If those walls could talk...

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Pot Smoke Phoenix: Smoke 'em if you gottem!

...or anything else in the room.

Somewhere in a married couple's bathroom, anywhere in the world

Bathtub posted:

Man, it sure is quiet in here

Walls posted:

This is boring!

Medicine cabinet posted:

Yo, you guys need anything? You know, anything you might need, to take care of something?

Hairbrush posted:

Whatcha got?

Medicine cabinet posted:

Whatcha need?

Hairbrush posted:

Got any hair depillatory?

Medicine cabinet posted:

What for?

Hairbrush posted:

I wanna make that son-of-a-bitch bald!

Medicine cabinet posted:

And get yourself unemployed? Hair is job security for you! Besides, it's under the sink, even *I* won't go there! No, next person in line please!

Toilet Brush posted:

I want something that will numb me

Medicine cabinet posted:

Ewww... I'll spray you for free with Chloroseptic

Toilet Brush posted:

...

Hairbrush posted:

Don't brush me off!

Toothbrush posted:

I hate my life

Feminine Napkin posted:

Here we go..

Tampon posted:

Oh, gently caress- not again

Toilet paper posted:

I WILL BURN THIS MOTHERFUCKER DOWN IF YOU START THAT poo poo AGAIN

Tampon posted:

You don't hear the toilet complaining, do you?

Toilet Bowl posted:

Why can't we all be grateful for our roles in life and do our jobs the best we can?

Bathroom Door posted:

I think I hear the guy coming, don't forget, he had burritos!

Toilet Bowl posted:

Kill me now!

# ? Jul 11, 2016 19:02

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# ? Apr 18, 2024 07:25

super mario batali: Dice-a the Mushroom

Doorknob posted:

Don't touch me with those unwashed hands!

# ? Jul 11, 2016 19:42

Uxzuigal: Chill Berserker Dude

Toilet Paper:
*Flush* Goodbye cruel world...!

<3 <3 Vanisher

# ? Jul 11, 2016 19:43

Luvcow: One day nearer spring

*garbage disposal* "yeah, they tell me my whole life is going to be eating delicious food, tons of it! I just get to grind it up and swallow it! holy moly I CANNOT loving WAIT!"

*toilet* "that sounds amazing! maybe i'll get to do that too!"

*garbage disposal* "hehe... uh.... you don't know what you are yet do you...?"

# ? Jul 11, 2016 19:46

Pot Smoke Phoenix: Smoke 'em if you gottem!

It can happen with the car...

Windshield: Hey, glass wipe- you wanna do a better job there, buddy?
Wipers: Seriously, that's rude!
Washer Fluid Jet: Too bad only one side of me works, huh?
Windsheild: Yeah, you suck, too!
Washer Fluid: I bet you wish I wasn't as dry as this thread!

Cruise Control: Just sit back, relax, and I'll take care of the rest!
Anti-Lock Brakes: Hey, Mr. "I Got It All Covered"- what are you gonna do when some jerk wad stops suddenly in front of you?
Cruise Control: I uh, well...
Anti-Lock Brakes: Yeah, that's what I thought!
Collision Avoidance System: You tell 'em, ALB!
Tire Pressure System: Your Right Front Tire is low on pressure!
Anti-Lock Brakes: Who the hell asked YOU?

Car Stereo: HI EVERYBODY HOW ARE YOU DOING TODAY!!!!
Rear View Mirror: Yay, jackass left the loving volume all the way up again!
Heated Seat: Haha, you shoulda seen your face when he turned the key

https://i.imgur.com/QKTkerO.mp4
_{_{Sig elements by Manifisto and Heather Papps}}
Sig File protected by SigLock. do NOT steal this sig!

# ? Jul 11, 2016 20:11

Pot Smoke Phoenix: Smoke 'em if you gottem!

Here we are in the bedroom of your typical married couple. The content has been safeguarded to make it work safe

Vibrator: Alright, let's get this out of the way right here and now
Condoms: What do you mean?
Vibrator: You know, since this is a bedroom scenario we have to go right to the whole 'sexual innuendoes' thing
Condoms: No we don't
Vibrator:I figured we would have to- bedroom equals sex, right?
Pillow: No, not necessarily.
Night Stand: Bedrooms are used for reading!
Book: Right on!
Playboy Magazine (under the mattress): You tell 'em!
Alarm Clock/Radio: People still read that thing?
Mattress: I can't believe he hides that thing here!
Playboy Magazine: I'm right here, you know...
Comforter: It's gonna be alright, everyone! I just know it!

https://i.imgur.com/QKTkerO.mp4
_{_{Sig elements by Manifisto and Heather Papps}}
Sig File protected by SigLock. do NOT steal this sig!

