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Stories shared with me by friends and family (i.e. crazy people). Cricket, The Most Stubborn Man My brother Cricket was ornery. I was helping him, typing a letter for him and he said 'You misspelled that.' I said, "I certainly did not.' He said, "It's wrong.' And I said, "It most certainly is not. I was a secretary for twenty one years and that's how it's spelled.' He got Websters out. So we looked it up and I held it right by the letter and I said, 'See, it certainly is spelled right.' He said, 'Webster was wrong.' |
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Dec 28, 2017 01:50
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Have I had a DeVita Bar? Aunt: "Have you had these DeVita bars?" Me: "Velveeta bar? What the hell is a Velveeta..." Mom: "DeVita." Me: "Oh, cause..." Mom: "Velveeta bar. That's nasty." Aunt: "Have you had a DeVita bar?" Me: "I don't think so, I..." Mom: "Yes you have. I sent you a whole box." Me: "I guess I have. I'm man enough to admit when Mom thinks I'm wrong." |
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Dec 28, 2017 01:51
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The Recounting of Woes Mom: "Do you remember Mrs. Tompson?" Me: "No." Mom: "Yes you do! She taught at the middle school." Me: "OK." Mom: "She got cancer." Me: "I'm sorry to..." Mom: "Fourth one this year. Cancer." Me: "All at the middle school?" Mom: "All of em! You know they were all down in that basement with the mold." Me: "I remember that. That place was gross." Mom: "You know your middle school teacher, Mrs. Falk, was down there and she died years ago." Me: "I guess she was pretty..." Mom: "Cancer." Me: "Maybe it was the building." Mom: "Well that's what me and Shelby think. All of em getting cancer like that." |
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Dec 28, 2017 01:57
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Is Mrs. Thompson okay |
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Dec 28, 2017 12:11
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Farecoal posted:Is Mrs. Thompson okay No, she died. It isn't a Christmas visit until I get the complete list of everyone who died in or around my home town. |
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Dec 28, 2017 17:15
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Some guy walking down the street in my neighborhood when I bring the trash container to the curb the day before trash collection: “Hey, man! You gotta save that trash for the aliens, man! They like, come around and steal your trash and replace it sometimes with treasure!” https://i.imgur.com/QKTkerO.mp4 |
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Dec 28, 2017 19:57
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Art Criticism Me, contemplating the stained glass mirror in a church off Main, "After all these years, I still hate that window." Mom, "It's good to have you home." |
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Dec 28, 2017 21:32
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Sweet Girl Mom: Your cousin Trisha visited. Me: Oh lord. How did that go? Mom: She's the sweetest thing, but... Brother: Almost slipped a disk when she hugged me. Me: She's got a grip on 'er. Did she get big again after that surgery? Brother: She's a big 'un. Mom: Bless her heart. You know she was studying massage therapy? Me: Holy Lord. Mom: Can you imagine? Brother: You wouldn't walk for a week! Mom: She's driving one of the Ubers now. Me: But she is sweet though. |
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Dec 28, 2017 21:45
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these are cute 
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Dec 29, 2017 00:00
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Smeh "I work with this guy Timothy. He grew up real sheltered so he's weird about some stuff. The other day I asked him, 'You mind coming in early tomorrow ?' He said to me, 'Smeh.' I said, 'Smeh?' He said, 'Yeah, you know that's fine, it's no big deal.' I said, 'You mean meh. Nobody says smeh. That's not a thing.' He said, 'Yes it is! Like you're texting somebody and they say smeh.' I said, 'What are you talking about? No one says smeh.' He said, 'Look right here S-M-H, smeh.' I said, 'Tim, that means shaking my head.' He said, 'I know what you're going to say and...' I said, 'Tim, you are sheltered.' He said, 'I am not.' I said, 'Smeh.'" |
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Dec 29, 2017 00:33
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Farecoal posted:these are cute I'm glad you like them! All of these are based on real conversations that I've had during a long visit home after a two-year absence. |
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Dec 29, 2017 00:46
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smeh
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Dec 29, 2017 12:29
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smedh i'm shaking my equally damaged head at tomothy porpetine right now.
