- FutonForensic
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I walk up to the gym and grip the door handle. Suddenly, I jerk back and run away laughing. No workout today, muscles! Muscle confusion.
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Sep 21, 2017 22:33
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- Adbot
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ADBOT LOVES YOU
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Apr 23, 2024 08:31
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- FutonForensic
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Blatantly refusing to learn anatomy so I can never correctly identify my muscles. My biceps are triceps and my glutes don't even exist. Muscle confusion.
 
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Sep 21, 2017 22:34
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- FutonForensic
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picking up weights blindfolded so my muscles don't know how much they're lifting. Did I put two 25 lbs. plates on the bar? Five 45s, on one side? Keep 'em guessing! Muscle confusion
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Sep 21, 2017 22:35
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- FutonForensic
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I come out as a homosexual to my conservative Christian muscles. They continue to love me as their body, but feel conflicted with their beliefs. Muscle confusion.
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Sep 21, 2017 22:37
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- PHIZ KALIFA
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#mood
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I flip through anatomical charts. "Ugh." I say, throwing them on the floor. "Who even needs muscles, anyway."
crimes
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Sep 21, 2017 22:39
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- FutonForensic
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I stare at the man perplexed. Again, he asks me, "Did you order the Mytilus edulis, in cream sauce, or the Mytilus galloprovincialis in garlic butter sauce?" Mussel confusion.
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Sep 21, 2017 22:43
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- FutonForensic
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When I gently caress my muscles, I cry out, "I love you, guscles!" An innocent twist of the tongue, or a hint to infidelity? Guscle confusion.
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Sep 21, 2017 22:59
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- little munchkin
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its hard to confuse my muscles, on account of how smart they are
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This thread brought to you by a tremendous dickhead!
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Sep 21, 2017 23:17
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- PHIZ KALIFA
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#mood
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"are you a tiny hosed up lil cabbage or one of those europe cities i ain't ever gonna visit" i holler down my Hollerin' Hole. Brussels confusion.
crimes
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Sep 21, 2017 23:18
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- PHIZ KALIFA
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#mood
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"That's a throwdown!" I exclaim. "No it ain't, it's a street fight!" Someone else exclaims. Tussle confusion.
crimes
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Sep 21, 2017 23:18
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- PHIZ KALIFA
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#mood
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why do they call them abs and not
muscle protrusions
crimes
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Sep 21, 2017 23:19
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- little munchkin
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"are you a tiny hosed up lil cabbage or one of those europe cities i ain't ever gonna visit" i holler down my Hollerin' Hole. Brussels confusion.
lifting weights french-style even though I only spent two weeks there
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This thread brought to you by a tremendous dickhead!
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Sep 21, 2017 23:19
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- FutonForensic
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I flex in front of people, asking if they want tickets to the "Gun Show." My muscles keep wondering when they'll get to go to the Gun Show. Well, they can't go to the Gun Show... because I loving hate them!! Muscle confusion.
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Sep 21, 2017 23:40
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- little munchkin
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mansplaining to my own muscles
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This thread brought to you by a tremendous dickhead!
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Sep 22, 2017 02:57
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- Scaly Haylie
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I tried all the things in this thread and my muscles won't stop attacking themselves, help
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Sep 22, 2017 04:21
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- Macnult
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my muscles are gifted - "smart but lazy" if you will
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Sep 22, 2017 04:34
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- FutonForensic
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I tried all the things in this thread and my muscles won't stop attacking themselves, help
congratulations, brah -- you've pranked your own body so stupid that it's lashing out at itself in confusion. DON'T interfere in this contest of might. when the dust settles, you will be left with a single, intensely powerful muscle that hopefully you use on a semi-regular basis
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Sep 22, 2017 04:40
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- Adiabatic
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What have you assholes done now?
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after a strenuous exercise i combat the lactic acid with lysergic acid
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Sep 22, 2017 16:17
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- PHIZ KALIFA
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#mood
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I'm lookin at old timey dresses and i can't differentiate petticoats from rapid movement. bustle confusion.
crimes
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Sep 22, 2017 21:41
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- HotSoapyBeard
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I'm a really cool nice dad
HAIKOOLIGAN
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Me: "Hey, bicep? What's the weather supposed to be like today?"
Tricep: "Uhh I'm a tricep, what we all look the same to you? Jeez."
Me: "Oh man I'm sorry I uh..."
Tricep: "Don't try to backpedal now, racist"
Muscle confusion
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Sep 23, 2017 00:00
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- cda
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by Hand Knit
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after a strenuous exercise i combat the lactic acid with lysergic acid
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Sep 23, 2017 15:22
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- Drink-Mix Man
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You are an odd fellow, but I must say... you throw a swell shindig.
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I watch David Lynch movies with my muscles. Dummies can never follow along with the plots.
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Sep 23, 2017 18:14
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- Slush Garbo
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FALSE SLACK
is
BETTER
than
NO SLACK
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I only work out one pectoral muscle so it looks like I have one boob. Muscle protrusion.
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Sep 23, 2017 21:49
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- DragQueenofAngmar
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You shall not pass!
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fighting so many dudes at once i accidentally suplex someone backwards, not upside down but rightside up, in an amusing reversal from the accepted suplex methodology. tussle confusion
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Sep 23, 2017 22:31
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- DragQueenofAngmar
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You shall not pass!
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my muscles are getting steadily angrier and rowdier as they debate what their group slogan will be. muscle locution
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Sep 23, 2017 22:47
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- Opal
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some by their splendor rival the colors of the painters, others the flame of burning sulphur or of fire quickened by oil.
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lost grip, dropped the e-z bar on my hands doing preacher curls. massive contusions
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Sep 25, 2017 22:44
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- PHIZ KALIFA
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#mood
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I emerge from the perfectly tranquil surface of the baptismal font. I am clean, pure, my sins forgiven. Muscle Absolution.
crimes
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Sep 25, 2017 23:22
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- Adbot
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ADBOT LOVES YOU
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#
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Apr 23, 2024 08:31
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- DragQueenofAngmar
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You shall not pass!
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as ur falling asleep, ur eyes snap open. was there whispering just now? u wonder. it almost sounded like my biceps were talking real low, u think as u fall asleep. as u get out of bed the next morning u collapse as u try to use ur arm to grab the bedpost. u look down at ur arms, they are strangely deflated. as u look up to the tv u see a grainy shot of ur biceps bustin rear end out the front door of the bank. they were planning a heist last night! muscle collusion.
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Sep 26, 2017 00:18
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Sep 21, 2017 22:33
