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"Don't drink, but smoke weed." -Bus driver on an empty public transit bus. I sat down during a short layover and he shouted back for me to "entertain him". In retrospect, this sounds like the setup to an erotic fanfic.
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Apr 6, 2015 17:03
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Dielectric posted:-Don't marry the first girl you gently caress Oops, I'm doing this. What if she isn't the only girl I've hosed?  --Don't get caught. --Always have a backup (first got this advice in the context of having a spare condom on-hand in some way) --It's not about winning, it's about excellence.
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Apr 9, 2015 01:17
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Eat the booty.
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Apr 15, 2015 05:10
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Decrepus posted:Eat the booty. If you see the booty, kill the booty.
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Apr 15, 2015 06:17
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My father was a man of wisdom... i remember being just a young boy when he advised me on the birds and the bees. "You cannot always tell by the smell." Words to love by.
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Apr 15, 2015 15:28
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"Don't get her preggers." Also, right before I moved out of town for college, my grandfather gently pulled me aside and told me to watch out for the blacks. Thanks, gramps, I'll be sure to do that.
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Apr 15, 2015 16:31
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From my mother, when I was a teenager: "If a man ever hits you, or farts in bed and pulls the covers over your head, leave him. It doesn't matter if he says sorry afterwards, he will do it again, and nobody deserves to be treated like that, ever. You will always have a home here if you ever need to get away when you're grown up." And it stuck with me, because it made so much sense and was a kind offer and support from my mam, but also because of the "farts in bed and pulls the covers over your head" thing. Why she mentioned that along with domestic violence, I have no idea. She denies all knowledge of this conversation so I don't think I'll ever have an explanation. Oddly enough I got a lot of great relationships advice in that vein from my mam, things like "watch how your date treats the waitress/barmaid because that's how he treats women who are serving him and that's how he'll treat you one day", and "listen to how he talks about ex-girlfriends or other women in his life", so the "farts in bed" thing really stood out.  She also told me "don't do drugs because your dad did LSD in the '70s and had nightmares for a week and never touched drugs again".
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Apr 15, 2015 21:22
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It seems like she was giving you good examples of obvious bad stuff (hitting you) and less obvious but still upsetting stuff that is still indicative of a lack of respect/boundaries/couth (Dutch ovens). You don't want to get seriously involved with someone who thinks it's funny to mistreat you on ANY level.
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Apr 15, 2015 21:40
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My drill instructor told us all that eating pussy is a necessity for relationships. Good advice.
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Apr 15, 2015 21:53
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YeahTubaMike posted:It seems like she was giving you good examples of obvious bad stuff (hitting you) and less obvious but still upsetting stuff that is still indicative of a lack of respect/boundaries/couth (Dutch ovens). You don't want to get seriously involved with someone who thinks it's funny to mistreat you on ANY level. One time, while watching a movie with my partner I asked if she heard something. When she responded that she hadn't, I instructed her to lean in and listen closely. With her head near mine, and our bodies tangled in the long-term-relationship-Netflix position, I made a very serious face and squeezed out a wheezing bit of flatulence. I giggled. She whacked me one across the chest then joined my laughter. Guess I'm as bad as a wife beater. I shall inform the wife and pack my things.
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Apr 15, 2015 22:05
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"A Law degree is a safe Investment". Oh mom. "Getting involved with foreigners never ends well." Thanks mom and dad. "Spend a least one hour outside every day regardless of weather." Sure thing dad. "Take up as much student debt as possible, it`s cheap credit" Sure about that Brother? "It`s ok to only think about yourself when voting". I agree sister, i agree. Baudolino has a new favorite as of 22:09 on Apr 15, 2015 |
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Apr 15, 2015 22:06
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my grandfather told me that a man who is good at fishing is good at getting pussy. i dont know why hed drop me off at the creek with no bait and spend an hour with a hooker but thats a mystery of life.
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Apr 15, 2015 22:12
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don't poo poo where you eat. this applies primarily to dating coworkers in my mundane life
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Apr 16, 2015 02:05
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"Only tattle if you don't want any friends."
