- the unabonger
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id suck the nuts, personally
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Sep 6, 2018 23:19
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- Adbot
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ADBOT LOVES YOU
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Apr 25, 2024 22:19
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- cda
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by Hand Knit
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id suck the nuts, personally
God didn't ask you to do that
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Sep 6, 2018 23:21
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- TOOT BOOT
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It's no wonder God only had one son with people like you guys around
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Sep 6, 2018 23:34
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- drilldo squirt
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a beautiful, soft meat sack
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I would do it, as the Lord, our God, probably got a bigger view on thing's and it's not like anyone not asking for it is gonna get kicked in the nuts.
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Sep 7, 2018 01:06
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- drilldo squirt
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a beautiful, soft meat sack
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Also, I don't think it would be physically possible to kick the being that originated everything, without it's own specific want, for whatever reason, to have male gentials that it would request to be kicked.
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Sep 7, 2018 01:09
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- Abugadu
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1st Sgt. Matthews and the men have Procured for me a cummerbund from a traveling gypsy, who screeched Victory shall come at a Terrible price. i am Honored.
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HEY JOB, COME OVER HERE
"Can we not do this again?"
IT'S TOTALLY IMPORTANT
"Why are all the angels standing around giggling, I don't like this..."
I NEED YOU TO KICK ME IN THE NUTS AS HARD AS YOU CAN
"I thought we were done with all the bar bets with Satan."
IT IS IMPERATIVE
"Is it? Look, I can see Satan over there nervously twiddling his thumbs, and Saint Peter is holding what looks to be a third-party escrow of... a bag of souls? This is kind of messed up."
YOU HAVE TO KICK ME IN THE NUTS IMMEDIATELY
DO NOT LET YOUR FAITH WAIVER
"It's not a matter of faith, oh Lord, it's that I figured one time was enough for being used as a silly gaming token to make a point about the nobility of belief."
THESE NUTS AIN'T GONNA KICK THEMSELVES
"I really-"
THOUGH I SUPPOSE IT'S NOT ENTIRELY IMPOSSIBLE AS I AM THE LORD THY GOD
"I-"
BUT SELF-KICKING NUTS IS NOT WHY WE ARE HERE
"Yeah, the thing-"
WHAT IS IMPORTANT NOW IS YOUR FOOT AND MY NUTS
"It's obvious what You're-"
GET A GOOD THREE-STEP WINDUP
*sigh* "I don't want leprosy again. Or whatever the celestial version of leprosy is here. Wing-rot?"
maybe he's not testing your faith maybe he's seeing if you can accept things beyond your understanding
"Wait why is Satan giving me advice here? Is he allowed to do that if you're betting? And why is he also wanting to have me kick You in the nuts?"
TRUST IN THE LORD AND PUT YOUR MEAT IN THE MARBLES ALREADY
yeah you should probably do it, it's not going to offend Him in the least
"Shouldn't I do the opposite of what Satan is saying?"
DO NOT BELIEVE HIS LIES
"Well, exactly, I-"
YOUR FOOT AND MY NUTS HAVE A DATE DON'T KEEP THEM WAITING
"That's... a little wei-"
this is way too easy
JOB HAVE YOU NOT LEARNED THE CRITICAL LESSON FROM THE BOOK OF BOFA
"What's Bofa?"
BOFA DEEZ NUTS THAT YOU ARE SUPPOSED TO BE KICKING RIGHT NOW
"... okay, here's the thing, I knew that was coming and wasn't going to say anything, but something took hold of my voice just then and made me ask that."
yeah that was me
OH COME ON
i knew it would cheapen the victory
YOU ARE TRULY THE PRINCE OF LIES
"All right, I'm done, I'm not kicking anyone in the nuts, much less my own God. This is beyond inscrutable."
booyah! i win
ME DAMMIT
that'll be one bag of souls, please
YOU HAD ONE JOB JOB
what's the vintage on that bag?
YOU GET ALL THE SOULS OF EVERYONE BORN IN CANADA IN THE YEAR 2023
mmmhmmm that's the sweet syrupy taste of victory right there
INSCRUTABLE MY rear end
more like unscrotable
ONE SIMPLE REQUEST
i'd go all Old Testament on him
DON'T THINK I WON'T
do it for the Canucks
WHAT THE HOCKEY TEAM
no, the Canadians
THE OTHER HOCKEY TEAM
now you're just being an rear end, I know you can tell what I'm thinking when I say it
LOL
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Sep 7, 2018 07:27
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- Manifisto
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HEY JOB, COME OVER HERE
"Can we not do this again?"
