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22 Eargesplitten
Oct 10, 2010



Veskit posted:

It's summer in Colorado.


Get the gently caress ouuuutttsiiiiddddeeeeeeeee and it's free

We’ve been going through a gigantic heatwave for most of a month. It’s currently in the 90s until 8-9PM most days, so our opportunities are limited. Maybe it would be better up higher, now that the move is done we actually have the opportunity to go up on the weekends. There are supposed to be some good trails outside of the town about 15 miles west of us.

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Veskit
Mar 2, 2005

I love capitalism!! DM me for the best investing advice!

22 Eargesplitten posted:

We’ve been going through a gigantic heatwave for most of a month. It’s currently in the 90s until 8-9PM most days, so our opportunities are limited. Maybe it would be better up higher, now that the move is done we actually have the opportunity to go up on the weekends. There are supposed to be some good trails outside of the town about 15 miles west of us.

You also have the mornings? Also yeah at 7-8ish you should be fine, i have been anyway (live in albuquerque so the temperament is pretty close)

22 Eargesplitten
Oct 10, 2010



Yeah, we do have mornings.

It’s seriously been in the 90s most of the past three weeks, though. And it really doesn’t drop below 90 until 8 or 9 most days. Sometimes 7 like yesterday. On Friday or Saturday we went for a walk and turned around within two minutes, it was unbearable.

Maybe our heat lasts longer because we aren’t a complete desert, just arid? I know it never cools down at all in the Southeast.

Next week looks to be cooler unless the forecast changes drastically.

legendof
Oct 27, 2014

Not trying to get on your case, but you responded to a question about whether or not you guys could go for a walk in the mornings with a response about why you can't do it in the evenings. I second the opinion that getting outside and getting a bare minimum of exercise and fresh air would be great for both of you and would be a good thing to do together - try and find ways to make it happen instead of reasons you can't.

22 Eargesplitten
Oct 10, 2010



I was saying that yes we can do it in the mornings, but that somehow it’s hotter here than in ABQ in the evenings.

SiGmA_X
May 3, 2004
SiGmA_X

22 Eargesplitten posted:

I was saying that yes we can do it in the mornings, but that somehow it’s hotter here than in ABQ in the evenings.
Welllllll it won't be every day.

I almost got up early enough to do this today. I walked my dog every morning, until I got a back yard... I kinda miss it.

Nam Taf
Jun 25, 2005

I am Fat Man, hear me roar!

Swim in a public pool then. Stop finding excuses, start finding solutions.

edit: It's 90F, which is 32C in normal people temperatures, and you have gently caress all humidity. Just drink some water as you sweat it out, wear a broad-brimmed hat and maybe put some sunscreen on. You'll be fine.

Nam Taf fucked around with this message at 09:47 on Jul 11, 2018

Veskit
Mar 2, 2005

I love capitalism!! DM me for the best investing advice!
What are you wearing when you go out walking anyway?

22 Eargesplitten
Oct 10, 2010



Shorts and a t-shirt, or lightweight breathable button-up if I have one (breeze through the holes between the buttons makes it cooler than a t-shirt). Some days now it’s literally painful to be in the sun. We obviously can’t take our dog with how hot the ground is, which sucks because she could really use the exercise.

I’m going to float the idea of a short hike up an easy trail a ways west of town in the mountains on Saturday.

Leng
May 13, 2006

One song / Glory
One song before I go / Glory
One song to leave behind


No other road
No other way
No day but today
What I have found to be effective in Australian summers (most days are 30 degrees Celsius or higher, with 40+ degree scorchers being a regular occurrence) is to cover up MORE, not less. Wear loose, long, light colored clothing and don't forget sunscreen, hat*, sunglasses and carry at least a medium sized water bottle at all times. If it is not humid where you are, spraying yourself with water can help you cool down as well.

* Ideally wear a wide brimmed hat. If you hate the look of those and prefer baseball caps or whatever, well, then any hat is better than no hat.

Also re: the dog, when I was living in New York, I saw people take their dogs out with doggie boots on to protect their feet from the snow and ice. A quick Google turns up a bunch of options for summer as well.

So yeah:

Nam Taf posted:

Stop finding excuses, start finding solutions.

Edit to add: there is also the option of carrying an umbrella. I know non-Asians don't tend to do this and I normally won't either but if it's 45 C out and the sun is beating down, I am gonna embrace my inner Asian FOB and use an umbrella.

