What's the secret ingredient that makes Barq's Root Beer so delicious?

The Something Awful Forums > Main > BYOB: BYOB BYOB BOYB BBOY YOBB YBOB BBYO?? > What's the secret ingredient that makes Barq's Root Beer so delicious?

vanisher

Barq's employee: heh! Ill bet you'd like to know wouldn't you

*employee slowly sliding suspicious barking container under a table with their foot*

# ? Oct 24, 2017 20:27

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# ? Apr 25, 2024 06:15

Manifisto

in the documentary, lemuel barq chuckles when he is asked the question. "for the longest time, we were convinced it was the brain-eating fungus," he says. "absolutely certain. until one day the shop foreman had a really bad hangover and completely forgot to add the packet of xenomorphic horror. and . . . nobody noticed." he laughs again. "turns out it was the polysorbate-80 the whole time."

ty nesamdoom!

# ? Oct 24, 2017 20:36

vanisher

The CEO of Barq's root beer company sits in an office chair, facing away from his director of marketing.

"Sir, we are losing a fortune not having our beverage in the Yale campus!"

Grizzled bulldog spins around in chair "I will not be made a mockery of!"

# ? Oct 24, 2017 20:43

Twenty Four

It's the bite, Barq's has bite.

Otherwise it would be all Barq's and no bite.

# ? Oct 24, 2017 20:50

Manifisto

the head of the soylent corporation speaks to the men strapped into the chrono-transporters. "good luck gentlemen, and godspeed," he says. "nothing less than the fate of the world depends on you. find me that ingredient!"

# ? Oct 24, 2017 20:54

Robot Made of Meat

I was told that it's sparks. It's really not all that secret.

What's not known is the process by which the sparks are incorporated into the beverage.

Robot Made of Meat fucked around with this message at 21:05 on Oct 24, 2017

Thanks to Manifisto for the sig!

# ? Oct 24, 2017 21:01

vanisher

Grizzled investigator looks over whiteboard cluttered with taped up photographs, news articles, and maps.

"...Mug brand features a bulldog... its main competitor is Barq's..."

# ? Oct 24, 2017 21:05

Manifisto

anything in the barqco company fridge that isn't labeled with owner and date

# ? Oct 24, 2017 21:06

Slush Garbo: FALSE SLACK
is
BETTER
than
NO SLACK

Twenty Four posted:

It's the bite, Barq's has bite.

Otherwise it would be all Barq's and no bite.

The ads are often misheard, they're actually saying "spite".

Barq's has Spite.

Pure, callous, spite

# ? Oct 25, 2017 00:56

Twenty Four

Hugh Malone posted:

The ads are often misheard, they're actually saying "spite".

Barq's has Spite.

Pure, callous, spite

# ? Oct 25, 2017 01:53

Scaly Haylie

Twenty Four posted:

It's the bite, Barq's has bite.

Otherwise it would be all Barq's and no bite.

Purest Barq's...

# ? Oct 25, 2017 03:09

Munchables: Ask/tell me about legal cannibalism

The tears of A&W drinkers

# ? Oct 25, 2017 05:53

Olive!: It's not a ghost, but probably a 'living corpse'. The 'living dead' with a hell of a lot of bloodlust...

Barq's... Barq.... Qrab. CRAB! THE SECRET INGREDIe

# ? Oct 25, 2017 06:34

RatEarth: I didn't say that.
but it'd be funny if I did

Olive! posted:

Barq's... Barq.... Qrab. CRAB! THE SECRET INGREDIe

O-oh my god.
They're gone. Barqco got to them, the bastards. Wait, what the gently caress was that sound. Oh my god they're here. I have to get out of here, I have to esca

# ? Oct 25, 2017 15:37

ShinyBirdTeeth: sparkle sparkle sparkle

Heinrich von Rootbier stands in front of his ingredient rack. His hand hovers over a box labeled "Creamroot," then slides toward a glass jar labeled "Extra Gross Beetles."

# ? Oct 25, 2017 18:40

Manifisto

barq's root beer is actually a powerful acid that makes your mouth bleed as soon as you take a sip. that delicious "bite" you enjoy so much is the taste of your own essence. you weirdo.

# ? Oct 25, 2017 18:55

FactsAreUseless

The camera zooms out to reveal a giant vat labeled "A&W Root Beer" pouring into the Barq's vat.

# ? Oct 25, 2017 19:52

FutonForensic

the secret ingredient, is, of course, LOVE! (Lots of Vole Effluence)

# ? Oct 26, 2017 04:21

ShinyBirdTeeth: sparkle sparkle sparkle

FutonForensic posted:

the secret ingredient, is, of course, LOVE! (Lots of Vole Effluence)

# ? Oct 26, 2017 04:23

AverySpecialfriend: by Hand Knit

why doesn't root beer have caffeine this is bullshit i want my money back

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This thread brought to you by a tremendous dickhead!

# ? Oct 26, 2017 15:51

AverySpecialfriend: by Hand Knit

Local Crazy Detained at Barq's Production Facility Carrying 50kg of Caffeine

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This thread brought to you by a tremendous dickhead!

# ? Oct 26, 2017 15:52

Jesustheastronaut!

High fructose corn syrup

# ? Oct 26, 2017 16:09

Bacon Taco: Now with extra narwhal meat!
HAIKOOLIGAN

Sweet, sweet smack!

# ? Oct 26, 2017 16:41

ShinyBirdTeeth: sparkle sparkle sparkle

AverySpecialfriend posted:

why doesn't root beer have caffeine this is bullshit i want my money back

Wait, regular Barq's does have caffeine. Only the sugar free kind is decaf.

# ? Oct 26, 2017 16:52

UWBW: Permanently banned from the Alamo

I heard that if you fill your bathtub with Barq's and drop a toaster into it then Edward Charles Edmond Barq Sr. shows up and guides you to heaven

Thanks to Manifisto for the sig, and Koishi for the last one. TVsVeryOwn made the CyberMike.

# ? Oct 26, 2017 17:02

wearing a lampshade

# ? Oct 26, 2017 17:11

AverySpecialfriend: by Hand Knit

ShinyBirdTeeth posted:

Wait, regular Barq's does have caffeine. Only the sugar free kind is decaf.

Oh well okay that's actually excellent

# ? Oct 26, 2017 17:12

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# ? Apr 25, 2024 06:15

wearing a lampshade

An excerpt from the Diabolous Mortiis Soda

... and upon the full moon, at the hour of the witch, mix several half dozens of bug bites, the least severe being that of a mosquitos, to the most severe being that of the most venom'd and lethal spider or scorpion or hornet, with an equal part water, and some sarsparilla - picked under the twilight of the 31st day of the ninth month of every even year - and sassafras, under normal circumstances at any time of the year, as well as the rest of your Olde DIY Rootbeer Kit thou hast purchas'd from thine Olde Boils, Bubos and Beyond. Yet be warned, oh fool: do well not to include too much bite, lest a single sip will bite thine face right off!

# ? Oct 26, 2017 17:26

The Something Awful Forums > Main > BYOB: BYOB BYOB BOYB BBOY YOBB YBOB BBYO?? > What's the secret ingredient that makes Barq's Root Beer so delicious?