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Three Olives
Apr 10, 2005

What if Hitler invented the BMW i3 Subcompact Electric car?
Two days ago i lost my virginity to a prostitute, it lasted in total around 15/20 min, she first put a condom on me and gave me oral sex then we did vaginal sex also with the condom, i didn't gave her oral sex nor i touched her vagina i think, because i wasn't really very hard sometimes it felt that the penis wasn't really inside the vagina and i think i may have touched the opening to re-insert the penis, also my foresking doesn't really come all the way back when it's kinda erect, but i didn't really feel disconfort in that, we did 2/3 positions at most, i also never kissed her mouth but kinda gave kisses in her body, but just skin, and i think i may have for like a second touched her entry of her rear end in a top hat with one finger but i don't really remember, after that she took the condom off and gave me a handjob and touched my testicles to kinda estimulate for me to cum, but i didn't, then i myself tried to jerk off but i didn't cum anyway, even though during the sex i always had the condom i kinda felt the wet from her vagina and then after that she kept wiping with paper my penis i think without the condom but don't really remember if she also wipped after the oral sex while still with the condom. I would also like to point out that i have ulcerative colitis (unrelated to sex) since i had it before i lost my virginity. I now nocited that my hands are kinda dry, and yesterday, i admit, after reading lots of stuff about std tried to feel my lymph nodes and although i think they're in the right size and are not swollen some kinda hurt, also yesterday i was in front of the mirror and notice on both sides of my neck what appeared to be small glands (probably lymph nodes i don't know) kinda salient but i don't remember if they were always like that or not and the same about my hands i don't remember if i already had them dry before going.

The thing is today when i was washig my hands i notice in both my arms a few 5/6 really really tiny red dots that i don't think i've ever noticed before so i'm not sure if it's something new... it's been 3 days since i lost my virginity.

It's been 4 days since it all happen, and i noticed this tiny red dots are a bit here and there in my body, but mainly in my arms and although i few weeks ago i had a lots of scratches etc in my skin too who would just heal (i never gave it much importance cause it had nothing to do with std's), so i don't know what this is... again it's been 4 days since i lost my virginity and i'm still very scared. Thank you.

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Waterbed Wendy
Jan 29, 2009
If by day 3 you are seeing the red dots especially after touching the entry to the rear end in a top hat then you are having a case of tough titties and you need to seek the help of a trusted bruja in the nearest hour.

SpaceAceJase
Nov 8, 2008

and you
have proved
to be...

a real shitty poster,
and a real james
Whole story is a lie. You bareback all the time.

This is a thread to shame straight men on antidepressants who have trouble maintaining erections.

Vim Fuego
Jun 1, 2000

I LITERALLY SLEEP IN A RACING CAR. DO YOU?
p.s. ask me about my subscription mattress
Ultra Carp
Everyone knows you die after you lose your virginity. Thats why u have to save it

Gaunab
Feb 13, 2012
LUFTHANSA YOU FUCKING DICKWEASEL
Sometimes I see those 18 year porn stars on Twitter and think "Man I wish I had my life that together."

numberoneposter
Feb 19, 2014

How much do I cum? The answer might surprise you!

heres a real truth:

you have only really lost your virginity if you have penetrated and also have been penetrated.

Cubone
May 26, 2011

Because it never leaves its bedroom, no one has ever seen this poster's real face.

SpaceAceJase posted:

This is a thread to shame straight men on antidepressants who have trouble maintaining erections.

yeah, this is a thread to shame men who have trouble maintaining erections and are holding in a fart right now because it might be a wet one and they don't feel like standing up yet

Samuel L. ACKSYN
Feb 29, 2008


is your penis currently small and smells of prawns?

Colonel Cancer
Sep 26, 2015

Tune into the fireplace channel, you absolute buffoon
What was his name?

RoboBoogie
Sep 18, 2008
Go to a clinic and get tested. It’s probably nothing.

Moon Atari
Dec 26, 2010

SpaceAceJase posted:

This is a thread to shame straight men on antidepressants who have trouble maintaining erections.

Antidepressants just make it harder to cum, not to stay hard. I'll have you know that I can maintain an erection for hours. I just can't enjoy it.

qkkl
Jul 1, 2013

by FactsAreUseless
It doesn't count if you do it with a prostitute. The reason "losing your virginity" is considered a very good thing is because it means a female values you highly enough to have sex with you. It shows that your genes are good enough to pass on to the next generation.