Leng fucked around with this message at 14:05 on Jul 12, 2018

KYOON GRIFFEY JR
Apr 12, 2010



Runner-up, TRP Sack Race 2021/22
just walk outside and be hot, come home and take a nice shower

i agree with the people who say that pretty much inevitably you come up with reasons to not do poo poo

Veskit
Mar 2, 2005

I love capitalism!! DM me for the best investing advice!
The umbrella is a pro tier move

22 Eargesplitten
Oct 10, 2010



Man, I’m saying we’re going to go :(

My wife shot down the Saturday morning hike, and I forgot I have a therapist appointment back in my old town anyway.

You think it’s hard to convince me to do something, she’s a dozen times worse.

legendof
Oct 27, 2014

Listen to yourself, though - you're saying that you are going to, and then you immediately follow that up with excuses for why you aren't. We believe that you intend to do it, but the fact of the matter is that you aren't doing it.

It's not even that important whether or not you and your wife go for walks. It'd improve your lives, probably, but the real issue here is that you are giving yourself credit for your intent to do something without ever actually doing it, which is a really bad pattern to set.

moana
Jun 18, 2005

one of the more intellectual satire communities on the web
Why don't you just get outside the drat house and walk around the neighborhood before eating breakfast? Like, start small, you don't have to go drive 15 miles to go do a hike, just walk. Bring a coffee, enjoy being outside.

22 Eargesplitten
Oct 10, 2010



I did some of that exercise today. Before it broke 90 degrees I got over to my in-laws’ house and loaded up an entire weight set. Olympic barbell, rack, a pair of each 2.5lb, 5lb, 10lb, 25lb, 35lb, and 45lb plates, and a couple bench accessories like the preacher curl and leg bar things.

Not the bench, though. Some wasps have decided that’s their new home and we’re going to have to resolve that disagreement later when I have wasp spray.

My mother-in-law is coming down to our place with the nephews tomorrow and we’ll go to the park / skate park with them. When they get here I can unload it and take it to the basement. Then I can get my favorite kind of exercise at will.

I’ve also gained maybe six pounds in the last month or two from emotional eating, so this will help me fit into my clothes again. You wouldn’t think 6 pounds would make that bit of a difference on someone that’s 6’2”, but somehow it does. And when I’m lifting, even the weight I don’t lose goes upward from my thighs and stomach to my chest and shoulders.

22 Eargesplitten fucked around with this message at 22:09 on Jul 14, 2018

Leng
May 13, 2006

One song / Glory
One song before I go / Glory
One song to leave behind


No other road
No other way
No day but today
It's been almost a month since your last post - how are things going with the new place, getting out to exercise and with finances in general?

22 Eargesplitten
Oct 10, 2010



I'm miserable and on the verge of a mental breakdown. I'm going to the psychiatrist on Monday to hopefully get him to sign off on FMLA and a short term disability application. Multiple anxiety attacks every week, wanting to die several times a week (no plans for suicide, just wanting to die), constant low-grade nausea, dreading going to work every day. And yet I'm going to sleep more easily than I have for a long time, which is presumably also a symptom of worsening depression. If the FMLA gets signed off on, I'll be going to the doctor a lot more (I haven't had the PTO to be able to go to doctor appointments), studying for the RHCSA (very valuable basic Linux cert) and trying for a new job getting into DevOps and/or CI/CD. I'm actually in the middle of studying right now, just taking a break between videos.

That's kind of why I haven't been posting, everything is terrible and I hate updating with bad news because I hate typing out how terrible everything is. I'm down to about 2k in savings, way under a month's expenses. Since I'll have more time, I guess I'll have to be cooking more. Not a fan of that, but I am a fan of eating.

I guess one positive of falling asleep more easily is that I'm not up late with existential dread like used to happen several times a week.

22 Eargesplitten fucked around with this message at 02:07 on Aug 12, 2018

moana
Jun 18, 2005

one of the more intellectual satire communities on the web
I'm so sorry to hear you're going through such a rough time. Take care of yourself and hopefully you'll find something that works for you.

turing_test
Feb 27, 2013

I'm so sorry, friend. I hope that your FMLA is approved and you're able to take care of yourself.

Leng
May 13, 2006

One song / Glory
One song before I go / Glory
One song to leave behind


No other road
No other way
No day but today
Your post in the other thread reminded me to check back in here.