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Dec 29, 2017 12:42
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Splatmaster posted:Some guy walking down the street in my neighborhood when I bring the trash container to the curb the day before trash collection: |
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Dec 29, 2017 19:48
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FactsAreUseless posted:This is fairy mythology no I read about it on the internet so it's gotta be true! https://i.imgur.com/QKTkerO.mp4 |
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Dec 29, 2017 20:42
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Focus Me, reading a sign: cowfish sushi and burgers? Mom: Burgers and sushi?! Aunt: if you're serving me raw fish I need you focused on what you're doing not messing around with the grill. |
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Dec 30, 2017 19:11
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Me: what's that heap? Mom: That's Sloss Furnace. Me: Looks like it's gonna fall over. Mom: They do concerts there now. Aunt: Weddings too. Mom: Yeah a real dream location, the rusting furnace. |
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Dec 30, 2017 20:03
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ShinyBirdTeeth posted:Art Criticism lol
OMGVBFLOL posted:if you have the money and the patience, you can Hello Kitty anything   Thank you deep dish peat moss! |
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Dec 31, 2017 08:36
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At the Love's Me and Mickey stopped at the Love's on our way back from the country like always. We bout never got away. This guy stopped us. He was a rambler and a mumbler. He was real country: born and bred just down the road, we got the whole story. His truck broke down and he's going on and on and he asks us which way we're going. Mickey says, "Just get in. We'll give you a ride." He says, "Oh no, I got my gun in the truck and I don't wanna leave my stuff and all. My brother Tommy lives just down the road could you just tell him I'm down here. He gives the directions five or six times and we kept saying "sure, sure" before we can get away. We pull up at this country house. There's a separate garage with someone kicking around in there. Mickey gets out of the car and yells, "Tommy! Tommy you in there?" He yells back, "Who' askin'?" Mickey says, "Your brother is stuck down at the Love's with his truck broke down." He yells back, "Which one?" |
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Dec 31, 2017 22:16
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Honor Thy Mother Mom: Oh I hope Kirby Smith wins...I do NOT want Dabo Swinney to win though. Brother: Dabo :shakes head: I think I want him to lose because I know you hate him so much. Mom: It's good of you to honor my wishes. |
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Jan 2, 2018 03:00
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lmbo
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Jan 2, 2018 03:10
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Baking Advice From Grandma *discussing a cousin with recurrent health problems* Me: His parents were pretty old when they had him weren't they? Mom: You know what grandma says, 'Bake with old eggs and what do you expect?'" |
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Jan 5, 2018 02:26
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ShinyBirdTeeth posted:Baking Advice From Grandma No offense, but your grandma is savage af.
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Jan 5, 2018 06:17
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Koishi Komeiji posted:No offense, but your grandma is savage af. Yeah she's got some uhhh strong opinions on a handful of topics. |
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Jan 5, 2018 17:39
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My long, weird, thrice-delayed trip has concluded, so that's a wrap on the weird stories. I hope y'all enjoyed it! |
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Jan 6, 2018 19:26
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ShinyBirdTeeth posted:My long, weird, thrice-delayed trip has concluded, so that's a wrap on the weird stories. I hope y'all enjoyed it! I honestly didn't realize these were all from a current trip, and had assumed it was a collection of stories from the past. That makes it even more amazing! Thanks for sharing I enjoyed!
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Jan 7, 2018 00:58
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Welcome back to sanity, SBT. (whatever that is!)
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Jan 7, 2018 02:01
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https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=MeE3-rOG7i4
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Jan 11, 2018 14:12
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https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=dSD-oq9krRs
Einsteins Kegels fucked around with this message at 08:28 on Jan 13, 2018 ---------------- |
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Jan 13, 2018 08:22
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https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=lDlofPAOZy0
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Jan 14, 2018 00:37
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| # ? Apr 24, 2024 02:15 |
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okay last one, part of a trilogy but Im just posting the first https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=73LeqMf3RKg ---------------- |
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Jan 14, 2018 00:51
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