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Ploft-shell crab posted:I’ve been thinking it’s about time we call another 2 hour meeting to discuss what points represent you see they can't represent a best guess estimate of how much time it will take because
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Sep 7, 2018 16:36
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my velocity is so high that they call me.... the scrumguzzler ladies 
Poopernickel fucked around with this message at 21:35 on Sep 7, 2018 |
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Sep 7, 2018 19:19
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scrum master more like scram mister
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Sep 7, 2018 23:00
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Ploft-shell crab posted:I’ve been thinking it’s about time we call another 2 hour meeting to discuss what points represent Make sure there's a representative from every team there so that there is a shared understanding across the organisation
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Sep 9, 2018 21:16
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we can't keep "throwing things over the wall" to other teams, we need a scrum of scrums. For one (or more) of the "engineers" to attend of course. If scrum masters attended they wouldn't have the technical knowledge to get anything out of it.
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Sep 9, 2018 21:40
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Part of my job duties includes removing impediments, but only if the impediments are non technical since being technical is not part of my job description. So I guess if your computer won't turn on I can look for IT's group email address, or if your chair is missing maybe facilities@companyname.com?
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Sep 9, 2018 21:41
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I propose a long-term sustainable way of increasing developer velocity. Charter a plane and put computers on it.
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Sep 9, 2018 22:38
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I CANNOT EJACULATE WITHOUT SEEING NATIVE AMERICANS BRUTALISED!
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pointsofdata posted:Make sure there's a representative from every team there so that there is a shared understanding across the organisation hell, why not invite every member from each team? it’s good if we can all agree
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Sep 9, 2018 23:10
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ADINSX posted:Part of my job duties includes removing impediments, but only if the impediments are non technical since being technical is not part of my job description. ADINSX posted:we can't keep "throwing things over the wall" to other teams, we need a scrum of scrums. For one (or more) of the "engineers" to attend of course. If scrum masters attended they wouldn't have the technical knowledge to get anything out of it. Jeeez I didn't realise we worked together. You're very good as transcribing things to jira while trying to summarise and flubbing technical terminology/details.
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Sep 10, 2018 00:34
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suck my woke dick posted:I propose a long-term sustainable way of increasing developer velocity. Charter a plane and put computers on it. This method is quite useful for evading certain pesky legal restrictions too. Have you considered working with the bit chain now or with block coins?
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Sep 10, 2018 00:36
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i prefer async non-blocking chain
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Sep 10, 2018 00:58
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I prefer the turnover chain
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Sep 10, 2018 01:04
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I've done something called "scrum". 15% of the time we were in meetings (larger planning meetings and the daily standup, which easily took 30 min). Management insisted on us using post-its to keep track of it all because because they didn't have time to learn Redmine.
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Sep 13, 2018 08:17
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meetings and standups are a great way to track progress, in that it allows visible change which is the only thing managers respond to
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Sep 13, 2018 08:24
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instead of a morning standup, have a morning run
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Sep 13, 2018 08:29
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Stick Insect posted:I've done something called "scrum". 15% of the time we were in meetings (larger planning meetings and the daily standup, which easily took 30 min). Management insisted on us using post-its to keep track of it all because because they didn't have time to learn Redmine. We legit went back to use post its over using jira to track the active sprint (backlog and planning still done in jira) and it is preferred by all the devs
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Sep 13, 2018 08:32
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Triglav posted:instead of a morning standup, have a morning run away from your desk, don't return
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Sep 13, 2018 08:38
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Triglav posted:instead of a morning standup, have a morning run make sure to work the exact time and distance into at least one email you subsequently send that day
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Sep 13, 2018 21:42
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carry on then posted:make sure to work the exact time and distance into at least one email you subsequently send that day perhaps integrate your email signature with your fitbit's twitter feed? i'd be happy to do it but my next available sprint slot is in 4 months
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Sep 13, 2018 21:55
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OP you're right! I observed our developers and they weren't moving! The guy with the treadmill desk claimed he was going 3mph but when I tried to verify those claims I found that he was actually going 0mph. We had to fire him as Honesty is the 2nd corporate value. However, after a management away day and some workshop sessions we came up with a solution to our lack of developer velocity. We installed a carousel in the office and replaced the horses etc with desks. Now not only has our developer velocity increased, all our developers are constantly accelerating!
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Sep 14, 2018 07:00
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pointsofdata posted:OP you're right! I observed our developers and they weren't moving! The guy with the treadmill desk claimed he was going 3mph but when I tried to verify those claims I found that he was actually going 0mph. We had to fire him as Honesty is the 2nd corporate value. how much does it cost to clean up the vomit?
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Sep 14, 2018 22:28
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start with a disgusting enough office workers and there’s no additional cost!
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Sep 15, 2018 16:31
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here’s the problem op. you can know how fast ur developers are going but not where they are. or you can know where they are but not how fast they r going. so which is it? life is full of hard decisions.
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Sep 15, 2018 16:36
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Just hire really incompetent senior management and watch your developer velocity soar.... away from your company!
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Sep 15, 2018 17:49
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you don’t have to physically increase developer velocity... instead, just make it seem like they’re going fast enough to make their heads start spinning, by constantly adding and changing features which, honestly speaking, you wanted to do anyways
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Sep 15, 2018 19:56
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President Beep posted:here’s the problem op. you can know how fast ur developers are going but not where they are. or you can know where they are but not how fast they r going. so which is it? life is full of hard decisions. 
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Sep 15, 2018 20:39
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Stick Insect posted:I've done something called "scrum". 15% of the time we were in meetings (larger planning meetings and the daily standup, which easily took 30 min). Management insisted on us using post-its to keep track of it all because because they didn't have time to learn Redmine. Anyone who subjects others to scrum must have been fallen on by an entire pack first
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Sep 18, 2018 03:55
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coffee enemas for the coders and also for the computers next stop velocity town
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Sep 18, 2018 17:35
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live loc counters that go *ding* and give you achievements prepare for the veloci-rapture
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Sep 18, 2018 17:42
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just fire the lowest performer each month someone write these down in the velocipedia
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Sep 18, 2018 17:43
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suffix posted:just fire the lowest performer each month update: you're fired lol
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Sep 18, 2018 20:48
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Captain Foo posted:update: you're fired lol lol
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Sep 18, 2018 21:21
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suffix posted:just fire the lowest performer each month You should be nice enough to give them a last chance. Let them white board a problem that gives their velocity at time of impact should they be defenestrated. Ease of challenge: floor to ceiling windows.
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Sep 20, 2018 01:21
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We're taking the usual slow down to speed up approach and turning it on its head, speed up to speed up even more.
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Sep 20, 2018 17:32
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