22 Eargesplitten posted:

I'm miserable and on the verge of a mental breakdown.

:smith: Sorry to hear that, but don't give up!

22 Eargesplitten posted:

That's kind of why I haven't been posting, everything is terrible and I hate updating with bad news because I hate typing out how terrible everything is. I'm down to about 2k in savings, way under a month's expenses. Since I'll have more time, I guess I'll have to be cooking more. Not a fan of that, but I am a fan of eating.

I guess one positive of falling asleep more easily is that I'm not up late with existential dread like used to happen several times a week.

Just remember most journeys don't have a perfect trajectory. As long as you get up after a relapse and keep going, you'll get to where you want to go eventually.

22 Eargesplitten
Oct 10, 2010



Thanks. I’m really trying to keep going, I need to improve my self-care though. I’ve started putting on jeans in the morning rather than just pajama pants, which actually makes a big difference. I know that’s weird.

Surprisingly my crazy old landlord didn’t try to screw me, her deductions were all reasonable. So we got $618 of $895 back.

E: Just shaved for the first time in most of a week, I feel up to doing more studying than I have in days.

22 Eargesplitten fucked around with this message at 00:49 on Sep 2, 2018

Discendo Vox
Mar 21, 2013

We don't need to have that dialogue because it's obvious, trivial, and has already been had a thousand times.

22 Eargesplitten posted:

Thanks. I’m really trying to keep going, I need to improve my self-care though. I’ve started putting on jeans in the morning rather than just pajama pants, which actually makes a big difference. I know that’s weird.

Surprisingly my crazy old landlord didn’t try to screw me, her deductions were all reasonable. So we got $618 of $895 back.

E: Just shaved for the first time in most of a week, I feel up to doing more studying than I have in days.

That's great to hear. Small routine acts of self-maintenance can do wonders- just keep doing them as much as you can.

22 Eargesplitten
Oct 10, 2010



Yeah, they really do work wonders. When I was younger and not doing as badly, one of the big ways I would make myself feel at least a bit better was the three S method. poo poo, Shower, Shave.

My roommate's ex just moved back from Alabama and is here most of the time (it's a weird situation, they have a baby together and still kind of like each other), and she has been saving us so much money on food. She loves cooking, so she's been cooking all of the time. We split the grocery bill and she cooks some great food. We sit in the kitchen and talk, which gives some much needed social activity. My wife will take care of the baby for a bit, I'll take care of the baby for a bit, my wife will help with the food, I'll set the table, and we all eat together. It's something that I haven't had for a long time.

If you're wondering where the dad is, he's usually sleeping or working. He has two full-time jobs, including overnights at Wal-Mart. So most of the time he's at home he's sleeping. I never expected it, but I really enjoy taking care of and playing with the baby, especially since if he starts crying a lot or needs his diaper changed I hand him off to a parent. Not that I don't try to calm him down when he cries, it's just sometime he wants mom or dad.

22 Eargesplitten fucked around with this message at 04:09 on Sep 2, 2018

Leng
May 13, 2006

One song / Glory
One song before I go / Glory
One song to leave behind


No other road
No other way
No day but today

22 Eargesplitten posted:

Thanks. I’m really trying to keep going, I need to improve my self-care though. I’ve started putting on jeans in the morning rather than just pajama pants, which actually makes a big difference. I know that’s weird.

Not so weird - clothes and environment can make a big difference to your mental state. If you find something works for you, stick with it and keep going!


22 Eargesplitten posted:

My roommate's ex just moved back from Alabama and is here most of the time (it's a weird situation, they have a baby together and still kind of like each other), and she has been saving us so much money on food. She loves cooking, so she's been cooking all of the time. We split the grocery bill and she cooks some great food. We sit in the kitchen and talk, which gives some much needed social activity. My wife will take care of the baby for a bit, I'll take care of the baby for a bit, my wife will help with the food, I'll set the table, and we all eat together. It's something that I haven't had for a long time.

This sounds really nice! I hope she sticks around, it seems like this is a change that has lots of positives for you guys.

22 Eargesplitten
Oct 10, 2010



Only three weeks left on planned FMLA, little to no improvement. Might just have to max out FMLA and then possibly get laid off. At least disability continuing past FMLA limits wouldn’t be an at-fault situation.

