|
*Is hiding away in the basement with a beer, a dog, and laptop. All is well* "Cyril! Get up here and say hello to your aunt and uncle!"
|
#
?
Dec 24, 2018 23:28
|
|
|
|
| # ? Apr 23, 2024 08:50 |
|
|
So what are you doing with your life these days?
|
|
#
?
Dec 24, 2018 23:28
|
|
|
*pounding beer in order to muster the strength to force a smile for a few hours while i hear the same old stories*
|
|
#
?
Dec 24, 2018 23:29
|
|
to give you this shitty icon and give Lowtax his cyborg spine parts
|
*Makes double sure to say hello, ask how you are doing, and handshake/hug each person individually*
|
|
#
?
Dec 24, 2018 23:30
|
|
|
So how's Comp-u-net treating you? *Hasn't worked there in 5 years but doesn't want to go over the story again*
|
|
#
?
Dec 24, 2018 23:31
|
|
|
*secretly enraged despite owning the house doesn’t get the same guest soap privilege as the guests*
|
|
#
?
Dec 24, 2018 23:33
|
|
|
*reloads*
|
|
#
?
Dec 24, 2018 23:34
|
|
|
*moved to the other side of the world to avoid this poo poo and have Christmas with actual friends instead*  *family calls in the middle of the party*  
|
|
#
?
Dec 24, 2018 23:34
|
|
|
Outrail posted:*moved to the other side of the world to avoid this poo poo and have Christmas with actual friends instead* Are you drunk? That could either help or hinder, depending on how you handle your alcohol!
|
|
#
?
Dec 24, 2018 23:35
|
|
|
Feels sick and faint at seeing cousin that you got drunk with and then got a lil too close with after the last family party is clearly very pregnant.
|
|
#
?
Dec 24, 2018 23:39
|
|
|
The discussion about medical issues has begun.
|
|
#
?
Dec 24, 2018 23:47
|
|
|
Cyril Sneer posted:Are you drunk? That could either help or hinder, depending on how you handle your alcohol! *sorry can't talk long I have to finish cooking the uh... stout*
|
|
#
?
Dec 24, 2018 23:51
|
|
|
Outrail posted:*sorry can't talk long I have to finish cooking the uh... stout* Trout! Trout! Did I say stout??
|
|
#
?
Dec 24, 2018 23:54
|
|
|
*Tries his best to be a good host* *Goes to bed later that night hoping every guest had a good time; starts making plans for next time*
|
|
#
?
Dec 24, 2018 23:57
|
|
|
Cyril Sneer posted:Trout! Trout! Did I say stout?? Stout? I could use another stout.
|
|
#
?
Dec 24, 2018 23:59
|
|
|
*turns the crock to warm* *takes a Xanax*
|
|
#
?
Dec 25, 2018 00:20
|
|
|
Zybourne Clock posted:*Tries his best to be a good host* this guy knows how to jingle those bells
|
|
#
?
Dec 25, 2018 00:26
|
|
|
Candlelight Virgil posted:*turns the crock to warm* Oh the weather outside is icy slush
|
|
#
?
Dec 25, 2018 00:30
|
|
|
Drunk Nerds posted:*reloads*
|
|
#
?
Dec 25, 2018 00:32
|
|
|
*looked in bathroom furiously making GBS threads his guts into the toilet while the doorbell rings* "Please stop! Just stop already! C'mon! Hurry up! Hurry up! Unnnnnnnggggghhhh!"
|
|
#
?
Dec 25, 2018 00:32
|
|
|
Candlelight Virgil posted:*turns the crock to warm*
|
|
#
?
Dec 25, 2018 00:36
|
|
|
I'm the small breed dog that pees on the floor when you make eye contact
|
|
#
?
Dec 25, 2018 00:48
|
|
|
*breaks open box of pizza rolls* whore dourves will be ready in 20 minutes!!!
|
|
#
?
Dec 25, 2018 00:53
|
|
|
*takes 3 minutes to lift self up from the armchair watching the taped game while guests can't stop ringing the bell or banging on the door like they're trapped in a burning room* "Shut the gently caress UP!!!!!!!!!!" *answers door to passively aggressively let guests in that try to ignore the rancid BO wafting off me; forgot the bi-weekly shower this holiday*
|
|
#
?
Dec 25, 2018 00:56
|
|
|
I don't know whats worse: BO or that weird perfume old ladies, I assume, bathe in.
|
|
#
?
Dec 25, 2018 01:05
|
|
|
*has no friends or family* *no drugs or alcohol cos you forgot that every single store and service is closed for a week* *also no food because of the above* *its cold and dark at all times* *goes to bed*
|
|
#
?
Dec 25, 2018 01:16
|
|
|
No ones coming over on Christmas Eve gently caress that
|
|
#
?
Dec 25, 2018 01:17
|
|
|
As a militant atheist,
|
|
#
?
Dec 25, 2018 01:20
|
|
|
Be nice! They are guests! Give it an hour or two. They are guests!!!
|
|
#
?
Dec 25, 2018 04:31
|
|
|
what guests
|
|
#
?
Dec 25, 2018 04:39
|
|
|
In this moment, I am euphoric. Not because of any phony god's blessing. But because, I am surrounded by friends and family.
|
|
#
?
Dec 25, 2018 04:45
|
|
|
Y'all had yer fun, now you best be gettin' on the road *cocks shotgun*
|
|
#
?
Dec 25, 2018 05:52
|
|
|
Gaunab posted:Y'all had yer fun, now you best be gettin' on the road * has drank a case of bud heavy *
|
|
#
?
