HER FEELINGS: 09/14/2030, 12:59 ♪ BGM: Anxious Times of Rokumei City ♫  But there was no sign that they would find her.   We should rest a bit. We've already been running around for 20 minutes. Khh... guess you're right.Natsuhiko combed through his disheveled hair and took a few deep breaths. ...Dammit, Mashiro, you're not making it any easier for us...!As he muttered that, Salyu responded in a cold voice. You've been cursing this whole time, Natsuhiko. If it's that frustrating, then you don't have to look for her. Besides, you think Mashiro’s mistaken about there being terrorists, don't you? I may not believe her about the terrorists, but regardless, I'm still worried about her. Our friend is suddenly gone. You can understand that I'd be worried, right? No, I don't understand. Your words and your actions contradict. If you don't believe Mashiro, then why don't you just leave her alone? What!? According to you, there are no terrorists. In that case, leaving Mashiro alone would be the obvious thing to do. ...That's kind of dry.Natsuhiko was a little perturbed. You've received quite a bit of Mashiro’s favor too, haven't you Salyu? That's a completely different story. I'm just giving a logical conclusion. Hey... don't you think you're being a little too cold? You're not gonna make any friends like that. ... ...!Natsuhiko regretted those words as soon as they left his lips. That was essentially an outburst of anger. But Salyu calmly replied. ♪ BGM: Individualist / Theme of Louise ♫ That's fine. It's impossible for me to have friends anyway. Hey... That's not fine at all. They say humans need others in order to live. Then let me turn the question around. What exactly is a 'friend'? Huh...? A friend is someone you frequently do stuff with... And, well, you share in each other's fun times and sad times, I guess?Natsuhiko gave a general answer to Salyu's blunt question. Yes. That's what I've heard friends were like. And that's why it's impossible for me to make friends. It's not impossible, is it? If you think normally... It really is impossible.Salyu interrupted Natsuhiko-- and informed him of a truth he had never heard before. I cannot understand other people's feelings at all. Because my brain lacks that function. Wh-what...?Natsuhiko unintentionally gasped. B-but Salyu, you still have emotions, don't you? Of course. Even I can have emotions. Then can't you just apply that to other people...? No, I cannot. Even though I understand that other people have emotions, I cannot comprehend how those emotions change. That is my defect. What I lost in exchange for high functionality elsewhere. ...! All I can do is judge whether to believe or to reject the words of others. Nonverbal and finely nuanced expressions of emotion are beyond my comprehension. And now you say you don't believe there are terrorists. And yet you're looking for Mashiro. That's a contradiction. I'm just confused about that.Salyu hung her head as she finished. (Is that even possible...?)But despite his doubts, he felt a sinking feeling in his stomach. (I see now... So that's why she treasures Alice so much.)Salyu said that ARMS was a device meant to read the moods of others. So that was why she couldn't ever be without it. If she couldn't understand other people's feelings, then she had no choice but to trust in Alice's judgment. ...Is it genetic? Yes, I believe so. The brain is just another part of the body, after all. Just as the body has its own physical dispositions, it's only natural for the brain to have its own as well. Natsuhiko, you don't understand the feelings of trees, or flowers, or insects, do you? N-no... I really can't say that I do. It's probably the same concept. I cannot tell the difference between a human mind and an insect mind. My brain does not even attempt to process the feelings of others. That's just so----so sad. Natsuhiko forcibly swallowed that word down. Because Salyu most likely was not seeking pity when she told him this truth. But still, Natsuhiko wanted to at least say something, so he tried his best to wring some words out. ...BC... That's it. BC can help you understand other people's minds, can't it...?Sure enough, Salyu supposedly had Rank D Aptitude. She could learn how to use empathy. It would take a considerable amount of effort, but it wouldn't be impossible. And if she did, it would make living easier for her, or so Natsuhiko thought-- There's no hope for that. My actual aptitude is Rank F. Ability's nonexistent as well. A blue branch with Salyu at 7. Rank F Aptitude specified that one was unable to use BC at all. In other words, no amount of effort would ever allow one to use BC. W-wait, then why did Prof. Tsubakiyama say you were Rank D...? Because Rokumei Academy does not accept applicants with Rank F Aptitude. Dr. Tenkawa forged my medical certificate. Salyu nodded plainly. It was hard to believe-- but judging by her expression, it didn't seem dubious at all. ...So you really can't use it? I have tried practicing in the past, though. I thought that if I could use BC, I could understand people's feelings. But it was impossible for me. When Mashiro was teaching us yesterday, I finally got motivated again. But it's not a problem of motivation. ... I've long since given up. There's no way I can understand other people's minds. I came to Japan, met all of you, and had fun, but... at times, I've also been confused, and also scared. Perhaps I really wasn't meant to interact with other people. (How exactly must that feel...!?)To be unable to understand others no matter how much you try. To be the only one left out when everyone else around you reaches understanding of what's on each others' minds-- Natsuhiko was at a loss just trying to imagine it. (I see... Salyu's relationship to others is like the relationship between Communicators and ordinary people.)Once he thought about it that way, a memory of the past arose from the back of his mind. --When he was young, Natsuhiko was the center of attention for the neighborhood kids. Back then, Natsuhiko loved BC. Without thinking too deeply about it, he yearned to be something special, which was why he dreamed of becoming a Communicator. But right before he got into elementary school, he learned that he really did have the aptitude to become one for real... And thus it was decided that he and Mashiro would enroll in Rokumei Academy.  ♪ BGM: Languid Hours of Rokumei City ♫ People stopped gathering in the park they always played in. The only ones to stay with Natsuhiko were Yuuri and Mashiro.  Huh, nobody's here today either... Why'd everyone leave? They said we'd always be friends even once we started elementary school...Yuuri spoke up after Natsuhiko and Mashiro muttered those words.  ...It's because we're Communicators and the others are ordinary people. Huh? They might be scared of us reading their minds...Since Yuuri was two years their senior, she likely had a better understanding of society. Particularly the social implications surrounding Communicators. What's up with that...? I don't get it at all. ...But we can't even use telepathy yet...They could do nothing but deny Yuuri's observation. Which only made her smile sadly. That's true, but still... Just because we know that doesn't mean we can convince them to believe it too.Natsuhiko just couldn't comprehend what Yuuri was implying. But he took her words and facial expression, and engraved them into his heart. --And that was possibly the first time Natsuhiko began to feel that he couldn't understand what was on other people's minds. But he was still okay with that. If he acquired the skill of empathy to read the minds of others, then he would be able to understand the feelings of those who distanced themselves from him. At least, that's what he had hoped--  ♪ BGM: Anxious Times of Rokumei City ♫ Noooooo! No! Noooo!Yuuri used to be calm no matter what the situation, but that all changed after the incident. I don't want to go outside! I hate it! I don't wanna go!! Don't make me leave! Let me stay here!!Natsuhiko found himself stunned and dumbfounded when faced with Yuuri's refusal to leave the house. Yuuri's transfiguration made Natsuhiko sad, dejected, and regretful to the core... As well as a little frightened.  And Natsuhiko lost the motivation to train his BC ability as well. For if one day, he were to become able to read Yuuri's mind... And what he saw there was resentment towards him, then he...! He would probably never recover. While he did want to know what was in her heart, his fear of actually knowing far outweighed his curiosity to know. So instead-- he swore at the very least to watch over her. Even if his oath was worth nothing more than a pittance of atonement. Even if staying by her side had nothing to do with actually understanding her.  His fear of knowing what lied in other people's minds. And his fear of knowing what clouded his own mind as well. That was why he kept his distance from his classmates. (But how is it with Salyu...?)He thought back to the day she transferred in. Salyu avoided the other classmates and sat in her seat all alone. (Does she avoid everyone in the same way that ordinary people avoid Communicators?)That was somehow similar to what Natsuhiko did-- Which was why he couldn't help but say... ...Don't tell yourself you weren't meant to interact with other people. Huh? It's true that we can't understand other people's feelings. We all have times when we're confused. Times when we're scared. ...But we should still consider other people's feelings, shouldn't we?--Natsuhiko thought that perhaps he wasn't the most qualified of people to speak on this subject. But regardless, he continued. Right now as I speak, I'm trying in my own way to consider your feelings, Salyu. But is it really pointless for me to try? ... ...Hmm. So? Can you tell anything about my feelings? ...No, I can't. Because I'm not you, see? Right. So in the end, it really was pointless-- You're wrong. When I say we can't understand other people's feelings, I don't just mean you and me, Salyu. Nobody truly can. Huh...!? It's not just me... but everyone? Yeah. That's right. After all, there are so many things different between you and me. Our genders. Our abilities. And so much more. So there's no way I can understand your feelings. ...And I'm sure that's a universal truth that applies to any two people.Natsuhiko could not hope to know the world as Salyu observed it, and thus, neither could he hope to have a complete understanding of her feelings. The same went for Yuuri. Even with empathy, the best he could ever hope for was a glimpse of a small facet of her mind. And that's to say nothing of his fear of learning something he shouldn't. He had always thought this way. But-- But don't you think... we should still try our best to understand each other regardless?Natsuhiko vocalized an idea that he himself had always been rejecting. But as he vocalized it, he gradually became more and more aware. Aware of how it was an idea that he had originally always held. ...You don't need a full understanding of what's on other people's minds. But as long as you keep striving for it... In other words, as long as you keep other people in consideration... Then I'm sure things will turn out for the best. Both for you and for those you interact with... And unless you afford that kindness to others, nobody will be kind to you, will they? ...That's the first time anyone has ever said that to me. Well, it's the first time I've ever said it to anyone, too. You're strange. I don't have the slightest idea what thought process led you to say something like that, Natsuhiko. Yeah, you don't have to understand that either. ...I don't? That way of thinking's just a lot less stressful, isn't it? ...Salyu hung her head as if deep in thought. She eventually looked up and asked Natsuhiko a question. ...So basically, you're saying that's the reason you can frantically search for Mashiro while simultaneously cursing her name? Huh? Uh... yeah. Exactly.Because of the unexpected turn his conversation with Salyu had taken, Natsuhiko had forgotten about Mashiro for a moment. I don't understand what she's thinking, but unless I find her and ask her myself, I'll never even get close to understanding her feelings, will I? Is that what it means to worry about someone? Yeah, probably. A blue branch with Salyu at 7. Salyu nodded with that and continued. I still don't understand. I don't understand how your feelings are causing your words and actions to contradict, Natsuhiko. But... it did make me happy to hear that people in general can't understand other people's feelings. ♪ BGM: Words of Healing ♫ It helps a little to know that. Thank you. I-it wasn't anything you needed to thank me for, really. It's just... Just what? ...Nah, it's nothing.Natsuhiko swallowed his words. -The words were ''Even if people can't come to an understanding, perhaps they can come to a compromise.'' He did not say it because he thought it might just confuse Salyu again. And then after Salyu stared blankly at Natsuhiko for a while, she suddenly glared at him as if she remembered something. That said, I worry about you too, Natsuhiko. Huh? Why? The way Mashiro blindly accepted unclear information and the way you're aimlessly chasing after her seem much the same in my perspective. Ugh... yeah, that's true. It's not like you'll find her by searching blindly. So first let's calm down and think about a way to find her. I'll help. Y-yeah!Natsuhiko replied enthusiastically to Salyu's proposition.
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| ← # ? Jan 31, 2017 20:30 |
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