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Admiral_eX_laX

Historically Inaccurate
Personally, I'm a Jim Beam / beer person if I'm ever drinking, but I know some of you like boxed wine so...

According to Wikipedia:

A box wine (cask wine or boxed wine) is wine packaged in a bag-in-box. Wine is contained in a plastic bladder typically with an air-tight valve emerging from a protective corrugated fiberboard box. It serves as an alternative to traditional wine bottling in glass with a cork or synthetic seal. It is sometimes called goon,[1] and goon bag[2] in Australia.

In 1967 Australian inventor Charles Malpas and Penfolds Wines patented a plastic, air-tight tap welded to a metallised bladder, making storage more convenient. All modern wine casks now use some sort of plastic tap, which is exposed by tearing away a perforated panel on the box. For the next decades bag in a box packaging was primarily preferred by producers of less expensive wines as it is cheaper to fabricate and distribute than glass bottles.

In 2003 California Central Coast AVA–based Black Box Wines introduced mass premium wines in a box, which served to overturn the stereotype that box wines are an alternate packing on inexpensive jug wine. Within the decade premium wineries and bottlers began packaging their own high-quality boxed wine, including French rabbit, Bandit Wines, Octavin, Target, and hundreds of others. This coupled with an increased cultural interest in environmentally sustainable packaging has cultivated growing popularity with affluent wine consumers.[5]



It's called "goon" in some places...coincidentally, we are goons...fascinating!

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Admiral_eX_laX

Historically Inaccurate
According to this image, boxed wine is by far the most economically efficient way to get drunk! Great for weddings and such. Want to be fancy? Pour it into fancy bottles! They'll never know the difference...maybe!

Admiral_eX_laX

Historically Inaccurate
You can even get a boxed wine that's designed as a purse! CLASSY!

GODSPEED JOHN GLENN


I put my thumb up my bum and shut one eye, and my thumb blotted out the planet Earth.


This is my thread.it was made for me

Admiral_eX_laX

Historically Inaccurate
I...I'm not sure what's going on in this image but this lady is clearly having a smashing good time drinking boxed wine...

Admiral_eX_laX

Historically Inaccurate

GODSPEED JOHN GLENN posted:

This is my thread.it was made for me

Yes. Yes it was. I love you.

Admiral_eX_laX

Historically Inaccurate
Hell, there's even a game centered around boxed wine, called Slap the Bag! Fun for the whole family!

Now before you guys get all flustered over me sourcing Fox News on this, this appears to be a fairly straightforward article. I do not know why this is on Fox News?

Step one: Remove bag from box. Do this before you leave home. Or, but a wine that already comes in a bag (genius!) like Clif’s The Climbers Pouch.

Step two: Have a friend (or stranger, good bonding experience) hold the bag tightly at just above face level. Yours, not theirs.

Step three: Open spigot; chug for as long as you can.

Step four: Close spigot; breathe for a second; slap the dickens out of that bag.

Step five: Clean wine dribble off your chin/shirt/hut slippers.

GODSPEED JOHN GLENN


I put my thumb up my bum and shut one eye, and my thumb blotted out the planet Earth.


I just take the bag out, pop a straw in it and drunk it like a giant Capri sun

Admiral_eX_laX

Historically Inaccurate

GODSPEED JOHN GLENN posted:

I just take the bag out, pop a straw in it and drunk it like a giant Capri sun

What's the best straw for this application? I would imagine an extra long smoothie straw, that wide bore to get you goin right, and the length so that it gets down to the bottom of the bag!

Zorodius

EA GAMES' MASTERPIECE 'MADDEN 2018 G.O.A.T. EDITION' IS A GLORIOUS TRIUMPH OF ART AND TECHNOLOGY. IT BRINGS GAMEDAY RIGHT TO THE PLAYER AND WHOEVER SAYS OTHERWISE CAN, YOU GUESSED IT...
SUCK THE SHIT STRAIGHT OUT OF MY OWN ASSHOLE.

BUY IT.
a spiral silly straw, obviously, unless you hate fun

GODSPEED JOHN GLENN


I put my thumb up my bum and shut one eye, and my thumb blotted out the planet Earth.


my refridge right now



:yayclod:

Admiral_eX_laX

Historically Inaccurate

GODSPEED JOHN GLENN posted:

my refridge right now



:yayclod:

:captainpop:

oh my. you have all of the flavors!!!

Admiral_eX_laX

Historically Inaccurate

Zorodius posted:

a spiral silly straw, obviously, unless you hate fun

i see your point. however i believe that efficiently getting the drink down your gullet will in turn bring about the fun :)

Admiral_eX_laX

Historically Inaccurate
This guy explains the act of Slap the Bag:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=kvM7e48EFaY

Robot Made of Meat

GODSPEED JOHN GLENN posted:

my refridge right now



:yayclod:

You should swap the two in the middle for a more pleasing color spectrum.

