SYSV Fanfic posted:

His mother was a drug addict, and her parental rights were terminated when he was four. He was adopted, but his family couldn't deal with his emotional problems (he was probably abused), so he was surrendered to the state at 8. He was put in a self contained behavior disorders classroom in second grade, where he stayed till he graduated. He had very limited contact, and when he turned 18 the state just arranged for him to be on SSI. He lives in a church owned high rise, in a studio apartment. He spends his days at a mental health club (he has very severe depression and anxiety). At night he sits in his tiny, dimly lit studio apartment by himself playing an MMO.

ashgromnies posted:

What has he said to you? Does he want help? Has he asked for it?

xov posted:

I got chewed out when I discussed having a "project" friend. You are not obligated to rehabilitate someone. Work on yourself instead. This guy has a lifetime of bad social habits to undo. I am not sure how much of a dent you are going to make.

I would like to see this thread in E/N to see what kind of helpful insight it gets.

Horking Delight posted:

Have you considered suggesting to him, "Hey, you should tell your therapist that you want to work on your social skills to be less awkward." (If he doesn't have the nerve to say it to his therapist outright, he can also write it down in advance and then hand the paper over.)

SYSV Fanfic posted:

Did you read my post? Yes, and I already said it. We had a long discussion about the lack of rapport he has with the therapist at his club house, and his difficulty in finding someone else on medicaid. He needs to find a therapist that knows a way to work on those skills. Therapists as it turns out specialize in things. Without knowing the name of a therapy, he is probably going to wind up in the same boat with a different therapist. Knowing what kind of therapist to look for when you don't need to answer a variation of "how does that make you feel" can be very difficult.

Does anyone have any experience with social thinking?

old man on a horse posted:

Just change your MMO subscription to whichever he is playing and after work at night you can hop on and work one-on-one with the guy. Maybe buy him a SA account? He really doesn't sound all that different from other goons posting (MYSELF INCLUDED, I love MMOs) and he could meet some goon friends to chat with over Ventrilo/Skype/Mumble/whatever without actually having to be face to face. Also whenever he feels overwhelmed(?) or whatever his case might be, it's super easy to just not talk anymore and listen instead or just log off.

thrakkorzog posted:

Just take him bowling, or go out for a pub trivia tournament night. Hey you wanna know what humanizes crazy people? Being treated like normal humans. It's crazy, I know, but it just might work.

SYSV Fanfic posted:

Did you read my post? Yes, and I already said it. We had a long discussion about the lack of rapport he has with the therapist at his club house, and his difficulty in finding someone else on medicaid. He needs to find a therapist that knows a way to work on those skills. Therapists as it turns out specialize in things. Without knowing the name of a therapy, he is probably going to wind up in the same boat with a different therapist. Knowing what kind of therapist to look for when you don't need to answer a variation of "how does that make you feel" can be very difficult.

Does anyone have any experience with social thinking?

thrakkorzog posted:

If you're really that concerned about your friend, you could save up a bit to have him tested by a non-medicaid doc. I've gone to the medicaid shrinks, they mostly just ask if you plan on killing yourself or others, then they write a prescription and hand you a pamphlet for a support group for whatever is bothering you.

thrakkorzog posted:

You could call different Therapists office, and ask for a therapist used to dealing with social disorders like Aspergers. Or someone that specializes in Depression. Those would be the most likely causes for someone who doesn't like to get out much.

SYSV Fanfic posted:

I lost yet another part time job so I don't even have $15 a month.

Theoretically the club house he goes to raises millions of dollars of every year on top of billing medicaid to provide these services. In reality it is a day care where they let people rot and stagnate for years because of the fee for service model.

At this point in my life, I am skeptical of most mental health non profits.


I will suggest he call around. I was just hoping there was some kind of defined therapy with a track record I could mention to him.

hiaowy posted:

We learn social skills through experience. If you talk to 1,000 people and are reasonably analytical, you will figure out what works.

I would recommend a face-to-face sales job ( ie soliciting people for donations in a crowded location ) or a cold calling sales job. The amount of rejection/feedback will undo a lot of bad social habits quickly. A side benefit is the increase in confidence. After being rejected hundreds of times, you tend to develop a really thick skin.

