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Splatmaster posted:Welcome aboard, yer me pet shoulder monkey! *makes excited monkey noises, climbs onto the captain's shoulder and then points menacingly at the other crew members*
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Mar 18, 2016 19:23
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| # ? Apr 24, 2024 09:01 |
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Yarrr, capn, me countin abilities tell me we got either one or eight monkeys on board... I forget which. Well, we got THIS MANY, anyway. yarr
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Mar 18, 2016 19:25
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the reeking mystic's piece of gear is a set of knucklebones from a demanutated thief, worn in a pouch around her neck, where no-one will want to steal them |
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Mar 18, 2016 19:25
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*monkey eyes the pouch around the mystic's neck and rubs his tiny hands together mischievously*
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Mar 18, 2016 19:26
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Ye pesky monkey keep yer paws off me cargo if ye know what's good for ye
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Mar 18, 2016 19:27
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*monkey chitters at mr. willsauce and then makes throat slitting gesture before hiding behind the captains head*
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Mar 18, 2016 19:31
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YARRR mrwillsauce brandishes Merlin and stalks off to the cargo hold (wait, do we even have one, or is all of our stuff really just sitting on the deck?). We'll see whose pet is harder...
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Mar 18, 2016 19:34
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Item: a rusty harpoon. +5 to combat against enormous adversaries, +2 to combat against normal-sized ones (due to its unwieldy size); almost no other important characteristics. +3 to "accidentally" skewering unwary captains to continue failing upward 
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Mar 18, 2016 19:37
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-a man with an especially large corn chip for a head walks up the gangplank- CAP'N, THE KITCHEN'S A MESS! That's good news, though. We'll be having chicken and rat chili for our next meal. And probably pretty much all of them. I brought this bottomless sack of corn chips though so we should be good on that front. Nachos for days. Just keep those bloody pigeons away.
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Mar 18, 2016 22:05
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WELCOME ABOARD THE HORRIBLE SHIP SPLATMISTRESS.         If I've got the ship's manifest aright we have aboard (from left to right): One Captain Splatmaster, who comes equipped with One Drilldo, the ship's boy, who brings a solid anime recommendation and a strong work ethic One Mister Willsauce, the quartermaster, who has a pet rock named Merlin and accountancy skills you can almost count on! One Senor Manlove, the disgraced Spaniard. Consigned to work in the galley he comes equipped with a letter of marque from the Spanish crown and a burning desire to reclaim his noble heritage through the dark arts of chefery. One B.F. Dorito, a cook who carries a bottomless sack of cornchips that strongly resemble his head. How odd! Mister Filth, the first mate, wields the cruel harpoon Tetanius A reeking, half-blind mystic with no name wears the knuckles of a thief about her throat A plucky monkey whose sins hang heavy around his neck and for whom the hangman's noose waits impatiently in Tortuga and an indeterminate number of these oaves, who work below decks and do most of the chumping. Should anyone "join" after departure, the oafshead will hatch and reveal a new crewman!  Captain, it is time! The ship is prepared, the crew is aboard. The furnace is stoked and with a whistle the boiler sets the propeller in motion. You are away!  You are at sea, steaming in the general direction of the entry to the ancient tunnel leading to the catacombs, within which lies the Island of the Unforgotten Lost. It could take a couple of hours to arrive. Maybe this is the opportunity your awful crew needs to get to know one another?
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Mar 19, 2016 01:04
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I run a tight ship. Unless Captain Splatmaster wants to run a tight ship, in which case the ship I run is crooked and loose. |
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Mar 19, 2016 01:57
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the mystic sets up a tent on the maindeck, wherein she lights candles, slings hookahs up against the wall, and generally attempts to cultivate a small area of homey, choking darkness |
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Mar 20, 2016 03:32
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The furnace isn't the only t hing that's stoked! I shoo the stinky lady off of my warehouse and see how many different ways I can arrange our crates of stuff. I want the cargo to be arranged as tastefully as possible.
