|
So, I wrote the first chapter of a sequel to the bible. Please add to it. note - this is in no way meant to be offensive. The Bible 2: Electric Boogaloo The terrorists had the exits of the building blocked off, and all the people were trapped inside. Most of them cried, some of them tried to call loved ones. One person who had been on a tour of the building even tried to break through one of the 20th story windows, though what good that would do was beyond even him. The terrorists were demanding $100 billion and the resignation of the president. So far, the United states government had stuck to its guns on the whole “we do not negotiate with terrorists thing”, but the terrorists were about to start offing hostages, and the they were confident that the U.S. would back down. It was a hopeless scene, and a day that everyone would remember. Suddenly, a shape darted from the sky. “Is it a plane?” Everyone asked “Is this 9/11 all over again?”. But it wasn’t a plane, it was Jesus. Shooting from the clouds, Jesus landed on the roof and pulled an AK-47 from his robes. The gun was golden and oak, engraved with a cross and the words ‘I will fear no evil’. Jesus kicked in the roof access door and dashed down the stairs, already panting from all the running. Jesus had been sitting in heaven for around 2000 years, and had developed something of a beer gut. He took a break running down the stairs, but drew out and railed a thin line of cocaine, and felt way better after words. Finally reaching the floor that the terrorists were keeping the hostages on, Jesus realized that the door to get out of the stairwell was exit only, and wouldn’t open from his side. Jesus tried to kick it down a couple of times, but couldn’t seem to get it open. Hearing what sounded like someone lightly knocking on the door, one of the terrorists shot a few rounds into the stairwell, through the door. Jesus was hit six times, and wailed in pain, his blood seeping into his robes. “gently caress me!” He yelled, aiming his AK and firing a burst into the door. Having taken one too many bullets, the door swung open, revealing a bloodied but ready Jesus to the terrorists. Jesus opened fire, hitting most of the terrorists and only one civilian, who ended up being fine after just six hours of surgery. Jesus did a ninja roll into the room, and drew a katana. He slashed one terrorist in half, the blood spattering Jesus’ face. He impaled two more with one thrust, and then beheaded another. He gave a particularly agile terrorist a nasty scrape, though not actually hitting anything more than skin. The terrorist pulled the pin of a grenade, and held it in the air, screaming “DIE, SON OF GOD”. Jesus, thinking quickly, jumped and kicked the grenade out of the terrorists hand. The grenade sailed towards the window and bounced off, not even leaving a scratch. “These are some tough loving windows.” Said Jesus. “I know, right?” Said the tourist who had been trying to break his way through the window this whole time. The grenade bounced one more time and landed back at Jesus’ foot, where it detonated. Jesus, slightly bruised and a little singed, stood where he had been standing before the explosion. Everything within a twenty foot radius had been destroyed, including the terrorist. No civilians were hurt, amazingly (aside from the one that Jesus shot). “You loving shot me!” Yelled the victim of friendly fire. “I’ll do it again, too.” Replied Jesus, walking back to the stairwell. “Oh, and you’re welcome for saving you. Pricks.” Jesus got back to the roof of the building and shot away, into the sky. |
#
?
May 3, 2015 03:33
|
|
|
|
| # ? Apr 25, 2024 20:34 |
|
|
|
an incredibly cinematic departure for the son of god
|
|
#
?
May 3, 2015 03:38
|
|
|
|
lol |
|
#
?
May 3, 2015 03:40
|
|
|
|
jesus was against using violence. matthew 26:52 ("Then said Jesus unto him, Put up again thy sword into his place: for all they that take the sword shall perish with the sword.") directly contradicts this. this will never be accepted as biblical canon |
|
#
?
May 3, 2015 03:46
|
|
|
|
what does this have to do with breakin 2
|
|
#
?
May 3, 2015 03:47
|
|
|
|
(this will NOT be going on my breakin 2 fan site)
|
|
#
?
May 3, 2015 03:47
|
|
|
|
jesus didn't do nearly enough magic in this one, sorry |
|
#
?
May 3, 2015 06:39
|
|
|
|
| # ? Apr 25, 2024 20:34 |
|
|
Lizard Wizard posted:jesus didn't do nearly enough magic in this one, sorry Magic is reserved for the holy ghost. they're the crimefighting trinity. |
|
#
?
May 3, 2015 07:44
|
|