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Shibawanko
Feb 13, 2013

I'm 32 and doing an MA (complit), it's going reasonably well and I enjoy the work when I'm in class, but I find it very hard to concentrate, sit down and do my work. I put things off and will procrastrinate forever, especially essay writing and research. I want to hear about ways to change this behavior.

I feel that this problem is somehow related to dilettantism, I'm interested in almost everything under the sun, the kind of person who answers every dumb trivia question correctly if there's a quiz on TV, I know every national capital in the world by heart, all the planets and what their dumb atmospheres are made of. I like learning languages and know a few, I love videogames but also read books. I know a lot, but it's all useless horseshit that I can't apply to anything that will improve my life. I figured the reason I like to absorb things like that is that it's a coping mechanism to put off doing things that are mandatory.

There's something about the fact that a task is mandatory for me, that I HAVE to do it that sucks all of the joy I have out of it, and conversely, any task that is a means of escape from another task is enjoyable, it doesn't really matter what it is. I have to write an essay about an author? I will read a book by a different author. I have to prepare for going to work? I will read about the history of truffle hogs on wikipedia until the last second and then brush my teeth and put on a shirt and run out the door. Time to clean the garden? I will play a videogame. Friend is expecting a message back? I will clean the garden. I basically function in life and I'm not in any big trouble because I usually do end up doing whatever excruciating chore awaits me, but never with any joy. Writing this thread itself is part of some evasive game to avoid doing some other thing. It's almost as if there's only two categories in life: work and escapism. It's even odder when it's something that will directly benefit me, takes little effort, but which I will find stressful purely because it's something "external" or instrumental.

Strangely, when I'm ahead of schedule on a task (like assigned reading), I actually enjoy doing it as long as I stay ahead and remain ahead. If I fall behind even slightly, the fun task becomes a chore and I peter out. This sucks.

Does anyone recognize this, what can you do to change this? I've heard the "buckle up and just do it" advice often enough but it seems to me that the amount of stress at anything mandatory that I feel is simply abnormal and that it has some other cause. Is it something from childhood or some mental disorder that can be treated? Do meds work? Googling procrastrination advice leads to superficial stuff, TED talks and lifehacks. I want to understand why I do this and how I can cut it out and actually enjoy work.

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INTJ Mastermind
Dec 30, 2004

It's a radial!
You’re not gonna like this but maybe stop posting on the internet and get back to work?

fantastic in plastic
Jun 15, 2007

The Socialist Workers Party's newspaper proved to be a tough sell to downtown businessmen.
Talk to a therapist. I don't think meds are the answer -- there's no pill that can make you want to clean the garden or talk to your friend -- but you could probably benefit from a neutral party examining your habits and self-talk and determining how your brain might be working against itself, and providing steps you can take to develop better ones.

KK001
Dec 13, 2010
Before meds, take a look at your diet, exercise routine (if any), and sleep habits (are you getting enough). Many times, fixing one or all of these can improve your ability to concentrate better.

For me, I make a list of poo poo that needs doing every night before bed. When I wake up I stick to a routine regardless of the day and schedule. The end of my morning routine is coffee and rereading (sometimes rewriting) the list of things to do. I get so much more done when I do this.

Scudworth
Jan 1, 2005

When life gives you lemons, you clone those lemons, and make super lemons.

Dinosaur Gum

KK001 posted:

Before meds, take a look at your diet, exercise routine (if any), and sleep habits (are you getting enough). Many times, fixing one or all of these can improve your ability to concentrate better.

For me, I make a list of poo poo that needs doing every night before bed. When I wake up I stick to a routine regardless of the day and schedule. The end of my morning routine is coffee and rereading (sometimes rewriting) the list of things to do. I get so much more done when I do this.

It's this, OP. You're going to hate this but it is the answer, or at least the attempt you have to make before you get ADHD testing or whatever.

Every night when I get home from work, before I even take my coat off, I wash my coffee thermos, prep my coffee stuff for the next morning, prep my breakfast stuff (which I sort out by chopping/portioning and restocking on the weekend), and then lay out my clothes and work bag before I go to sleep. I get to my train station 10 minutes early, power walk as fast as I can from the subway to work, do not even glance at my phone once I walk in the door, and then work as hard as I can with all my focus until noon. Afternoon is less productive but whatever. I keep a To Do list shortcut on my phone homescreen that has a red dot with the # of items left on it and I want that red dot to go away so badly, so I do the things. Get home. Repeat.

Typing that out looks like wow I am a paragon of organization and discipline huh. Well, I'm not.
I am a loving mess who forced this onto myself after my lack of focus and general fuckery had been holding my stupid rear end back so much I got shingles @ 34 because that's how hosed my sleep schedule was because I would never "feel like" doing things in routine. I hate this. You will hate this. But those of us with no natural discipline must have it forced upon us. I'm not trying to scare you like you will also laze and avoidance yourself into a serious health issue because that's very unlikely and also I would not wish shingles on my worst enemy, but your similar rock bottom is coming for you. You know this or you wouldn't have made a thread.