IT'S TOTALLY IMPORTANT
"Why are all the angels standing around giggling, I don't like this..."
I NEED YOU TO KICK ME IN THE NUTS AS HARD AS YOU CAN
"I thought we were done with all the bar bets with Satan."
IT IS IMPERATIVE
"Is it? Look, I can see Satan over there nervously twiddling his thumbs, and Saint Peter is holding what looks to be a third-party escrow of... a bag of souls? This is kind of messed up."
YOU HAVE TO KICK ME IN THE NUTS IMMEDIATELY
DO NOT LET YOUR FAITH WAIVER
"It's not a matter of faith, oh Lord, it's that I figured one time was enough for being used as a silly gaming token to make a point about the nobility of belief."
THESE NUTS AIN'T GONNA KICK THEMSELVES
"I really-"
THOUGH I SUPPOSE IT'S NOT ENTIRELY IMPOSSIBLE AS I AM THE LORD THY GOD
"I-"
BUT SELF-KICKING NUTS IS NOT WHY WE ARE HERE
"Yeah, the thing-"
WHAT IS IMPORTANT NOW IS YOUR FOOT AND MY NUTS
"It's obvious what You're-"
GET A GOOD THREE-STEP WINDUP
*sigh* "I don't want leprosy again. Or whatever the celestial version of leprosy is here. Wing-rot?"
maybe he's not testing your faith maybe he's seeing if you can accept things beyond your understanding
"Wait why is Satan giving me advice here? Is he allowed to do that if you're betting? And why is he also wanting to have me kick You in the nuts?"
TRUST IN THE LORD AND PUT YOUR MEAT IN THE MARBLES ALREADY
yeah you should probably do it, it's not going to offend Him in the least
"Shouldn't I do the opposite of what Satan is saying?"
DO NOT BELIEVE HIS LIES
"Well, exactly, I-"
YOUR FOOT AND MY NUTS HAVE A DATE DON'T KEEP THEM WAITING
"That's... a little wei-"
this is way too easy
JOB HAVE YOU NOT LEARNED THE CRITICAL LESSON FROM THE BOOK OF BOFA
"What's Bofa?"
BOFA DEEZ NUTS THAT YOU ARE SUPPOSED TO BE KICKING RIGHT NOW
"... okay, here's the thing, I knew that was coming and wasn't going to say anything, but something took hold of my voice just then and made me ask that."
yeah that was me
OH COME ON
i knew it would cheapen the victory
YOU ARE TRULY THE PRINCE OF LIES
"All right, I'm done, I'm not kicking anyone in the nuts, much less my own God. This is beyond inscrutable."
booyah! i win
ME DAMMIT
that'll be one bag of souls, please
YOU HAD ONE JOB JOB
what's the vintage on that bag?
YOU GET ALL THE SOULS OF EVERYONE BORN IN CANADA IN THE YEAR 2023
mmmhmmm that's the sweet syrupy taste of victory right there
INSCRUTABLE MY rear end
more like unscrotable
ONE SIMPLE REQUEST
i'd go all Old Testament on him
DON'T THINK I WON'T
do it for the Canucks
WHAT THE HOCKEY TEAM
no, the Canadians
THE OTHER HOCKEY TEAM
now you're just being an rear end, I know you can tell what I'm thinking when I say it
LOL
lol
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#
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Sep 7, 2018 07:45
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- drilldo squirt
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a beautiful, soft meat sack
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HEY JOB, COME OVER HERE
"Can we not do this again?"
IT'S TOTALLY IMPORTANT
"Why are all the angels standing around giggling, I don't like this..."
I NEED YOU TO KICK ME IN THE NUTS AS HARD AS YOU CAN
"I thought we were done with all the bar bets with Satan."
IT IS IMPERATIVE
"Is it? Look, I can see Satan over there nervously twiddling his thumbs, and Saint Peter is holding what looks to be a third-party escrow of... a bag of souls? This is kind of messed up."
YOU HAVE TO KICK ME IN THE NUTS IMMEDIATELY
DO NOT LET YOUR FAITH WAIVER
"It's not a matter of faith, oh Lord, it's that I figured one time was enough for being used as a silly gaming token to make a point about the nobility of belief."
