- POWERBALL
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by zen death robot
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Aries (March 21 - April 20): Jupiter is smiling on your creative endeavors this week, Ram-child. It's time to try out that new sandwich you've been thinking of making, or come up with a really great panty-dropping pickup line. On Friday, Mercury swings in to retrograde and your third house of gentrification, Rams, so it might be a good opportunity to invest in some real estate near that cute new lounge with all the "woke" servers.
Leo (July 23 - August 22): Take heart, Leo. Your ruling star, the Sun, is shining on your career ambitions this week. It might be time for some Lions to stage the military coup they've been planning, or ask for a raise. Watch out, though! Venus invades Libra this Wednesday, and your love house; the time is ripe to be betrayed by a lover. Get tested.
Saggitarius (November 21 - December 21): The fire of your spirit burns in your heart and loins this week, Archers. The cute cashier who smiles at you every week at the co-op might really have a crush on you and wouldn't find it super uncomfortable if you asked them if they were off on Thursday and wanted to get a cup of joe (haha, I never say joe...what is wrong with me? Stupid! Stupid!) despite the fact that they smile at everyone because the structure of our society demands that their job description include emotional labor to make your experience of buying honey that comes from grass-fed bees as pleasant as possible. That's not creepy or deluded at all, Sagittarius.
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This thread brought to you by a tremendous dickhead!
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Sep 23, 2016 13:04
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- Adbot
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ADBOT LOVES YOU
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Apr 20, 2024 05:27
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- Manifisto
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Taurus (April 20 - May 20): Today is shaping up to be an odd day for you, Taurus. Specifically, it is a day to cultivate things in odd numbers and avoid things in even numbers. The stars will smile upon social gatherings of three or five people, while groupings of two, four, etc. are courting disaster. Steer clear of purchasing items with an even price tag (and yes, that includes AFTER TAX prices lazybones, just leave it at the register if you have to). Your word processor has a feature that can count characters, words, and lines; ensure success by only sending out odd-numbered emails and documents. On an unrelated note, avoid any tendencies towards obsessive-compulsive behavior today, it's unhealthy.
Virgo (August 23 - September 22): With the current celestial energy, you might be accomplishing something today, Virgo. It might be in your personal life, your career, or some other realm of endeavor. It's likely this achievement will be something you specifically set out to do, but it might be unexpected. It might also be something minor or even largely theoretical. In any event, today is certainly a day for doing things, provided the possible benefits of doing those things outweigh the potential negative consequences.
Capricorn (December 22 - January 19): An exotic bird will attack you today. Sadly there is nothing you can do about it.
ty nesamdoom!
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Sep 23, 2016 14:53
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- Nooner
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AN A+ OPSTER (:
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September 25th is my birthday do I get a special horoscope about it being my special day?
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Sep 23, 2016 19:33
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- ghost emoji
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oooOooOOOooh
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No Scorpio voted 1
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Sep 23, 2016 19:52
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- Luvcow
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One day nearer spring
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Aquarius (January 20th - February 18th): Good tiding for you water bearers! Burger King is bringing back its 10 nuggets for $1.49 deal and it's a limited time offer you should not miss! Made with white meat, Burger King's bite-sized Chicken Nuggets are tender and juicy on the inside and crispy on the outside. Coated in a homestyle seasoned breading, they are perfect for dipping in any of Burger King's delicious dipping sauces. Chicken Nuggets pair perfectly with any delicious signature BK® dipping sauce including BBQ, Honey Mustard, Ranch, Zesty, Buffalo and Sweet & Sour.
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Sep 23, 2016 20:10
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- POWERBALL
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by zen death robot
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Aquarius (January 20th - February 18th): Good tiding for you water bearers! Burger King is bringing back its 10 nuggets for $1.49 deal and it's a limited time offer you should not miss! Made with white meat, Burger King's bite-sized Chicken Nuggets are tender and juicy on the inside and crispy on the outside. Coated in a homestyle seasoned breading, they are perfect for dipping in any of Burger King's delicious dipping sauces. Chicken Nuggets pair perfectly with any delicious signature BK® dipping sauce including BBQ, Honey Mustard, Ranch, Zesty, Buffalo and Sweet & Sour.
