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leica posted:I don't think your parents are going to be able to fend off roaming groups of highly armed bandits when they come to raid their stockpile. They are going to need more guns and possibly grenade launchers. I'll keep it in mind for Christmas, thanks.
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Oct 18, 2015 20:27
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stubblyhead posted:Yep. Literally every granny smith apple tree in the world is from grafts that can trace their lineage back to a single tree in Australia from the 1880s or something. It's technically possible to grow fruit-bearing trees from seeds, but they won't be fruit you'd want to eat. My brother did it by just burying some seeds down the back of my parent's garden about 20 years back without telling anyone. They were pretty pissed when the roots started breaking down the wall between us and the neighbours. Took a good ten years for apples to be noticed though and another six or seven for them to be edible. No idea what variety they technically are. Pretty tasty now though, and it turns out we get something crazy like 60lbs of free apples every year now thanks to my brother's half-assed kid plan of "sow all my appleseeds" giving us two decent sized trees.
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Oct 18, 2015 21:30
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Since apple seeds rarely/never produce true to parent types, your kid brother's apple trees are likely new varieties. This is both because apples are not self-fertile* (which means cross-pollination to create fertile fruit, which means hybrid babies) and because apple genetics are skewed toward diversity - plant 10 seeds and you'll get 10 slightly different apple types. You're lucky yours didn't turn out to be as small and bitter as crabapples or otherwise poorly suited for eating, as I've read most apples from seed are piss-poor variants of the original parent fruit. You should name your apples after your brother. OP, how do your parents feel about losing you and your sibling during the inevitable Rapture? I am not a Christian but as far as I understand it, doesn't the Rapture involve only leaving behind the truest of believers to inherit the newly cleansed Earth? And on that note, do you think they've stockpiled enough food for the whole family when civilization collapses, or are they only expecting to feed themselves on their stale cornmeal? Edit: *most apples are not, same with pears. There are a FEW varieties, as far as I know all new, which do not require another tree of a separate type for pollination.
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Oct 21, 2015 07:21
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Faerunner posted:Since apple seeds rarely/never produce true to parent types, your kid brother's apple trees are likely new varieties. This is both because apples are not self-fertile* (which means cross-pollination to create fertile fruit, which means hybrid babies) and because apple genetics are skewed toward diversity - plant 10 seeds and you'll get 10 slightly different apple types. You're lucky yours didn't turn out to be as small and bitter as crabapples or otherwise poorly suited for eating, as I've read most apples from seed are piss-poor variants of the original parent fruit. You should name your apples after your brother. it's the other way around, an elect few devout are Raptured bodily into heaven and everyone else is left behind to suffer through the Apocalypse and all the fun that entails until final judgement. how and when all that poo poo works is up to what crazy protestant cult you're in but for plenty of them the few thousand that get Raptured are not all or even most of the true believers, which is I assume what's up with the world's most halfassed attempt at a Mad Max bunker here A Wizard of Goatse fucked around with this message at 07:37 on Oct 21, 2015 |
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Oct 21, 2015 07:32
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Faerunner posted:Since apple seeds rarely/never produce true to parent types, your kid brother's apple trees are likely new varieties. This is both because apples are not self-fertile* (which means cross-pollination to create fertile fruit, which means hybrid babies) and because apple genetics are skewed toward diversity - plant 10 seeds and you'll get 10 slightly different apple types. You're lucky yours didn't turn out to be as small and bitter as crabapples or otherwise poorly suited for eating, as I've read most apples from seed are piss-poor variants of the original parent fruit. You should name your apples after your brother.
