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anyone seen my wife. she's been getting heavy into druidic rituals lately & now there's some kinda lost world style jungle growing in my basement. kind of feels like the jungle transcends the earthly dimensions of my basement, and if i wander too far down this narrow path i may never again find my way to the furnace/water heater combo |
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Nov 22, 2017 21:15
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| # ? Apr 24, 2024 00:44 |
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*pawing through the closet* hello *peeking under the bed* honey? *gazing thru window* hoooooooooonnnn *scanning a ravine* honey are you there *dredging a bog* how do i laundry crimes |
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Nov 22, 2017 21:32
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"Where's my dinner?" I bemusedly ask the vines twisting in the rain at the edge of the abyss. they don't answer.
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Nov 22, 2017 23:58
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Day 26: the last packet of ramen is gone. Managed to put out the stove but the washing machine fire is still smoldering (still not sure how that one happened). Can hardly remember what a sandwich looks like, let alone tastes like. Day 27: Took out trash like usual but still not sure how to gather mail. Someone is knocking at the door but I'm not sure what to do about it. |
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Nov 23, 2017 00:51
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You can counter Druidic magic with Siberian animist rituals, but I don't think it's going to be easy to find enough fermented reindeer urine locally.
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Nov 23, 2017 01:36
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Kthulhu5000 posted:You can counter Druidic magic with Siberian animist rituals, but I don't think it's going to be easy to find enough fermented reindeer urine locally. So, like . . . you don't have an Amazon Prime membership?
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Nov 23, 2017 04:35
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took a one level dip in druid to get goodberry that allows my lvl 14 warlock to not worry about food next is a one level dip in wizard for the prestidigation cantrip so i don't have to do laundry
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Nov 23, 2017 05:23
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Robot Made of Meat posted:So, like . . . you don't have an Amazon Prime membership? Um, count your urine miles, geez. ---------------- |
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Nov 23, 2017 07:18
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where did she really end up? that i will never understand. was she possibly kidnapped or did she herself decide to scram? my wife left me as i stood and fished just as i caught a cod my wife left me as i stood and fished just as i caught a cod my wife left me as i stood and fished just as i caught a cod my wife left me as i stood and fished just as i caught a cod she left me im standing here like a question mark something has to be amiss caus i gave her all she needed i practically drowned her in fish! my wife left me as i stood and fished just as i caught a cod my wife left me as i stood and fished just as i caught a cod my wife left me as i stood and fished just as i caught a cod my wife left me as i stood and fished just as i caught a cod she left me i stood there anxious and fishing my wife was right at my back one moment she was there the next she was not i thought she had gone looking for bait now my freezers full of fish but its slow work getting through when i have to eat it all alone it takes twice as long and i have lost a lot of my appetite my wife left me as i stood and fished just as i caught a cod my wife left me as i stood and fished just as i caught a cod my wife left me as i stood and fished just as i caught a cod my wife left me as i stood and fished just as i caught a cod she left me |
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Nov 23, 2017 12:23
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find my wife... please
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Nov 23, 2017 19:42
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"are wifes even real" the greatest thread this forum has ever seen, locked after 69,420 pages of heated debate
crimes |
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Nov 24, 2017 03:25
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FutonForensic posted:find my wife... please |
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Nov 24, 2017 07:58
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i comb through the undergrowth, searching beneath tree roots for my wife's spoor and turning over logs to find colonies of woodlice depleted by her ravenous mouth |
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Nov 24, 2017 09:37
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a great and squamous idol looms from the choking greenery. it's a little kewpie doll figure holding a plaque with the inscription IF THE SEAT'S NOT UP, YOU BETTER BE SITTING DOWN! , rendered in obsidian |
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Nov 24, 2017 09:39
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"my wife!" i cry into the buzzing dark, my voice twisted to a twangy wail by starvation and love-lorn longing, "my wiiiiife!" |
