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The Something Awful Forums > The Finer Arts > Creative Convention > Critique my reviews!
 
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SethSeries
Sep 10, 2013



 Hey guys,

I'm an English major and I've been using video game reviews to help grow as a writer. I've found it a lot easier to write about something I enjoy and it's a great time killer. I would like to grab some critique so that I can better myself as a writer. Thank you all for your time.

https://docs.google.com/document/d/1NaZgJJuYTapnkT4iBP0weVcqJHtFMf1eS4Sqmyv8DL8/edit?usp=sharing

https://docs.google.com/document/d/1C7dlH8_iIveRHnxQSIalZtt7vdM1ckcytYrIoqaEcos/edit?usp=sharing

* # ? Jun 25, 2015 03:33
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# ? Apr 19, 2024 11:59
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Dire Chinchilla
Mar 27, 2013
 Everybody can edit the reviews you're posted, you should probably change the Google Docs settings before you'll just have the word PENIS written over and over.

In general, there are quite a few errors (typos, missing commas, but also more serious stuff) and redundancies. I'll just post a few of them...

quote:

keeping the enemy in the air with a variety of moves that would keep them in a mid-air, juggled state
This is a really clumsy sentence, and I think you can see why.

quote:

Mortal Kombat X switches between a cast of recurring characters as well as a newer generation of characters.
This just doesn't look good. It's a short sentence and it could be rewritten in a million ways to avoid repeating the word "characters".

quote:

earthshattering
earth-shattering. There's no excuse for this one, Google Docs underlined it.

quote:

Netherrealm’s attempts to clean up both character proportions and outfits are incredibly noble
...are you sure "noble" is the best word to use here? Because this sounds really odd to me.

quote:

these towers lack the creativity and enjoyment
To me, this sounds as if you're expecting the towers to be creative and enjoy things.

quote:

a gameplay stand point
standpoint

quote:

that sets it apart from its piers
I suppose you mean "peers" and not those things:


quote:

the games full plot kicks off in full
The game's. Also, you're not only repeating the word "full" right after you've used it, what does a "full plot" even mean in this context?

* # ? Jun 25, 2015 21:05
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SethSeries
Sep 10, 2013



 Thank you so much for your time on this. I appreciate you taking the time to check over these pieces for me. This is exactly what I wanted as far a criticism goes and I'm happy to know I've got a lot I can better myself on.

* # ? Jun 25, 2015 22:07
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The Something Awful Forums > The Finer Arts > Creative Convention > Critique my reviews!