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Oct 21, 2015 13:59
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Faerunner posted:OP, how do your parents feel about losing you and your sibling during the inevitable Rapture? I am not a Christian but as far as I understand it, doesn't the Rapture involve only leaving behind the truest of believers to inherit the newly cleansed Earth? And on that note, do you think they've stockpiled enough food for the whole family when civilization collapses, or are they only expecting to feed themselves on their stale cornmeal? Goatse is right; you have it backwards. The faithful go away for a while, and the rest of the world stays behind. Their hope, I believe, is that God will judge the two of us to be sufficiently devout and disappear into Heaven anyway. I haven't exactly been parading around in front of them wearing "ASK ME ABOUT REJECTING YOUR BELIEF SYSTEM" or anything; I just don't appear at their church. I think I've mentioned before that they're generally okay with a lot of Protestant faiths counting as Real Christianity, so it could be that I'm still close enough. Beyond that, well, it's an individual choice. You gotta make and live with your own choices, even if that lands you in eternal hellfire. The faithful just try to save who they can.
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Oct 21, 2015 15:43
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Faerunner technically has it right: The Rapture narrative STARTS with all the Chosen getting zipped up into Heaven to sit on clouds and eat popcorn and watch the sinners suffer below. Then, after all the suffering, God/Jesus then throws the sinners into Hell, possibly leaving a few people that converted post-Rapture, and then everyone comes back to Eden 2.0 and has a party forever and ever because now everything is perfect.
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Oct 24, 2015 04:18
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I do like the fact than other than that "twinkle of an eye" phrase that there is really no biblical basis for the rapture at all. I used to argue with my mom about it. I was raised to be a pastor in a megachurch. I feel your pain a bit OP.
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Oct 24, 2015 04:22
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SneakyFrog posted:I do like the fact than other than that "twinkle of an eye" phrase that there is really no biblical basis for the rapture at all. Do the sub pastors make bank in that, or do they get squat and it alllll goes to the main pastor?
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Oct 24, 2015 05:58
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Mr.Pibbleton posted:Do the sub pastors make bank in that, or do they get squat and it alllll goes to the main pastor? mega pastor an easy lowish to mid 6 figs. assistant it kinda varies depending who likes you. i have seen 40-90k range though personally
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Oct 24, 2015 13:25
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SneakyFrog posted:mega pastor an easy lowish to mid 6 figs. oh keep in mind this was one of those "prosperity gospel" churches that almost flip over old ladies and shake the change out of their pockets.
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Oct 24, 2015 13:42
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Satanists, in other words.
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Oct 24, 2015 16:41
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stubblyhead posted:Satanists, in other words. nah those people at least know how to have fun. I kinda went through many experimental phases before finding myself in that regard.
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Oct 24, 2015 16:42
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Arquinsiel posted:I did not know that. Cool, I'll tell him when I see him next. There were four or five years of horrible tiny apples but we kept tasting them out of a sense of vague obligation and then one year they were really tasty and we were happily surprised. If your apples are really that good you should visit an orchard and see what they think of them.
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Oct 24, 2015 17:23
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SneakyFrog posted:I do like the fact than other than that "twinkle of an eye" phrase that there is really no biblical basis for the rapture at all. I had some discussion with my dad about me potentially being "called to ministry", too, when I was younger. I never said I felt the same calling.
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Oct 24, 2015 17:32
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ZeeToo posted:I had some discussion with my dad about me potentially being "called to ministry", too, when I was younger. I never said I felt the same calling. eh.. I think it was a thing my mom really wanted me to do, and living immersed in it constantly i really never bothered to question it.
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Oct 24, 2015 17:34
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What's the point of your parents building a prepper cave when they believe they're gonna get raptured before the tribulation anyway?
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Oct 24, 2015 17:38
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The Phlegmatist posted:What's the point of your parents building a prepper cave when they believe they're gonna get raptured before the tribulation anyway? because the world will get corrupt, the anti christ wil show up and christians will have to live in hiding fearing execution. as the TL:DR version
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Oct 24, 2015 17:40
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The Phlegmatist posted:What's the point of your parents building a prepper cave when they believe they're gonna get raptured before the tribulation anyway? To keep from getting captured and tortured by the New Age Healers who will operate the One-World Government.
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Oct 24, 2015 18:34
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The Phlegmatist posted:What's the point of your parents building a prepper cave when they believe they're gonna get raptured before the tribulation anyway? The Rapture is pre-Millenial, but might be in the middle or end of the Tribulation, not just the beginning--this is something the denomination as a whole agrees not to fight over. Also things can get a bit lovely before the Tribulation.
