Dear Nintendo: YOUR COCKSUCKING PRODUCT HAS REDUCED ME TO A GIBBERING MAN-APE WHOSE ONLY RESORT TO DEALING WITH THE ALMIGHTY loving GRIEF IT'S BESTOWED UPON ME IS TO SCREAM AND HURT MYSELF. Seriously, I am jumping up and down and throwing my poo poo in handfuls at the loving television in some impotent primal effort to get the thing to work. I have been sitting here trying to enjoy your product - YOUR PRODUCT, YOUR GAME, YOUR CONTRACT BETWEEN DEVELOPER AND CONSUMER THAT THE CONSUMER WILL ENJOY YOUR PRODUCT - but instead the drat thing's been crawling out of the console and taking warm shits in my gaping mouth. Swear to god, you should have just added a little door to the console through which a hand pops out and flips me off, because I am insulted that your QA or testers or whatever brainless shitstove three genes short of a monkey FAGNUT signs your games through thought that a person with more than a single loving digit IQ could enjoy Story Mode Chapter 7. INSULTED. WORK WITH ME HERE: The goal's simple enough! Come in first! Hey, that's fine, it's just like playing the grand loving prix; not a problem! Only deal is your cross-eyed team of tongue-slapping wunderkind decided to give the game every single loving advantage possible TO THE GAME rather than me. How in the gently caress does Black Shadow - whose car is the heaviest and lamest piece of poo poo next to the Crazy Bear - suddenly become SO loving GOOD that he can stay in first without using a drop of boost? Huh!? Why!? You never see this shithead anywhere near the top loving 20 in a normal race. BUT HO HO HO THIS TIME HE'S MEGA-COCK, THE FASTEST human being IN THE WORLD. 1.21 GIGAWATTS MARTY, LET'S GO BACK TO THE loving FUTURE. But it's not just Black Shadow with the magical powers, it's the entire loving lineup of racers! THEY'RE ALL FASTER THAN YOU. AND DON'T REQUIRE ANY BOOST. But but but I of course, am still driving some piece of poo poo hamster-powered jalopy who guzzles it's entire energy bar in no less than four loving boosts! Add to this the entire course just got shitted on by some retarded space tiki volacano god and you've got a course full of hazards that'll drain at least 1/4 of your energy bar JUST BECAUSE IT CAN. WHOOPIE. HURRR, you say. THAT'S JUST THE CHALLENGE. IT'S NOT SUPPOSED TO BE EASY. Well gently caress that noise, you lopsided frankenfaced fuckfurter. Tell me, please, why does the GAME have to win? Huh? What happens when the game wins and I lose? Is there some huge loving kegger waiting for it when it gets done? Is there money involved? Or perhaps the motives are more sinister. Maybe the game's family is being held hostage by another game and that game has it's cock in F-Zero's wife's mouth and he's holding a cell phone up to her and F-Zero can hear her pained moans and cries for help and the rear end in a top hat game then says, "You beat that cock-sucking human, or I'll blow her brains out." I COULD UNDERSTAND THAT. I CAN BE SYMPATHETIC. It's not any fun if I can't win, you faggots. I want to move on. I want to unlock whatever piece of poo poo clown car you have hidden away from me so I can start racing and get pissed off with that too. When your game prevents me from fully enjoying the product I have bought you have failed in your loving mission to deliver a game. You lose! You break the contract! You contract the gay and loving DIE DIE DIE.
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# ? Sep 22, 2003 06:23 |
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# ? Apr 18, 2024 09:27 |
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I feel your pain. But then I felt victory. It's better than what I imagine sex would be like, which I would probably have had if I had not spent all day trying to beat chapter 7.
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# ? Sep 22, 2003 06:29 |
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This is the most beautiful post in the history of the world.
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# ? Sep 22, 2003 06:30 |
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I too, was in your position. Then I found my saviour. GC Action Replay Go ahead. We won't tell. We understand.
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# ? Sep 22, 2003 06:32 |
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I posted that without thinking. Nevermind that. Tally-ho.