THESE NUTS AIN'T GONNA KICK THEMSELVES
"I really-"
THOUGH I SUPPOSE IT'S NOT ENTIRELY IMPOSSIBLE AS I AM THE LORD THY GOD
"I-"
BUT SELF-KICKING NUTS IS NOT WHY WE ARE HERE
"Yeah, the thing-"
WHAT IS IMPORTANT NOW IS YOUR FOOT AND MY NUTS
"It's obvious what You're-"
GET A GOOD THREE-STEP WINDUP
*sigh* "I don't want leprosy again. Or whatever the celestial version of leprosy is here. Wing-rot?"
maybe he's not testing your faith maybe he's seeing if you can accept things beyond your understanding
"Wait why is Satan giving me advice here? Is he allowed to do that if you're betting? And why is he also wanting to have me kick You in the nuts?"
TRUST IN THE LORD AND PUT YOUR MEAT IN THE MARBLES ALREADY
yeah you should probably do it, it's not going to offend Him in the least
"Shouldn't I do the opposite of what Satan is saying?"
DO NOT BELIEVE HIS LIES
"Well, exactly, I-"
YOUR FOOT AND MY NUTS HAVE A DATE DON'T KEEP THEM WAITING
"That's... a little wei-"
this is way too easy
JOB HAVE YOU NOT LEARNED THE CRITICAL LESSON FROM THE BOOK OF BOFA
"What's Bofa?"
BOFA DEEZ NUTS THAT YOU ARE SUPPOSED TO BE KICKING RIGHT NOW
"... okay, here's the thing, I knew that was coming and wasn't going to say anything, but something took hold of my voice just then and made me ask that."
yeah that was me
OH COME ON
i knew it would cheapen the victory
YOU ARE TRULY THE PRINCE OF LIES
"All right, I'm done, I'm not kicking anyone in the nuts, much less my own God. This is beyond inscrutable."
booyah! i win
ME DAMMIT
that'll be one bag of souls, please
YOU HAD ONE JOB JOB
what's the vintage on that bag?
YOU GET ALL THE SOULS OF EVERYONE BORN IN CANADA IN THE YEAR 2023
mmmhmmm that's the sweet syrupy taste of victory right there
INSCRUTABLE MY rear end
more like unscrotable
ONE SIMPLE REQUEST
i'd go all Old Testament on him
DON'T THINK I WON'T
do it for the Canucks
WHAT THE HOCKEY TEAM
no, the Canadians
THE OTHER HOCKEY TEAM
now you're just being an rear end, I know you can tell what I'm thinking when I say it
LOL
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Sep 7, 2018 09:12
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- cda
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by Hand Knit
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JOB HAVE YOU NOT LEARNED THE CRITICAL LESSON FROM THE BOOK OF BOFA
ahahaha
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This thread brought to you by a tremendous dickhead!
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Sep 7, 2018 12:31
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- Drink-Mix Man
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You are an odd fellow, but I must say... you throw a swell shindig.
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Add this to the Jesus book.
The New Testesment?
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Sep 7, 2018 18:09
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- Nosfereefer
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IF YOU FIND THIS POSTER OUTSIDE BYOB, PLEASE RETURN THEM. WE ARE VERY WORRIED AND WE MISS THEM
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god: abraham . . . aaaabrahaaam . . .
abraham: what now
god: my nuts, abraham. you've gotta kick them super hard, like the hardest you've ever kicked anything.
abraham: I'm still dealing with the whole "kill you son, wait no don't kill him" thing you just pulled. remember that?
god (chuckling): oh I remember. you were gonna fucken kill that kid, haha
abraham: yeah, haha I guess
god: and now you're gonna whack the poo poo out of my bollocks, I bet you can't wait, can you
abraham: . . . why no my lord I would never be angry at you for anything
god: yeah right. well okay, just know that by not drop kicking my prairie oysters, you're committing major sins and going straight to hell
abraham: . . .
god: . . . but of course by attempting to harm your god you might also end up being sinful as gently caress . . .
abraham: . . .
god: haha
read this in rick and morty voices
god: *burp* he- hey wake up n- n- noah!
noah: *yawning* god? what's going on?
god: it's the rain noah! the- the *burp* goddamn rain noah!
noah: what are you talking about? have you've been drinking god?