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Oct 24, 2015 18:37
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the whole mindset is weird, which is why you see the collective group of christians seem to get excited about massive famines and floods and disasters, much less war. Hell one of the great signs of the "end times" is the rebuilding of the temple, which is where a lot of the super support for israel comes from. its sad though, in the christian doctrine we stand with israel right up until they get thrown in hell for not being christians.
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Oct 24, 2015 19:37
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SneakyFrog posted:because the world will get corrupt, the anti christ wil show up and christians will have to live in hiding fearing execution. Why would they fear execution? Get martyred, go straight to heaven. No need to wait for the rapture that way.
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Oct 24, 2015 22:28
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The Lone Badger posted:Why would they fear execution? Get martyred, go straight to heaven. No need to wait for the rapture that way. good question. the ballsy christians wanna die for their faith. some stockpile guns and prepare for that out. I dont think anyone wants to die, but yeah it is a good question of conviction i suppose. wow this thread is my least shitposty ever. may explain OPs condition?
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Oct 24, 2015 22:32
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SneakyFrog posted:good question. Stockpiling guns is just going to interfere with dying for their faith. If they wanna get martyred properly they need to not hide or fight back.
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Oct 24, 2015 22:36
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The Lone Badger posted:Stockpiling guns is just going to interfere with dying for their faith. If they wanna get martyred properly they need to not hide or fight back.  that way lies questions. no faith that way friend.
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Oct 24, 2015 22:41
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The Lone Badger posted:Stockpiling guns is just going to interfere with dying for their faith. If they wanna get martyred properly they need to not hide or fight back. You're trying to rationalize the thought processes of clearly irrational people.
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Oct 25, 2015 00:50
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grack posted:You're trying to rationalize the thought processes of clearly irrational people.
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Oct 25, 2015 02:02
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I wonder if some of the prepping comes from secret doubts as to whether they'd actually be Raptured. (At least in the form of "just in case.") Folks like this seem to want to feel safe about any circumstance.
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Oct 25, 2015 02:32
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Puppy Time posted:I wonder if some of the prepping comes from secret doubts as to whether they'd actually be Raptured. (At least in the form of "just in case.") Folks like this seem to want to feel safe about any circumstance. That one has always been my thought.
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Oct 25, 2015 02:36
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eschaton posted:If it helps any, some within the mainstream Christian denominations (Catholic, Lutheran, Methodist, Episcopalian/Anglican, etc.) actually consider "preparing for the end times" a form of mild heresy: They discourage it because "none can know the hour" and so on. If you want to try turning your parents from this path, there may actually be resources available to you that could at least give you some talking points and someone compassionate with whom to discuss the issue, who (depending on where, of course) may even not care one bit whether you yourself are a believer. Not that this is the liturgical Christianity thread, but I want to say that as a Catholic-turned-Episcopalian, it's not just doomsday prepping that's heresy, the entire context of the Rapture is major heresy. It doesn't exist in Catholicism, Orthodox, and mainstream Protestantism. For reference, I was taught by my mother (raised Catholic) growing up that Revelation was a metaphor predicting the fall... of Rome. i.e. it already happened. The only thing approaching apocalypse talk I have ever heard in church is "global warming is bad and we should prevent it since a) we live here and b) the Earth is God's gift to us, and you treat gifts with respect." In my family, there was zero talk about it growing up other than "global warming sucks" and "what was it like growing up in the Cold War?" The Rapture any everything about it is absolutely bizarre and non-Christian to me as a result.
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Oct 25, 2015 02:57
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hopeandjoy posted:Not that this is the liturgical Christianity thread, but I want to say that as a Catholic-turned-Episcopalian, it's not just doomsday prepping that's heresy, the entire context of the Rapture is major heresy. It doesn't exist in Catholicism, Orthodox, and mainstream Protestantism. eh its ok i was taught catholics arent christians and are in a cult and will go to hell. apparently love and acceptance are hallmarks of religion throughout history.