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Nov 24, 2017 09:40
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*standing in the middle of time square, wearing a white t-shirt that says "have you seen my wife?" while looking helpless* |
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Nov 24, 2017 13:22
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Android Blues posted:a great and squamous idol looms from the choking greenery. it's a little kewpie doll figure holding a plaque with the inscription IF THE SEAT'S NOT UP, YOU BETTER BE SITTING DOWN! , rendered in obsidian
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Nov 24, 2017 15:10
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Nov 24, 2017 15:34
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I couldn't find the Band-Aids. The small, bloodless cut on my hand throbbed with the pain of a gunshot wound, it was going to start gushing my life essence right there onto the floor any second now, I just knew it- a Band-Aid would solve all of that. But where were they? I checked the medicine cabinet to no avail. The closet next to the bathroom, an overflow stockpile of medicinal and hygenic supplies was also void of the precious, life preserving self-sticking bandages that would keep the infection I can almost feel even now threatening to invade my newly aquired, painful and (still not bleeding) paper cut I received while opening an envelope. I look in the cabinet above the sink in the kitchen, sometimes things end up in there. No luck. I try to think through the pain of my wound- I would have to ask my wife. She would know. I search now for a new objective to quench my suffering and ease my pain. I howl a primal cry, challenging anything foolish enough to stand between me and the only thing that could possibly ease my suffering in this mortal shell! "HONEY! WHERE ARE THE BAND-AIDS???" I shout at the guest bathroom door. The silence is deafening. At last, the toilet flushes, and my beautiful bride steps out! But what's this? A look of scorn, nay- ANGER! is etched into her face as if of stone, my soul melts- I plead, the pain pounding in the tip of my finger demanding to be freed from all this suffering, and say: band-aid? Please? She angrily throws something at me, it flutters and lands at my feet. It's not one, not two- but THREE sealed, sterile ready to use Band-Aids! She really loves me... https://i.imgur.com/QKTkerO.mp4 |
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Nov 24, 2017 15:36
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"Honey? Where are you?!" I croak. "Did you check in the living room?" my wife calls from somewhere, some time, perhaps even some other dimension. "Yes!" I moan, tears welling in my eyes. "Three times!" "So help me, if I find...come in here!" Sheepishly, I walk back to the living room, and there is my wife, standing right there. How does she do that? |
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Nov 24, 2017 18:32
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Has wife been found yet?
OMGVBFLOL posted:if you have the money and the patience, you can Hello Kitty anything   Thank you deep dish peat moss! |
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Nov 24, 2017 21:50
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Bilirubin posted:Has wife been found yet? We've got a break in the case - it has been determined that there is a 50%-50% chance that the OP's wife is a woman or a man. I think that's a pretty good start on getting to the bottom of all this. ---------------- |
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Nov 24, 2017 22:05
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PHIZ KALIFA posted:anyone seen my wife. she's been getting heavy into druidic rituals lately & now there's some kinda lost world style jungle growing in my basement. kind of feels like the jungle transcends the earthly dimensions of my basement, and if i wander too far down this narrow path i may never again find my way to the furnace/water heater combo excuse me but was your wife last seen wearing any robes or rune sigils of note
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Nov 24, 2017 22:25
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hamjobs posted:excuse me but was your wife last seen wearing any robes or rune sigils of note well yes but thats only because she's the CEO and girlboss of that The Pyramid Collection of mail order catalogs. the one full of weird fake egyptian artwork and "goddess scale" faux-velvet robes. so like, its odd if she goes out NOT cloaked in a glowing fog of aetherial light-motes and circles of protection drawing and re-drawing themselves in the air Nosfereefer posted:where did she really end up? lmao crimes |
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Nov 25, 2017 01:15
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oooh that reminds me, im married, wonder what happened to my wife? brb |
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Nov 25, 2017 04:19
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ctrl+F my wife Now showing results 0 of 0. . . . crimes |
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Nov 25, 2017 04:59
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| # ? Apr 24, 2024 00:44 |
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Nobody better tell me that my wife BECAME the sandwich she was so sick of making me... a banh mi |
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Nov 25, 2017 20:35
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