|
Day 3: They said it would be 45 minutes, but that's what they've been saying since the beginning. Frank ate his own shoelaces this morning. "Frank," I said, "Let's give up. This isn't worth it." He looked at me, third of a shoelace hanging out of his mouth and said, "They have over 250 menu items and 50 signature cheesecakes. And with the new CakePay app, we won't even have to wait for the check." Then he slurped the rest of the shoelace. The rest of us looked at each other with wild, hungry eyes. Why did we ever think it was a good idea to make Frank the Captain of Cheesecakes? We thought it was good that he was so passionate. Little did we know that his passion was more than that; it was an obsession. We're going to die in the lobby of the Cheesecake Factory. |
|
#
?
Jul 1, 2016 03:37
|
|
|
|
| # ? Apr 19, 2024 20:54 |
|
|
|
they call their burgers Glamburgers and that speaks to me
|
|
#
?
Jul 1, 2016 04:07
|
|
|
|
As you approach the cavernous hall you hear the clinking of hammers on machinery in the bowels of the restaraunt. Deep beneath the crust of the earth well-paid dwarves toil ceaselessly above pits of magma to extract the finest sugar crystals and creamiest cheeses. You hear the creaking of a colossal conveyor belt which transports raw materials to the factory floor, eventually reaching old Chinese women who assemble a Cheesecake so fast you can't see their hand (singular - the other is holding a cigarette she puffs gracefully) move. You remember the words of the village elder - that poor boy, swept away by a flooding river of sweet cheese, dragged in to the pits of this... den of evil. The dungeon's name flashes in bold gothic font on the center of the screen- THE CHEESECAKE FACTORY |
|
#
?
Jul 1, 2016 04:11
|
|
|
|
i hear it's to die for
|
|
#
?
Jul 1, 2016 04:47
|
|
|
|
They had chains which they fastened about the little cheesecakes. As the wheel turned, a cheesecake was suddenly jerked off its platter and the cakes we processed. At the same instant the ear was assailed by a most terrifying shriek. The shriek was followed by another, louder and yet more agonizing--for once a cheesecake started upon that journey, it never came back. And meantime another was swung up, and then another, and another, until there was a double line of them, each dangling by their dainty little wrappers and jiggling a frenzy--and squealing. It was too much for some of the customers--the men would look at each other, laughing nervously, and the women would stand with hands clenched, and the blood rushing to their faces, and the tears starting in their eyes. Meantime, heedless of all these things, the pastry chefs were going about their work. Neither squeals of cheesecakes nor tears of customers made any difference to them; one by one they grabbed a cheesecake, and one by one with a swift stroke they wrapped them in shrink wrap and carried them out the factory floor, into the display case. Now and then a customer wept, to be sure; but this cheesecake factory ran on, customers or no customers. It was like some horrible crime committed in a dungeon, all unseen and unheeded, buried out of sight and of memory. |
|
#
?
Jul 1, 2016 09:34
|
|
|
the Ghost of a Cheesecake Factory past... Frank will never see the error of his ways unless you show him, he will die there, not only alone but with you, there is a grave truth about the cheesecake factory that no one ever told you... the cake is a lie.
|
|
#
?
Jul 1, 2016 10:21
|
|
<3 
<3 Vanisher |
Day 8: Woke up from a nightmare. In my dream, I died. But that was the good part. I felt myself ascend from my body, infused with a trembling lightness, like the air after a thunderstorm has moved on and the pressure lifts. I was headed up, not down, so I knew I had been a good girl. I kept the CheeseFaith. Up I went, through wreaths of cloud until I reached the angels. They were milling about, standing in groups, sitting with their heads in their hands, checking their phones. States of paralysis and despair. Some of them clutched objects close to their bodies, like holy relics. I knew what those objects were. I didn't want to know what those objects were. Still I floated, pulled by a helium string, past the angels, straight to the podium of St. Peter. But it wasn't St. Peter. It was a hostess. Behind her I could see the familiar faux-Arabian interior I know so well. She told me it would only be 45 minutes. Dear Diary, the angels were clutching buzzers. misty mountaintop fucked around with this message at 15:56 on Jul 1, 2016 |
|
|
#
?
Jul 1, 2016 14:45
|
|
|
|
omg... |
|
#
?
Jul 1, 2016 15:05
|
|
|
misty mountaintop posted:Day 8: Woke up from a nightmare. In my dream, I died.  Don't ever leave BYOB.
|
|
#
?
Jul 1, 2016 15:09
|
|
|
|
misty mountaintop posted:Day 8: Woke up from a nightmare. In my dream, I died. |
|
#
?
Jul 1, 2016 17:08
|
|
|
misty mountaintop posted:Day 8: Woke up from a nightmare. In my dream, I died.
|
|
#
?
Jul 1, 2016 21:29
|
|
|
safety warning stickers on the factory machines show fingers being crushed and limbs removed by a cartoon cheesecake
|
|
#
?
Jul 2, 2016 00:47
|
|
|
|
| # ? Apr 19, 2024 20:54 |
|
|
|
GODSPEED JOHN GLENN posted:safety warning stickers on the factory machines show fingers being crushed and limbs removed by a cartoon cheesecake One of the best warning stickers I ever saw was on a hay bailer before the age of smartphones. It had your typical stick figure dude but with a cowboy hat next to the open machine, and in the next frame his legs were sticking out of the closed machine and his hat was on the ground. The 88 year old WW2 vet who owned the farm said, "You gotta be careful around that machine, yeah? It can knock your hat off." |
|
#
?
Jul 2, 2016 06:48
|
|