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Apr 17, 2015 15:33
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"If she smokes, she pokes" Never really got that one.
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Apr 17, 2015 20:10
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up up down down left right left right B A
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Apr 17, 2015 20:34
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"Never buy the cheapest of anything if you can help it. You'll only get pissed off with it later. If you're going to get it, get it RIGHT the first time, or don't get it at all." Advice I still live by, thanks Mom!
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Apr 17, 2015 20:57
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Jastiger posted:"Never buy the cheapest of anything if you can help it. You'll only get pissed off with it later. If you're going to get it, get it RIGHT the first time, or don't get it at all." I agree with this for many types of purchases, but it also reminds me of this one: My grandmother used to tell my mom "never buy cheap clothes" which in her application became "only buy designer." IMO that can just as easily turn into the opposite of wise spending.
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Apr 17, 2015 21:53
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My 8th grade science teacher had all these sayings hanging around the classroom. "It's not important until it is." "Think about what makes sense." Even though I remember poo poo like that from 15 years ago I never followed it. Oh he also had the sign "Two wrongs don't make a right, but two Wrights made an airplane!"
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Apr 17, 2015 22:00
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Dad: "If you crouch down on that white block for a few seconds, you drop behind the scenery"
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Apr 18, 2015 04:35
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mamelon posted:I agree with this for many types of purchases, but it also reminds me of this one: My grandmother used to tell my mom "never buy cheap clothes" which in her application became "only buy designer." IMO that can just as easily turn into the opposite of wise spending. Thats a good distinction though. I never buy designer but I never buy cheap. My wife gets super mad at me because her family had the exact opposite outlook. They'll get whatever because "Hey its cheap and we got it!". I'll go without until I can afford to get what I actually want. It drives her mad because we'll go without a clothing item or tool or something until I find something that is decent rather than "whats on sale". I think my way is better.
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Apr 18, 2015 20:24
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Jastiger posted:Thats a good distinction though. I never buy designer but I never buy cheap. My wife gets super mad at me because her family had the exact opposite outlook. They'll get whatever because "Hey its cheap and we got it!". My ex wouldn't replace anything unless he could get something super cheap on sale and his was falling apart to the point he physically couldn't use it anymore. He spent $20-40 on some garbage winter shoes and a few weeks in the soles cracked in half from water damage...so he tried to super glue it together again. When that didn't work he went out and bought a different pair in the same price range that surprise surprise fell apart by the end of the winter. By the end of the winter he'd spent far more than I had on shoes. I was always told by my one teacher "Buy one really nice thing that will carry you through the next few years rather than several cheap/lovely/garbage ones that will get you through now." I don't own a lot but what I do is nice enough, and you collect quite a bit over the years that way since you're not always replacing it.
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Apr 18, 2015 20:31
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Horrible Smutbeast posted:My ex wouldn't replace anything unless he could get something super cheap on sale and his was falling apart to the point he physically couldn't use it anymore. He spent $20-40 on some garbage winter shoes and a few weeks in the soles cracked in half from water damage...so he tried to super glue it together again. When that didn't work he went out and bought a different pair in the same price range that surprise surprise fell apart by the end of the winter. By the end of the winter he'd spent far more than I had on shoes. “The reason that the rich were so rich, Vimes reasoned, was because they managed to spend less money. Take boots, for example. He earned thirty-eight dollars a month plus allowances. A really good pair of leather boots cost fifty dollars. But an affordable pair of boots, which were sort of OK for a season or two and then leaked like hell when the cardboard gave out, cost about ten dollars. Those were the kind of boots Vimes always bought, and wore until the soles were so thin that he could tell where he was in Ankh-Morpork on a foggy night by the feel of the cobbles. But the thing was that good boots lasted for years and years. A man who could afford fifty dollars had a pair of boots that'd still be keeping his feet dry in ten years' time, while the poor man who could only afford cheap boots would have spent a hundred dollars on boots in the same time and would still have wet feet. This was the Captain Samuel Vimes 'Boots' theory of socioeconomic unfairness.” ― Terry Pratchett, Men at Arms
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Apr 18, 2015 23:28
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My mother had some gems when I was growing up. My favorite has always been, "Turn the other cheek, all four!"
