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"we've decoded the message, sir," said the nervous young radio telescope technician. "it is definitely coming from another star, and it was definitely sent by an alien intelligence." "and? what does it say????" unable to speak, the technician handed over a typewritten slip. on it was printed "MEET HORNY LOCAL SINGLES IN YOUR SOLAR SYSTEM RADIO SCL-23445QZ" |
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Jun 15, 2018 14:39
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the green-skinned ufo pilot was insistent. "look at it from my perspective," he said. "you say you own the place, but the dolphins say the same thing, and they've shown me a deed. we've prepaid, so as far as we're concerned we're entitled to stay here for the next two millenia. if you have an issue with that, take it up with spacebnb." |
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Jun 15, 2018 14:49
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*succession of sonic booms* Hello, may I speak to the decision-maker of this planet? Hi, nice to meet you, my name in [unintelligible] and I'm with A1 Ocean Cleaners. We're out in your galaxy this century, offering free sample ocean cleanings. We use and all-natural process and if you like the results we have a special discount for inhabited planets and...oh. Are you sure? Okay. Well, have a nice day.
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Jun 15, 2018 15:05
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City of Glompton posted:*succession of sonic booms* Hello, may I speak to the decision-maker of this planet? Hi, nice to meet you, my name in [unintelligible] and I'm with A1 Ocean Cleaners. We're out in your galaxy this century, offering free sample ocean cleanings. We use and all-natural process and if you like the results we have a special discount for inhabited planets and...oh. Are you sure? Okay. Well, have a nice day. lol |
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Jun 15, 2018 15:10
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Manifisto posted:"we've decoded the message, sir," said the nervous young radio telescope technician. "it is definitely coming from another star, and it was definitely sent by an alien intelligence." *Determined to fulfill the aliens request, I go to the local bar and manage to meet horny local singles* *Returns home, alone, lonely, but mission accomplished*
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Jun 15, 2018 15:16
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Alien: Take me to your leader! Me: Ok! *we both walk inside my house* Me: Honey, we have company! Alien: You are the leader? My wife *eyeing me*: If he knows what's good for him I am! Me: Can I offer you something to eat, drink or smoke? Alien: Sure! *hands alien a packed bowl pointing out how to carb and pull the bowl out to clear the tube* Alien: Ah! An Earthling delicacy! *hits bowl, holds smoke, drinks bong water then eats bong* Alien (burping out smoke): That was refreshing! A smoke, a drink and a snack all in one! May I have another? Me: That was my favorite bong... I have a back-up though! Alien: I feel bad for eating your favorite bong, can I make it up to you by showing you all the secrets of the universe and how to keep it all stuffed into your brain without any of it leaking out? Me: Sure! -end- https://i.imgur.com/QKTkerO.mp4 |
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Jun 15, 2018 15:44
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x'sqzzl towered majestically over the president of earth. its mouth-tendrils wiggled as it spoke. "so you do not have any interstellar space ships?" "sadly, we do not, ambassador. but we have lofty dreams, and perhaps with your help we will one day reach the stars." "perhaps," said x'sqzzl. it extended a pseudopod, as if in a gesture of friendship. but suddenly the pseudopod tapped the president on the shoulder, firmly. "TAG, YOU'RE IT" it exclaimed, then hopped into its spaceship, never to return. |
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Jun 15, 2018 18:46
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Manifisto posted:x'sqzzl towered majestically over the president of earth. its mouth-tendrils wiggled as it spoke. 
https://i.imgur.com/QKTkerO.mp4 |
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Jun 15, 2018 19:16
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Manifisto posted:x'sqzzl towered majestically over the president of earth. its mouth-tendrils wiggled as it spoke. please let it be this
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Jun 15, 2018 19:44
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The saucer fills the sky, dwarfing the UN building. A line of blinding white light bisects the alien ship, extending out into the night sky. It pierces the darkness, before swinging earthwards, burying itself in the ground before the gathered diplomats. From within the ship, two quadruped silhouettes materialize. They descend the beam of hard-light, seemingly growing in size with every stride. Gasps of awe and wonder ripple across the crowd. Finally, the alien beings reach the earth and pause to regard humanity. <<THIS PLACE CANNOT SUPPORT OUR TRUE FORMS, SO WE HAVE ADOPTED NEW PHYSICAL SHELLS THAT MAY BE PLEASING TO YOU>> the first being booms. <<I CAN HAS CHEEZBURGER?>> the second asks, then proceeds to lick its butthole. <<WOW. MUCH EARTH. SO PLANET>> adds the first, before chasing its tail.
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Jun 15, 2018 19:52
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MockingQuantum posted:The saucer fills the sky, dwarfing the UN building. A line of blinding white light bisects the alien ship, extending out into the night sky. It pierces the darkness, before swinging earthwards, burying itself in the ground before the gathered diplomats. From within the ship, two quadruped silhouettes materialize. They descend the beam of hard-light, seemingly growing in size with every stride. Gasps of awe and wonder ripple across the crowd.
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Jun 15, 2018 20:01
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Splatmaster posted:Alien: Take me to your leader! MockingQuantum posted:The saucer fills the sky, dwarfing the UN building. A line of blinding white light bisects the alien ship, extending out into the night sky. It pierces the darkness, before swinging earthwards, burying itself in the ground before the gathered diplomats. From within the ship, two quadruped silhouettes materialize. They descend the beam of hard-light, seemingly growing in size with every stride. Gasps of awe and wonder ripple across the crowd. |
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Jun 15, 2018 20:02
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| # ? Apr 26, 2024 06:23 |
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MockingQuantum posted:The saucer fills the sky, dwarfing the UN building. A line of blinding white light bisects the alien ship, extending out into the night sky. It pierces the darkness, before swinging earthwards, burying itself in the ground before the gathered diplomats. From within the ship, two quadruped silhouettes materialize. They descend the beam of hard-light, seemingly growing in size with every stride. Gasps of awe and wonder ripple across the crowd. lol |
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Jun 16, 2018 16:05
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