Register a SA Forums Account here!
JOINING THE SA FORUMS WILL REMOVE THIS BIG AD, THE ANNOYING UNDERLINED ADS, AND STUPID INTERSTITIAL ADS!!!

You can: log in, read the tech support FAQ, or request your lost password. This dumb message (and those ads) will appear on every screen until you register! Get rid of this crap by registering your own SA Forums Account and joining roughly 150,000 Goons, for the one-time price of $9.95! We charge money because it costs us money per month for bills, and since we don't believe in showing ads to our users, we try to make the money back through forum registrations.
 
  • Locked thread
Wormskull
Aug 23, 2009

Ristolaz posted:

You are as beautiful as the hubble nebula pictures and you make the blood travel to both the intelligence detecting part of my brain as well as my nether regions.

Adbot
ADBOT LOVES YOU

Third World Reagan
May 19, 2008

Imagine four 'mechs waiting in a queue. Time works the same way.

Kylra posted:

Hello Sir and/or Madam. I would like to have sex with you. Are you having a nice day? Good, then let us commence intercourse at once.

stop stealing my lines

Unexpected Raw Anime
Oct 9, 2012

People who are talented at writing smut make way more money doing that than they would writing video game fantasy dialogue op

Mr. Pumroy
May 20, 2001

i have noticed that the gold ring i just gave you provided a +5 to our relationship, bringing us to a net total of 80 relationship points. as i result i have unlocked titty fondling and i will do so.

MarioTeachesWiping
Nov 1, 2006

by XyloJW

Mr. Pumroy posted:

i have noticed that the gold ring i just gave you provided a +5 to our relationship, bringing us to a net total of 80 relationship points. as i result i have unlocked titty fondling and i will do so.

SunAndSpring
Dec 4, 2013

Mr. Pumroy posted:

i have noticed that the gold ring i just gave you provided a +5 to our relationship, bringing us to a net total of 80 relationship points. as i result i have unlocked titty fondling and i will do so.

quote:

titty

mods ban this sick filth

Third World Reagan
May 19, 2008

Imagine four 'mechs waiting in a queue. Time works the same way.
Is this the author of that

a cock shaped fruit posted:

Not that I didn't think it was a good concept, in fact I really wanted to play it - but as a long time Uber enthusiast (I am the weirdo that stopped by their studio to shake hands with people while on my honeymoon) I feel they need to work on finishing projects before starting new ones.

drilldo squirt
Aug 18, 2006

a beautiful, soft meat sack
Clapping Larry
Is it just me, or do a lot of weird dudes make this game?

glam bam rock
Jun 2, 2009

aaaaaaaaawwwwwwwww
WHAM BAM THANK YA GLAM

Wormskull posted:

Dons a cheesecutter and a vest. Shall we go ought for a night on the town first?

glowstick party tonight
Oct 4, 2003

by zen death robot
what is a shole?

Simoom
Nov 30, 2009

Wormskull posted:

And last but not least there was at least one person in your middle school gym class like one of the guys who just sits in the corner on the highest row of the bleachers reading dragon fantasy novels has said this while jerking off.

yeah aka me

Maltag
Oct 1, 2007

Wormskull posted:

Very stilted and awkward, and it's how I imagine Phallic Baldwin talks to women lmfao.

its kind of sad you keep bringing phally b up even though he doesnt post here.. just get over him already. its hard to watch.

Knuc U Kinte
Aug 17, 2004

Phallic Baldwin/Shadow Isaac is a legend around these parts.

Turtlicious
Sep 17, 2012

by Jeffrey of YOSPOS
*thinks about putting it in my a**hole*

Liquid Penguins
Feb 18, 2006

by Cowcaster
Grimey Drawer
esrb is worthless if it can't confirm/deny gay elf sex

VideoGames
Aug 18, 2003
'greetings fair maiden we have experienced multiple quests and i have been your friend this whole time. now it is time to repay me in sex credits."

Knuc U Kinte
Aug 17, 2004

Liquid Penguins posted:

esrb is worthless if it can't confirm/deny gay elf sex

The developers have already revealed all the romance options you stupid human being.,

Knuc U Kinte
Aug 17, 2004

You can choose to be a gay Elf, and have sex with a Qunari or the Human Gay, or you can me a female gay and have sex with the gay girl elf companion.

