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I was worried that my original cover letter format sucked, so I found someone on Fiverr who came pretty well recommended. After a few revisions, I still wasn't really sure if I liked it at a gut level, so I just went ahead and finalized it. If it's $50 down the tubes, then while it sucks, it's not the end of the world. This is what I've used before, with the bullet points changed as necessary to highlight the major requirements of the job, and with titles/industry blurb/etc. changed as well: quote:Dear hiring manager, Here's what came from the Fiverr person. quote:Dear John Smith, Everything I've heard about cover letters leads me to believe that while the second one is too wordy, it at least allows more descriptive parts about what I do. It still seems like it's just regurgitating and rephrasing terms literally from my resume. I can refine and tweak them out a little, but I don't want to throw time into a lost cause. Meanwhile I worry that the first one might be a bit too much like a resume. I'm honestly not sure, and I'm open to feedback both negative and positive on which one to use, and how to improve it.
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Jul 17, 2018 13:53
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The second one is better but still weird and makes me think you don't speak English as your first language. I would write something like that individually for each job I applied to, and basically merge the second and third paragraphs into a single one and clean up the rest a bit. You might want to get rid of your phone number and email address. quote:Dear John Smith, The second paragraph is what I would tailor individually to each job depending on the individual job, so for example I ended up cutting out something about you having direct reports which is a good example of something I might focus on or leave out entirely depending on the job. In general though I think the thing you got back from Fiverr was awkwardly worded with a lot of garbage fluff language in it, and too many iterations of "i believe" "i think" "i feel qualified" type stuff.
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Jul 17, 2018 17:24
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Droo posted:The second one is better but still weird and makes me think you don't speak English as your first language. I would write something like that individually for each job I applied to, and basically merge the second and third paragraphs into a single one and clean up the rest a bit. Those are fakes - the address isn't mine and the phone # is the RIAA. Feel free to call collect. The actual cover letter will have my actual contact info. What you have looks pretty solid. Thank you! I'd love to get further input from anyone else interested in giving it.
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Jul 17, 2018 17:47
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Don't use fiverr for this kind of stuff, the people you end up with are usually not native English speakers and it shows (as in your example).
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Jul 17, 2018 18:39
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dawg do not put bullet points in your cover letter
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Jul 17, 2018 18:50
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Man do I ever hate the word "utilize"
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Jul 17, 2018 20:06
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Eric the Mauve posted:Don't use fiverr for this kind of stuff, the people you end up with are usually not native English speakers and it shows (as in your example). She listed her BA and MLS from American universities that weren't Arizona State or any of the for-profits. Either it was nicely done or I got her on a bad day, I guess. KYOON GRIFFEY JR posted:dawg do not put bullet points in your cover letter Duly noted. I always felt like whenever I talked about "I did X, in which I accomplished goal Y by performing tasks Z" it would always look better as a single point. moana posted:Man do I ever hate the word "utilize" Cover letters and buzzwordification really suck. You think "apply" would be better in this situation?
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Jul 18, 2018 13:40
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there is already a really good english word for utilize and it's use
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Jul 18, 2018 15:23
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Important note: if the company you're applying to empowers HR to make hiring decisions (rather than the relevant manager) then buzzwords are a feature not a bug. HR speaks Corporatese, not English. Know your prey.
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Jul 18, 2018 21:09
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KYOON GRIFFEY JR posted:dawg do not put bullet points in your cover letter Think this depends on jurisdiction, if not field. I've been told* to use them in cases where I'm listing things like current responsibilities rather than semicolons. Personally I hate it but the advice I've been given is to embrace them, so  .* By multiple people responsible for hiring, in different fields.
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Jul 24, 2018 14:43
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what the gently caress, gently caress those people your resume lists your responsibilities in a bulleted list if you send me a cover letter with bullet points i will throw it in the garbage
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Jul 24, 2018 16:41
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Here's a great guide: https://www.askamanager.org/2018/05/how-to-write-a-great-cover-letter.html
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Jul 24, 2018 22:38
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I actually know what you were talking about in the initial cover-letter, as you spoke in business function facing terms of OMS/EMS capabilities. And given that its the trading/AM/WM industry my biggest question is around the background or title of who ultimately receives this. Target your specific person who reads it initially.
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Jul 25, 2018 01:59
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KYOON GRIFFEY JR posted:what the gently caress, gently caress those people on the flipside. If i got a wall of text cover letter I'd just ignore it and would much prefer bullet points. But to your point, that's what a resume is for and I also haven't seen a cover letter in forever.
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Jul 29, 2018 19:12
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there's this thing, it's called paragraphs, it's pretty new and you may not have heard of it yet
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Aug 2, 2018 15:18
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