Share Bear fucked around with this message at 06:54 on Sep 22, 2003 |
# ? Sep 22, 2003 06:33 |
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quote:The_Great_Sheep came out of the closet to say:
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# ? Sep 22, 2003 06:35 |
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quote:Nipple Bandit came out of the closet to say: ----------------
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# ? Sep 22, 2003 06:38 |
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Oh my god. All I can say. edit: this is my favorite part: quote:You lose! You break the contract! You contract the gay and loving DIE DIE DIE.
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# ? Sep 22, 2003 06:38 |
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You boys would never last five minutes in a REAL Sega arcade game. (I hate it, too)
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# ? Sep 22, 2003 06:45 |
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quote:Nipple Bandit came out of the closet to say: When you read that out loud in a desperate, raspy Doc Brown voice it's even funnier. I had similar feelings about weaponmaster mode in Soul Calibur. First game ever to cost me a controller. loving Taki.
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# ? Sep 22, 2003 06:58 |
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drat. I beat the THIRD chapter after the 2934830953034th try and jizz shot out of my cock. I haven't even tried the fourth because there are sharp knives in my kitchen that can be conviently used to slit my wrists. ps. i laughed. 5.
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# ? Sep 22, 2003 07:02 |
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HOLY poo poo BEST RANT EVER
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# ? Sep 22, 2003 07:07 |
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I felt the sameway about Mission 3. I was frustrated as all hell, finally finished it, and then game takes a literal poo poo in my cereal with mission 4. Get to the end and destroy cars? Sure, sounds easy enough. Oh wait, you have to boost constantly to keep up with the other machines, let alone the target machine. Plus, you have to constantly do a spin attack which uses the most difficult button the game pad to use as well. You can a little life back by spin attacking, but you also slow down, which requires the use of a boost to catch back up. Then I get to the end and blow right by the lead guy and lose the race because I didn't manage to knock him into the wall in the remaining .5 seconds of the race. There is difficult, then there is soul crushingly difficult, followed by Battletoads difficult, and then there is F-Zero GX difficult. I enjoy the game, but I do wish it wasn't this difficult.
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# ? Sep 22, 2003 07:21 |
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Dood......... A+++++++++ WILL READ OVER AND OVER AGAIN!@!$!@%!@%^!!!one holy poo poo. That made me :lol: so hard... Oh yeah, I'm on the same chapter as you... I gave up after my first try... gently caress THAT NOISE, AIIGHT? Yeah so... 5. GC Action Replay eh? Cheating is for women.... eh* * edit: not sexist, mmmkay? FLaMEagle fucked around with this message at 07:25 on Sep 22, 2003 |
# ? Sep 22, 2003 07:22 |
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lol yeah, chapter 7 is a pain, and it's the only one I haven't beaten on Hard (chapter 5 VH being my only other remaining challenge). I just said screw it, cause I don't really need those extra parts and one extra racer. It's just not worth it.
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# ? Sep 22, 2003 07:31 |
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quote:FLaMEagle came out of the closet to say:
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# ? Sep 22, 2003 07:32 |
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quote:Gendo came out of the closet to say: It's late, man... it's okay to act retarded ;) I think F-Zero will be the first video game ever to make people go insane...
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# ? Sep 22, 2003 07:38 |
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quote:FLaMEagle came out of Wal-Mart to say:
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# ? Sep 22, 2003 07:51 |
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Paging Fragmaster for some voice work. Please.