Wormskull
Aug 23, 2009

Maltag posted:

its kind of sad you keep bringing phally b up even though he doesnt post here.. just get over him already. its hard to watch.

If I wanted to hear the opinions of an rear end in a top hat, I'd fart. Piss off.

Maltag
Oct 1, 2007

Wormskull posted:

If I wanted to hear the opinions of an rear end in a top hat, I'd fart. Piss off.

lol you sound a bit mad... anyway, im going to be over on badgame with my friend p.b. ernjoying his funny and awesome posts while you hang out with the gbs 2.0 crew.

elf help book
Aug 5, 2004

Though the battle might be endless, I will never give up

Knuc U Kinte posted:

*swaggering into a Noise Club, wearing all manner of retarded poo poo like vests and cheesecutters* I like the way your tits bounce lets do a sex. Btw, I'm not even high.

"bee tee dub"

elf help book
Aug 5, 2004

Though the battle might be endless, I will never give up

Pewdiepie posted:

*Looks upon you fondly, with great sexual pleasure and respect*

Maltag
Oct 1, 2007
*lols to sself* oh, sorry.. was just thinking about this post the peebster made the other day about selling his last of us remastered german import case on reddit

Knuc U Kinte
Aug 17, 2004

Maltag posted:

*lols to sself* oh, sorry.. was just thinking about this post the peebster made the other day about selling his last of us remastered german import case on reddit

Lmao.

Buschmaki
Dec 26, 2012

‿︵‿︵‿︵‿Lean Addict︵‿︵‿︵‿
That sounds like some pc gamer nerd poo poo, what does this have to do with grtting my rocks off wat hing the latest gay elf bioware soap opera you bison?

Abandon
Nov 23, 2006

The Real Barenziah posted:

