Colve: "I have been sent forth to do all manner of damage."

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twoday: C-SPAM Times best-selling author

aw nuts, I got outbid on the mic. should I just order one on Aliexpress?

and what have we decided? threatening letters?

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# ? Apr 4, 2017 19:37

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# ? Apr 16, 2024 12:56

twoday: C-SPAM Times best-selling author

so you want me to read it in Dutch or English

# ? Apr 4, 2017 19:41

Fuck My Ass

twoday posted:

so you want me to read it in Dutch or English

English in your best Morgan freeman voice for epic win

Thank you, very nice I like. For the insanely win sig.

# ? Apr 4, 2017 19:57

cda: by Hand Knit

twoday posted:

so you want me to read it in Dutch or English

yes

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# ? Apr 4, 2017 20:03

Carbon dioxide

twoday posted:

so you want me to read it in Dutch or English

both.

fake edit: holy crap how did I end up in byob?

# ? Apr 4, 2017 22:29

Elusif

Keep that carbon cruisin'

# ? Apr 5, 2017 15:28

FluffieDuckie

Carbon dioxide posted:

both.

fake edit: holy crap how did I end up in byob?

welcome!

Thank you for the beautiful sig Machai!

# ? Apr 5, 2017 17:21

twoday: C-SPAM Times best-selling author

Carbon dioxide posted:

holy crap how did I end up in byob?

Ok, so I got way outbid on the mic, I am currently twijfeling about whether I should order a cheap mic or aliexpress or just dig around in the shady 2nd shops in the warehouses in the part of amsterdam where stolen cars go to be disassembled and sold for parts

# ? Apr 5, 2017 17:36

twoday: C-SPAM Times best-selling author

In any case, it's Wednesday, so I have recorded 2 dramatic readings of letters on my phone, and for extra fun, I decided to play ominous banjo music in the background as I read them.

The first letter was sent from Connecticut once they heard that the Dutch had invaded New York:

They sent two guys to New Orange (formerly known as New York), and this is the letter that the Dutch gave them in reply.

There is an odd discrepancy in the dates, because the Dutch had already started using the Gregorian calendar but the English were still using the Julian calendar.

So the English received the Dutch letter on the 15th of August (according to their calendar) yet it was dated August 24th. So I guess the Dutch letter can be summarized as "We come from the future and we have been sent here to destroy you."

# ? Apr 5, 2017 17:46

SniperWoreConverse

twoday posted:

Yeah, that's right. The city was New York. I could summarize it but I would find it more fun to see if you guys can collectively piece it together from memory, or only answer questions, like a troll under a bridge but the other way around

how do bridge trolls work
how are they formed

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=TdaM5Mv-TTo

# ? Apr 5, 2017 17:59

cda: by Hand Knit

twoday posted:

twijfeling

I want to start using this word but first I need to know what it means

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# ? Apr 5, 2017 18:00

twoday: C-SPAM Times best-selling author

it means being on the fence about something,

read out "twaifeling" in English and you got it. it's one of the Dutch words that I use in english because there is no good English equivalent

# ? Apr 5, 2017 18:05

Carbon dioxide

cda posted:

I want to start using this word but first I need to know what it means

The dictionary translation is "being in doubt". Twijfel = doubt.

# ? Apr 5, 2017 18:31

cda: by Hand Knit

Carbon dioxide posted:

The dictionary translation is "being in doubt". Twijfel = doubt.

Is this where "waffling," to mean vacillating between alternatives, comes from?

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# ? Apr 5, 2017 18:32

alnilam

cda posted:

Is this where "waffling," to mean vacillating between alternatives, comes from?

i think waffles are more of a belgian thing

# ? Apr 5, 2017 19:14

Carbon dioxide

[Probably frequentative of obsolete waff, to yelp, probably of imitative origin.]

# ? Apr 5, 2017 19:21

twoday: C-SPAM Times best-selling author

Carbon dioxide posted:

The dictionary translation is "being in doubt". Twijfel = doubt.

yeah but it has more nuance. it is having a doubt about choosing between certain things, the element of choice is essential. doubting is broader and vaguer

# ? Apr 5, 2017 19:24

cda: by Hand Knit

waffling. It's waffling.

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# ? Apr 5, 2017 19:31

twoday: C-SPAM Times best-selling author

Yeah! I wouldn't be surprised if it has the same etymology. But I hate that word because it reminds me of politicians

Did any of you listen to my new tracks? Let's goldmine this poo poo

# ? Apr 5, 2017 19:35

cda: by Hand Knit

twoday posted:

Yeah! I wouldn't be surprised if it has the same etymology. But I hate that word because it reminds me of politicians

Did any of you listen to my new tracks? Let's goldmine this poo poo

I'm at work. I have to wait until I'm not at work.