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May 5, 2015 01:00
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If you still see stripes, you need more wipes.
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May 5, 2015 08:07
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I'm not sure who told me this, or if it was even one person, but 'you don't have to do what they tell you to, all you have to do is look like you are'.
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May 5, 2015 10:02
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"Do as I say, not what I do" - Dad who beat his wife. "Don't trust black people"-Racist Dad "College Degrees are magical job tickets"-Dad who still thinks it's 1997. "Don't focus on girls. Focus on school. You'll see when your older and put together, women will be all over you." - Mom unaware of nice guy mentality. "The world is just/God will pay you back."- Parents who accepted WIC and housing assistance Yeah, My parents weren't very good with advice.
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May 5, 2015 10:51
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The great Dolly Parton said, "Find out who you are then do it on purpose."
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May 5, 2015 16:34
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ladron posted:The lord loves a working man. poo poo .... Shinola. JoelJoel posted:"If she smokes, she pokes" This is true and sage.
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May 5, 2015 16:56
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Uncle - "Don't settle down in the same city as your parents." Teacher - "Move out of your hometown, at the very least for college. People who say in their hometown all their lives are boring." Other teacher - "For any sort of speaking/presentation, just make a web outline, and be able to rattle off a few sentences on each point, and you'll give really good presentations". Not really that special, but it made presentations really easy, and it looks a lot better than being another person reading their slides line by line.
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May 5, 2015 20:22
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Jastiger posted:"Never buy the cheapest of anything if you can help it. You'll only get pissed off with it later. If you're going to get it, get it RIGHT the first time, or don't get it at all." My great-aunt was a flapper in the '20s, and her mother told her that if she was going to smoke, she should only buy expensive cigarettes, because then she'd get used to them and wouldn't like the cheap stuff, so she'd only have one or two on a night out with her friends instead of chain-smoking.
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May 5, 2015 22:40
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English teacher advised us against keeping a journal "Once you write something down, it doesn't belong to you, it belongs to the world." This was in the mid-90s, so it allowed me the presence of mind to only moderately embarrass myself on the early-internet. Then again, she also said: "Today in an earlier class a little boy said to me. 'Ma'am, he has more than me and that isn't fair!'. This attitude is called "Communism" and it is wrong."
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May 8, 2015 02:22
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"Always believe the other driver is an idiot and doesn't know what they're doing" "If you don't know what it is, don't touch it" "Always wear a condom, everytime" "People who have been drinking and offer you a ride and say their "straight" are always lying, always"
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May 21, 2015 22:40
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"you're dumb as a mule and twice as ugly! If a strange man offers you a ride, I say, take it!"
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May 22, 2015 01:33
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"True laziness is doing a task right, so you don't risk having to redo it."
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May 22, 2015 01:47
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"It's better to beg forgiveness than ask permission."
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May 25, 2015 07:24
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Something I remember from... God, I think it was B3ta? Christ that must have been some time ago, but: 'Two things to remember about having sex as a guy, one - always have a condom and two - remember to take off your socks, cause there is nothing, NOTHING, more rediculous-looking than a man naked but for his socks.'
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May 25, 2015 07:40
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Mr. Giggles posted:don't poo poo where you eat. this applies primarily to dating coworkers in my mundane life This is good advice and would have been useful to me about 4 years ago. Sometimes we have to learn the hard way Old high school badminton coach: "Remember guys, take care of your finances"
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May 25, 2015 12:44
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The pores in condoms are too big so the AIDS virus will get through and give you AIDS! So don't have sex!! -10th grade health class And the girls who got pregnant got sent to off-campus night school so the school wouldn't look bad to visitors.
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May 25, 2015 14:37
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Mr. Giggles posted:don't poo poo where you eat. this applies primarily to dating coworkers in my mundane life Eh, I've followed this religiously and I feel I've missed on good things, not just crazy drama.
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May 25, 2015 14:37
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