They settled into Rifton for the winter, taking a cheap room in the slums. Barenziah joined the Thieves' Guild, knowing there would be trouble if she were caught free-lancing. One day in the barroom she caught the eye of a known member of the guild, a bold young Khajiit named Therris. She offered to bed with him if he would sponsor her for membership. He looked her over, grinning, and agreed, but said she'd still have to pass a test.
"What sort of test?"
"Ah," Therris said. "Payment first, sweet thing." He put an arm around her, leaned over and kissed her, thrusting his tongue deep into her mouth and his free hand into her shirt.
"Nice," he said presently, withdrawing his tongue, but not his hand. His other hand slid down inside her waistband and fondled her buttocks.
"Let's go upstairs. We can use my room," Barenziah felt both embarassed and excited by his boldness.
Therris grinned insolently. "Why bother? You want me, don't you? I'll bet you'd pay me, wouldn't you?"
"No," Barenziah said. She did want him, but not that badly.
"No? Well, a bargain's a bargain and Therris keeps his word. But here. Now." He hiked her skirt up and pulled her onto his lap so she sat astride, facing him. He opened her shirt and pulled it down on her shoulders so that her breasts were exposed.
"Nice pair, kid." She was facing the wall but she could feel the stares of the other patrons. A hush had fallen over the place. Even the bard had stilled. She felt both nausea and a hot burning desire. Her hands released his turgid penis and then it was inside her and she was screaming in both pain and ecstasy. Then everything went black.
When she came to herself again she was sitting beside Therris, who was buttoning her shirt.
"That hurt!" she said indignantly.
"Always does, kid. Didn't anyone ever tell you about Khajiit men? It hurts good though, now doesn't it?"
Barenziah scowled at him. She was still smarting. His penis had tiny little barbs on it.
"Well, the deal's off, if you like," he shrugged.
"No, I didn't say that. Only I prefer privacy, and I want to wait awhile, like a day or so before the next time."
Therris laughed. "You're OK, kid."
Straw was going to kill her, and maybe Therris too. What in Tamriel had possessed her to do such a thing? She cast an anxious look around the room, but the other patrons had lost interest and gone back to their own business. She did not recognize any of them; this wasn't the inn where she lived. With luck it'd be awhile, or never, before Straw found out. But Therris was by far the most exciting and attractive man she'd yet met.
He not only told her about the skills needed to be a member of the Thieves' Guild, but trained her in them himself or introduced her to people who could teach her. Among these was a Nord woman who knew something about magic. Katisha was plump and matronly. She was married to a smith, had two teen aged children and was perfectly ordinary and respectable except that she was very fond of cats, had a gift for certain kinds of magic, and cultivated rather odd friends.
She taught Barenziah an Invisibility spell and trained her in other forms of stealth and disguise. Katisha mingled magical and non-magical talents freely, using one to enhance the other. She was not a member of the Thieves' Guild but was fond of Therris in a motherly sort of fashion. Barenziah warmed to her as she never had to any woman, and over the next few weeks she told Katisha all about herself. She brought Straw there, too. Straw approved of Katisha but not of Therris. Therris found Straw amusing and suggested to Barenziah that they arrange what he called a threesome.
"Indeed not," Barenziah said, grateful that Therris had broached the subject in private. "He wouldn't like it. I wouldn't like it!"
Therris smiled his charming triangular cat-smile and sprawled lazily back in his chair, curling his tail. "You might both be surprised. Pairing is so boring. Well, would you mind if I brought a friend?"
"Yes. If you're bored with me you and your friend can find someone else." She was a member of the Thieves' Guild now. She found Therris useful but not essential. Maybe she was a bit bored with him, too.
She talked to Katisha about her men problems. Katisha shook her head and told her she was looking for love, not sex, that she'd know the right man when she found him, and that neither Straw nor Therris was the right one for her.
Barenziah cocked her head to one side quizzically. "They say dark elf women are pro- pro- something. Prostitutes?"
"You mean promiscuous, although some do become prostitutes, I suppose. Elf women are promiscuous when they're young. You'll outgrow it. Perhaps you're beginning to already," Katisha said hopefully. "You ought to meet some nice elven boys, though. If you keep on keeping company with Khajiits and humans you'll find yourself pregnant soon."
Barenziah smiled involuntarily at the thought. "I'd like that. But it would be inconvenient, wouldn't it? Babies are a lot of trouble, and I don't even have a home yet."
"How old are you? Seventeen? Well, you've a year or two yet before you'll be fertile, unless you're very unlucky. Elves don't have children readily with other elves even after that, so you'll be all right if you stick with them."
"Straw wants to buy a farm and marry me."
"Is that what you want?"
"No. Not yet. Maybe some day, if I can't be a queen."
"I think Straw will be a very old man before "some day" comes, Berry. Elves live a very long time." Katisha's face briefly wore the wistful look humans got when contemplating the thousand year life span that elves were entitled to by nature. True, few ever actually lived that long, as disease and violence took a toll, but they could.
"I like old men, too," Berry said.

Zoq-Fot-Pik
Jun 27, 2008

Frungy!

Knuc U Kinte posted:

*swaggering into a Noise Club, wearing all manner of retarded poo poo like vests and cheesecutters* I like the way your tits bounce lets do a sex. Btw, I'm not even high.

Wormskull
Aug 23, 2009

Maltag posted:

*lols to sself* oh, sorry.. was just thinking about this post the peebster made the other day about selling his last of us remastered german import case on reddit

lmfao

1994 Toyota Celica
Sep 11, 2008

by Nyc_Tattoo

now post the part where Barenziah fucks that khajiit

Fargield
Sep 27, 2008

Knuc U Kinte posted:

Phallic Baldwin/Shadow Isaac is a legend around these parts.

PleasingFungus
Oct 10, 2012
idiot asshole bitch who should fuck off

zeal posted:

now post the part where Barenziah fucks that khajiit

barbs

BiG TrUcKs !!!
Feb 25, 2007

My life is the most blessed and most cursed in existence (blessed spiritually, cursed physically)
I like a poo poo!

Adbot
ADBOT LOVES YOU

A Spider Covets
May 4, 2009


where is the gender equality here. i would like to see lines about the way a man's balls slap around when he tapdances for me prior to sexual intercourse, thank you

  • Locked thread