# ? Jul 11, 2016 20:56

HighwireAct: Pozzo's Hat

These Walls posted:

She just want to close her eyes and sway
With you, With you, With you
Exercise her right to work it out
It's true, it's true, it's true
Shout out to the birthday girls say hey, say hey
Everyone deserves a night to play
And she plays only when you tell her no

# ? Jul 11, 2016 23:08

drilldo squirt: a beautiful, soft meat sack

"I am a thinking being who is without any means of locomotion or ability to manipulate the world around me, for the love of god help me." - wall

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# ? Jul 12, 2016 01:19

tao of lmao

"For all the vile hatred he talks about Adele he can't really sing for poo poo" - My mom

# ? Jul 12, 2016 02:31

Scaly Haylie

Splatmaster posted:

Comforter: It's gonna be alright, everyone! I just know it!

lol

# ? Jul 12, 2016 04:01

drilldo squirt: a beautiful, soft meat sack

Wall: you ever wonder if the floors can talk but you just cant hear them because the furniture muffles their words?
me: Wall, it is 3 am wall, please stop it. Why won't you stop? Why did I move into a place with a wall that talks?
Wall: you are the wall, stephen.
*I am the wall, the building has been abandoned for years.*

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# ? Jul 12, 2016 06:28

bean mom

comic of a fps game with waist high walls with faces.

the one is all upset about how short he is and then a battle breaks out and the hero hides behind the wall and the wall feels super proud!

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# ? Jul 12, 2016 07:35

Anoia: "Sooner or later, every curse is a prayer."

yellow wallpaper: somebody wrote a story about me once... how do I pursue a defamation lawsuit ?

# ? Jul 12, 2016 07:47

I Was The Fury: Always stop to smell the flowers, just in case they're weeds

If your walls are talking you should probably call ghostbusters. Or Zak Bagans.

# ? Jul 12, 2016 16:29

drilldo squirt: a beautiful, soft meat sack

Anoia posted:

yellow wallpaper: somebody wrote a story about me once... how do I pursue a defamation lawsuit ?

Maybe you should leave that poor woman to her bland empty life and stop screwing with her head.

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# ? Jul 12, 2016 16:45

FutonForensic

beige wall: ooh, this new wall sounds so exotic!

accent wall: eehhh, zis paint colour--it is, how you zay, bur-gan-dee, non? it iz dark, much like ze twizted spirit that rezides within me~~

beige wall: *collapses*

# ? Jul 12, 2016 18:11

misty mountaintop: by Hand Knit

Future Wall: The Mexicans built me.

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# ? Jul 12, 2016 19:28

misty mountaintop: by Hand Knit

Wailing Wall: Oy vey! Most of the prayers in me are for a Mewtwo!

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This thread brought to you by a tremendous dickhead!

# ? Jul 12, 2016 19:30

Pot Smoke Phoenix: Smoke 'em if you gottem!

In the garage

Floor: **MMmMmfff!**
Ceiling: You guys hear something?
Organizer: If Mr. Lazy-rear end actually used me, we might be able to see the floor
Lawn Mower: Duh, hey guys DAH!
Razor Knife: Lawn Mower needs his blade sharpened
Garage Door: You're pretty sharp there, guy
Razor Knife: Who, me?
Garage Door: Yep
Razor Knife: Thanks!
Garage Door: Don't mention it
Rusty Pliers: You guys I bet I could grab on to something, it just might take me a bit
Weed Eater: I'm hungry, you guys hungry? I could use some food let's go get something to eat
Oil Can: Great, pot head's stoned again- what a surprise
Engine Block: This sucks so bad
Car (outside): You guys alright in there?
Everybody: Yeah!
Garage Door: They're good, too bad there's no room for you inside, what's the point of having a garage when you keep your car parked outside?
Floor Jack: Hear that, at least you get to be inside
Engine Block: You're right- thanks for lifting up my spirits, pal!

https://i.imgur.com/QKTkerO.mp4
_{_{Sig elements by Manifisto and Heather Papps}}
Sig File protected by SigLock. do NOT steal this sig!

# ? Jul 12, 2016 19:33

Uxzuigal: Chill Berserker Dude

Floor:
Gah... Looks like she's preparing the water bucket... here we go agian..
Ceiling:
Stop complaining. I've never been washed.

It's funny because it's true.

<3 <3 Vanisher

# ? Jul 12, 2016 19:41

tao of lmao

"We still haven't seen the birth certificate" -my uncle

# ? Jul 12, 2016 20:07

Yobgoblin: by Jeffrey of YOSPOS

"Don't put the gas away yet." -R.B.

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This thread brought to you by a tremendous dickhead!

# ? Jul 12, 2016 22:38

Macnult

wall: im diggin' that Pink Floyd poster

door: thanks dude. that Jim Morrison poster looks really good on you by the way

wall: do you think James put these posters where they are for a specific reason?

door: what do you mean?

wall: like it's kinda funny that you're wearing that while I have this on.

door: huh?

wall: n... nevermind

# ? Jul 12, 2016 22:53

bean mom

Macnult posted:

wall: im diggin' that Pink Floyd poster

door: thanks dude. that Jim Morrison poster looks really good on you by the way

wall: do you think James put these posters where they are for a specific reason?

door: what do you mean?

wall: like it's kinda funny that you're wearing that while I have this on.

door: huh?

wall: n... nevermind

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This thread brought to you by a tremendous dickhead!

# ? Jul 12, 2016 23:14