(USER WAS PUT ON PROBATION FOR THIS POST)
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Sep 7, 2018 18:58
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- kalel
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HEY JOB, COME OVER HERE
"Can we not do this again?"
IT'S TOTALLY IMPORTANT
"Why are all the angels standing around giggling, I don't like this..."
I NEED YOU TO KICK ME IN THE NUTS AS HARD AS YOU CAN
"I thought we were done with all the bar bets with Satan."
IT IS IMPERATIVE
"Is it? Look, I can see Satan over there nervously twiddling his thumbs, and Saint Peter is holding what looks to be a third-party escrow of... a bag of souls? This is kind of messed up."
YOU HAVE TO KICK ME IN THE NUTS IMMEDIATELY
DO NOT LET YOUR FAITH WAIVER
"It's not a matter of faith, oh Lord, it's that I figured one time was enough for being used as a silly gaming token to make a point about the nobility of belief."
THESE NUTS AIN'T GONNA KICK THEMSELVES
"I really-"
THOUGH I SUPPOSE IT'S NOT ENTIRELY IMPOSSIBLE AS I AM THE LORD THY GOD
"I-"
BUT SELF-KICKING NUTS IS NOT WHY WE ARE HERE
"Yeah, the thing-"
WHAT IS IMPORTANT NOW IS YOUR FOOT AND MY NUTS
"It's obvious what You're-"
GET A GOOD THREE-STEP WINDUP
*sigh* "I don't want leprosy again. Or whatever the celestial version of leprosy is here. Wing-rot?"
maybe he's not testing your faith maybe he's seeing if you can accept things beyond your understanding
"Wait why is Satan giving me advice here? Is he allowed to do that if you're betting? And why is he also wanting to have me kick You in the nuts?"
TRUST IN THE LORD AND PUT YOUR MEAT IN THE MARBLES ALREADY
yeah you should probably do it, it's not going to offend Him in the least
"Shouldn't I do the opposite of what Satan is saying?"
DO NOT BELIEVE HIS LIES
"Well, exactly, I-"
YOUR FOOT AND MY NUTS HAVE A DATE DON'T KEEP THEM WAITING
"That's... a little wei-"
this is way too easy
JOB HAVE YOU NOT LEARNED THE CRITICAL LESSON FROM THE BOOK OF BOFA
"What's Bofa?"
BOFA DEEZ NUTS THAT YOU ARE SUPPOSED TO BE KICKING RIGHT NOW
"... okay, here's the thing, I knew that was coming and wasn't going to say anything, but something took hold of my voice just then and made me ask that."
yeah that was me
OH COME ON
i knew it would cheapen the victory
YOU ARE TRULY THE PRINCE OF LIES
"All right, I'm done, I'm not kicking anyone in the nuts, much less my own God. This is beyond inscrutable."
booyah! i win
ME DAMMIT
that'll be one bag of souls, please
YOU HAD ONE JOB JOB
what's the vintage on that bag?
YOU GET ALL THE SOULS OF EVERYONE BORN IN CANADA IN THE YEAR 2023
mmmhmmm that's the sweet syrupy taste of victory right there
INSCRUTABLE MY rear end
more like unscrotable
ONE SIMPLE REQUEST
i'd go all Old Testament on him
DON'T THINK I WON'T
do it for the Canucks
WHAT THE HOCKEY TEAM
no, the Canadians
THE OTHER HOCKEY TEAM
now you're just being an rear end, I know you can tell what I'm thinking when I say it
LOL
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Sep 8, 2018 16:04
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- cda
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by Hand Knit
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Siddhartha saw a poor guy, then a sick guy, then a dead guy, then he got kicked in the nuts
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Sep 9, 2018 03:59
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- Drink-Mix Man
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You are an odd fellow, but I must say... you throw a swell shindig.
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Siddhartha saw a poor guy, then a sick guy, then a dead guy, then he got kicked in the nuts
Ah, the Four No-Ball Truths
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Sep 9, 2018 18:04
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- Bluedeanie
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It's no longer a blue world, Max. Where could we go?
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Genesis 22:1-19 New International Version (NIV)
Bluedeanie Tested
Some time later God tested Bluedeanie. He said to him, “Bluedeanie!”
“Here I am,” he replied.
Then God said, “Take your boots, your only pair, which you like to wear when its rainy or snowy outside. and go to the region of Moriah. Kick my dick and balls there on a mountain I will show you.”