At this point my wife is my biggest problem. She gets on my case about not getting poo poo done, which means that after I deal with her mood swinging and anger for an hour or two I have no energy to do anything. Then the cycle continues and she doesn’t get how she is contributing to it. And I still have to help with her mood issues, which takes up a ton of time. I know that sounds resentful, it’s not. I accepted helping her with her issues when I proposed. But she just doesn’t get how it all goes together, and when I bring it up she says that I’m just trying to blame her for everything.

gently caress my life.

Droo
Jun 25, 2003

22 Eargesplitten posted:

Only three weeks left on planned FMLA, little to no improvement. Might just have to max out FMLA and then possibly get laid off. At least disability continuing past FMLA limits wouldn’t be an at-fault situation.

At this point my wife is my biggest problem. She gets on my case about not getting poo poo done, which means that after I deal with her mood swinging and anger for an hour or two I have no energy to do anything. Then the cycle continues and she doesn’t get how she is contributing to it. And I still have to help with her mood issues, which takes up a ton of time. I know that sounds resentful, it’s not. I accepted helping her with her issues when I proposed. But she just doesn’t get how it all goes together, and when I bring it up she says that I’m just trying to blame her for everything.

gently caress my life.

I tried not to be this blunt in the past, but your wife sounds absolutely awful and you should divorce her and work on yourself.

Edit: failing that, make an effortpost in reddit/relationships, you will get good advice there.

Veskit
Mar 2, 2005

I love capitalism!! DM me for the best investing advice!
I've heard way more about your duty to your wife than your love for her over this thread.

22 Eargesplitten
Oct 10, 2010



Droo posted:

I tried not to be this blunt in the past, but your wife sounds absolutely awful and you should divorce her and work on yourself.

Edit: failing that, make an effortpost in reddit/relationships, you will get good advice there.

He’ll no, I’m not posting in r/relationships to get mocked in E/N.

To be completely fair I wrote that right after we had an argument about me not having kept up with the budget tracking, and she’s right to be upset about it. But the reason I didn’t get it done yesterday was that I had been doing poo poo all day and was dead on my feet.

I need to look into noise-blocking headphones for when I go out if I’m already kind of tired. My state yesterday may have had to do with hearing that pina coladas and caught in the rain song twice while shopping.

We’re going to therapy weekly. It’s just that our relationship, like our moods, is very up and down. It’s actually gotten better over the past month or so, we’ve been better at communicating. My dose of Lexapro was raised and that lowered my energy. We switched up medications last week, but I’m still struggling to get back where I should be. Also having trouble sticking with my schedule, I think I need to schedule some chore time, currently it’s studying, relaxing, spending time with her, and running errands with her.

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BBQ Dave
Jun 17, 2012

Well, that's easy for you to say. You have a bad imagination. It's stupid. I live in a fantasy world.

Hey man, just stumbled on the thread. Pulling for you and your wife. My wife and I are depressed, she can't work, both of us are in therapy and my workplace is toxic. Looking for a new job now. :toot: But this is your thread not mine.

I'm posting to tell you that you gotta take care of yourself, even if she gets mad or accuses you of being selfish. From the thread, I'm surmising you're kind of a pleaser (maybe I'm projecting here...). You also undercut yourself when someone tries to criticize her. I'm not saying you should abandon the relationship but remember the lifeguard rule (don't go down saving someone) if for no other reason than you're the one with the job, the source of your benefits and income.

Is it possible you're not being super honest during couples therapy? Again this is something I did, and it hurt us both. I'd make excuses and keep my mouth shut during couples counseling (you know, the time when you're supposed to be honest and dealing with stuff) because she was so drat down I couldn't say a drat thing without feeling like I was piling on. Even though I was exhausted and overworked I wasn't asking for the help I needed until it became too much and spewed out as anger.

I got my own therapist and kept going to couples, each once a week. It helps to have someone to talk to who is just there for you and you alone. At the time I felt angry as hell I had to give up more of my precious free time and money but gradually my hour a week sessions on my own helped me see what parts of my anger were irrational and which were justified, and how to voice them. I never even thought of myself as a caregiver for a dependent adult until my therapist told me. He helped me open up in a positive way and he also taught me to put my self-care before her's in ways that benefit the relationship. Not abandoning, not neglecting, just moving the line a little bit at a time so I had room to breathe.

Something to think about. Good luck man, keep exercising! I should get back to the job hunt...

BBQ Dave fucked around with this message at 01:06 on Oct 24, 2018

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