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I have a lot of very severe physical illnesses, and as such my little cat had really become my emotional support animal over the past many years for all the days I was stuck in bed not feeling well, etc. He wasn't feeling well on Monday and had a fever and was wheezing when he was breathing, so we took him to the vet. They got his fever down and gave him steroids and supposedly he was getting better. Then yesterday they called me and said we needed to come in to "talk to the vet" We get there and they take us back to see him and he's an absolute mess. When he sees me he weakly lifts his head up and mews - he was always very vocal and would greet my husband or I any time we came in the room. We were able to get him out of the kennel and each held him for just a minute or two, and were about to sit on the floor with him when he suddenly started convulsing. We pulled him up into our laps and his bladder let, we called the vet and said he needed the shot now, and by the time they got there he had already convulsed and passed on right there in our laps. I had my hand on his head and neck petting him through the end and he was purring, even as he was choking on the fluid filling his lungs - he had some kind of tumor. I am absolutely unable to deal with this. Normally I can handle death very well, we've lost pets before and I tent to always be the stoic one in the relationship while my husband is a sobby mess. But right now I literally CAN NOT FUNCTION. I have cried almost nonstop since this happened yesterday at about 5pm and I quite honestly would rather die than feel like this any longer. My husband made me go to an emergency therapy session and the doctor I saw was very crass and basically told me I could "get another cat", and suggested to my husband that if I couldn't "get over it" he should involuntarily commit me. I just can't take this. I suffer from severe OCD with intrusive thoughts, and right now all I can think about is the sound he made as he died. It kills me to think he was in pain, that maybe he thought we abandoned him... that he might have been in pain and was waiting for us. I just.. I don't know. I don't know what to do. I don't know how to cope with this. I am grieving harder for this cat that I have grieved when some of my best friends have passed away. Nothing is helping me feel better. I've taken xanax and it hasn't done a goddamn thing to help me get through this. I don't know what to do.
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Nov 5, 2016 00:00
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| # ? Apr 20, 2024 03:50 |
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First of all, this is a very painful trauma. And it's only been hours. Your first priority needs to be self care. I'm so sorry the therapist you saw was so .... completely clueless ... about everything to do with trauma. Someone who is experienced with trauma stress would probably actually have something helpful to say and potentially some medication to help with the stress effects. But there's no pill that will make you feel better. Only time and going through the grieving process will do that. Even though you feel like what you're going through isn't normal, it is within the normal. I know, because when I went through my first cat's brief illness and death, I was completely over whelmed with negative feelings about myself and what happened. It completely knocked me on my butt. I thought I knew what a humane death would be like. That the good life I provided would somehow cancel out any final pain. Now I know that there's nothing that can spare us the pain of loss and seeing a loved one suffer, no matter how brief. I did a lot of reading about guilt and death, because I didn't think what I was feeling COULD be normal, it was so intense. Knowing that it WAS normal helped me, just a little bit, enough to keep going through the motions of life until the pain got a little bit less intense and I could start processing it. I would recommend spending some time finding the right counselor. Take some time off work if that's what you need, or work less hours. Death isn't always clean, but that doesn't mean all the love you gave was any less. And death does have a horrible way of reminding us things we spend most of our lives trying to deny. Please take some time.
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Nov 5, 2016 02:08
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I'm deeply sorry for your loss, Satyr. Try not to hold yourself accountable for not being there with him, at first, at the vet. You and your husband were with him when he passed, and he went knowing that you loved him.
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Nov 6, 2016 04:44
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It sounds like you were doing everything you could to take care of him, try not to blame yourself for what happened. Don't feel guilty that it's hurting so bad, he wasn't 'just a pet' and you don't need to compare the pain you feel for him to other pets or people you've lost. It was unexpected and very sudden, and that makes things a lot harder.
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Nov 7, 2016 17:24
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Satyr, how are you doing after the weekend? I wanted to re-assure you that it sounds like you and your husband did all you could given the situation. Having been an assistant on the vet side of things, I can assure you that he probably WAS feeling a bit better for a while. Some animals will get a little better before they get worse, and I feel that your efforts probably gave his body a little rest from that labored breathing in that span of time. More often than not death isn't a pretty thing, and all I can say is that if his convulsions were similar to the seizures that epilepsy patients talk to me about, it probably was more of a relief than staying conscious through the entire euth process. It is extremely jarring for everyone around the patient, but he was as comfortable as he could be given the situation, especially in your and your husbands arms. He was there for you when you needed him, and you returned the favor for him. Take as much time as you need to grieve because everyone does it differently. In other news, good god your therapist is an rear end in a top hat. Get a new one. Death is traumatizing, especially for someone you loved so much. The advice this guy gave to you and your husband is pretty much the absolute worst thing I have heard come out of a professional's mouth. What a fucker.
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Nov 7, 2016 20:47
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Hey--sounds like you and I just went through something very similar. Please don't feel bad about 'taking it too hard,' or anything; the bond that developes between you and an animal you rely on for emotional and mental support is profound, and the loss is present in so many places of your life. It's ok if you end up destroyed for a while; you'll recover in your own time, and there's nothing wrong with that. It sounds like you did a lot for him, and he didn't suffer. I hope that, in time, you can force your mind away from the traumatic memories of his death and focus on the better times. He loved you very much. The good he did in your life, and the time you shared together, will always be with you.
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Nov 8, 2016 02:34
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Chaosfeather posted:In other news, good god your therapist is an rear end in a top hat. Get a new one. Death is traumatizing, especially for someone you loved so much. The advice this guy gave to you and your husband is pretty much the absolute worst thing I have heard come out of a professional's mouth. What a fucker. Yeah this. Find a new one, that guy was completely insensitive and the loss of a pet loving sucks. Like others have said, don't beat yourself up about it. Sounds like you took them to the vet as soon as you realized something was going on. Animals, and cats in general, have a habit of not acting sick until it's at a really bad state. Seems like it had a great life and as someone who also lost a cat quickly like that, time does make it suck less, even if it sucks a poo poo ton right now. But seriously, find a new therapist that isn't a goddamn rear end in a top hat.
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Nov 8, 2016 08:40
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| # ? Apr 20, 2024 03:50 |
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Thank you all so much for the replies. I haven't been doing great, but I'm managing. I think I'm finally just now easing into acceptance that he's gone. My mom is doing a very sweet thing and getting me a cuddle clone of him made up for Christmas, and I will be very glad to have that reminder of my sweet derpy baby. As for the therapist - I agree, that guy was a dick. He is not who I normally see - my normal therapist is wonderful and an animal person and I know when I get in to see her we'll be able to talk this out. I had to see douchebag because I went in basically as a walk in 'in crisis' and when I asked for medication to help calm me down I instantly got treated like an addict... Even though shitlord could look at my record and see that I take lorazepam and a host of opioids to treat my pain conditions. He wouldn't even consider stepping across the hall to the PA to ask her anything for me, no chance, nothing. I've been taking double dosages of my prozac anyway since it happened, and it seems to be helping keep my brain a little straighter. ,:/ That Damn Satyr fucked around with this message at 17:51 on Nov 8, 2016 |
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Nov 8, 2016 17:49
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