C isn't really funny, but if you take your job too seriously it can really gently caress with your head (or maybe I'm just too compassionate). When I worked at the group home there was this guy who would take a shower, and then go in his room to wack off...without fail...he'd just like, hump the bed. I usually tried to wait about 15 minutes after he took a shower but one day we were running late and I had to get him dressed so he could go to work. So I told him to hurry up and dry off...times passes and I hear his bed going EE EE EE EE so I know he's jacking off and he's gonna take forfuckingever. So I walk over, kick open his door like I'm the SWAT team and I'm like "<insert name here>!!! WHAT THE HELL ARE YO DOING!!!" The look on his face was priceless (I know I was being a dickhead). Also, someone earlier mentioned people calling 911. We had this one lady who was schizophrenic and the symptoms would rise and fall. Like every other couple of months she would get severe dementia and try to tell us that her family controlled all the gas stations and if I went to Speedway I could get all the free gas I wanted. And when I got married she tried to give me a check for a million dollars. Anyways, this one night I was counting the medication and getting ready to pass them. I hear this bloodcurdling scream coming from her room. I ran in"What's the matter?!(I thought maybe she had fallen out of bed or something because she was paralyzed)" And she starts crying and says "They're going to suck out all my blood and I'm going to die....AGHGHGHGHGH they're going to get me!!!" Then the phone rings. And it turned out she had called 911 from the phone in her room and told the operator that she was covered in mosquitos. Operator called back, I explained what was going on (they had recieved similar calls in the past) and assured her everything was fine and mosquitos were not in fact killing the resident. Then I made a big show of killing the invisible mosquitos with a fly swatter and the lady was cool for the rest of the night. Anyways, that post dredged up a lot of memories :)
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Apr 13, 2003 16:05
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