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Lil Swamp Booger Baby
Aug 1, 1981

spacetoaster posted:

Get involved in something out in public.


1. Go join a local co-ed sports team
2. Volunteer at someplace
3. Start regularly going to places like a gym, or a park

*Side-eyes OP, leans down to spacetoaster's ear.*

He went to Jared's.

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Mr. Meagles
Apr 30, 2004

Out here, everything hurts


spacetoaster posted:

3. Start regularly going to places like a gym, or a park

You know you just inspired like 3 goons to go to public parks wearing a ghillie suit to stalk women and gather intel, right?

spacetoaster
Feb 10, 2014

Tom Gorman posted:

You know you just inspired like 3 goons to go to public parks wearing a ghillie suit to stalk women and gather intel, right?

My wife calls mine the "silly suit".

Burt Sexual
Jan 26, 2006

by Jeffrey of YOSPOS
Switchblade Switcharoo
Chat up the checkout girl.

OMFG FURRY
Jul 10, 2006

[snarky comment]
aggressively flirt with a waitress during peak hours

Lil Swamp Booger Baby
Aug 1, 1981

Burt Sexual posted:

Chat up the checkout girl.

Yes complimenting girls at supermarket checkouts then awkwardly standing there holding up the line and holding them hostage WILL get you a girlfriend OP!!

OMFG FURRY
Jul 10, 2006

[snarky comment]
practice flipping glasses and quarter tricks at a crowded bar, but ONLY when the bartender has a C cup or larger

Chinatown
Sep 11, 2001

by Fluffdaddy
Fun Shoe
get dunked OP!

OMFG FURRY
Jul 10, 2006

[snarky comment]
drink a single (one (1)) cup of coffee while spending two to three hours at a local cafe while writing in a Brand New moleskine.

poetry? observations? screenplay ideas? no! these are the seductions of a philistine. you will be sketching Anime Body Pillows concepts.

Norfolks Given
Jan 3, 2019

Burt Sexual posted:

You put a lot of effort into this post. Gj

Thank you, for some reason I read it in my head in Ewan McGregor’s voice with Lust for life playing in the background though.

‘Choose smartphones, choose never having another meaningful personal interaction your whole loving life. ‘

Obsidianheart
Apr 26, 2017

Throwing off the shadow of a better man.
How are you posting without a smartphone? I'm suspicious.


I also do not have a smartphone. Well, it's kinda dumb, anyway.

spinderella
Jul 15, 2017

by FactsAreUseless

Telebite posted:

is this the new goon catchphrase for 2019

Yea!!!!

Burt Sexual
Jan 26, 2006

by Jeffrey of YOSPOS
Switchblade Switcharoo

Norfolks Given posted:

Thank you, for some reason I read it in my head in Ewan McGregor’s voice with Lust for life playing in the background though.

‘Choose smartphones, choose never having another meaningful personal interaction your whole loving life. ‘

I wasn’t serious, and I don’t who these people are in your reply, so I’ll just ignore it or ban you.

Telebite
Aug 23, 2018


you dont use a smartphone by any chance do you :\

Burt Sexual
Jan 26, 2006

by Jeffrey of YOSPOS
Switchblade Switcharoo
7 goldmined threads on a smartphone, we suck really bad dudes.

Sponge Baathist
Jan 30, 2010

by FactsAreUseless
poo poo in her mouth, OP. You can catch her off guard when she's staring at her smart phone.

spinderella
Jul 15, 2017

by FactsAreUseless

Burt Sexual posted:

7 goldmined threads on a smartphone, we suck really bad dudes.

Haha

Every pic
drat straight 😘😘

OMFG FURRY
Jul 10, 2006

[snarky comment]
print out fresh and HOT new instagram memes at home, whenever you find a pause in conversation, whip one out and tell them to stamp it to show how much they like it

Overnight Blaze
Mar 7, 2017

Norfolks Given posted:

Buy a disposable camera and take photos of every pointless thing you do, photocopy them and mail them to everyone you know and most that you don’t. Ask them to tick a box marked like on the bottom then post them back to you.

Buy a GPS tracker and send the RFID to the NSA so they can track you.

Carry a bag with 50 poo poo puzzle games with you and play with them on the bus.send 20 dollars every ten minutes to som Chinese developer to unlock new pieces that are already in the box.

Push a trolley with a record player around and 500 LP’s plus a ring binder full of playlists.

Get a CB radio and exchange short abusive messages with angry truckers about feminism, the alt-right, and millennials aka twitter 1.0

Cut a picture out of a lads mag, make up an imaginary story for her and pretend she’s your tinder sexting buddy

Go and watch a caterpillar climb up a wall for an hour (software updates)

Shout into your hand at whoever you’d like to communicate with and tell them it’s a bad connection.

Plug a battery charger into a wall every 3 hours.

Set your alarm clock to go off every 20 minutes between 1-3 a.m, ring your drunk friend and call him a oval office.

When she asks you what you are doing, be a total hipster and tell her you’ve gone for a retro vibe with the iPhone 86. She’ll immediately copy everything you do and mock iPhone X owners.

Or more likely she’ll block you on social media, which is fine because you have no smartphone and will never find out.

This reads like one of those emails grandparents forward to each other.

504
Feb 2, 2016

by R. Guyovich

This is clearly the way to go, now you have a date AND a smartphone.

Vaginal Vagrant
Jan 12, 2007

by R. Guyovich
Retirement homes are the perfect place to pick up woman generally and even better for a Luddite like you.

Lord Frankenstyle
Dec 3, 2005

Mmmm,
You smell like Lysol Wipes.

Odd posted:

I would like to go on a date with a woman, but i don't have a smart phone what do i do

I was without a smart phone for like two weeks because it was getting repaired and the loaner phone was trash. It was tough, but I got by on my wit and charm backed up by my massive penis and huge checking account. I can't imagine why this wouldn't work for you.




Can you imagine why this wouldn't work for you?

TheMostFrench
Jul 12, 2009

Stop for me, it's the claw!



504 posted:

This is clearly the way to go, now you have a date AND a smartphone.

Also she has to see you again if she wants to get it back. If she would rather just get a new phone then you now have a dollar value of what you are worth to women.

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Otto Von Jizzmark
Dec 27, 2004

Vaginal Vagrant posted:

Retirement homes are the perfect place to pick up woman generally and even better for a Luddite like you.

You cant get seniors pregnant or aids so you can raw dog those old sluts.

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