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Skeleton Magnet Eat a lot of iron-rich foods until your skeleton becomes magnetic. Then you can always tell which way is north by instinct.
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Apr 23, 2018 04:45
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catch raccoons and keep them in your garage soon enough you will have an unholy army of the night to do your bidding. the possibilities are endless
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Apr 23, 2018 04:47
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Befriend spiders whenever you can. Spiders eliminate insects. They also instill fear.
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Apr 23, 2018 04:52
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I find "pull it out, blow on it and put it back in" is helpful in many different situations.
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Apr 23, 2018 11:13
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EugeneJ posted:kill your parents I was in a jail cell next to a kid whose parents wouldn’t let him throw a party. So he cut their heads off. And damnit, he threw that party. So, if your parents are hassling you....
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Apr 23, 2018 11:36
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Free natural DMT Your brain releases a heroic dose when you die, so kill yourself for a free trip. Natural warmth in the winter Even though you may feel freezing on the outside, your body keeps internal organs and fluids at body temperature. Release these fluids and spread them over any chilly spots to fight the cold. Use conditioning to your advantage Perform an action in close association with another stimulus and eventually you can trigger he newer one with the older one. Bring yourself to climax right when you begin taking a poo poo and in no time you’ll have a no-hands orgasm every time a turd crowns.
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Apr 23, 2018 12:03
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Get into heaven Accept your local deity whole-heartedly and be faithful until your very last moment. If you stand in judgement before a different creator, tell it that you were brainwashed as a child and kiss its rear end and component it a lot, gods are vain assholes.
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Apr 23, 2018 12:08
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If you are white, befriend a black person Then nobody can ever accuse you of being racist, which is the worst thing you can ever say about anybody!
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Apr 23, 2018 13:33
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Use Quantum Mechanics to your Advantage Many people do not realize the benefits of the 'quantum lifestyle' as it comes to driving a car. By 'superimposing' your car over the various lanes and failing to signal your turns, you can expand the 'possibility matrix' of your travels and thus always arrive at your destination in the minimum time possible.
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Apr 23, 2018 13:35
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Eat the can of spinach BEFORE getting your rear end kicked for ten minutes Seriously why do you always wait?
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Apr 23, 2018 13:39
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Don't gently caress grizzly bears They look tempting, but it can really backfire on you.
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Apr 23, 2018 13:47
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Take a cop's badge You become the cop.
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Apr 23, 2018 14:51
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Carry a gun and drive a large, gas guzzling truck It helps to compensate for your tiny penis.
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Apr 23, 2018 14:55
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Urine is nature's cleaner
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Apr 23, 2018 15:04
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Be a Wizard Have you ever read the Harry Potter books and thought to yourself, 'my life would be a lot better if I could expecto patronus'? Well, I have good news - you're already well on your path to manipulating the primal forces of the universe with your mind! It's easy - I just dosed your drink with a large quantity of LSD. Now you too can be a real 'heffalump'!
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Apr 23, 2018 15:18
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bradzilla posted:Carry a gun and drive a large, gas guzzling truck might try this 'hack soon velcro your phone to your steering wheel so that you can text and drive while always keeping an eye on the road Stevie Lee fucked around with this message at 16:24 on Apr 23, 2018 |
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Apr 23, 2018 16:20
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Shoot up a Waffle House naked This will protect you from Taylor Swift, but not Katy Perry. You need a silver cross and a pound of uranium for that.
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Apr 23, 2018 16:23
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Use a tape deck in your car and only play carefully curated playlists you agonised over at home That way you won't be tempted to fiddle with the buttons and maybe cause an accident because it's more hassle than it's worth to try to skip tracks.
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Apr 23, 2018 16:28
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Don't steer with your hands You only have two hands to do important activities with, like texting or masturbating. Why use those hands to drive? Drive with your knees, or don't steer at all. Cars are getting very advanced.
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Apr 23, 2018 16:35
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Don't write a will When you're dead, you won't care what happens!
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Apr 23, 2018 16:36
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Throw your car in a lake Instead of disposing a wrecked vehicle correctly, just push it into the nearest body of water! If it's steel, you're seeding coral for the future of the environment, you environment saver.
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Apr 23, 2018 16:37
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Never get a Social Security number Or the cops will be able to trace your vehicle back to your home address. It's important not to have a listed address, either.
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Apr 23, 2018 16:38
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Boneless HOT WINGS!!! Instead of deboning each wing piece individually, you could just use chopped chicken breast. It's just as good, and healthy! Everyone will love your outdoor hot wing picnics. Don't "choke a bone"!
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Apr 23, 2018 16:40
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If you are feeling left out in the office when your colleagues are talking about The Walking Dead, simply kill yourself and/or them
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Apr 23, 2018 16:41
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Don't get excited about Uruguay Most people in Uruguay are actually heterosexual.
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Apr 23, 2018 16:46
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Pre-heating the oven is entirely optional, skip this step to save HOUrS of time over your lifespan
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Apr 23, 2018 16:47
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Flying:
Driving
Shopping
Concerts
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Apr 23, 2018 16:48
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Dolphin posted:Leave your cart in your parking space to save time. Employees are responsible for collecting them. This has the added benefit of being good for the economy, because if everyone put their own carts back all the time then the employee whose job it is to collect them would be out of work!!!!
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Apr 23, 2018 16:51
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Just jerk off You don't need a relationship. As Diogenes said when chastised for masturbating in the street, "If only I could also cure my hunger by rubbing my stomach."
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Apr 23, 2018 16:56
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