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I know they say that money can't buy you love, but I keep trying to assure the cashier that I am qualified for it but no luck.
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Sep 14, 2018 06:28
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| # ? Apr 25, 2024 00:59 |
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I confidently stride to the counter with my FBI mug, chuckling all the way thinking about inspecting female bodies. As I arrive at the counter, I spot a cute girl smiling at me and instantly turn around, placing the mug back to never return. |
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Sep 14, 2018 12:20
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Leaving the Apple store pieless and upset. |
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Sep 14, 2018 13:44
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*me carrying a huge dripping bag labeled bear pieces* Is this build a bear workshop? |
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Sep 14, 2018 13:46
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King of Bees posted:*me carrying a huge dripping bag labeled bear pieces* |
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Sep 14, 2018 17:37
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Rip Torn in a wheelchair throws a wrench at me and hits me squarely in the face. The car salesman quietly feeds my paperwork into the shredder. Guess I'll have to look into a different make. |
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Sep 14, 2018 17:46
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tried to buy a pack of lightbulbs at menards but my money was too small |
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Sep 16, 2018 00:00
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marc benioff buys time magazine just so he can go back to 1999 and give himself the idea for salesforce |
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Sep 17, 2018 20:17
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*me, scanning the liquor at the liquor store, a cocky stride about me* clerk: sir can I help you? me: haha oh yes, uhh i was going to buy..this! *picks up 2 bottles of mad dog 20/20* *clerk looks me up and down, eyeing me as i smile confidently* clerk: well, there's a few problems. you're not the right clientele for that particular beverage. me: what? why is that? i'm totally down to *rubs back of head nervously* clown *clerk, with a look of udder disdain* it's past 5 pm, you are wearing khakis, *glances outside* you drive a car that's from the 2010's, and you clearly are employed. you are not mad dog material. *me, looking down sheepishly* but. . .what can I buy then? *the clerk, his face now contorted, angry, points at the 6 pack of Zima* You can buy 1 pack my fate is sealed. ---------------- |
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Sep 20, 2018 14:37
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*driving my jeep while another jeep passes by, he waves but i do not do the sacred wave back* *cop pulls me over* cop: sir do you know why i stopped you? you failed the jeep test. in fact, i think this jeep is stolen. you're under arrest. *me, starting to sweat* haha what? i bought this jeep! *cop, calling for backup* oh yeah? where's your salt life bumper sticker? ---------------- |
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Sep 20, 2018 14:46
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| # ? Apr 25, 2024 00:59 |
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barista frowns and holds up a paper bag next to my face |
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Sep 20, 2018 19:25
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