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Mar 20, 2016 03:41
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*monkey chitters and then disappears to go investigate the ship mischievously as a monkey is wont to do*
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Mar 20, 2016 03:52
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Ye fools! Ye should have turned back when ye hadst the chance! ye!  Luckily the captain thought to bring a mystic aboard. As soon as the planets, sun and moon aligned on the far side of the Earth, dragging the tides to a hundred-year low, the mystic involuntarily stretched out her bony claw in the direction of the tunnel, now visible at the low water mark. A pitch black hole in a pitch black night, and only the stars and the burning obsession of a half-insane, half-nuts, all crazy captain to light the way. Captain, your orders? Crew, your insubordination?
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Mar 20, 2016 04:18
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gulp
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Mar 20, 2016 04:20
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*chitters nervously*
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Mar 20, 2016 04:23
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Looks like things are about to get hella real so GRUB'S UP! WHO WANTS RAT NACHOS AND CHEAP GROG? Gotta be well fed before swashbucklin'
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Mar 20, 2016 10:52
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As the scheming and treacherous first mate, I will require Captain Splatmaster to make a decision before I can attempt to undermine it. |
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Mar 20, 2016 16:45
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We make way for the (formerly) hidden tunnel!
https://i.imgur.com/QKTkerO.mp4 |
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Mar 21, 2016 02:02
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After dallying all night the cap'n gives the order "Full steam arrrr-head!" and the Splatmistress lurches forth into the pit. Even at the lowest possible tide and no mast it's a tight fit - the funnel scrapes the top of the tunnel with a horrible screeching noise every time the waves roll up and down. You'd better get through this tunnel before the planets and whatnot unalign themselves - if the water rises much you'll be torn to piees against the ceiling of the this tunnel! unfortunately the tunnel is of indeterminable length, disappearning into the darkness ahead. The Splatmistress is a steam vessel which burns coal to heat the water and provide propulsion. In the confines of the tunnel the smoke from the burning of the coal has nowhere to go so it clings to the ship in a noxious shroud. Pushing ahead at full steam might get you out of this literal scrape but it might poison the crew - and more importantly you've never run this rust bucket under full steam before. It might explode. Lowering the power or going to oars only might be safer, but you risk drowning if the rising waters catch you in this tunnel.
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Mar 21, 2016 02:09
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yarr it's a good day t' die! I say full speed ahead, capn! yarrrrrrrrr
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Mar 21, 2016 03:41
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LET'S RUN THIS poo poo INTO THE GROUND, SIR!
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Mar 21, 2016 05:20
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A good day to die, indeed.MrWillsauce posted:yarr it's a good day t' die! I say full speed ahead, capn! yarrrrrrrrr Seconded. |
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Mar 21, 2016 12:56
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THREE QUARTER STEAM AHEAD AND MAN THE OARS! Mystic, fetch us up a fine tailwind and speed us up! And pray to whatever gods ye all pray to https://i.imgur.com/QKTkerO.mp4 |
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Mar 21, 2016 13:13
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Absolutely, captain. Incidentally, a prayer to my gods requires my commanding officer gently scratch himself on my rusty harpoon. For good luck, you see. If you'd do the honors....? |
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Mar 21, 2016 13:19
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the mystic bargains astutely with the wind, using as her main token of persuasion the fact that, if it helps the Splatmistress get into this nightmarish subterranean channel, it probably won't have to cradle this terrible boat within its bosom ever again. she also sacrifices a lamb, but the wind doesn't seem so into that |
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Mar 21, 2016 13:33
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yarr how many times do I have to tell ye "no ritual sacrifice in me cargo hold?" yarr
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Mar 21, 2016 17:20
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come on, says the mystic wryly, it was barely even ritual. i didn't even use the good incense. she waggles her eyebrows at him like she does when convincing a mark of their tarot reading, a time-honed skill |
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Mar 21, 2016 17:33
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yarr... eyebrows... a'right... yar
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Mar 21, 2016 17:38
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| # ? Apr 24, 2024 09:01 |
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That WAS a waste of our one good lamb, though. Can I cut it up into chops yet?
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Mar 21, 2016 23:57
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