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# ? Sep 22, 2003 08:00 |
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FINALLY! I've been waiting for this thread. I've flamed this chapter 4 times already in this forum, and if you don't mind I'd like to rant one more time. gently caress this poo poo. gently caress IT! Why must I be forced to complete an an anal inversion of a challenge not once, not twice, but THREE loving TIMES on escalating difficulties just to get some loving courses only available playing a loving arcade game THAT DOESN'T loving EXIST! WHO THE gently caress WANTS TO GO PLAY SOME lovely ARCADE GAME JUST TO GET A FEW COURSES ANYWAY!?!?! Which sewer habitating rear end in a top hat forgot to test this abomination? Who is the cock ramming rear end-fondler who did heroin into his jugular right before making every opponent PERFECT IN EVERY WAY?!?! Who had the wonderful idea to have every vehicle go faster than physically possible whever I hit the A button? What's Captain Flacon got up his sleeve, you ask? WELL IT HAD BETTER BE A loving SHOTGUN THAT CAN DESTROY VEHICLES, BECAUSE THAT'S THE ONLY WAY YOU CAN loving HOPE TO WIN THIS CRAPPY-rear end RACING GAME!! AEGRHGHRHADEBORANIKAS! Who tested this race and said 'OK!'? Who is the rear end-gently caress who designed this and said "THIS SHOULD SUPPLY A GOOD CHALLENGE, LET'S GO SPIKE THE WATER COOLER WITH MORE EVERCLEAR!" This race is as hard as your cocks after you inject them with crack, you pig molesting motherFUCKERS! DIE YOU WHORES>
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# ? Sep 22, 2003 09:24 |
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And to think I started bashing my controller on things in only the third mission. Looks like I'll be taking the cheat code route.quote:bagina came out of the closet to say: Yeah, Ghosts n'Goblins was the first game to ever make kick my console across the room. Genesis was such a sturdy little machine (side note: only one other game ever put me into such a fit of rage that my console became a rocket through the house, and that would be Comix Zone).
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# ? Sep 22, 2003 09:27 |
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quote:Sanschel came out of the closet to say: I can't believe so many people break their consoles/controllers. I try more than anybody, and I'm more dissapointed, but I never break my equipment. The worst I've ever done was Goldeneye on one of those cheat unlocking missions. I lost by a second so I grabbed my mom's car key and threw it throwing knife style at the wall. It hit perfectly and stuck. I pulled it out, and the hole remains, although no one has ever noticed it. Moral: Break things other than your equipment.
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# ? Sep 22, 2003 09:37 |
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gently caress. gently caress. The SECOND mission has been pulling this poo poo on my and there's only one other racer. I beat it on normal just by ramming that pig fucker off the course. On Hard, I can smash him perfectly but he doesn't budge. I KNOW it's not my car's fault since I'm forced to use Falcons. There aren't any faggy powerups to win the goddamn mission but he still taunts me. I can't wait to waste more tickets on story mode so I can live in constant humiliation. :krad:
Obeah posted:Donate! To RAINN!
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# ? Sep 22, 2003 10:14 |
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The game is seriously prohibitively hard, with very little learning curve. I like playing with my friends on my friend's GC...but since I ran into a wall on Story Level 3, and can't beat the third cup on novice, I'm not sure I'll buy the game for myself. I did all right on the other F-Zero games, nearly beating them on master, but this one is just insane. Shut up with your personal attacks. In every loving thread you post unnecessary personal attacks.
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# ? Sep 22, 2003 10:19 |
I'm lolling fairly hard here at 3:00am Pacific time
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# ? Sep 22, 2003 11:00 |
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Burnout 2's Championship mode was a bit like that. You have to get gold on 1 track, then 2 in a row, then 3, 4, and 5, all in a row. When you get to the last Grand Prix, you have to come in first on 6 tracks in a row. You can't save between races in Grand Prix either. It's either gold medal on all races in the set, or you don't unlock the next feature. It starts off pretty easy, but as you get near 4 or 5 in a row, they get disgustingly good and only a near-perfect race is going to beat them. You get to 6, and crashing once in the entire race means the next car can get 8 seconds ahead of you easy. Nice rant though.
