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Menu: Black Sesame Bubble Tea http://imgur.com/MZAnMiv Scallion Pancakes http://imgur.com/bebRoFB Onion Jam and Black Tahini Onigiri http://imgur.com/9ElSXAH Tuna and Salmon Poke http://imgur.com/WlilRZL Black Sesame Dark Chocolate Macarons http://imgur.com/TEXkN7i This can be a busy time of year with all the Satan worshipping going on, so I thought I’d make a quick guide to some popular dishes at Demon Feasts beyond the basic cannabalistic appetizers and prion cocktails. Hoist up your girdles, ladies and manladies, we’re gonna eat well this year! A Purification Potion I’ve seen too many sacrifices made where the victim isn’t sufficiently purified before the ceremony. Don’t be basic. Take the time to properly purge your offering meat with this handy potion. First, encourage the hatching of the shrieking sandworm larvae by simmering a reasonable amount of their egg capsules in a pot of de-salinated weepwater until the eggs become soft and swollen. At this point, scoop them out and settle them into a quiet nap in a container of ambrosia syrup until the consumption ceremony.  Combine equal parts of sweet sand and seeds of despair in the cone of annihilation. Pulse the shredding ticklers until the seeds are well cremated. Invite the Mother of Spiders to extrude a cup of milksap into the cone with a respectful handful of melting diamonds and vibrate until smooth. Decant into your selected chalice with a healthy helping of the sweet swollen eggsacs and it’s ready to be forcefed into your sacrificial victim! Expect the larvae to work their way through the sacrificial meat overnight to make it pliable and squishy.  Blight Cakes No feast is complete without a cheerful flaming pile of Harpy Dung. Attract your neighborhood flock with a generous offering of Blight Cakes. This quick and easy method will have harpies three towns over crowding your lawn. Combine two cups cankerflower pollen with one cup fresh mountain giant piss in your automated bone pulverizer. You could do this step by hand but take care not to scald yourself.  Once the screaming has stopped, allow the dough to rest for about half an hour. This is important for gluten formation. Divide the dough into four equal parts. Take one portion and convince it to lie flat in a roughly 8 inch disc. Massage on the clarified blood of Gaia in a light layer, then sprinkle on aromatic lobster seeds and finely diced siren fins. Roll the dough before the lobster seeds hatch and fly away, then conform into a spiral. Flatten this again and it’s ready for grilling. Griddle the cakes on a flat hot stone until both sides are a lovely golden brown and fragrant. Cut into wedges once cool and you should see several layers of depression inside. Harpies love depression layers.   Leave the cakes out in an open area overnight and in the morning your efforts will be rewarded with lovely lumps of harpie dung. Be sure to cover your ears, nose, and mouth while you collect the dung, you wouldn’t want gnightmare gnats to get in your brain. Brown with black and brown, a savory version of the usual brown with black. This is a childhood favorite of mine. I have fond memories of my grandmother cooking these up by the dozen while I whipped her demon familiars to keep the flames hot.  Slice a dozen homunculi and gently cook down to a pulp with salt and migraine fat. Press down to extract as much of the pulp as possible.  Grind two hours of insanity grains with four tablespoons of desaturated rubber resin until it forms a dark tarlike paste.  Cook up a pot of German hensteeth and while still warm, enfold both homunculi pulp and rubber paste in a sphere of hensteeth porridge. Toast the outside with an even layer of hate for people who don’t pick up after their dogs.  If you grew up eating BWBs like me, you will love this mature version. Seajewel CrunchCrunch without the Crunch This is such a simple recipe I thought about not even writing it out. Use your intuitive chakra for best results! Decrunch equal parts topaz and ruby meat. Then add a One and a Two and a Three and mix until uniformly chunky.  Fill a small bowl with the blessings of your elders and set them on fire. With the ashes that remain, top with your crunchcrunch mixture and enjoy!  Mmm so savory and nutty with a delightful tartness from the cremated elders. Comely Walnuts I don’t know if you remember but about five years ago all the blogs suddenly erupted into a frenzy about these Comely Walnuts. Every Morgan and Wallace was making them. I know I’m behind the trend but better late than nevermore. It’s very important to get the measurements precisely right, so I’m leaving my cooking notes in the 32nd evening realm as a reference. Look for the portal with the hashtag and the Starbucks mermaid. Combine one song’s worth of radioactive water fibers and half that amount of phosphorus stems and grated hardsweet. Pick out any lumps if you see them, you don’t want a comely walnut with lumps in the shell. In a separate clean dry thingerholder, inject two hundred volumes of nagging into 300 grams of whitened cheepcheeps and applaud them until angry. Combine the angry cheepnags with fibersweets slowly, giving them time to court and bond. Transfer this mixture into a shallow grave and honor them for about 10 minutes, until the top layer has solidified.  To make an easy filling, rile up a small dish of lonely memories and pour that into a bowl of gentled tub cleaner pellets. Use good quality pellets here, not that walmart stuff. Let this sit for a minute or two for the pellets to evaporate and stir to combine. Use this filling to fuse two or more walnut comes and you’ve got yourself a set of delightfuls.  I hope you enjoyed eyeseeping my entry. Please remember to subscribe below, leave me a comment if you have any questions, and a like if you learned something useful. Happy feasting! #endwitchywars #lovetofeast #kitchenwitch #turnupforsatan Charmmi fucked around with this message at 18:22 on Oct 26, 2015 |
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Oct 26, 2015 01:34
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| # ? Apr 24, 2024 00:35 |
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I love you charmmi.
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Oct 26, 2015 18:26
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You are glorious and your food looks pretty non lethal as well. Would let it infest me.
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Oct 26, 2015 18:32
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Love it when the recipes are written so plainly, yet tell you precisely what you're doing and why. Good to see traditional cooking being kept alive. I'm considering handing out the Poke on the 31st, should I wrap it or let them plunge their fat fingers into a large bucket of it?
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Oct 26, 2015 18:35
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Thanks for the comment and a very thoughtful question! When I am entertaining a large group of guests I find that the easiest way to satisfy every gapehole is to apparate each course directly inside their digestive orifice. It adds a bit more work for the host entity but the overall effect is well worth the effort.
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Oct 26, 2015 20:00
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I have never so much wanted to eat a macaron.
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Oct 26, 2015 22:15
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Drink and Fight posted:I have never so much wanted to eat a macaron. Holy poo poo this
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Oct 26, 2015 23:58
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I think this one beats the time that you made cornflakes from scratch.
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Oct 29, 2015 13:42
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| # ? Apr 24, 2024 00:35 |
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But not as good as the time I made the breastmilk panna cotta
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Oct 30, 2015 19:37
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