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# ? Apr 5, 2017 19:37

twoday: C-SPAM Times best-selling author

Funish fact: The English word "boss" entered the English language in New York, and comes from the Dutch "baas" meaning 'master'.

Because the Dutch were still often in charge of poo poo in New York and the newcomer Englishmen were their bitches

# ? Apr 5, 2017 19:38

twoday: C-SPAM Times best-selling author

fresh beats, Colve-style

I will never reveal the Zeeland secret

twoday fucked around with this message at 22:18 on Apr 5, 2017

# ? Apr 5, 2017 21:10

alnilam

twoday posted:

In any case, it's Wednesday, so I have recorded 2 dramatic readings of letters on my phone, and for extra fun, I decided to play ominous banjo music in the background as I read them.

The first letter was sent from Connecticut once they heard that the Dutch had invaded New York:

They sent two guys to New Orange (formerly known as New York), and this is the letter that the Dutch gave them in reply.

There is an odd discrepancy in the dates, because the Dutch had already started using the Gregorian calendar but the English were still using the Julian calendar.

So the English received the Dutch letter on the 15th of August (according to their calendar) yet it was dated August 24th. So I guess the Dutch letter can be summarized as "We come from the future and we have been sent here to destroy you."

i just finally got to listen to these lol they're good ty, colve is one crazy fuckaer

_{ty manifisto}

# ? Apr 7, 2017 18:29

twoday: C-SPAM Times best-selling author

here's a repost from the dutch thread, translated. I found this weirdly named recipe and decided to try it out

Sunday Baking with Twoday

Whore cookies! Just like your mother bakes.

I found this recipe in "De Volmaakte Hollandse Keuken Meid" from 1751. Here you see the whores busy baking:

quote:

Add to half a pound of flour as many raisins as you find appropriate, not too few

I find exactly this number of raisins appropriate.

quote:

...some almonds, sweetmeats

I use roasted almonds because that sounds old-timey. And sweetmeats were on sale at the supermarket.

quote:

...yeast, cinnamon, nutmeg, cream and an extremely large amount of butter

I don't usually bake so I don't know if this is a lot

I added some water and sugar

quote:

It must rise for a lengthy period

6 hours later:

quote:

from which one bakes small cookies in a cake pan

quote:

...with a bit of fire from beneath and much fire from above

How the gently caress is that even possible?! I don't understand the physics of this. how would you do this in a fireplace, fire can't levitate

I just threw them in the oven

quote:

...and sprinkled with sugar

They were soft and chewy on the inside, and crispy on the outside. Kind of like a scone but without the horrible flavor. They tasted really old-fashioned, with the strange mix of spices and the nuts and raisins. They remind me of elderly women. I don't understand why they are named this way. I think it is because they are a local specialty of Amsterdam, and Amsterdam has always been famous for being full of whores.

Don't forget to share your whore cookies with your possum:

twoday fucked around with this message at 17:00 on Apr 11, 2017

# ? Apr 11, 2017 16:55

alnilam

lol the old timey dutch are so weird

# ? Apr 11, 2017 16:58

twoday: C-SPAM Times best-selling author

Dutch women used to sit with their feet on these little metal boxes that were filled with hot coals and would warm them up under their dresses in the winter.

The English used to claim (in the time of witch trials) that the soot and smoke would get into their vaginas and turn into a sort of demon and therefore it was normal for Dutch women to occasionally expel miscarriage demon fetuses made of brimstone and hellfire. Having closely examined the vaginas of several Dutch women, I can confirm that this is true

# ? Apr 11, 2017 17:07

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# ? Apr 16, 2024 12:56

Osmosisch: I shall make everyone look like me! Then when they trick each other, they will say "oh that Coyote, he is the smartest one, he can even trick the great Coyote."

twoday posted:

Dutch women used to sit with their feet on these little metal boxes that were filled with hot coals and would warm them up under their dresses in the winter.

The English used to claim (in the time of witch trials) that the soot and smoke would get into their vaginas and turn into a sort of demon and therefore it was normal for Dutch women to occasionally expel miscarriage demon fetuses made of brimstone and hellfire. Having closely examined the vaginas of several Dutch women, I can confirm that this is true

Goddamn immigrants examining our women

# ? Apr 13, 2017 16:29

The Something Awful Forums > Main > BYOB: BYOB BYOB BOYB BBOY YOBB YBOB BBYO?? > Colve: "I have been sent forth to do all manner of damage."

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