Cockney-fy movie, game, or book plots.

The Something Awful Forums > Archives > General Bullshit > Cockney-fy movie, game, or book plots.

TheMostFrench: Jul 12, 2009; Stop for me, it's the claw!

Metal Gear Soccer 3:

Liverpool soccer club member 'Naked Streak' is sent to the urban jungles of Manchester, aided via radio by Major Tom, Para-Medic and his former mentor 'The Guv'. His mission is to rescue a defecting Manchester striker named Javier Hernandez. The mission goes smoothly until The Guv defects and provides her new benefactor, Jose Marin, with bribe money. Marin steps down from FIFA to cover up the scandal.

Minority Report:

David Ayerson is chief of the new Free-Time police division, who prevent police from working too much harder than any bloke rightly should in this day and age. Things go wrong when Ayerson falls afoul of an out of sorts coloured fella while off duty, and has to make an arrest - Now under suspicion of working outside of police union mandated hours, Ayerson is in a race against the clock to prove his innocence, and has to make it to the pub before last drinks.

# ? Sep 14, 2016 13:53

Adbot: ADBOT LOVES YOU

# ? Apr 25, 2024 18:01

weak wrists big dick: Dec 18, 2012; good job. you are getting legitametly upset because I won't confrom to your secret internet cliques gross social standards. Sorry I don't like anime. Sorry I don't like being gross on the internet. Sorry that you are getting caremad.

your stupid shit internet argument is also only half true once I get probated, so checkmate anyways but nice try.

]

can we all pretend i made a very funny and relevant brexit joke in this post

# ? Sep 14, 2016 13:55

Quote-Unquote: Oct 22, 2002

What the loving hell is soccer you oval office?

# ? Sep 14, 2016 13:56

Foreskin Problems: Nov 4, 2012; It's doing fine, actually.

Ocean's Eleven, but they're all poor and English and they're tryna steal a loaf of bread

# ? Sep 14, 2016 13:59

lorn Wayne: Jan 7, 2006

Batman vs Superman: Batman and Superman are actually the Kray Twins and they fight each other after being set up Lex 'Guvnah' Luthor.

Suicide Squad: The squad are the Kray Twins, led by their imperious leader The Guvnah

Anchorman: The Kray Twins take over an East London tv station and fight over the affections of Veronica 'Guvnah' Corningstone

# ? Sep 14, 2016 13:59

ConstantDelays: Jan 1, 2013

I am Legend
Poorly made biopic of the last man on earth, starring Will Smith and Tom Hardy as the Kray twins.

# ? Sep 14, 2016 14:02

weak wrists big dick: Dec 18, 2012; good job. you are getting legitametly upset because I won't confrom to your secret internet cliques gross social standards. Sorry I don't like anime. Sorry I don't like being gross on the internet. Sorry that you are getting caremad.

your stupid shit internet argument is also only half true once I get probated, so checkmate anyways but nice try.

]

I may not get any of these jokes, but a tleast I live in a first world country

# ? Sep 14, 2016 14:15

Two Free Toppings: Jul 1, 2007; SUCK
THE
SHIT
OUT
OF
MY
OWN
ASSHOLE

Peaky Blinders -

# ? Sep 14, 2016 14:33

Quote-Unquote: Oct 22, 2002

Buttmeister posted:

I may not get any of these jokes, but a tleast I live in a first world country

which one?

# ? Sep 14, 2016 14:34

Olympic Mathlete: Feb 25, 2011

This thread is terrible.

You slag.

# ? Sep 14, 2016 14:39

haris pilton: Sep 4, 2014

Showgirls.
It's exactly the same as the original movie except everyone has really bad teeth.

# ? Sep 14, 2016 15:17

Rags to Liches: Mar 11, 2008; future skeleton soldier

Dune, except Patrick Stewart does every character.

# ? Sep 14, 2016 15:25

tenspott: Aug 1, 2002; by FactsAreUseless

Oi-thello

It's like the original, but instead of being a black general, Oi-thello runs a kebab truck.

# ? Sep 14, 2016 15:25

Mozi: Apr 4, 2004; Forms change so fast
Time is moving past
Memory is smoke
Gonna get wider when I die; Nap Ghost

this thread is a niece of chit

# ? Sep 14, 2016 15:28

8-Bit Scholar: Jan 23, 2016; by FactsAreUseless

TheMostFrench posted:

Minority Report:

David Ayerson is chief of the new Free-Time police division, who prevent police from working too much harder than any bloke rightly should in this day and age. Things go wrong when Ayerson falls afoul of an out of sorts coloured fella while off duty, and has to make an arrest - Now under suspicion of working outside of police union mandated hours, Ayerson is in a race against the clock to prove his innocence, and has to make it to the pub before last drinks.

I would absolutely love this movie. Cast Jason Statham as the lead, but he never throws a punch.

# ? Sep 14, 2016 15:31

Nigmaetcetera: Nov 17, 2004; borkborkborkmorkmorkmork-gabbalooins

Steven King's Innit

It's just a big screen adaptation of The Beano, but the kids get killed off every now and then by a scary clown. The clown is later revealed to be the vengeful ghost of Jimmy Savile, who will only stop killing if his OBE is restored.

# ? Sep 14, 2016 16:11

H.H: Oct 24, 2006; August is the Cruelest Month

*two straight hours of cockney rhyming slang dialogue*

# ? Sep 14, 2016 16:19

Drunken Baker: Feb 3, 2015; VODKA STYLE DRINK

TheMostFrench posted:

Metal Gear Soccer 3:

Wouldn't that be "Scouseify"? I lolled anyway.

