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i really wish the fire department and police would pick up on the subtle signals and ask me what's wrong |
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Jan 29, 2018 14:46
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| # ? Apr 19, 2024 10:00 |
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maybe it's a new detective who doesn't notice all the symbolism in my calling card, or maybe nobody has realized that the lack of victims is a deliberate pattern (it's not easy finding out an entire household's work schedule  ) whatever the reason I don't think any junior member of the police force is going to be dropping by to ask how my day is going today ---------------- |
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Jan 29, 2018 14:54
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I've left a copy of my carefully curated mix cd playing a each building I light up, but I guess not everyone can take the time to listen and understand the lyrics
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Jan 29, 2018 16:19
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*listening to police scanner* wow...how insensitive...I wear all black to express how I feel inside (dark and empty) not to try to hide in the shadows! I'm not even sure I want these people to ask me if I'm ok...
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Jan 29, 2018 16:38
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*in court at a plea hearing* finally someone will listen to my pleas |
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Jan 29, 2018 18:33
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alnilam posted:*in court at a plea hearing* finally someone will listen to my pleas |
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Jan 29, 2018 18:47
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| It isn't easy to make flames spell out "My childhood was deeply unfulfilling" and I guess it's just my luck that the fire engine broke down and didn't arrive until the day care had burned to the ground | |
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Jan 29, 2018 18:50
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| Arson investigator looking at the charred skeleton of a Piggly Wiggly: Looks like someone needs a hug | |
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Jan 29, 2018 18:52
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"hey, the fires make a message, on the map... 'please help me, I just graduated university and have insurmountable debt and I don't speak to my parents anymore, the ennui is getting to be a bit much, I'm very sad. Again, please help." "That's a lot of fires, Jeff." |
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Jan 29, 2018 23:17
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The stupid news keeps going on and on about the victims and how they're homeless now well what about my pain huh? Did any of you stop for even a second and think about me and my needs? The press is the real arsonist here, burning down my feelings with their lovely coverage.
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Jan 29, 2018 23:22
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Oh and my name isn't the "riverside arsonist" as if I would ever wear such a gauche moniker. It's Nightflame: The tormented, get it right you loving plebes.
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Jan 29, 2018 23:25
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Detective throws the whisky bottle at the wall, knowing full well that jail is the absolute opposite of what this troubled arsonist needs |
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Jan 29, 2018 23:36
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cda posted:Arson investigator looking at the charred skeleton of a Piggly Wiggly: Looks like someone needs a hug |
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Jan 30, 2018 00:22
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albany academy posted:"hey, the fires make a message, on the map... 'please help me, I just graduated university and have insurmountable debt and I don't speak to my parents anymore, the ennui is getting to be a bit much, I'm very sad. Again, please help." lol |
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Jan 30, 2018 04:27
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| boss told me i was fired and this is how i took it out on the office okay | |
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Jan 30, 2018 04:32
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Firefighter: "Got the call this morning around 8 am. Whole place was swallowed by flames by the time we rolled up." Detective: "Any casualties?" Firefighter: "Zero. Parents at work, kids at school, and somehow their indoor-only cat was leashed to a tree in the next door neighbor's yard." Detective: "Leashed to a tree?" Firefighter: "Yeah like y'know the little leashes they make so you can walk your cat like it's a dog." Detective: "But you told me it's indoor-only." Firefighter: "It said so on the collar." Detective: "Anyone around who might have a clue as to how the fire started?" Firefighter: "That guy dressed in all black who looks like he hasn't slept for several days was here before us - I think he called it in." Detective: "He talking to anyone?" Firefighter: "Anyone willing to listen. I think he's lonely." Detective: *suspicious glance* "I don't think loneliness is gonna hold up in court." Firefighter: "Please be nice to him he's been through a lot." |
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Jan 30, 2018 05:02
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Macnult posted:Firefighter: "Got the call this morning around 8 am. Whole place was swallowed by flames by the time we rolled up." Lmao |
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Jan 30, 2018 06:15
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drat it, local news! You've misattributed my last seventeen burns to lightning strikes, fireworks mishaps, and spontaneous human combustion so many times now, that even I am beginning to become incredulous about how they actually happened!
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Jan 30, 2018 06:17
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It wasn't until Smokey the Bear was hauled into jail for arson that everyone discovered there was more to his trademark slogan than they had heard. "Only you can prevent forest fires...by being nice to me." |
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Jan 30, 2018 10:52
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I think I have trouble forming friendships because I'm prickly, defensive and often smell of kerosene. |
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Jan 30, 2018 17:13
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A field full of burning Hungry Man dinners and a wicker man shaped like the Twitter bird. |
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Jan 30, 2018 17:15
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I've been targeting upper middle class homes and all the fires originate from a piece of mahogany furniture. Obviously I'm unfulfilled with the relationship me and my she won't let me call her my girlfriend. |
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Jan 31, 2018 04:38
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*Tries to set a fire as a cry for help and inadvertently burns down the local mental health help facility*
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Jan 31, 2018 05:30
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I didn't start these fires, officer. the WORLD started them... no, that's not true. I started them. man, I really need to work on my locus of control. ---------------- |
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Jan 31, 2018 06:24
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Prosecutor: Your honor, I would now like to play back the audio recording of the defendant's interrogation, where he not only confesses to his crimes but also rambles on at length about how distant his father was. Me: Doesn't patient confidentiality mean anything to you people?! |
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Jan 31, 2018 14:12
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i mentally help myself to liberal amounts of gasoline
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Feb 2, 2018 01:11
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it's a vicious cycle - i'm on fire because i'm unhappy and unhappy because i'm on fire
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Feb 2, 2018 14:38
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little munchkin posted:it's a vicious cycle - i'm on fire because i'm unhappy and unhappy because i'm on fire |
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Feb 2, 2018 16:24
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| # ? Apr 19, 2024 10:00 |
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Your Honor, for my next witness I'd like to call Billy Joel's "We didn't light the fire" playing from a boombox held aloft by a Lloyd Dobler type to the stand. The defense rests, your Honor. |
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Feb 2, 2018 16:34
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