Dec 25, 2018 05:58
|
|
|
its christmas and i just want to gently caress
|
|
#
?
Dec 25, 2018 06:00
|
|
|
*Has a HUGE German stein in the freezer for hours alongside a partially frozen Fosters While pouring said beer into said stein, the wife speaks just under her breath..."you know "Rob" has been clean for 10 months..." Continues to pour beer with no flinching & no comment... *exhales* *Through gritted teeth Fred whispers, "I work 10 hour days Gladys...10 hour days...
|
|
#
?
Dec 25, 2018 06:14
|
|
|
Some of you might remember this post from around the 4th of July, and the guests are just arriving. Well its now Jesus day at the ___________ household, and old man ________ is greeting guests. Dressed in his Sunday best, he takes cousin Jim's coat and in a hushed tone reminds him about what he did last year. Din't nobody call the cops cause Jim's pert near the best mechanic in the area, and if he gets sent to the county agin, people gon have trouble making it the 20 miles to the fish processing plant cause they cars goinna break down eventually. Jim says "don' worry, I'm not going to drink beer this time, just whiskey". "Ok jim, but that din do nuthin the las'time, you still were trying to get at Savannah on thanksgiving, an' she ain't old 'nuff either. She's only 15". Other guests arrive and distract the MAN of the house from jim, who goes and pours himself a drink. Junior shows up with his new bride and their 5 kids. Ethan, the youngest only a couple months old. " Yeah pops, college some day for this one" he proudly proclaimed. "We already got 65 bucks in his college fund. Only had to dip in to it two times. When the cavalier needed a new head gasket, and once when it was the 28th of one a them drat months with 31 days and we needed enough smokes to last just one extra day till the first came and our cheque arrived". Junior had gotten fired from the fish processing plant, because he's shown up for work drunk one too many times. Never could handle the liquor real well that boy. Near everyone was drunk at that place, most of the time, but if you couldn't handle it and made a spectacle of yourself, well, you have to deal with the consequences of your actions. Hope shows up. Still dating that coloured guy. They even moved in together. He din have no problems with the colours, long as they stayed with their own. If his daddy, or grandaddy were around, well.......... They were members of the........ "organization", and would be very displeased about Hope fratnizin' with a colour. Except they wouldn't be saying the word colour. He never joined the "organization" himself, though he knew a couple people that were members. His grand pappy brought him to a meeting once, but mamma said times were changing and wouldn't let him go any more. All he saw was a bunch of old men shooting their mouths off when he was there anyway. Daddy an' grandaddy both died before 60, and he'd been relieved that they wouldn't be bugging him to join any more. He weren't gonna burn no crosses, but he still din't like the idea of HIS daughter dating one. "Hi daddy, merry christmas"! she says as she comes through the door giving him a hug. She's still his favorite. In spite of her relationship choices. "Hi little girl, where is........... Leroy"? "Daddy, his name is James and he got called in to work on an emergency, there was a horrible accident on the turnpike this morning, he's probably sewing someone back up right now". "Got 'imself a job, thats good for him". "He's had that job for a few years, and he's good at it. He's highly respected at the........" *Doorbell rings "Is he now"? Opening the door its Faith, and her new boyfriend. This ain't that Yankee queer that she was dating in the summer. This was a real man. Got himself a brand new Chevy 2500 a few months ago. A real man's truck, working at a real man's job. He was a roughneck. "Hey baby, y'all got a hug for daddy"? Of course she did. "Hi dad, merry christmas" jumping up and hugging him. She's short and he's tall. She took after her mother. "Hi mr. __________ how ya'll doing"? They shake hands and thats a firm grip her new boyfriend has. Like he said, a real MAN "Ya'll started work in the 'mino yet"? "Nah my settlement ain't come in yet. They're trying to tell me it was my fault cause I was drunk when I fell, I ain' have but 8, 9 beer. Drunk mah rear end"! "I hear that. You ain't look like no sissy what cain't hold his booze". Destiny walks in the door, with her lil one. Also named destiny. "Hi daddy, merry christmas" as she gives him a hug and a kiss on the cheek. "Hi baby, how are ya'll"? "I'm good daddy, I think". "Where's jimbob at"? "Still up to the county, a few more weeks an' he's out. Billy Parker, the deputy who caught him up on his p'role vy-lation still comes around though". "Does Jimbob know that he's coming around"? Her face turns red, and she looks away "Thats a 'no' in'it"? "Well daddy, I'm a woman, Billy Parker's a man. He ain't never been t' jail an lil destiny likes him. I cain't help myself some times. I git lonely". "How long"? "Doctor says around the end of April, beginning of May, but not a specific date". "Whens the last time you an' jimbob did the 'limbo'"? "Well, about the middle of July. So if this'n is born a bit early, then maybe he won't figure it out. An Billy he don't know yet". "He's going to figure it out at some point. What if... AW poo poo!! Hey Jim!!, What're ya'll doing? C'mon 'n have a drink with me an' junior we need some advice on fixin' up the 'Maro". wesleywillis fucked around with this message at 06:48 on Dec 25, 2018 |
|
#
?
Dec 25, 2018 06:20
|
|
|
How about some cheese? Or crackers? More wine?
|
|
#
?
Dec 25, 2018 07:18
|
|
|
|
| # ? Apr 23, 2024 08:50 |
|
|
wesleywillis posted:Some of you might remember this post from around the 4th of July, and the guests are just arriving. Looks like you came up with some extra verses for Merry Christmas From The Family. https://youtu.be/_dkAQ9KFArw
|
|
#
?
Dec 25, 2018 07:23
|
|
\