Cubone
May 26, 2011

Because it never leaves its bedroom, no one has ever seen this poster's real face.

RoboBoogie posted:

Go to a clinic and get tested. It’s probably nothing.
it's kind of you to offer advice, but the op is copypasted from *checks* reddit

you can tell because three olives is famously a big homo

Three Olives
Apr 10, 2005

What if Hitler invented the BMW i3 Subcompact Electric car?

Cubone posted:

you can tell because three olives is famously a big homo

True, also I lost my virginity months ago.

Cubone
May 26, 2011

Because it never leaves its bedroom, no one has ever seen this poster's real face.

qkkl posted:

The reason "losing your virginity" is considered a very good thing is because it means a female values you highly enough to have sex with you. It shows that your genes are good enough to pass on to the next generation.
and this was copypasted from

hm uh-oh

numberoneposter
Feb 19, 2014

How much do I cum? The answer might surprise you!

Of course it is, but since 3O didn't write it its funnier than anything he could come up with himself.

GORILLA BASTARD
Jun 20, 2005

by LITERALLY AN ADMIN
My first time was getting double-teamed by two dudes in a port a potty at an outdoor festival. Weezer was playing at the time. It was magical.

ShortyMR.CAT
Sep 25, 2008

:blastu::dogcited:
Lipstick Apathy
Did touch a bob or vajena?

TheMostFrench
Jul 12, 2009

Stop for me, it's the claw!



ShortyMR.CAT posted:

Did touch a bob or vajena?

For the right price you can call me whatever you like, honey.

Jose
Jul 24, 2007

Adrian Chiles is a broadcaster and writer

Moon Atari posted:

Antidepressants just make it harder to cum, not to stay hard. I'll have you know that I can maintain an erection for hours. I just can't enjoy it.

Try changing your antidepressants

Moon Atari
Dec 26, 2010

Jose posted:

Try changing your antidepressants

It's too late to save me now. Due to a miscommunication I was prescribed an irresponsibly high dose of an snri throughout my entire teens and it permanently broke my brain and dick.

Robokomodo
Nov 11, 2009
Lol.

Oral sex with a condom.

The Real Amethyst
Apr 20, 2018

When no one was looking, Serval took forty Japari buns. She took 40 buns. That's as many as four tens. And that's terrible.
This is exactly why I NEVER want to lose my virginity.
You're a disgrace OP. Just lol.

Hammerite
Mar 9, 2007

And you don't remember what I said here, either, but it was pompous and stupid.
Jade Ear Joe

Moon Atari posted:

It's too late to save me now. Due to a miscommunication I was prescribed an irresponsibly high dose of an snri throughout my entire teens and it permanently broke my brain and dick.

That's very sad, most of us just have broken brains and dicks from being terminally internet

vyst
Aug 25, 2009



Robokomodo posted:

Lol.

Oral sex with a condom.

It's like eating a cheeseburger with the wrapper on*

*Analogy goons will understand

Big Beef City
Aug 15, 2013

vyst posted:

It's like eating a cheeseburger with the wrapper on*

*Analogy goons will understand

Buddy you're losing money if you're NOT eating the wrapper too, and that's what the hooker was thinking as well.
That's a life lesson for you.

Nefarious 2.0
Apr 22, 2008

Offense is overrated anyway.

didn't read a word. shut the gently caress up 3 olives

Nooner
Mar 26, 2011

AN A+ OPSTER (:

Nefarious 2.0 posted:

didn't read a word. shut the gently caress up 3 olives

Came here to post this

EorayMel
May 30, 2015

WE GET IT. YOU LOVE GUN JESUS. Toujours des fusils Bullpup Français.

Nefarious 2.0 posted:

didn't read a word. shut the gently caress up 3 olives

:same:

Nooner posted:

Came here to post this

:yossame:

Gone Fission
Apr 7, 2007

We're here to make coffee metal. We're here to make everything metal.

ShortyMR.CAT posted:

Did touch a bob or vajena?

yes

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Obsidianheart
Apr 26, 2017

Throwing off the shadow of a better man.

Moon Atari posted:

Antidepressants just make it harder to cum, not to stay hard. I'll have you know that I can maintain an erection for hours. I just can't enjoy it.

Coincidentally, no else enjoys your erections, either.

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