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# ? Sep 22, 2003 11:07 |
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Well, you seem superbly angry, but considering I can't necessarily tell how much of this is pure, vitrol-fueled rant and how much of it is OMG COMEDY LOL, I'll be more serious in my reply, just in case you couldn't catch a few things about the structure of the game. Grand Prix mode is supposed to give every car their rightful advantages, with the AI simply becoming a lot more aggressive in higher difficulties. Story Mode is MEANT to poo poo in your proverbial cereal with the odds of the crushing technological demon construct stacked against your pitiful human soul. So yeah, Story Mode is usually REALLY loving HARD, but there's always a KEY to each mission that, with a little manual skill, will probably guarantee a win. And yes, it IS possible to win without cheating. It is not my fault that you are simply an inferior gamer. Edit: Also, FYI you unlock the Arcade courses by beating the Grand Prix cups on Master, not the Story Missions.
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# ? Sep 22, 2003 11:18 |
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quote:Nipple Bandit came out of the closet to say: Personally I'm fighting the temptation to get this game - it sounds great, but I'm still smarting from when I got burned on the slip-n'-slide festival that was F-Zero X. The challenge makes it even more intruiging though, since people seemed to find Mario Sunshine really hard and I had no problem with it. Must resist...
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# ? Sep 22, 2003 12:00 |
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None of the F-Zero games have been cakewalks, so I'm not sure why the difficulty of GX is so upsetting or surprising. It's made by the same development team at Sega that worked on both Super Monkey Ball titles, and we all know how forgiving those games were.
Mamoscott fucked around with this message at 12:04 on Sep 22, 2003 |
# ? Sep 22, 2003 12:01 |
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Is chapter 7 hard or something? You kind of skirted around the issue. (great rant)
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# ? Sep 22, 2003 12:10 |
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The game is brutally hard, but I just wish the difficulty came from the other drivers using a great racing line, as opposed to cheating their asses off. Is it really necessary to give them infinite loving boost? Come on now.
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# ? Sep 22, 2003 12:32 |
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I'm stuck on Story Mode 3 (easy). I'm hoping that it proves similar to Super Monkey Ball, in that when I finally nail it, it's not difficult to repeat.quote:Belfast came out of the closet to say: Good work man.
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# ? Sep 22, 2003 12:36 |
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quote:Lacool came out of the closet to say:
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# ? Sep 22, 2003 12:53 |
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I LOVE COCK SUCKING MONKEYS! THATS WHO THIS GAME WAS MADE FOR! THEY COULD BEAT IT IN 3.2 seconds! Yours just below monkeys! Thats why you can't win! omg rant rant rant.
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# ? Sep 22, 2003 13:05 |
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This post makes me feel all the better for having finished the whole of Story Mode. The way you were going on about Black Shadow, though, makes one wonder if you know that it's quite simple to destroy his machine right at the start, with two well-timed side attacks as he tries to pass you for the first time. Takes a bit of practice, though, but it's right at the start, so if you miss you can just retry (pulling the camera all the way out helps). After that, try your damnedest to do the same to Blood Falcon and as many of the other leaders as you can and you've got a relatively decent chance. Edit: By the way, just so you know, levels 8 and 9 are a lot easier. Admiral Lasers fucked around with this message at 13:30 on Sep 22, 2003 |
# ? Sep 22, 2003 13:15 |
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quote:horseness came out of the closet to say: I broke the game at mission 3. I must have gotten the impossible version. EB wouldn't take it back :(
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# ? Sep 22, 2003 13:15 |
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quote:The_Great_Sheep came out of the closet to say: Greatest thing in the world to wake up too, this thread is. TwitchCannon fucked around with this message at 13:28 on Sep 22, 2003 |
# ? Sep 22, 2003 13:26 |
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I do not own a Nintendo GameCube I do not play F-Zero I do not know who Blackshadow is However, this post may have just caused me severe internal haemmoraging. quote:Well gently caress that noise, you lopsided frankenfaced fuckfurter. I am so recording this for future use! 5.
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# ? Sep 22, 2003 13:32 |
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I've never played this game, but for the flashbacks you've produced of me kicking my C64 on some shittily stupid hard games back in the day, you're now my favourite Games poster
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# ? Sep 22, 2003 13:32 |
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# ? Apr 18, 2024 09:27 |
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They don't make controllers like they used too. Atari and NES controllers were in-loving-destuctable.
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# ? Sep 22, 2003 13:46 |