I hate going to bed at exactly 11pm on the dot, of course I could make it later, of course I could get up a tiny bit later, just a few more minutes in bed reading, but do I want to rush out the door in a panic and ride that horrible energy all day? Be late for work (only 15 minutes! only!) and stay late and get home late and just.... late. Always late. Always barely making it. That cost/benefit matters. You already know this feeling. Getting out of bed at the right time feels BAD too, but the benefit is immediately apparent and it lasts all day. You're not tired or rushed. You can focus. So many benefits for the cost of a tiny bit of horrible horrible structure. This applies not just to sleep of course, but everything you have to do.

And believe me I DO hate this. My brain rages against this at all times. For the first year it was a full on war. I want desperately to do things at the last moment. I want to research irrelevant things with the time I have to do something else more important. I am mere seconds away at any given time from reading random wiki articles till 3am when I should just be paying some god drat bills because that's what I went on the computer for to do originally.
But I'm getting better very slowly. I hate waking up at a set time and I hate making lists and I hate this structure and I have never been more productive or on top of poo poo in my entire life. The benefit side is starting to be obviously better than the cost. I am better at planning things now. I can focus on things I need to do even if I don't "feel like" doing them. You don't need to feel like doing a thing to just do it anyway, I promise you. I have time to do MORE poo poo because I do the little things when I have a moment. All that stupid life hack poo poo like "If it takes less than 10 minutes to do, do it NOW" is turning out to be 100% true. I hate it. I need it.
Make a schedule, OP.

Shibawanko
Feb 13, 2013

Scudworth posted:

It's this, OP. You're going to hate this but it is the answer, or at least the attempt you have to make before you get ADHD testing or whatever.

Every night when I get home from work, before I even take my coat off, I wash my coffee thermos, prep my coffee stuff for the next morning, prep my breakfast stuff (which I sort out by chopping/portioning and restocking on the weekend), and then lay out my clothes and work bag before I go to sleep. I get to my train station 10 minutes early, power walk as fast as I can from the subway to work, do not even glance at my phone once I walk in the door, and then work as hard as I can with all my focus until noon. Afternoon is less productive but whatever. I keep a To Do list shortcut on my phone homescreen that has a red dot with the # of items left on it and I want that red dot to go away so badly, so I do the things. Get home. Repeat.

Typing that out looks like wow I am a paragon of organization and discipline huh. Well, I'm not.
I am a loving mess who forced this onto myself after my lack of focus and general fuckery had been holding my stupid rear end back so much I got shingles @ 34 because that's how hosed my sleep schedule was because I would never "feel like" doing things in routine. I hate this. You will hate this. But those of us with no natural discipline must have it forced upon us. I'm not trying to scare you like you will also laze and avoidance yourself into a serious health issue because that's very unlikely and also I would not wish shingles on my worst enemy, but your similar rock bottom is coming for you. You know this or you wouldn't have made a thread.

I hate going to bed at exactly 11pm on the dot, of course I could make it later, of course I could get up a tiny bit later, just a few more minutes in bed reading, but do I want to rush out the door in a panic and ride that horrible energy all day? Be late for work (only 15 minutes! only!) and stay late and get home late and just.... late. Always late. Always barely making it. That cost/benefit matters. You already know this feeling. Getting out of bed at the right time feels BAD too, but the benefit is immediately apparent and it lasts all day. You're not tired or rushed. You can focus. So many benefits for the cost of a tiny bit of horrible horrible structure. This applies not just to sleep of course, but everything you have to do.

And believe me I DO hate this. My brain rages against this at all times. For the first year it was a full on war. I want desperately to do things at the last moment. I want to research irrelevant things with the time I have to do something else more important. I am mere seconds away at any given time from reading random wiki articles till 3am when I should just be paying some god drat bills because that's what I went on the computer for to do originally.
But I'm getting better very slowly. I hate waking up at a set time and I hate making lists and I hate this structure and I have never been more productive or on top of poo poo in my entire life. The benefit side is starting to be obviously better than the cost. I am better at planning things now. I can focus on things I need to do even if I don't "feel like" doing them. You don't need to feel like doing a thing to just do it anyway, I promise you. I have time to do MORE poo poo because I do the little things when I have a moment. All that stupid life hack poo poo like "If it takes less than 10 minutes to do, do it NOW" is turning out to be 100% true. I hate it. I need it.
Make a schedule, OP.

Ahah I read your post up to paragraph 3, then thought "drat it he's right" and started reading something else, before realizing I hadn't actually finished reading so I made myself do it.

Yeah you're right. Personally I don't have a problem waking up on time because my dog will climb on my bed every morning to lick my face, which is a big help in at least keeping that rhythm intact. But yeah I should make a schedule, I will try to make one now.

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Siivola
Dec 23, 2012

You, uh, make productivity sound like a fast track to a drinking problem. :stare:

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