SYSV Fanfic posted:

I had an acquaintance, we will call him Dan. Dan looked like he had a developmental disorder, plus he was kind of annoying. I talked to him, but it was always shallow with no depth. I told him I would pick him up and take him to a game night next time I went when i saw him at a NAMI fundraiser/dinner. That was thanksgiving and I finally got around to going to one. I remembered my promise and picked him up.

It went alright I thought, but the table we sat at was a bunch of Engineers. Engineers tend to encounter and socialize with people with poor social skills in college, so they have strategies to deal with it. I think people that don't have experience dealing with the extremely socially awkward would have been very uncomfortable. I doubt anyone else would have played a second game with him actually.

I was talking to him on the way home and I am not sure how much of his social problems are related to whatever developmentally may be wrong versus a really hard life. His mother was a drug addict, and her parental rights were terminated when he was four. He was adopted, but his family couldn't deal with his emotional problems (he was probably abused), so he was surrendered to the state at 8. He was put in a self contained behavior disorders classroom in second grade, where he stayed till he graduated. He had very limited contact, and when he turned 18 the state just arranged for him to be on SSI. He lives in a church owned high rise, in a studio apartment. He spends his days at a mental health club (he has very severe depression and anxiety). At night he sits in his tiny, dimly lit studio apartment by himself playing an MMO.

He knows people don't like talking to him. He is not stupid. People assume he is stupid because of how he looks, and the lack of social skills. I think he could learn to socialize more appropriately, at least to the point where he can go to a game night and not make people uncomfortable. He writes semi decently poetry, he reads the classics. He has interests besides MMOs.

I checked out his apartment, and he owns many board games. I asked him if he has played them, and he said this is the first time he has played a "nerd" themed game in five years. People are that put off by his lack of social skills.

I'm not trying to fix him. I know there is a club called toastmasters, but is there anything at all out there for someone that never had the chance to learn proper social skills? He has a therapist at the mental health club. I told him to tell her that he knows people don't like talking to him, and to ask her to be honest why and what he can do about it.

When you look like he does you are always going to make a bad impression. People are always going to dismiss him as a person because of it. There is nothing he can really do about that. I just want him to be able to play board games with people regularly. What resources can I point him to?

Spacewolf posted:

Not sure I recommend the "cold-calling sales job" approach. Speaking from experience - call center environments are not good places to deal with people, and when you cold-call them these days, they're very rarely anything but extremely hostile. I know that when I did it in college, there were lots of nights where I was convinced I was a horrible human being.

GlyphGryph posted:

The only potentially useful therapies I can think of are the autism/aspergers social training therapies.

If he's honestly missing the basics or just has a lot of bad habits to unlearn, I doubt mere exposure is going to be enough - guidance will necessary to help him understand what he's doing wrong. Considering the financial situation, the best therapy might just be you helping him and you both developing an honest relationship combined with a studious approach to dealing with social situations.

I'd recommend just one on one at first, so you can isolate what he's doing poorly and he can ask questions without embarrassment. Make smalltalk. Discuss a variety of topics. Watch his body language and phrasing and cadence and make sure he does the same for you and tries to emulate. Go over the basics of good social interaction - noticing details in the other person's situation, listening well, detecting the first signs of discomfort, appropriate body language, what to do when things start going wrong, etc.

Basically, just raise experience and awareness in a controlled situation and when he's got a handle on that start doing it in public and finally with the public.

Continuing with the game nights if possible seems like a good idea, maybe emphasize to him that mostly not saying much or really trying to do well but simply observing how the others interact most of the time may be beneficial.

SYSV Fanfic posted:

I've invited him to some church events, which unsurprisingly is a very accepting bunch.

oliwan posted:

The-Mole posted:

You laugh but half of the reason churches evolved/exist/stay relevant is that they provide both social outlets as well as significant socialization opportunities for struggling or lonely people. There're plenty of lovely ones, but 9/10 churches are thrilled to see new people walk through the door and will go out of their way to do what they can for them.

oliwan posted:

Except if you're gay.