Early the next morning Bluedeanie got up laced up his boots. He did some stretches and when he felt limber enough, he he set out for the place God had told him about. On the third day Bluedeanie looked up and saw the place in the distance. He said to his girlfriend, “Stay here with the car while I and my scrote-stompin boots go over there. We will kick God square in the junk and then we will come back to you.”
Bluedeanie took his boots and his orneriest attitude up the mountain. Then he pulled back his leg and prepared to kick Yahweh's fat fuckin nuts. But the angel of the Lord called out to him from heaven, “Bluedeanie! Bluedeanie!”
“Here I am,” he replied.
“Do not lay a foot on the balls,” he said. “Do not do anything to his nads. Now I know that you do not fear God, because you have not withheld from me your desire to kick him in the junk upon his request.”
Bluedeanie looked up and there in a thicket he saw a ram caught by its horns. He went over and kicked its balls in God's place. So Bluedeanie called that place Big Hangers Hill. And to this day it is said, “On the mountain of the Lord balls will be busted.”
The angel of the Lord called to Bluedeanie from heaven a second time and said, “I swear the Lord is a weirdo when He is drunk, and he watches his Jackass dvd box set, and thinks it would be funny to habe a dude wreck his nethers. But because you have done this and have withheld your scrotal punishment, I will surely bless you and make your descendants as numerous as the stars in the sky and as the sand on the seashore. Your descendants will take possession of the cities of their enemies and through your offspring all nations on earth will be blessed, because you have obeyed me.”
Then Bluedeanie said "lmao what, God gonna pay child support? Sounds bullshit to me" and went home and posted on the yob.
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Sep 15, 2018 15:23
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- take the moon
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by sebmojo
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is it possible for god to kick himself in the nuts so hard that even He would feel pain
no, srsly, so i dont have to do it, god you lazy fuke
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This thread brought to you by a tremendous dickhead!
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Sep 15, 2018 16:46
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- blaise rascal
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"Duke, Duke, Duke, Duke of Pearl...."
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Genesis 22:1-19 New International Version (NIV)
Bluedeanie Tested
Some time later God tested Bluedeanie. He said to him, “Bluedeanie!”
“Here I am,” he replied.
Then God said, “Take your boots, your only pair, which you like to wear when its rainy or snowy outside. and go to the region of Moriah. Kick my dick and balls there on a mountain I will show you.”
Early the next morning Bluedeanie got up laced up his boots. He did some stretches and when he felt limber enough, he he set out for the place God had told him about. On the third day Bluedeanie looked up and saw the place in the distance. He said to his girlfriend, “Stay here with the car while I and my scrote-stompin boots go over there. We will kick God square in the junk and then we will come back to you.”
Bluedeanie took his boots and his orneriest attitude up the mountain. Then he pulled back his leg and prepared to kick Yahweh's fat fuckin nuts. But the angel of the Lord called out to him from heaven, “Bluedeanie! Bluedeanie!”
“Here I am,” he replied.
“Do not lay a foot on the balls,” he said. “Do not do anything to his nads. Now I know that you do not fear God, because you have not withheld from me your desire to kick him in the junk upon his request.”
Bluedeanie looked up and there in a thicket he saw a ram caught by its horns. He went over and kicked its balls in God's place. So Bluedeanie called that place Big Hangers Hill. And to this day it is said, “On the mountain of the Lord balls will be busted.”
The angel of the Lord called to Bluedeanie from heaven a second time and said, “I swear the Lord is a weirdo when He is drunk, and he watches his Jackass dvd box set, and thinks it would be funny to habe a dude wreck his nethers. But because you have done this and have withheld your scrotal punishment, I will surely bless you and make your descendants as numerous as the stars in the sky and as the sand on the seashore. Your descendants will take possession of the cities of their enemies and through your offspring all nations on earth will be blessed, because you have obeyed me.”
Then Bluedeanie said "lmao what, God gonna pay child support? Sounds bullshit to me" and went home and posted on the yob.
  
ty vanisher, ty khanstant
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Sep 15, 2018 17:20
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- Adbot
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ADBOT LOVES YOU
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#
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Apr 25, 2024 22:19
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- Areola Grande
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it's a free country u pervs
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spring sigs by nesamdoom and Ravenous Scoot
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Sep 16, 2018 15:54
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Sep 6, 2018 23:19
