- cat_herder
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BE GAY
DO CRIME
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in third grade I punched a boy in the stomach for being a jerk to me and got threatened with expulsion from the principal who hated me
in middle school I mentioned thinking about stealing my dad's gun and bringing it to school and got actually expelled, which was good, because I hated 99% of everyone there.
in high school I backhanded a guy in the nose who was being an rear end in a top hat to me and it turns out he had a raging cocaine addiction, so he bled EVERYWHERE. I got a three day vacation and high fives for it.
I'm a lot less violent these days.
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Sep 24, 2015 07:44
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- Adbot
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ADBOT LOVES YOU
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Apr 19, 2024 12:21
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- Zealee
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- Tricked 17 people into asking what an updog was over the course of my life
What's updog?
Dammit.
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Sep 24, 2015 18:09
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- fuck. marry. t-rex
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- met Dana Carvey in a dark museum room and failed to kiss him on the lips
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Sep 24, 2015 18:27
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- Piso Mojado
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- I forgot about 9/11 between the years 1984 to 2000.
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Sep 24, 2015 18:53
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- railroad terror
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choo choo
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I killed an updog
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Sep 24, 2015 20:23
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- Rodatose
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corn, corn, corn
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did a cruel animal experiment as a child: flipped a turtle over on its back and videorecorded its struggle to right itself for four hours. i told it all the while that it would only truly be "righted" in its constant struggle against death when it had accepted its impermanence and no longer wanted to strive so hard in its vain pursuit of Being
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Sep 26, 2015 23:14
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- Rodatose
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corn, corn, corn
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after the fourth hour, it started glowing and then levitated and inverted mid-air, landing firmly on its weird reptilian claws
I didn't want to take any chances with such a turtle so I provided lettuces afterwards as a bribe. the bad thing I did was that it was cheap iceberg lettuce, and I did so knowing iceberg lettuce has little nutritional value.
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Sep 26, 2015 23:17
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- precision
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by VideoGames
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one time in fifth grade i kicked my best friend in the nuts and he got really mad at me and then i cried in class because i was really sad and i had no idea why i even did it
true story 
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This thread brought to you by a tremendous dickhead!
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Sep 27, 2015 02:11
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- Qwerinty
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by zen death robot
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- went to brunch with friends and ran them out of bottomless mimosas, we drank it all
Qwerinty fucked around with this message at 06:14 on Sep 27, 2015
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This thread brought to you by a tremendous dickhead!
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Sep 27, 2015 06:11
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- drilldo squirt
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a beautiful, soft meat sack
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In high school me and some friends were playing football on some field and people thought we were having a gang fight, the cops were called.
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Sep 27, 2015 09:33
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- drilldo squirt
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a beautiful, soft meat sack
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Somehow it was our fault.
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Sep 27, 2015 09:33
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- GEExCEE
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Lol
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Sep 27, 2015 22:51
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- cat_herder
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BE GAY
DO CRIME
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drilldo: arrested for playing football while brown
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Sep 28, 2015 05:51
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- Admiral_eX_laX
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Historically Inaccurate
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I thought dirty thoughts in a church
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Sep 28, 2015 05:55
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- Rodatose
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corn, corn, corn
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after an ecological disaster, washed a bunch of oily waterfowl in a church altar and didn't bother to tell anyone afterwards
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Sep 29, 2015 01:43
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- treasure bear
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i stole to cookie from the cookie jar
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Sep 29, 2015 01:53
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- treasure bear
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i left finger prints on everyones phone screens all over the world
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Sep 29, 2015 01:53
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- cuntman.net
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i stole to cookie from the cookie jar
that was YOU
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Sep 29, 2015 02:35
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- Adbot
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ADBOT LOVES YOU
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Apr 19, 2024 12:21
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- Admiral_eX_laX
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Historically Inaccurate
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I borrowed my neighbors weed Wacker but never returned it
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Sep 29, 2015 05:08
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Sep 24, 2015 07:44
greetings