Lol
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Sep 23, 2016 22:20
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- Android Blues
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Aquarius (January 20th - February 18th): Good tiding for you water bearers! Burger King is bringing back its 10 nuggets for $1.49 deal and it's a limited time offer you should not miss! Made with white meat, Burger King's bite-sized Chicken Nuggets are tender and juicy on the inside and crispy on the outside. Coated in a homestyle seasoned breading, they are perfect for dipping in any of Burger King's delicious dipping sauces. Chicken Nuggets pair perfectly with any delicious signature BK® dipping sauce including BBQ, Honey Mustard, Ranch, Zesty, Buffalo and Sweet & Sour.
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Sep 23, 2016 23:48
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- Gaunab
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LUFTHANSA YOU FUCKING DICKWEASEL
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Don't be a quitter op
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Sep 24, 2016 00:47
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- Mariana Horchata
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Virgo (August 23 - September 22): With the current celestial energy, you might be accomplishing something today, Virgo. It might be in your personal life, your career, or some other realm of endeavor. It's likely this achievement will be something you specifically set out to do, but it might be unexpected. It might also be something minor or even largely theoretical. In any event, today is certainly a day for doing things, provided the possible benefits of doing those things outweigh the potential negative consequences.
nice
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Sep 24, 2016 01:31
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- flerp
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where the HECK is the picses one this is really messed up that a thread ignores my sign 
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This thread brought to you by a tremendous dickhead!
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Sep 24, 2016 08:48
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- FactsAreUseless
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Taurus - Taurus is beautiful, and smart, and funny. I like getting to talk to Taurus in Civics, and I love seeing Taurus in the hall and our eyes meet and Taurus smiles at me. Does she blush? Maybe I'm just imagining it. But the stars are distant, and the stars are cold, and I don't know how to reach them. I'm only a man, and what can a man do in the face of fate? But I do love Taurus, as best I can, and one day I'll know how to tell Taurus.
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Sep 24, 2016 14:08
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- problematic hug
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Libra: alright, it's that time of year to get angrycare about your birthday, because it's always about you, isn't it Libra? You'll start a cares-for-shares blog where you decry how hipsters have ruined birthdays forever you miserable drama queen. try not to spill anything on yourself or you'll cry like that one time. Lucky number is 1, the loneliest number, you narcissist
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Sep 25, 2016 05:53
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- City of Glompton
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Libra: alright, it's that time of year to get angrycare about your birthday, because it's always about you, isn't it Libra? You'll start a cares-for-shares blog where you decry how hipsters have ruined birthdays forever you miserable drama queen. try not to spill anything on yourself or you'll cry like that one time. Lucky number is 1, the loneliest number, you narcissist
thank you PSP for the beautiful spring sig
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Sep 25, 2016 06:49
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- Boomzilla
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Taurus - Taurus is beautiful, and smart, and funny. I like getting to talk to Taurus in Civics, and I love seeing Taurus in the hall and our eyes meet and Taurus smiles at me. Does she blush? Maybe I'm just imagining it. But the stars are distant, and the stars are cold, and I don't know how to reach them. I'm only a man, and what can a man do in the face of fate? But I do love Taurus, as best I can, and one day I'll know how to tell Taurus.
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Sep 25, 2016 10:52
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- problematic hug
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Libra: alright, it's that time of year to get angrycare about your birthday, because it's always about you, isn't it Libra? You'll start a cares-for-shares blog where you decry how hipsters have ruined birthdays forever you miserable drama queen. try not to spill anything on yourself or you'll cry like that one time. Lucky number is 1, the loneliest number, you narcissist
it's my birthday and ive never been so personally attackd in my life
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Sep 28, 2016 06:11
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- thatbastardken
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A contract signed by a minor is not binding!
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Scope This Horror
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Sep 28, 2016 08:38
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- Adbot
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ADBOT LOVES YOU
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Apr 20, 2024 05:27
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- thatbastardken
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A contract signed by a minor is not binding!
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365 no-horoscope snipah
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Sep 28, 2016 08:41
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Sep 23, 2016 13:04
~*
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PEPSI for TV-GAME
i wanted to know more about my celestial shift schedule. i have to know so i can plan out when to block out my mundane and infernal shifts.
