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yeah actually they will
Aug 18, 2012
Why is it that whenever you see someone looking at their beloved pet you just know - 100% - that they've never had sex? Is it because a relationship with a human is too hard so they've gone for a relationship with a pet instead? That's loving pathetic... you losers suck

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Tendai
Mar 16, 2007

"When the eagles are silent, the parrots begin to jabber."

Grimey Drawer
If I'm going to be sexless, at least I have a cat to pet?

khy
Aug 15, 2005

So are these recent posts of yours a deliberate attempt to get yourself probated/banned or something? Because if so you could just use the BAN ME tag and it'd be much quicker.

LITERALLY A BIRD
Sep 27, 2008

I knew you were trouble
when you flew in

I assume you're speaking from personal experience :twisted:

Lonk
Jan 26, 2012

LET'S FUCKING GOOOOOOOO
Stop spying on me

EXTREME INSERTION
Jun 4, 2011

by LadyAmbien
I'm a little creeped out because I was thinking to myself earlier that someone will probably come into PI soon and make a post about how people who like animals only do so because they cannot make fundamental connections with humans :tinfoil:

EXTREME INSERTION
Jun 4, 2011

by LadyAmbien
I'll let you guys know if I have any other premonitions

Ferremit
Sep 14, 2007
if I haven't posted about MY LANDCRUISER yet, check my bullbars for kangaroo prints

I dont because the stupid loving cats set up shop and sleep between myself and the missus, and if we boot them off they just sit on top of us.

And if you kick them out of the room they sit and the door and sing the song of their people, which absolutely ruins the mood.

Radbot
Aug 12, 2009
Probation
Can't post for 4 years!

no they will not posted:

Why is it that whenever you see someone looking at their beloved pet you just know - 100% - that they've never had sex? Is it because a relationship with a human is too hard so they've gone for a relationship with a pet instead? That's loving pathetic... you losers suck

Statistically unlikely considering the number of pet owners and the number of parents in America.

Tendai
Mar 16, 2007

"When the eagles are silent, the parrots begin to jabber."

Grimey Drawer
As a cat-haver, I stopped having sex when my last boyfriend's kitten nailed him in the nuts mid-coitus and I'm pretty sure my hysterical laughter was a large factor in us breaking up shortly thereafter.

Cats are dangerous :saddowns:

Animale
Sep 30, 2009
I was trying to go to round 3 yesterday and the cat decided to hop on the bed and watch. It killed the mood.

Supercondescending
Jul 4, 2007

ok frankies now lets get in formation
please love me im a virgin

Fraction
Mar 27, 2010

CATS RULE DOGS DROOL

FERRETS ARE ALSO PRETTY MEH, HONESTLY


EXTREME INSERTION posted:

I'll let you guys know if I have any other premonitions

if you have any Thoughts about winning lottery numbers, hit me up

BigPaddy
Jun 30, 2008

That night we performed the rite and opened the gate.
Halfway through, I went to fix us both a coke float.
By the time I got back, he'd gone insane.
Plus, he'd left the gate open and there was evil everywhere.


What about those who have sex with their pets? :tinfoil:

Ork of Fiction
Jul 22, 2013
My cat keeps trying to gently caress my arm, but my arm's not into it. What do I do?!

Kuros
Sep 13, 2010

Oh look, the consequences of my prior actions are finally catching up to me.

Ferremit posted:

I dont because the stupid loving cats set up shop and sleep between myself and the missus, and if we boot them off they just sit on top of us.

And if you kick them out of the room they sit and the door and sing the song of their people, which absolutely ruins the mood.

That sucks, our cat just looks at us and gives us the "Oh, they're at it again." look and then goes to another room for 30-60 minutes.

Unagi
Jan 27, 2007

:catstare:
PISSmaster
:woof:

Kuros posted:

That sucks, our cat just looks at us and gives us the "Oh, they're at it again." look and then goes to another room for 30-60 minutes.

Similar.

They make themselves scare during. But if he gets up to use the bathroom, he comes back to guard-cats who sit like gargoyles at either end of the bed. My bed is my bed.... And the cat's. Everyone else can GTFO.

Lord Lilf
Aug 12, 2007

by exmarx

Tendai posted:

As a cat-haver, I stopped having sex when my last boyfriend's kitten nailed him in the nuts mid-coitus and I'm pretty sure my hysterical laughter was a large factor in us breaking up shortly thereafter.

Cats are dangerous :saddowns:

When me and my ex used to do the sexin (and one other girl after her) my big dumb orange tabby would try to get on her chest mid-orgasm. This didn't deter us but it was a hearty chuckle.

Iron Crowned
May 6, 2003

by Hand Knit

Tendai posted:

As a cat-haver, I stopped having sex when my last boyfriend's kitten nailed him in the nuts mid-coitus and I'm pretty sure my hysterical laughter was a large factor in us breaking up shortly thereafter.

Cats are dangerous :saddowns:

Try closing the door?

Then again you have to hear plaintive mewing the whole time if you do that.

Tendai
Mar 16, 2007

"When the eagles are silent, the parrots begin to jabber."

Grimey Drawer

Iron Crowned posted:

Try closing the door?

Then again you have to hear plaintive mewing the whole time if you do that.
Why would I do that, it was hilarious

Iron Crowned
May 6, 2003

by Hand Knit

Tendai posted:

Why would I do that, it was hilarious

I don't know, I certainly wouldn't want claws in my scrotum :ohdear:

Tendai
Mar 16, 2007

"When the eagles are silent, the parrots begin to jabber."

Grimey Drawer

Iron Crowned posted:

I don't know, I certainly wouldn't want claws in my scrotum :ohdear:
Not my scrotum, not my problem :smuggo:

LITERALLY A BIRD
Sep 27, 2008

I knew you were trouble
when you flew in

The first time I had sex with my current boyfriend my bird was out of his cage and divebombed his dick.

Tendai
Mar 16, 2007

"When the eagles are silent, the parrots begin to jabber."

Grimey Drawer

LITERALLY A BIRD posted:

The first time I had sex with my current boyfriend my bird was out of his cage and divebombed his dick.
Oh Ama :allears:

Lonk
Jan 26, 2012

LET'S FUCKING GOOOOOOOO
I made $10 off drawing that in MS Paint and posting it on her facebook wall once, true story.

AtomikKrab
Jul 17, 2010

Keep on GOP rolling rolling rolling rolling.

LITERALLY A BIRD posted:

The first time I had sex with my current boyfriend my bird was out of his cage and divebombed his dick.

You are literally a bird, so persumably a bird divebombed a second bird that was sexing a third bird.

McGiggins
Apr 4, 2014

by R. Guyovich
Lipstick Apathy

EXTREME INSERTION posted:

... people who like animals only do so because they cannot make fundamental connections with humans :tinfoil:

In all seriousness, this is why I got fish.

Fish don't judge, and are easy to talk to, even if they won't shut up.

Rickycat
Nov 26, 2007

by Lowtax


:smith:

Shnooks
Mar 24, 2007

I'M BEING BORN D:
We can't have sex because our pets are watching. It's totally rude to start loving in front of your dog or cat without their consent. I mean you wouldn't have sex in public, right? So why would you have sex in front of your pet?

Tendai
Mar 16, 2007

"When the eagles are silent, the parrots begin to jabber."

Grimey Drawer

Shnooks posted:

I mean you wouldn't have sex in public, right?
When you assume you make an rear end out of u and me :colbert:

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Tamarillo
Aug 6, 2009
Yeah not gonna lie it's pretty weird when you start taking notice of your surroundings again you see your dog with his feet up on the end of the bed silently staring at you.

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