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Izumi Konata
May 4, 2012

by Ralp
:bsdsnype:

azreal posted:

]
I was like "drat god, you're kind of a dick!"

god doesn't need a dam, he could wlk on water.

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Luvcow
Jul 1, 2007

One day nearer spring

quote:

He said to them, "If it were useful, their father would produce children already circumcised from their mother. Rather, the true circumcision in spirit has become profitable in every respect."

angerbot
Mar 23, 2004

plob

quote:

23Then he went up from there to Bethel; and as he was going up by the way, young lads came out from the city and mocked him and said to him, "Go up, you baldhead; go up, you baldhead!" 24When he looked behind him and saw them, he cursed them in the name of the LORD. Then two female bears came out of the woods and tore up forty-two lads of their number.…

ilikedirt
Oct 15, 2004

king of posting
gonna use this opportunity to say

hail satan

TED BUNNDY
May 30, 2009

SO HUNGRY
Pork Pro

Grant DaNasty posted:

Eve said, "Wanna come up and gently caress?"

"Why not?", said Adam.

The first one off with her clothes was Eve. Her perky tits said hello to Adam like they were friendly next door neighbors, and her pussy dripped with anticipation of what Adam had concealed in his tight blue jeans. She got on her knees and unzipped him. Yep, she was right again. It was a big hard cock.

Eve then looked up at Adam giving him her doe-like gently caress me eyes. "I guess this is for me." Adam still staring into her eyes licked his lips almost as if he was preparing to do to himself what Eve was about to do to him. "Yeah, that's for you baby. Merry Christmas." Eve smiled her luscious lips mere milliseconds away from wrapping around his veiny schlong. "Happy Hanukkah," she quickly giggled and then proceeded to get down to business.

Eve sucked Adam's cock ferociously like it contained all the unknown secrets of the universe. Adam's face clinched in ecstasy. "God, she's good," he thought. "Nobody gives a BJ like Eve." Eight full minutes went by. Eve would have kept going too but Adam had to stop her.

"What's wrong?" she asked. "Nothing's wrong baby. It's just if you keep sucking me like this I'm definitely going to cum, and I don't wanna do that yet."

"Oh yeah? What do you wanna do instead?" Eve asked with a sweaty grin.

Adam mirrored her grin. "Oh just a little something I like to call 'bobbin' for pussy pubes'"

Eve liked the sound of that. "Bob away you dirty gently caress pig!" Adam picked Eve up and threw her on the bed. He then spread her pink legs and immediately shoved his face into something even pinker. He then proceeded to let his tongue dance on Eve's clit like Baryshnikov, swirling and twirling with the greatest of ease. He painted her fence with not one, not two, but 47 saliva coats.

Just then Eve slapped him across the face and without warning took Adam's rock hard beef love and shoved it into her hot hairy oven. At first Adam just teased her, just dipping in the tip of his head. And then after a couple of tip tests of the old twat water, plunged his whole hard beef thermometer into her tight lower mouth. Eve screamed in ecstasy.

"That's right, gently caress me good! gently caress me good, Bozo! Put your balls in my bucket and get 50 points you goddamn perverted clown! Yeah Bozo, gently caress me right!"

Adam grunted in between thrusts. "Why do you keep calling me Bozo?"

"Because you're a clown! You're a cock clown! Now go over to my dresser and put on your clown make up and cock me some more you sick molesty fucker."

Adam looked at Eve's dresser and sure enough there was clown make up on top of it. He got up off her bed and walked over to the dresser and quickly did what his master had commanded him to do. He spread the white and red paint on his face in a way it looked like he had been crying for two hours.

"How is this?" he asked.

"Perfect you loving clown. Now come over her and funny gently caress me."

Adam walked over to the bed, but this time Eve threw him down on the bed. "You might be a clown, but I'm a cowgirl." Eve slid on top of Adam backwards, and slid her slit down his pole. She then proceeded to bounce. "Bucking bronco! Bucking bronco! Take your ride on the Bozo loving bronco!"

Adam was starting to lose control. He knew he was going to shoot his load at any second. Her hot fat rear end bouncing on his dick like that, it was enough to make the Pope want to gently caress. Eve was about to climax too. Her moans and groans transformed into screams. There was no doubt about it. She was on a one way trip to orgasm town.

"I have a surprise for you," she said as she yelped with pleasure.

"What's that?" Adam said, trying to last for a couple more minutes.

"I'm a squirter."

Just then Eve stood up off Adam's cock and proceeded to spray him with gallons and gallons of her sweet savory cunny juice all over his six pack. It was too much for Adam. He matched her vagina squirts with a boatload of hot vanilla jizz. It was so thick it looked like he had a Crest toothpaste factory in his ball sack.

Then, when their fruits were fully juiced. They collapsed right beside each other.

i was going to start posting residents videos but holy poo poo :laffo:

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Pththya-lyi
Nov 8, 2009

THUNDERDOME LOSER 2020
God broke Paul, his buddy Silas (AKA Silvanus), and a bunch of other dudes out of jail:

Acts 16 posted:

25 About midnight Paul and Silas were praying and singing hymns to God, and the other prisoners were listening to them. 26 Suddenly there was such a violent earthquake that the foundations of the prison were shaken. At once all the prison doors flew open, and everyone’s chains came loose. 27 The jailer woke up, and when he saw the prison doors open, he drew his sword and was about to kill himself because he thought the prisoners had escaped. 28 But Paul shouted, “Don’t harm yourself! We are all here!”

29 The jailer called for lights, rushed in and fell trembling before Paul and Silas. 30 He then brought them out and asked, “Sirs, what must I do to be saved?”

31 They replied, “Believe in the Lord Jesus, and you will be saved—you and your household.” 32 Then they spoke the word of the Lord to him and to all the others in his house. 33 At that hour of the night the jailer took them and washed their wounds; then immediately he and all his household were baptized. 34 The jailer brought them into his house and set a meal before them; he was filled with joy because he had come to believe in God—he and his whole household.

35 When it was daylight, the magistrates sent their officers to the jailer with the order: “Release those men.” 36 The jailer told Paul, “The magistrates have ordered that you and Silas be released. Now you can leave. Go in peace.”

37 But Paul said to the officers: “They beat us publicly without a trial, even though we are Roman citizens, and threw us into prison. And now do they want to get rid of us quietly? No! Let them come themselves and escort us out.”

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