Also, I notice that the Merlot is not delicious.


Thanks to Manifisto for the sig!

GODSPEED JOHN GLENN


I put my thumb up my bum and shut one eye, and my thumb blotted out the planet Earth.


Robot Made of Meat posted:

You should swap the two in the middle for a more pleasing color spectrum.

Also, I notice that the Merlot is not delicious.

that merlot is an abomination. many people don't know that the last step in the filtering process is to pass the merlot through a hobos smelly butt-crack

GODSPEED JOHN GLENN


I put my thumb up my bum and shut one eye, and my thumb blotted out the planet Earth.


Robot Made of Meat posted:

You should swap the two in the middle for a more pleasing color spectrum.

no. this is the order that I want them in. as a wine/color expert, I feel that my say is final on this and I don't want to hear about it anymore.

Matoi Ryuko


How do they grow the grapes inside the box?

drilldo squirt

a beautiful, soft meat sack
Gmo grapes, they have this whole thing goin g on.

----------------

GODSPEED JOHN GLENN


I put my thumb up my bum and shut one eye, and my thumb blotted out the planet Earth.


Matoi Ryuko posted:

How do they grow the grapes inside the box?

square grapes duh

Admiral_eX_laX

Historically Inaccurate

GODSPEED JOHN GLENN posted:

square grapes duh



delicious pixels

Nosfereefer

IF YOU FIND THIS POSTER OUTSIDE BYOB, PLEASE RETURN THEM. WE ARE VERY WORRIED AND WE MISS THEM
i wish i could get a box of vodka

(USER WAS PUT ON PROBATION FOR THIS POST)

drilldo squirt

a beautiful, soft meat sack
You can, it's filled with bottles of the suff.

----------------

fema crisis actor

bweee-ooo-eee-ooo-eee-ooo
the box of franzia hangs over damacles' head by a single byob thread

Admiral_eX_laX

Historically Inaccurate

GODSPEED JOHN GLENN posted:

that merlot is an abomination. many people don't know that the last step in the filtering process is to pass the merlot through a hobos smelly butt-crack

So the merlot is what you drink when you have nothing else left but are too lazy to go to the store?

alnilam

Admiral_eX_laX posted:

According to this image, boxed wine is by far the most economically efficient way to get drunk! Great for weddings and such. Want to be fancy? Pour it into fancy bottles! They'll never know the difference...maybe!



The undisputed champion of value

alnilam

John glenn why are your reds in the fridge ugh

Robot Made of Meat

alnilam posted:

John glenn why are your reds in the fridge ugh

Because they're in boxes, and the cold kind of numbs the acridity?


Thanks to Manifisto for the sig!

GODSPEED JOHN GLENN


I put my thumb up my bum and shut one eye, and my thumb blotted out the planet Earth.


alnilam posted:

John glenn why are your reds in the fridge ugh

:shrug: cuz I ain't give a gently caress

Sic Semper Goon

Eu tu?

:zaurg:

GOON SACK!

"Oi, he's still going at it, what a loose oval office."

I can tell you that I overindulged with one, and never want to see another goon sack again.

That's my story.

Admiral_eX_laX

Historically Inaccurate

GODSPEED JOHN GLENN posted:

I just take the bag out, pop a straw in it and drunk it like a giant Capri sun

Hey my fiance just told me this is impossible because the goon sack is vacuum sealed so if you tried to ram a straw in the goon juice would immediately gush out so... How do you do this? Are you a wizard

lmbo calrissian

i'm into fashion
men are my passion

GODSPEED JOHN GLENN


I put my thumb up my bum and shut one eye, and my thumb blotted out the planet Earth.


Admiral_eX_laX posted:

Hey my fiance just told me this is impossible because the goon sack is vacuum sealed so if you tried to ram a straw in the goon juice would immediately gush out so... How do you do this? Are you a wizard

Its, uh, it was a lie

Admiral_eX_laX

Historically Inaccurate

GODSPEED JOHN GLENN posted:

Its, uh, it was a lie

I was hoping you were a wizard

social vegan



*talking to mom on phone* oh don't worry about me mom, heck tonight, I'm hanging out with my best franzia

social vegan



no you're crying

GODSPEED JOHN GLENN


I put my thumb up my bum and shut one eye, and my thumb blotted out the planet Earth.


social vegan posted:

*talking to mom on phone* oh don't worry about me mom, heck tonight, I'm hanging out with my best franzia

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Admiral_eX_laX

Historically Inaccurate
Mom, Dad? I...I want you to meet Franzia. We...we're getting married!

Dad: what the gently caress are you doing? A Castle Rock, a Coppola, ANYTHING but FRANZIA!

Mom: D....didn't we raise you better? :sobs uncontrollably:

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