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I'm employed now. I did everything I could not to get it. I just copy-pasted my entire resume from a template. I dressed like a douchebag. I answered all the interview questions like a pretentious a-hole. I smoked weed before my piss test. And yet these stupid shits still want to give me money to hang out with them. I don't get it. Yobbers please help |
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Jan 8, 2019 23:37
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Have you yelled at any of your co-workers/boss yet for waking you up in the middle of a sweet, sweet dream? That's where you really gotta grab 'em by the 'nads. Also, grab them by the 'nads. |
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Jan 8, 2019 23:55
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Answering all the ethical questions the worst way to own myself and I get a job and a promotion
https://i.imgur.com/QKTkerO.mp4 |
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Jan 9, 2019 02:11
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Rising up to the highest level of my incompetence at Peter Corporation. I’m the Principal...
https://i.imgur.com/QKTkerO.mp4 |
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Jan 9, 2019 02:12
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Splatmaster posted:Answering all the ethical questions the worst way to own myself and I get a job and a promotion where's the joke |
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Jan 9, 2019 02:25
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Splatmaster posted:Rising up to the highest level of my incompetence at Peter Corporation. I’m the Principal...
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Jan 9, 2019 03:39
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Ha! Wonderful! I love it. You start Monday. I’ll see you at 9 am sharp Mr. Aristocrat |
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Jan 9, 2019 06:15
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Macnult posted:Ha! Wonderful! I love it. You start Monday. I’ll see you at 9 am sharp Mr. Aristocrat
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Jan 9, 2019 20:48
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| I'm gonna be working in a credit union so I gotta ask people if they want some new cars or businesses or poo poo | |
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Jan 10, 2019 00:57
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| "Yo, you wanna be indebted to this place for thirty years? No? lmao me neither aw poo poo I wasn't supposed to say that part out loud" | |
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Jan 10, 2019 00:58
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"My greatest weakness? I would say it's that I sell corporate secrets on first offer. I just don't have the patience to wait for the highest bidder." "Well, that just happens to be the kind of go-getter attitude were looking for here at Doomsday Weapons, Inc." |
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Jan 10, 2019 01:10
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"I steal office supplies.. and was known at my last company for being the guy who ate the most lunches from the fridge." |
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Jan 10, 2019 03:16
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Macnult posted:Ha! Wonderful! I love it. You start Monday. I’ll see you at 9 am sharp Mr. Aristocrat |
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Jan 10, 2019 03:18
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google THIS posted:"My greatest weakness? I would say it's that I sell corporate secrets on first offer. I just don't have the patience to wait for the highest bidder." lol if you tell your employers about your phylactery or your damage reduction ---------------- |
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Jan 10, 2019 14:54
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Hogge Wild posted:lol if you tell your employers about your phylactery or your damage reduction Interviewer: Can you tell us about a time when you had a problem that you had to solve? Me: Yeah man, I was fighting the boss mob, and we needed a way to debuff it and get it out of the combat area, so we could kill her guards. So I hit Xegony, the Queen of Air with my best debuffs, then I used Song of Highsun to force her back to her spawn point so the tanks could make short work of her guards. Interviewer: ... Me: Did you know Bards could go invulnerable for 6 seconds? Interviewer: Uh, what do you consider your greatest strength? Me: That's easy, Selo's Song of Travel. I can get anywhere I need to go with SOW, invis, AND levitate! It's SWEET... Interviewer (making notes): Alright, uh... what would you say is your greatest weakness? Me: Yeah, well... that would also be Selo's Song of Travel, because if someone goes linkdead or hits a lag spike and drops off, they gonna DIE! Interviewer: Mhhmm, yes. We've heard that. Well, what we need is someone who can move a paintbrush over a bunch of walls using white paint. Me: I can do that. I'll sing the haste song and it'll go a LOT quicker... Interviewer: Yep, we were thinking the same thing. See you Monday morning! Me (hiding behind furniture because Invis Song): See you then! https://i.imgur.com/QKTkerO.mp4 |
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Jan 10, 2019 15:47
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Splatmaster posted:Interviewer: Can you tell us about a time when you had a problem that you had to solve? |
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Jan 10, 2019 15:52
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as my head rolls away, i gurgle from the bloodied stump of my neck. "i guess I'll never be the HEAD of a major corporation, hehe" 10 years later i'm slacking in my mahogany-furnished office, trying to putt my own head into my putthole, waiting for 3:00 when my President of Finance Randy shows up and gives me a ticklejob
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Jan 10, 2019 16:03
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| # ? Apr 24, 2024 19:26 |
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last interview I had, I tried to bomb it by licking the interviewer's face, turns out they thought this displayed a go-getter attitude and an openness to others' needs in an office setting I tried to get fired by being a whistleblower but all I could find in the junk drawer was a kazoo and it doesn't really have the same oomph then I tried to go to HR department to tell them I needed a support manatee in order to perform effectively in my role at the company, thinking there's no way they'd cough up a manatee and I could just quit gracefully, turns out "HR" stood for Hard Rock, so I got a huge overpriced burger and sat next to a display case with Bono's left shoe and a napkin that Sammy Hagar used to blow his nose
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Jan 10, 2019 21:06
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