"Ding Dong BellRaiser"

'Arry's mam dies *gawd bless er* and 'im an' his tart move back into his childhood home. Unknown to 'Arry his bruvva 'Arry (Harry and Barry) only went and summoned the bladdy CENOBITES not two weeks prior. 'Arry's tart summons them and some geezer wiv pins on 'is bonce pops up and tries to bargain for 'Arry's soul.
"'Ow much for a soul? A monkey? You're 'avin a giraffe there, sunshine. Moi soul's worth well more than that. I'd be catting my own froat if I let moi soul go fer a mankey!"

And basically it turns into "Cockney Wanker" from the Viz but with Cenobites or something.

# ? Sep 14, 2016 16:37

autoaim.cfg: Aug 6, 2005; WHINY SHITHEAD
*drops mic*

Drunken Baker posted:

"Ding Dong BellRaiser"

'Arry's mam dies *gawd bless er* and 'im an' his tart move back into his childhood home. Unknown to 'Arry his bruvva 'Arry (Harry and Barry) only went and summoned the bladdy CENOBITES not two weeks prior. 'Arry's tart summons them and some geezer wiv pins on 'is bonce pops up and tries to bargain for 'Arry's soul.
"'Ow much for a soul? A monkey? You're 'avin a giraffe there, sunshine. Moi soul's worth well more than that. I'd be catting my own froat if I let moi soul go fer a mankey!"

And basically it turns into "Cockney Wanker" from the Viz but with Cenobites or something.

Someone go get Guy Ritchie. This needs to be made! :golfclap:

# ? Sep 14, 2016 16:52

Metanaut: Oct 9, 2006; Honey it's tight like that.; College Slice

oh hey, the dialectizer is still up :

quote:

For twelve years, yer 'ave been askin': 'oo is John Galt, guv? This is John Galt speakin'. Cor blimey guv! I'm the man 'oo luvs 'is life. I'm bloody well the man 'oo does not sacrifice 'is luv or 'is values. I'm the bloody man 'oo 'as deprived yer of victims and so 'as destroyed yor world, and if yer wish ter know why yor perishin'-yer 'oo dread knowledge -I'm the bloomin' man 'oo will now tell yer.

quote:

If yer 'ave a look for a reason ter hate men, right, chances are yer�re gonna find it.

The truff is, I don�t blame tarts, right, (especially in me generation) for 'atin' men. They�ve been told there�s a wage gap (I disagree). That there�s a culture of rape on college campuses (I also disagree). And the bloomin' patriarchy is keepin' them oppressed in almost evry facet of their lives (I right, right disagree.)

Political issues 'ave been creepin' into the bedroom. Now, right, they�re in romance. Because of the hateful culture, right, men are now demandin' "consent texts" on campus before engagin' in raunchy, right, post-knees-up one night stands. Men�s Rights Activists 'ave taken flight wiv a new philosophy called "Red Pill" wich aims ter point out 'ow derogatory, right, hypocritical and vindictive fird-wave feminists can be.

No doubt, right, there are men 'oo should be buried underneaff the prison. Right. There�s plenty of examples of 'ow the justice system 'as failed victims. But, it also fails men. The Favver�s Rights Movement reports that only 14 percent of custodial parents are favvers. Muvvers are more likely ter be orarded child support, do wot guvnor! Cows are more likely ter graduate college, they live longer, right, are less likely ter die in the workplace, right, less likely ter go ter prison and extremely less likely ter die in war-time combat.

Wen it comes ter datin', I don�t care about any of that. Yer can't 'ave a knees-up wivout a joanna. Unless yer do.

I used ter ffink datin' across the political aisle were not only possible, but practical. Hell fire, if James Carville and Mary Matalin can cop along, I can date some bloke 'oo finks me genitals automatically give us privileges that they don�t 'ave, right?

Wrong.

# ? Sep 14, 2016 16:59

weak wrists big dick: Dec 18, 2012; good job. you are getting legitametly upset because I won't confrom to your secret internet cliques gross social standards. Sorry I don't like anime. Sorry I don't like being gross on the internet. Sorry that you are getting caremad.

your stupid shit internet argument is also only half true once I get probated, so checkmate anyways but nice try.

]

Quote-Unquote posted:

which one?

India

# ? Sep 14, 2016 19:23

Adbot: ADBOT LOVES YOU

# ? Apr 25, 2024 18:01

XMNN: Apr 26, 2008; I am incredibly stupid

TheMostFrench posted:

Metal Gear Soccer 3:

Liverpool soccer club member 'Naked Streak' is sent to the urban jungles of Manchester, aided via radio by Major Tom, Para-Medic and his former mentor 'The Guv'. His mission is to rescue a defecting Manchester striker named Javier Hernandez. The mission goes smoothly until The Guv defects and provides her new benefactor, Jose Marin, with bribe money. Marin steps down from FIFA to cover up the scandal.

Minority Report:

David Ayerson is chief of the new Free-Time police division, who prevent police from working too much harder than any bloke rightly should in this day and age. Things go wrong when Ayerson falls afoul of an out of sorts coloured fella while off duty, and has to make an arrest - Now under suspicion of working outside of police union mandated hours, Ayerson is in a race against the clock to prove his innocence, and has to make it to the pub before last drinks.

do you even know wat a cockney is

i think the only thing you got even close is "the guv" but even that would be "the guv'nor"

shameful

# ? Sep 14, 2016 19:54

The Something Awful Forums > Archives > General Bullshit > Cockney-fy movie, game, or book plots.