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Oct 25, 2015 03:20
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Puppy Time posted:I wonder if some of the prepping comes from secret doubts as to whether they'd actually be Raptured. (At least in the form of "just in case.") Folks like this seem to want to feel safe about any circumstance. I'd presume so, but it's hard to be sure. hopeandjoy posted:The Rapture any everything about it is absolutely bizarre and non-Christian to me as a result. Not that I've done any intensive comparative religions or anything but it's strange to me that Christianity might not have at least SOME sort of end-of-the-world coming, even if the signs happened to be that it won't be for ages yet.
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Oct 25, 2015 07:13
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ZeeToo posted:I'd presume so, but it's hard to be sure. It does, but as of the writing of the Gospels it was assumed to be coming within the authors' lifetimes so the specifics of the prediction have been getting pushed back and reinterpreted for roughly two millennia now. Most Christians have abandoned serious attempts at prognostication because they have the basic pattern-recognition skills to notice that for two thousand years hucksters have been claiming to know the hour and none of them have been right so far, but there's always more hucksters and there's no shortage of Protestant fringers like your folks who buy into some detailed timeline of how God's going to call his flock home when X, Y, and Z specific earthly conditions are met. The Rapture and premillennial dispensationalism are roughly as Christian as voodoo but, say, the Second Coming actually has scriptural basis and general acceptance. A Wizard of Goatse fucked around with this message at 08:18 on Oct 25, 2015 |
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Oct 25, 2015 08:10
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A Wizard of Goatse posted:The Rapture and premillennial dispensationalism are roughly as Christian as voodoo but, say, the Second Coming actually has scriptural basis and general acceptance. this is kinda where i have settled in on it as well. premillennial dispensationalism  thats certainly a set of words.
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Oct 25, 2015 13:30
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I think the book of mormon talks about a whole city that gets "translated"directly to heaven (raptured), if you really wanna upset some born-agains...
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Oct 29, 2015 13:52
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peanut posted:I think the book of mormon talks about a whole city that gets "translated"directly to heaven (raptured), if you really wanna upset some born-agains... far be it from me to ridicule any specific religion more than others, but joe smith and his plates-o-gold always make me laugh
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Oct 29, 2015 13:55
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Going to presume your folks don't think too highly of the concept of Universalism, that Christ's sacrifice saved everybody already, period, no one's really damned, etc. What exactly is your mom's problem with Obama, anyway? Did she ever ramble on why she claims he hates America? If you ever had kids, how would you approach subjects like the possible existence of God, let alone religion and all its in and outs?
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Nov 12, 2015 11:29
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Agent Escalus posted:Going to presume your folks don't think too highly of the concept of Universalism, that Christ's sacrifice saved everybody already, period, no one's really damned, etc. Can't speak for OP, but in my congregation that idea was borderline blasphemy, if you didnt do it exactly the same way well then you are hopelessly damned and we should pity you as we badger you to save your soul.
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Nov 12, 2015 13:19
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Agent Escalus posted:Going to presume your folks don't think too highly of the concept of Universalism, that Christ's sacrifice saved everybody already, period, no one's really damned, etc. Universalism is countered by the existence of "Blasphemy of the Holy Spirit", which is to say you can reject God's salvation and end up in Hell. You've gotta accept Jesus or you go to Hell, supported by scenes like the judgment in Revelation that shows people definitely getting sentenced. So far as I can see, my mom's trouble with Obama is that he hates America. He hates it. Details? Well, um, he's probably lying about being a Christian. Obamacare is bad. He's not supporting Israel enough. I can't give you enough to support the assertion for it to make sense given the absolute certainty of it. I'm not interested in having kids, but if I did, I'd try to give an even hand towards religion, but I'm not exactly going to be unbiased, and kids can pick up on that sort of thing.
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Nov 13, 2015 03:33
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peanut posted:I think the book of mormon talks about a whole city that gets "translated"directly to heaven (raptured), if you really wanna upset some born-agains... Was it Miami?
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Nov 18, 2015 01:01
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